No guy likes to hear “let’s just be friends” from a woman who he is interested in romantically. But many guys have this frustrating experience that repeats itself over and over – they meet a woman, start going out with her, things seem to go really well and then, at a certain point, a woman tells them something to the effect of “I really like you as a friend” or “lets just be friends” or “I don’t like you “that” way.” Those words can hurt more than an actual rejection because they often leave a man at a loss: he is wondering – “If she really likes me, as she says she does, why does she only want to be friends?”
Understanding why women just want to be “friends” with some guys and want to be “more” with others is crucial to your ability to avoid the “friend zone.”
My observation suggests that there are five main reasons that a guy may end up in a friend zone with a woman who he has a romantic interest in:
1. The first and the most common reason is being too nice, two sweet, and too accommodating. It is essential that you understand that there is a huge difference between being sweet and nice and being ATTRACTIVE. Think about your interactions with your co-workers or other people who you are not very close to – what makes those interactions formal? – Well, it is your polite, courteous communication, free of sarcasm, teasing and inappropriate humor / jokes. This is exactly what distinguishes a plain, stiff conversation with no romantic interest or potential from that communication which evokes romantic interest – FLIRTING. Flirting is teasing, laughing, being sarcastic, and dishing out all kinds of playful innuendos. Sarcasm is that spice in a conversation which gives it that romantic flavor that makes a woman look at you as much more than just a friend.
A guy who talks to a woman by primarily saying “Oh, yeah, exactly, totally, I completely agree” – is not going to be an interesting, attractive, stimulating company to a smart, confident and otherwise desirable woman. If she wanted constant approval of what she is saying, she would be talking to her girlfriends or … she might just as well talk to a wall – after all, a wall never disagrees – right?
Do you want to be a wall? I bet not!
So, stop, stop, stop – stop being “neutral,” stop walking on “eggshells” when you are talking to a woman, stop being afraid of offending her with what you say. If she is so sensitive that she can’t handle a joke or a sarcastic comment, she is probably a waste of time down the line anyway, so you might as well find that out as early as possible.
The next time a woman texts you “I will be there in a few minutes,” don’t reply with “Sure, no problem, take your time.” Instead, say: “You better. I am charging by the minute.”
The next time a girl tells you that she is stuck in traffic, don’t tell her: “I am sorry, I hope it clears soon…” – instead, tell her: “Well, you are a woman, you shouldn’t be driving in a first place.”
Ironically, both you and the woman will enjoy this kind of interaction much more and it surely will keep you miles away and out of the friend zone.
2. The second most common reason for ending up in a friend zone is being too eager to get into a relationship or being the first one to ask a woman where you stand with her or telling her how you feel about her way too early and way before she feels the same towards you. You should understand and remember that generally it takes women longer to develop attraction and romantic interest in a guy than it takes a guy to develop emotions towards a woman, and as a guy – you don’t want to be “ahead” of a woman. You must never be the first one to ask the woman you are seeing where you two stand and whether you are exclusive. Ideally, you should not even tell a woman you love her until it’s really obvious to you that she is crazy about you, that she expects to hear it from you and that she will even be upset if she doesn’t hear that “L” word. Further, asking a woman how she feels about you is pointless and even harmful to your image as a confident and attractive man in her eyes. First, it conveys your insecurity and your concern about how she feels about you which is never attractive. Besides, if she is eager to see you and spend time with you and she makes herself available to you, then you have your answer and you should let HER ask you where the two of you stand first.
So, avoid asking the “status” questions. Make the most out of your time with the woman you like and be the most attractive, confident and interesting guy she has ever met, and she will surely be the first one asking you if you are seeing anyone else and how serious you are about her.
