Although the way each couple should handle their financial affairs should be specific to their unique situation (like it is with just about any other aspect of their relationship), there is one factors that can establish ground rules of who pays for what in a relationship that can be useful to remember and follow, and that factor is the earnings of each partner:

1. If the guy is financially accomplished and a woman is also accomplished but less so, the guy should probably cover 70 to 80% of their expenses. The woman should contribute to any expenses associated with their activities together and fully cover the luxury items that are only used by her, such as high end shoes, jewelery, perfume, except, of course, his gifts to her.

2. If both partners are equally financially accomplished, the guy should pay for about 60-70 percent of their mutual expenses, and the woman should by her own luxury items, except gifts. The reason the guy’s burden here is lower is because it’s only fair that a woman who makes more money than the one in the first situation would contribute more to the overall basked of expenses.

3. If the guy is doing well and the woman is not doing well financially at all or if she is unemployed, the guy should obviously cover the vast majority of the basic expense, if not all of these expense, because here the woman simply has nothing to contribute, and taking the last few dollars from her will not make anyone happy.

4. If the guy is doing ok but not really that well, and the woman is not doing well or she is unemployed, the guy should cover 80% of the mutual expenses, and the woman should neither purchase nor expect luxury items as gifts.

5. If a woman is doing well and the guy is not doing very well, the guy should contribute as much as he can, and the couple should generally not be doing things that are out of that man’s budget. In other words, the role of a man remains that of a male regardless of his income, and if he cannot afford taking the woman into an expensive restaurant or a high-priced show, they should both go and do things that the guy can afford comfortable and still feel like a man in a relationship. The more accomplished woman can surely treat the guy once in a while, but once she feels that she “turns in a man” by being the provider in the relationship, it will likely make her resent the guy subconsciously, or even worse – feel like a mother. Even the most financially secure woman, wants to feel like she is being taken care of. And, this doesn’t mean that her guy has to spend a lot of money on her, but he does have to take charge and take her out to make her feel taken care of.

6. This leaves the last situation, where both partners in a relationship are not doing well financially or are both unemployed, or are very poor for other reasons. Because in this case, which is hopefully temporary, the money subject is so difficult to deal with, they should share their expenses equally, as this might just be the best solution under the circumstances.

It goes without saying that no one expects you to take the above as some kind of exact rules regarding percentages that you should follow, and the above numbers are only provided as guidelines for apportioning the expenses in a way that will minimize the financial friction between the relationship partners. This is also the right time to note that few things are more unattractive than pettiness, and a petty person might even be a bigger turn off than a stingy one.

Financial stress is one of the leading causes of divorce and break-ups in long-term relationships. Handling financially stress promptly, and considering to even seek professional advice, whether it is couples counseling, financial planning, or both, can be of critical value to saving such a relationship from the fatal end.

When you are out on one of your first dates with someone you like and would like to be romantically involved, or even when you are meeting up with a friend who you haven’t seen in a while and are not likely to see very often in the future, it is only fair that you will give each other full and undivided attention during those few hours you spend together. Having a conversation with another person who you don’t see very often and who you are interested in maintaining some kind of relationship, and taken your eyes off him/her to look at the screen of your cellphone like so many people do communicates to even not so perceptive and observant people that they are not all that important to you and that your mind is elsewhere while they are talking to you, as you are probably thinking about the e-mail/text you got or about a phone call you are expecting, or you are just concerned about what time it is and are really not paying attention to what you are hearing.

Whether it’s on purpose or out of habit – it will still make the other person feel the same – insignificant. Speaking of habits, I knew someone who would look at her phone every time there was a pause in a conversation. The moment I took a few seconds to think about what I was going to say, she would look at her blackberry, scroll down through the message and try to type something. Unless you want your company to feel like they are taken for granted, you should avoid looking at your phone unless you expect an urgent call during your meeting. The best practice is to simply turn off your phone and put it away so looking at it is not even an issue. And if you absolutely have to answer or make a call or send that text/e-mail, excuse yourself and do it at a restroom or otherwise away from the eyes of the person you are out with.

I also believe that a guy who puts away his cellphone, turns it off for the night and focus his attention on his date shows a great degree of strength, confidence and control over his own life. He does not allow anything or anyone to interfere with his personal time. He is the boss of his off-work hours.

