I am not the biggest fan of being a “challenge” when it comes to dating, at least not as it is presented by some sources of dating advice. These are the blogs and books that suggest that making yourself unavailable, taking longer than you normally would to return e-mails and phone call, etc., would actually increase the attraction and the romantic interest of your dating partner. However, one response seems to be practically a part of our nature. We seem to lose romantic interest in our dating partner if he/she is too nice, too accommodating, tries to please us and tries to be the kindest and the most giving person to us.
Most of us will remember people who were very clear about being interested in us shortly after they met us. However, that obvious interest often leads us to making those people second priority. Consciously or not, we started believing that since our big admirer is there for us and available all the time anyway, there is no reason to pursue them. You may be doing your absolute best in a relationship as far as being giving, honest and generous, and then you will be shocked to find out that your relationship partner is losing interest in you and wants out. This doesn’t make any sense to you on a surface, as you expect your partner to appreciate and give you as much back as you give to them. But love and romantic attraction is not business! It does not work like business, and you cannot expect the same reciprocity and fairness.
It is essential that you understand and remember that there is a fundamental difference between being nice, kind, and giving and being attractive and desirable. To maintain your partner’s interest, you must consistently exercise certain qualities that make you attractive as an individual – your independence, your own lifestyle and your personal choices when it comes to basic things that define your identity, and your own opinions.
This means that being too nice is often a major turn-off, especially to women. It is not only ok, but it is even healthy to disagree with your partner and even argue once in a while. It’s a good idea to honestly confront your partner about things that you are not happy about in your relationship or in his/her behavior instead of blindly accepting everything about him/her. It’s actually healthy for your relationship to be a little selfish and look out for your own needs, interests, and goals. After all, if you don’t love and respect yourself, why would your partner appreciate you? This of course doesn’t mean that you have to turn into one of those stubborn people who insist on always being right no matter what just for the sake and who disagree just in order to challenge their partner. It’s not about fighting pointless fights about petty things such as what to have for dinner or which movie to watch, but a healthy debate about things that really matter might just inject new life and energy into your interaction and bring you close together.
It’s also good idea for you to go out and do things at your spare time without the company of your partner. Some people believe that being in love and caring for each other means that you have to spend as much time as possible together. However, as the video below suggests, space is actually essential to maintaining a healthy loving relationship.