3. Some guys make the mistake of being overly aggressive with women. Ironically, however, other men often get into the friends zone because they are not aggressive enough. It is important to remember that there is a window of opportunity when you first meet a woman during which you must make it clear that you are interested in her romantically and not through your words but through your actions. If you don’t, she will unconsciously “give up” on thinking of you as a romantic prospect and you will be permanently classified as a “friend.” So, if you want to make a move, do it promptly and this will help you a lot in avoiding the friend zone! So, what is a good way to be aggressive and do it promptly? After you establish some comfort and get to know each other. Flirt – subtle sexual jokes and innuendos are fun, especially if the girl seems to be open minded and receptive. Do not hesitate to touch her casually, lightly but with affection. Whether stroking her hair while you tell her that you like her hair, picking up her hand while your cross the street, or putting your palm on her back when she walks inside a restaurant in front you – those little cues suggest your confidence and comfort with who you are and they also show that it’s normal for you to do that and you have no hang ups about showing basic signs of physical attention. And, of course, being aggressive promptly means kissing her when the time and place are right.
4. Another, very common reason for getting into the friend zone is talking about any kind of love, dating, romance and relationship matters with a woman. It doesn’t really make sense why talking about love and dating has such a negative effect on the “chemistry” between the two people, but it does. “What are you looking for in a partner?” “How long was your last relationship?” “What do you usually enjoy doing on dates?” “What’s your favorite romantic movie?” and alike are seemingly harmless questions, but their harm is immediate and often unknown, even to the woman herself. The simple explanation for this phenomenon is this: dating/relationship issues is what friends are usually talking about – it’s what girls discuss over coffee or dinner. Once a woman has a similar conversation with a guy, she starts relating to him on the same level as she would relate to her girlfriend. This, in turn, pushes out and away that sexual attraction and all other non-platonic elements of the interaction between the two people.
5. Lastly, even if you do everything right and you don’t make any of the above mistakes, some women will just not see you as a romantic/sexual partner and you will fall into a friend zone no matter what. This says nothing bad about you or any given woman. Like with every other guy, not every woman will want you and be attracted to you, but that’s perfectly fine and it’s part of the game. You should recognize it, accept it and move on toward those women who will feel attracted to you on all levels and see you as more than a friend. If you do end up in a friends zone, the chances of getting out of there and going back into the “romance track” are usually low, and thus it’s better to learn how to avoid getting into a friends zone in the first place, as building romantic interest is usually easier than rebuilding your interaction with a girl.
I also suggest that you check out this useful resource on escaping the friends zone with women.
And, of course, an essential element of avoiding the friends zone with women is not treating them or talking to them like you would with a friend. That is, flirting is essential in order to create the right romantic and sexual dynamic,
Pingback: How I Escaped the Friends Zone and became a more attractive man.
Here my suggestions:
1) Look into the mirror
If you are only average looking then look for average woman. The Hot girls will never ever be romantically involved with you – they will play with you and thats all. Stay in your class….forget the PUA Tricks….they only work with guys which are good looking.
2) Confidence or Sensibel?
You cant fake confidence and mostly guys are only jerks. If you are not confident then try another things – a friend was chubby and not confident…bad luck with woman…so he learned to play the guitar…..after 1 year…he was the sensibel guitar player with very sensibel emotions and a good trained voice…..he was a virgin until that summer….now he fucks girls which are hot for those kind of guys.
3) Muscles
A strong jaw line, nice muscles and toned body are good basics……but if you are a child in this body…nothing will happend. Be clean…..wear nice clothing and try the next point.
4) GET A LIFE
Guys, woman can smell who owns a life and lives it fully aware. Good job, success, nice hobbies (not star wars or video games), educated and big circle of friends…is the key to success.
5) Be gentle but not nice
To be nice didnt get any guy in the history to fucking inferno nights. Nice will get you one time in bed….be gentlemen and not needy will get you 10 times in bed.
i say flip the script. before ‘she’ has a chance to tell you “lets just be friends” why not have a wide social circle and let her down easy by saying ….
“LETS JUST BE FRIENDS FOR RIGHT NOW”
let her wonder if all her cosmopolitan.com/ask men.com/oprah.com powered ideas just lead her astray. if you do it enough and your reputation proceeds you, how could that hurt? because at that point you have mastered a rare space…
being present AND not being available.
women love a challenge too…
Thanks, That helped a bit, I had a relationship with someone for 6 months, and I really think I loved her, and she broke up with me because she felt she loved me as a friend, and at first it was hard knowing that I could have prevented it with these tips.