As a woman, you can easily distinguish yourself by not doing what so many other women do when they are out with a guy – holding their phone in their hand and constantly playing with it or looking at it. When you focus on the guy you are out with, you are making a statement of maturity, class and better time management skills than those girls who can’t live for a few hours without being “connected” to their friends.

Lets face it, most of the calls we have to make and texts/e-mails we have to respond do not concern national security and they can wait for a few hours, so don’t let your cellphone make you look like you are less than you are and make your company feel like they mean less to you than they really do.

However, there is another kind of desperation, which I believe is even more unattractive and damaging to one’s dating and romantic life – it is when you are not doing the things you want because you are afraid of being perceived as desperate or interested by others. There are so many examples to this kind of desperation. A high school student is afraid to sit in class next to a girl that he likes because he is afraid that she and others will know that he likes her. The girl is afraid to make an eye contact with a guy at a bookstore because she doesn’t want him to know that she finds him attractive. A guy is not asking a girl out who has rejected him before, even though it’s clear to him that she changed her mind about him, because he is concerned that she will think of him as desperate. A woman texts or e-mails the guy she met instead of calling him because she doesn’t want to be too “forward” and be perceived as too interested.

The above situations mostly happen because people are ashamed of their romantic interest instead of being proud of it. They act as if it was some kind of crime to approach and start a conversation, to make an eye contact with that stranger who is looking at them, or to sit next to someone in class, a restaurant or a bar. Your interest in anyone, when expressed in a confident and respectful fashion, is a compliment to that person regardless of how he/she feels about you, and if they can’t recognize and respect that, be it accepting your advances or gracefully rejecting you, it’s their problem and not yours.

You have been given the drive and the ability to want to be with a few specific people in this world for very particular and pre-determined reasons. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It would be a much greater problem if you weren’t attracted to anyone. You should not allow those who don’t quite know how to handle that power to either discount or discourage it in you by their negative reaction toward you. You are never desperate when you do what you want – when you take charge of your life and show initiative in your romantic interactions with other people.

While some women make the conscious choice of looking unapproachable, as they don’t want to talk to any guys when they are out, many girls make themselves look “over the top” because they mistakenly believe that this kind of showing of power makes them more attractive and more likely to meet that great guy who they could date and potentially have a relationship with. This belief that looking “decked out” and having the runway model look on their face is reinforced by the media and particularly by such sources as Victoria Secret commercials and beauty magazines, both of which convey the idea that a very attractive woman should have that almost condescending expression on her face, and the demeanor of “I am hot. You want me and you know it, but you can’t have me.”  It is naive for a woman to expect to not be objectified by the men around her, if she does everything she can to come across as an object. While on the most primal level, men would find this kind of demonstration of confidence to be intriguing and even sexually arousing, they will be less likely to initiate a contact with a woman who carries herself like a princess, and even if they do – their interaction with a woman will be affected by the woman’s demeanor. So, while you may think that having that “attitude” when you are out makes you sexier and more attractive, it will most likely have the opposite effect on the men around you. The less confident ones will be intimidated by your posture, and the more confident guys will pay much more attention to your appearance than what’s inside of you, which is probably not what you are looking for.

Having a tough girl look on your face – the one a fashion model would have when walking down the runway – while might make you feel powerful and special, will hardly invite a friendly guy to have a nice, natural conversation with you. But standing out at a bar, bookstore, a bus stop or anywhere else as a friendlier woman with a warm energy, a smile and a friendly attitude, will necessarily invite more attention from the opposite sex. And while some of that attention will not be the kind you want or from the guys you would like to talk to – at the very least you will have more options to choose from.

Coming across at stuck up is hardly ever attractive, and most people will perceive it as a sign of insecurity or an attempt to overcompensate for the lack of “status” that the tough attitude is supposed to project.

Although perhaps many women didn’t give this a thought, if asked, they would agree that a busy man is much more attractive than the one who just sits idly and is doing nothing. This goes far beyond the way men are perceived by women in bars and clubs. A guy in action – a guy who is playing a guitar, playing tennis on a tennis court, a comedian during his show, a singer on the stage – these men are much more attractive to women because they demonstrate those skills and abilities that make them get respect, recognition and admiration from a woman. It’s much less common to a man to be attracted to a woman who is simply dressed up and is sitting around without doing anything.

