Is This a Coffee / Drink or a Date? (Guest Article)

coffee date drinkWe have been encouraged so much over the past decade by the dating advice books and magazine to take things easy, to keep it light and casual when meeting someone new, not to put any pressure on each other and not have any expectations. We thus may have gone to the extreme of keeping those encounters that are supposed to be first dates too casual and completely non-romantic. What used to be a first date, full of hope and anticipation for romance, connection and passion is now anything but that.

As a woman of mixed ethnicity in her early thirties, I know that men find me attractive both because of the looks I get wherever I go, and because of the modeling work I have done for several local agencies over the years, that I know don’t accept just anyone for modeling. Ever since my 6-year relationship ended about a year and half ago, I have been “actively” dating.  It’s amazing to me how much things have changed since my days of meeting guy before my last relationship. I have met quite a few men since my recent break-up, and yet no one asked me “out”. It’s always “let’s get a drink” or “let’s get coffee”. No one seems to want or no one seems to have the balls to put their ego on the line and make the girl feel special by asking her out.  Some suggest that the chivalry is dead. Forget about chivalry. A far more basic flirting seems to be gone.

The last few guys I met while out and about offered me their number instead of asking me for one. What’s wrong with them and what’s wrong with the world? Have they forgotten that they are men and I am the girl? Or have they been brainwashed to be a challenge with girls for way too long, not realizing that few things are more attractive to us, women, than the guy who goes after what he wants?  And the ones who ask me for my number, start sending me “witty” text messages that are only funny to them, instead of picking up the phone, hearing my voice, letting me hear their voice and again – asking me out. Do they really think girls whose texting schedule is already full with their friends and co-workers want another texting buddy?

are there any benefits to this trend of becoming ever more passive and casual on the part of men that I am not yet aware of? Do guys today really think that giving out their business cards to the women they meet is better than asking women for a phone number? Would a “real” man ask the girl he is hitting on “Are you on Facebook?”

I really hope that I will soon meet the kind of guy who can ask me out, make my brain and other parts tingle, and then lead me in the direction that he wants in his own assertive and charming ways without asking me for permission to hold my hand or kiss me, but instead – just do it. I honestly don’t think it’s too much for any woman to ask from the supposedly stronger sex.


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