I am a huge fan of yours, man! I heard some woman said that “women’s views can be changed very easily if presented with the right option “and we all know women do often change their minds easily. But I also heard you saying that it’s better to learn how to avoid getting into a friend zone in the first place, as building romantic interest is usually easier than rebuilding your interaction with a girl and you also said in one of your videos (I’m a huge fan and have watched them ALL!) that once a woman has placed you in the friend zone, it is almost impossible for her to change her mind about a man. Now, do these sound contradictory and paradoxical? I’m a bit confused! Which conception carries more truth? As a guru in this area, what do you think?
Thanks a lot in advance.
Looking forward to your prompt reply!
Rgds,
sum (anonymous, pls)
Hello. Thanks for your kind words and the good question. I guess when we say that women’s views can be changed (some men might be just as flexible with their views and opinions), it doesn’t mean that they can be changed about anything, including how they feel about a certain guy or the level of physical attraction/chemistry they feel toward him. After all, whether you are attracted to someone is not so much about making up your mind but how you feel..
Thanks so much for your super prompt reply. You are such a good guru. Your huge fans like me and my pals just love you, man! I have a tough question though and I believe that only YOU can solve it for me.
I met this 20 y/o gal a year ago. She had problems with her studies and I helped her a lot. We discovered that we shared many common interests. I have never found another person on this planet who has likings so similar to mine. She kept asking me to email and call her more often. But when I did, she either asked me to call her back later a few times or answered my emails very briefly or delayed her reply. Every time when I called her, she sounded like very happy to hear my voice.
I ran into her one time and she was with a guy friend but she totally ignored him and did not even say good bye to him but kept chatting with me while playing with her hair. She asked me to hang out and told me she could accommodate but when I set up a date with her, she either postponed it or changed my plan before the date. And at the end of the previous two dates, she told me she would like to go to the toilet or she had to meet for her galfriend as an excuse of parting after the dates instead of letting me walk her back. I wasn’t very happy about that. I disappeared totally for about two weeks. Then she kept emailing me and asked me if I was angry with her. When we were chatting on a date, after I touched her arm a few times, she returned one. We also had eye contact okay. Once I squeezed her hand a bit when we shook our hands at one point, she squeezed me back…….See, she kept sending me all those mixed messages. When I withdrew, she approached me and vise versa. Listen up – I have never told her that she is pretty(she is a 8/9) even when she asked me if she is pretty or not. I also let her pay for me most of the time when we went out. My excuse was I was the one who tried to help her with her studies and we were not B/G friends so she should pay. Actually I ain’t such a jerk and this is the very first time in my life I treat a lady like that. I just wanted to raise my value as a bad boy and showed her that I did not need to buy her friendship. Instead she had to meet my standard and please me. (Actually within I was used to paying everything for the ladies and I had struggled a lot when I had to force myself doing that on her – that’s really mean to ladies and I mean it!)
I did not allow her to walk on me so I confronted her recently in my email that she was playing and manipulating me. She told me she was not that kind of person who would like to play games with me and in fact she had treated all my emails seriously. She asked me not to evaluate her that way and she also promised me that she would answer my future emails more quickly and she DID that for a few days. What a hack is she doing? Just enjoying being chased? Or, does she also have a crush on me? Is she playing hard to get? Or, should I do the same in return? What is she thinking, MAN? Of course, I know I would have cornered her if I asked her face to face if she really liked me or not. Also, I am afraid that that might kill all the attraction. But how do I find out and make sure if she is really into me or not?! I am stuck.
