Approaching Girls – Why Staring Will Kill Your Chances of Meeting Her

Ask any girl what she dreads the most as far as being approached by men goes, and chances are that she will tell you that one of the things that annoys her the most is when a guy, who is obviously interested in talking to her, just keeps staring at her without doing anything. It makes her feel uncomfortable and makes the guy appear weird or downright creepy.

I am a guy and I know what staring is like. We all want to stare at a girl we find attractive, and most of the time we don’t have anything in mind to say to break the ice, so we just keep staring and hoping that maybe, somehow a conversation will start on it’s own. But, of course, it never does. It’s important that you remember that in any such situation saying anything – anything at all – is much better than saying nothing and is certainly much better than just staring at the girl. 

The vast majority of guys don’t dare to say anything to the women they see around them anywhere, except when they are in bars and clubs. This is why you can really distinguish yourself from the rest of the guys by knowing how to break the ice in all the other places, where people don’t get drunk and where women don’t necessarily expect to be hit on.

One of the keys to a successful approach is not staring but just going for it as soon as possible. Just think about all those many times when you thought about talking to a girl. You took your time to come up with the guts to come up to her and say something while checking her out. Did it ever, ever become easier for you to talk to her as you waited and waited? No. It never becomes easier. The reason for this is that any human fear, including fear of approaching women builds up as you wait.  Analyzing and over-analyzing how to talk to the girl and whether you should talk to her only leads to more staring and more fear until you become extremely nervous and until it becomes super awkward to talk to the girl even if you finally decided to do it, after waiting and staring for so long. So, how do you avoid this?

Don’t give you fear the time it needs to build up.

If you caught a girl’s eye, say something to her immediately or within no more than 10 seconds of her noticing you. Saying anything is so much better than saying nothing and just continuing to stare.  Say “How is it going?” and as soon as she answers, follow up on anything else that’s relevant to the environment you are in. For example, if she is carrying a heavy book, you can say playfully “That’s a big book… I hope it’s interesting. What is it about?”  – and see if you can open the conversation further that way. If you read or heard of the book she is carrying or of the author, say: “I heard a lot of good things about this book? Does it leave up to its hype? / How do you like it so far?”

Or, of she is wearing an interesting bracelet, or a necklace or earrings or any other interesting accessory, you can say: “That’s a really cool bracelet… you must have gotten it really far away – India? Thailand? Am I even close?” If she in fact confirms that she got it in a far away country, this opens so many possibilities for you to continue talking to her – “When did you go there? How did you like it? Who did you go there with? What made you choose that destination?” – these are just some of the ways you can continue your conversation with her. If she finds you attractive and she is open to meeting a guy, then she will be willing to help expand the conversation after a few moments of initial awkwardness of dealing with the stranger are gone.

If you learn that she bought whatever interesting piece of jewelry she is wearing locally, say at Macy’s or Target, then it might be a little harder to continue the conversation in the same direction. But you could still say something like “Wow, I never thought they carried such cool things, because I always see the same generic stuff there… I guess I am not paying as much attention” and see if this allows you to continue the conversation.

Regardless, the silliest thing you say, except that which is downright rude and offensive, is so much better than just lingering around and waiting for something to happen between the two of you, which never does.

It’s possible that your “How is it going?” or any other effort to start talking to her is not going to go anywhere. She might give you a cold shoulder, or she might ignore what you said altogether and act like she didn’t even hear you. And that’s ok. The good news is that you are still going to feel good about yourself for trying to talk to her. Remember, the interesting part about approaching women and rejection, is that what really hurts is the regret associated with not trying and missing out on a potential opportunity and not the rejection itself. As long as you tried talking to her, even if it didn’t go anywhere, it was still a great experience – you exercised your approaching and confidence skills and you didn’t miss out on any opportunity.