Are You Trying Too Hard?

(Last Updated On: 09/18/2014)

trying too hard“Trying too hard” – we have heard this expression many times with respect to both men and women, who appear to do or be too much in order to come across as more attractive or more impressive. Most of us notice pretty quickly when some guy is trying too hard to be more attractive, and to appear wealthier or otherwise more accomplished than they really are. Most people with any kind of perception and life experience would find a person who trying too hard to impress to be both insure and annoying. One of the big steps toward becoming a more attractive guy to women that you can take is making sure that you don’t come across as someone who is trying too hard to impress girls, as this is a major turn-off at just about any stage of dating – from approaching and meeting someone for the first time, to first dates and at later dating stages. Here are some of the more common ways in which both guys try too hard and in all the wrong ways:

* Too Much “Style.” Do you have too much going on as far as your fashion goes? Do you look like a runway model or conversely – a clown, or someone who hasn’t showered in a month, thinking that it makes him look like a hipster? Do you stick out like a sore thumb with your haircut or hair color, too much hair product, tattoos, piercings, thinking that it makes you unique, special and different from everyone else? This is a sure sign of trying too hard. However, chances are that it makes you come across as weirdo at best or someone who is trying too hard to desperately attract attention and mostly in all the wrong ways. There are more meaningful ways to stand out from the rest than by trying to shock someone with the way you look. Trying too hard to look like some kind of celebrity will scare women away quicker than you think, unless you are running an audition for a modeling show or a movie shoot. Being preoccupied with your appearance will likely make you a subject of mockery rather than admiration.

* Being too loud. Are you overly “articulate”? Do you make your presence known all too well when you enter a restaurant by making sure that everyone hears what you are talking about? Is your laughter too loud because you have too much fun? You might think that what you are talking about is fascinating and is of great interest to the people around you. However,most likely the only reaction you will evoke by being loud is eye rolling on the part of those people around who, who will think that you and your big ego just need attention from those around him.

* Talking too much. Do you talk too much when out on a date? Are you draining other people’s energy with protracted monologues about your accomplishments and your challenges, thinking that it somehow makes you look like a hero? It probably doesn’t. Your audience is probably waiting for you to just shut up, and they might be spacing out and thinking about their grocery list in the meantime. I have noticed how some guys, when approaching a woman, strike up a conversation and will simply not stop talking, not even allowing a woman the opportunity to respond. Some guys do it because they are nervous, and chatting helps them relax. Even if what you say is very interesting, if you are talking too much, it is simply going to tire your date and make her want to look for an escape from that conversation. Remember – having a conversation means having two people talk; not just one talker and one listener the whole time.

* Being too accommodating. Are you trying too hard to please? Do you always agree on everything with every person you are attracted to or go out with, because you just want to “play it safe” and not ruin your chances? You might think that being too agreeable and too accommodating will make you appear sweet and nice, but it is also a sure way to come across as boring and be on an express train to friends zone. It’s ok to disagree or offer your input on something as long as you do it in a respectful way and do not insist on being right all the time.

* Being too funny. Are you trying too hard to be funny? Do you crack too many jokes? Are you being so sarcastic that it prevents the other person from seeing your serious side? Being entertaining is good, and sense of humor is something we all love to see in others and find attractive on just about every level, but if that’s the only thing you bring to the table and if you bring too much of it, soon you will be nothing but a comedian to the girl. And being a comedian is almost never equal to being a date or a lover.

* Being “too busy”. Do you run around telling people about how busy and overwhelmed you are with your very important job, very important school, and other projects? Are you too much of a “challenge?” – does it take a week to get a hold of you on the phone, because you take 5 days or longer to return a phone call? Does scheduling the time and place to meet with you for a date sound more like negotiating a business contract with you? Bear in mind that you are probably not the busiest person in the world, so this kind of attitude might just make you look week or enslaved by your own circumstances, or someone who tries to look more important than they really are.

Being attractive to women is just as much about what you aren’t, as it is about what you are, and it’s just as much about what you don’t do, as it is about what you do. By simply not trying too hard and not giving off that vibe of someone who craves attention or wants to prove something about himself so desperately under the pretense of being overly happy or excited or overly important or overly high maintenance, you will in fact be far more attractive. This doesn’t mean that you have to conform and be just like everyone else, but it means that you probably want to find a happy medium between the two extremes.

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