Something weird happened a few days ago. Usually after I emailed her, she would not reply until 2 to 3 hours or even one day later. The reply was a phrase or a few sentences only. The content was often not related or in response to the things I asked her in my previous emails. She told me once that other male friends had also grumbled to her that she did not answer their questions in her emails. Just now she emailed me 3 times in a row asking me for some advice on her interview tomorrow. This happened before. I sort of knew that why she did not answer my emails. She is addicted to Facebook (and msn) a lot and often thinks that daily chatting with people (even over the phone) is BS. I figure that’s why she did not want to email back and forth too much for she might have considered that a waste of her valuable time on Facebook. But whenever she needs or wants to know something, she’ll reply almost immediately adn/or a few times. I tried to reply her before in response to her emails. Then no response back after she had got my reply. Based on these new info., do you think she is self-centred, addicted to Facebook or just using me or simply filling my time and enjoying attention from me whom she knows admires her?
As above-mentioned, when I confronted her once that she was playing mind games or manipulating me, she apologized and claimed that she was not that type of person and that she was sincere with me and promised to reply my emails sooner. She did reply sooner for a few days but history repeated itself. Was it because of her FB addiction? What do you think as a woman?
Do you think I should play hard to get or should I stop feeding her ego? But will that move stop everything else altogether then?
Looking forward to hearing from you!
Rgds,
sum (anonymous, pls)
Sorry, usually it takes me a day or more to reply to e-mails due to volume, and you are correct, I respond to shorter e-mails much faster.
I think the fundamental mistake which is quite common among men who have the best intentions of learning is following some kind of manual and thinking that women are like machines and that they respond a certain predictable way to everything you do. Nope. That just doesn’t work like that.
There is too much bad advice out there about “raising your value” that usually leads to the results opposite from those which are desired. Here, it’s obvious that you are either dealing with a girl who is very young or very immature or both. That’s why she is sooo inconsistent. But lets say you dealt with a girl who is more… worthwhile. Letting her pay for everything every time is a BAD idea. It’s not attractive and not romantic. If nothing else, it would lower your value and show that you are not a gentleman. Don’t do it. This doesn’t mean that you have to pay for everything every time, but if you go out and you are trying to spark some romance, remember who the guy is – it’s you.
E-mails – some people don’t check their e-mail all the time, or they need time to respond and they don’t want to write back right away. Or, the get busy and forget about it… don’t place too much importance on that unless the girl is clearly not interested.
It’s possible that she likes attention from whoever. Thanks.
I met a girl on Facebook really physically attractive…but also intellectually stimulating as well and I really like her a lot…but she only sees me as a buddy…how do I change this perception about her towards me…I am 31 and still single and unmarried and I haven’t well been on a date for many years…while she dates around..I feel a strong pull towards her and we are also Astrologically compatible..
Thanks a billion for your great advice on the meal payment. I’ll follow your advice from now on for I trust you totally.
Now I have not been receiving any emails from her for a few days. So I should not place too much importance on that unless the girl is clearly not interested. Right? But the thing is do you think she is interested in me at all on the basis of all those above mixed messages she has been sending me? I used all those kinestics taught in a few of your awesome videos (I think I have watched 95% + of all your videos). I almost copied and pasted what you taught! WERE HER RESPONSES AN INDICATION THAT SHE IS INTO ME AS WELL?
Do you think SHE IS JUST SELF-CENTERED? If not, why did she email me when she needed my advice? Or, is it because she addicted to Fb, or just using me? Is she playing hard to get? DO YOU THINK I SHOULD ALSO PLAY HARD TO GET? You mentioned she might like attention from whoever, so should I stop feeding her ego? But will this stop everything else altogether then? Bro, please address to the other THREE above-mentioned questions as well as your huge fan badly needs your great advice! Awaiting your words of wisdom!!!
sum (anonymous, pls)
Hi, Sum.
There is just no way to know what’s on her mind. One thing is clear – the “right” girl who is interested doesn’t act like that. If you have ever had a girl interested in you, you know exactly what I mean.
Thanks a lot for your valuable advice and I guess it’s no use at this stage for me to play hard to get on such a self-centered gal, huh? I’d better give her up and move on with other fish out there, right?
Terribly sorry about bothering you with such an exceptionalm weird, abnormal and hopeless case. Heaps of thanks!
sum (anonymous, pls)
Pingback: PracticalHappiness.com » Why People Tend to Fall in Love when Traveling or When they Meet Tourists
Thanks for this article. But I had a question about number 3. What are some examples of aggressive behavior that indicates an interest toward a woman?
Great question. I just amended the article above to follow up on the point you are bringing it up. Here is the piece that I added:
“So, what is a good way to be aggressive and do it promptly? After you establish some comfort and get to know each other. Flirt – subtle sexual jokes and innuendos are fun, especially if the girl seems to be open minded and receptive. Do not hesitate to touch her casually, lightly but with affection. Whether stroking her hair while you tell her that you like her hair, picking up her hand while your cross the street, or putting your palm on her back when she walks inside a restaurant in front you – those little cues suggest your confidence and comfort with who you are and they also show that it’s normal for you to do that and you have no hang ups about showing basic signs of physical attention. And, of course, being aggressive promptly means kissing her when the time and place are right.”
hi! i was feeling so sad and type about “she only wants to be friends” at google and i found this site..i was experiencing the situation that a girl that i fall in love with is expecting me to be just a friends with her…im so confused and at the same time i feel dissapointed…she said she love me too but does she really mean it? if she mean it y she ask just to be her friend? ermm…i really want her because i never found a girl like her before…and 1st time we meet it was so unique for me n i will never ever forget bout it…she really motivate me and inspire me…i really love her…feel like wanna try ur advice but im afraid im losing her… =’(
I understand all of the information given here but what if you are someone who wants to become romantically involved with a friend? I don’t want just ‘somebody’, I want to grow to be friends with someone and have it evolve into more.
The thing that doesn’t make sense is that this is how most ‘female flicks’ work, friends realize they are in love with each other and end up hooking up which makes all the women watching it go “awww how sweet, now if only something like that could happen to me!”.. yet when it does, they pass it up.
Guess I am doomed if this is how I want things to work, instead of meeting some random person and dating them.
Great question. Although it happens in real life too that friends turn into lovers, it’s quiet rare and friends are unlikely to become romantically involved unless there was such interest and at least some sexual attraction in the very beginning.
i read the first sentence and shed some tears
I’m a teenage male who isn’t expecting an incredibly deep relationship (which would be difficult at this age). However I am definatly looking for relationships, companions and fun. However I always get thrown straight into the best friend status. Im talking within an hour of meeting someone. I am the best friend. Its happened on multiple occasions.
Now one of your major issues that i’ve noticed I do with girls ALOT is that talking about relationships. I believe that may be a huge point because im always the wise good friend who helps their issues about everything. I must avoid this.
Now all my female friends always admit im an attractive individual who has an incredible personality and that ‘she’ will come along. However its not happening.
I’m not looking for DEEP love. It would be foolish at this age. But im in the later teens and I’m going to have no experience with women relationship wise as I get older.
I’m a confident individual who always uses the aggresive tactics (not overly) im happy to compliment myself and im very careful not to sound cockey. People enjoy my company and i can always talk, touch confidently.
Now I have recently befriended an INCREDIBLY attractive girl physically and mentally. I was very careful to play my cards right BUT our main topic was on relationship issues where I think i went wrong. However this was just yesterday and just her and I hung out at the shops for a day. She already labelled me under the oh terrible status but this was only in a sentence it wasn’t a discussion about my status. I’m hoping if I fix the situation quickly it wont be imprinted in her mentally for me to be in this category and mabe ill change the opinion in time.
Any idea’s to help me? Personally I feel stopping communication about relationships. Not being as ridiculously nice (whilst of course keeping my status as nice person because i believe i am) and distancing us with eachother slightly because she is an incredible catch and I have enough amazing ‘Best friends’.
I met a woman at work and we hit it off immediately. We have the same sense of humor and similar interest. We even wen to the same school and graduated a month apart. I fell for her right away, but I was fresh off a divorce. So, I was in now way ready for any kind of relationship. I asked her to do activities with me and in the beginning she would say yes. As time has gone on she has stopped responding to me outside of work. While working we get along better than ever. This has gone on for about two and a half years. Now I am ready for a relationship, but I do not know how to approach her. I can not tell if I’m in the “friend-zone”. Other people have pointed out that they think she is into me and even thought we were dating. So, i guess my question is: is there a way to find out without jeopardizing the friendship? Also, if a woman was interested, would she still be 2.5 years later? Any input would be greatly appreciated.
Good question and a rather typical situation. Of course, every case is different, but if you have real friendship and real connection, making a move that’s being turned down, should not do more than cause a little awkwardness for a while (a few days or so). Of course, a better way to find out if she feels the same about you is not by asking her but by trying to get closer to her physically and see how she responds to your advance. Her non-verbal response might just be a reliable indicator of whether she is interested. It doesn’t help that you waited for this long, but it shouldn’t hurt too much to try.
I’m looking for an author name and betting it’s a man. There are some good basic concepts here but gods does it need refining! The crack about women drivers would make about 70% walk before you meet.
Well, I hope it’s not as high as 70%, but even if it is, the fact that the other 30%, who have a better sense of humor and sarcasm, will laugh, play along, and say something equally playful and biting in return, turning by the banter, which according to many, is one of the best forms of foreplay.
Hi,
I met this girl through a buddy of mine! Because I live in a small cities, poepl usually know eachothr more or less. I didn’t like this girl before but now after spending some times together in a group of friend I think I like her a lot. She send very mixed signals. she also calls me my friend. or you my friend rarely. but it’s not more than a week that we’ve met. so I’m not so worried about being categorised as a friend!
I’m affraid of asking her out since she’s jus out of relationship and hurt.
I wanted to know it is risky if I spend time with her in the groups of our friend, when we hang out to together for instance?! I mean would I raise the risk of being categorised as just friend although if i have all the things above in mind?!
So I can ask her out later in 2 or 3 months!
So I met this girl in class last week, and I got her number. I haven’t asked her on a date yet, both of us have been too busy =\
However, since I met her we’ve been sitting next to each other in every class together and we’ve been pretty flirty with each other.
Should I just ask her out and hope she likes me enough to set some time out of her busy schedule? Would a “study date” be too cheesy? I want dinner and a movie heh.
Also complicating the matter, I have literally just gotten out of a 2-year relationship (I was the one who broke it off) and I have kind of forgotten how to date someone new, but I don’t want this girl to feel like a rebound, but I know if I wait too long she’ll friend-zone me. (I have plenty of female friends already!)
You forgot #6 –
I very much love you but can’t handle you knowing.
Hi i’ve read your article and others like it and hoping you can give me some advise on where i stand what i can do and such. I’ll give as much detail as I can.
I moved to china for work in the end of last summer. Well i met this girl through a friend in january, and i think we hit it off well. She was fun, independant and a bit crazy (good kind of crazy) she’s chinese so she’s come back home to start her business. Anyway she would take me and my friends places and sometimes it would be just me and her. If we went to eat i’d pay for the meals, even if she complained she wanted to pay. One time when it was just me and her we were eating and the subject moved to religion (no problems there) then i asked if she wanted to play pool which she did, so we walked to the local pub, on the way she told me she had been in a break up and that she had been hurt and thats why she came back to china (I KNOW BIG MISTAKE). So later she calls me to hang out with her and friends when out (always just one other female friend). In one occassion she took me to a, in her words, “a romantic tea shop” where i met another of her friends and which we stayed in for a little while after her friend left. In the beginning we used to talk and messege alot to each other. End of January my brother comes and visits me, so again she takes me and my brother to all these places and in particular 2 romantic places. At the second place i put my arms around her from behind (she smiled at this) and later that night i was holding her hand. That by the way is the best day and night i’ve had in china, i was sure she liked me as I think we even had a moment when we were eating.
The next week i didnt have much contact with her (except a few texts here and there) as i was in Beijing but when i came back she was acting colder to me, if i touched her like putting my hand on her shoulder, she would say “don’t touch me” and shift her body. This sent me into a loop – it was okay before when i did something more but not now. I thought it was just something that annoyed her in her day or whatever. Eventually my mind is going haywire cause i cant figure where i stand, so I asked her if she really liked me, and she said as a friend (This kills me inside just thinking about it) and that she’s trying to focus on her business only. According to her, she said friends hold hands the way we did (i.e. friends hold hand by interlocking the fingers). That conversation was 19 days ago. Since she has been calling me to meet her friends like before. But our communication via phone has not been as much as it was at the begining but still existant. She’s started letting me touch her again, but my attitude towards her has been a lot loftier, there is no awkwardness between us.
Anyway i like her, a lot. And i want her to be my GF but where do i stand? what can i do if i dont stand where i want to be? Or i’m i just a mug going through some motions. Please help. I’m going crazy not having her, and crazier think i might be able to do something to get her.
Hi, I just need some advice about a recent situation that I got involved into.
I met a girl during a trip out of state (we both live originally in the same city but never got the chance to talk or interact). During the trip we had casual pleasant conversations and spent most of the time together. The last night of the trip we connected and after a couple of drinks we ended up making out passionately for over a long time. We were into each other, we were not in our house and were sharing the room with other friends so things never went far from kissing and physical affection. The next day we keep doing the same even in front of other people and friends, just kissing, holding hands… Once the trip was over and we arrive in our city she offered me a ride home since her car was parked in the airport. We exchange numbers and at the moment o saying goodbye we kissed again but never talked about what was our situation or anything related to were we stand with what happened between us.
The very next day we had a meeting with the same people we went to the trip. After the formal meeting we decided to go grab some drinks as a group, it was a quick get together and after it I asked her out to dinner. She rejected me with words like not tonight, give me some time, I don’t know what I want….so I asked if what happened was just the effects of the drinks and said no it was not just that. I kept insisting in asking her out and reading this post I fell into the second mistake you describe here; I told her that I liked her a lot and that wanted to spend more time with her, get to know each other more. I got desperate after her rejection and keep telling her how much I liked her. She told me we could hang out later but not that night since she didn’t really know what she wanted. We finally said goodbye again kissing but there was not a date that night. Once I got home I fell in the same mistake again; I wrote her an email telling her that I rather to be honest with me and tell me if we date, spend time together in the near future and she wrote me back the truth is that she just got out of a realtionship that was hard for her and didn’t have the desire to date anyone just spend time alone. She said the terrible works of being just friends.
What should I do? Just give up the whole situation? Give her space, wait for some time being friends, how should I do it and when to know the moment when I can ask her out again? I like her a lot and need your advice!
I was thinking about all the guys I knew-having a bit of a flashback, and I found this article. It made me feel worse not to mention that it disappointed me a bit. I’m still only a teen, turning 18 in September and still I have never had a boyfriend. The reason this article attracted me is because I have done this to almost every guy I have ever met. I don’t know why I do it. I’ve always been shy but I have been wanting for years to have a couple of guy friends without success. Most of my experiences with guys all end up the same. I meet them, we hit it off talking about everything- religion, sex, family, friends, what we love, hate, etc… and it isn’t long.. usually two, three days, when they kiss me, or tell me they love me. The word “love” freaks me out. It puts me in a hazy mood and as soon as we leave I freak out and avoid them without ever giving them an explanation, sometimes if they won’t stop texting them I’ll hit them with the “let’s just be friends.” Though it doesn’t take me long to realize that once a guy loves you he can’t stop, and he’ll never be able to want to be just friends, so I have to go to the trouble of destroying the whole friendship by avoiding them until they finally get the hint- usually takes a couple of months.
I don’t believe most guys when they tell me they love me – I mean most of them only know me for two day! So to me it doesn’t make sense. There is however a lot of guilt inside, because I know I hurt of a lot of them. I see it in their faces, those that I still go to school with anyway. There are others that I actually had feelings for and I’m such a coward that I ran from them too. The truth is the only two things that I want from guys right now is a friend, and sex. I don’t want love. I know it’s a weird thing for someone like me to say, considering that I am a virgin and a “good girl”. But it’s true. The reason I do is because as soon as a guy tells me that he loves me I feel like I can’t have sex with him, because it will mean more to him. At least that’s my theory of why I do it. All in all, I’m in no rush when it comes to relationships and sex. I can wait. I don’t know much about guys, so I don’t know how it is that so many other girls can have the opposite problem I have, (the guy doesn’t love her, won’t tell her he loves her etc…) How come other girls can have friends with benefits and I can’t? I don’t get it.
And regarding advise number one I’ve known a couple of guys like that in my football team, such a turnoff. Those were the kind of guys I wouldn’t even say “let’s be friends” to, those were the guys I would ignore from the start no matter how hard they tried to get my attention. Although I will admit that they were popular with other girls. But I guess it depends on what you want. Could someone explain how to get what I want please? I would appreciate it, if this keeps up, I’ll stay a virgin forever.
I’ll bet a week’s pay that when a woman tells a guy “Let’s just be friends”, she probably DOESN’T want to be his “friend”, either.
What this Alan guy says at the beginning of this thread is a lie. I’m an average looking guy who has dated many super hot women so it has nothing to do with looks. Also, I have an average job and I’m not rich so it’s not because I have money either. It’s all about going for what you want period. But doing it with class and with ingenuity.
If you are an average looking guy or even an ugly guy go for the hottest girl you want! Who cares what people think, this is a numbers game, the more you do it the easier it is and one day wham! You have develop a thick skin and get a girl who wants you back. There can be a happy ending for you too and it has nothing to do with looks but all to do with persistency and determination.
@ Harry
I read an article recently that alerted me to another very relevant factor. How an average guy does with women very much depends on locality and the ratio of men/women. An “average” guy will do much better in a place where there is a lot of less than average guys (physically and otherwise) and where there male/female ratio is favorable to men or when both factors are present. In other words, it’s easier for an average guy to do well in a suburban location where women’s expectations are lower and it takes less to make them happy and perhaps they are not as high maintenance as they are in bigger cities with more men who are better looking and more professionally/financially accomplished. This is of course somewhat of a sweeping generalization but this kind of pattern certainly exists.
Can you get out of the friendship situation,after knowing a girl for 7years.
I really need you man I been crying and feeling defeated because I just started dating this girl from my school and she really seemed into meso we stared dating the day before yesterday and it was close to the end of the year but still time and 2 days after she sAid I think we should just be friends probably because of how people lie and been starting rumors and stuff but idk and I. Know your the master and it’s an emergency plz help She always waved and looked excited every time I passed her class and she would wave and always thought of me very funny and we have theater arts together and i really need help to get her back and I think I didn’t give her enough space. But idk
Ok , I am really confused about my relation with my girlfriend , we reach the point that she told me ” lets be friends ” .
well , been dating her 2 years ago , and everything was perfect between us , unless i hided away fro her life suddenly with saying anything , not answering her calls her text , that she was madly in love with me .
After all this i came back again to her after 9 month asking her back , i apologize for her about what i did , and i left her for another girl , So she was like ok , No problem i will forgive you but i will forget what you did for me .
anyhow we get back together for such a pretty nice relation last almost for 1 month , being too nice to her as in my thoughts that i am fixing what i did to her in the past by treating her well enough which it ended up ” lets be friends ,a closed friends and i dont want to loose you , you are so perfect in everything and gentleman but the relation will not work with us .
i tried to ask about the reason why you are saying that , if I have the feature that you like in me ??
her answer was ” i dont know , i just feel happy like this , but then i insist to ask more , so she told me that ” i tried to trust you back , but you cheated me once , so i cant lie to you , the relation wont work bcuz i cant trust you again and cant love you again like before ……
in this situation what am supposed to do , is that right bcuz she cant trust or love or bcuz i seems lately too sweet and nice to her and i accept and do all she want with no rejection ? plz tips how i can get out of this shit ??