While I don’t have a solution for every situation where a guy might find himself just hanging out without doing anything interesting, if you are out at a bar or a club, there are a few simple things you can do to avoid giving out that unattractive energy of idleness and/or vanity.  Listening to the music, dancing, talking to your friends in a way that would suggest that you are engaged in an interesting conversation and being otherwise socially involved is much better than just sitting and staring around at people in general and women specifically.

On the other hand, being too casual about asking a woman out is also a bad idea, as it takes all the fun and romance out of the process. Recently, I witnessed an incident, where this guy asked out a grocery store cashier in the following way, after talking to her for about two minutes: “Hey, wanna grab some dinner later?” The girl declined his invitation even though she told him just a few moments earlier that she didn’t have any specific plans for that evening. I will not suggest that I know the exact reason why she didn’t want to go out with him, but the way he asked her out was clearly not attractive or in any way romantic. In fact, I think I noticed one or two people standing nearby who actually rolled their eyes when they heard that conversation.

There is something wrong with using the word “grab” in the context of asking a girl out. It’s way too casual. It almost suggests that the guy doesn’t care at all if the girl he is asking out joins him or not. Generally, if a woman wants to have romance in her life, she wants to know that she is not in the guy’s “whatever” category. She wants to be asked out; not being asked to “grab” a drink or “grab” dinner. A much better way to ask a girl out in that same situation with the cashier would be “Hey, I know this little café. Join me tonight for dinner. They have great food and/or wine” or something like that.

In an attempt to cure themselves of desperation and neediness, guys have been trained all too often to show that they are a challenge, that they don’t care, that they don’t need a woman, but this is not necessary and is actually counterproductive if taken to an extreme.  A healthy amount of interest and attention is flattering to a woman who is interested. This kind of healthy, confident initiative makes the guy showing that attention to a woman come across as the “real man.”  If, on the other hand, the girl is not interested, no matter what the man’s approach is, it’s not make her more interested in him.

Surely, there are women out there who don’t like any kind of attention from men. Some of them just got out of a terrible relationship, and the last thing they want now is meeting another guy who is going to create possible complications and “drama” in their life again. Others have had their fair share of stalkers and are extra careful and overly skeptical about meeting men now, and some might prefer women over men. But, you shouldn’t be dating those women anyway, so if they don’t appreciate a flattering attention from you, consider it great news  – you are saving yourself a lot of time and trouble.

I also discuss the above “grabbing dinner” incident in my article about why being presumptive is not attractive to women.

- Absolutely! Why? First of all, people change their mind. She might have not wanted to go out with you before for a number of reasons. It’s possible that she was seeing someone at that time or that she had a bad break up with her boyfriend at about that time when you first approached her and expressing interest in getting to know her. It might sound obvious, but things change, people change, and what people want changes as well.

Secondly, it is very common for women to reject a guy and shortly after regret it. Think about how you react when a stranger initiates a conversation with you. Almost subconsciously you try to cut the conversation short because you believe it’s the right thing to do and that’s the social norm. When you ask a woman out, you might catch her off guard, thinking about her own issues and not being interested in talking to anyone at that very moment. She might not be interested in talking to you at that specific moment, but this doesn’t mean that she is not single, available and would not like you if she got to know you. If you wonder about how common it is, just check out the “missed connection” section on Craigslist in any city, and you will find dozens of postings by women who talk about how “flustered” they got when this guy talked to them and how much they want to have a second chance at talking to him.

So, how would you go about asking a girl out who rejected you before? The same exact way you would as if you never actually asked her our earlier. There is no reason to make any references to the first time you wanted to go out with her. Talking about that first time she rejected you will do nothing good to your interaction. If things go well between the two of you, you will have plenty of time to laugh about your original encounter later. Part of being a “real man” is letting those little things in the past go and showing your strength by not allowing it to affect your present.

1. Today, I witnessed an actual example of how and why being presumptive is not an attractive quality to women. While grocery shopping, I overheard a guy having a small talk with a cashier while she was helping him. After speaking with her for about a minute or two, he asked what she was doing that night. She said she had no plans. Then, he said: “Wanna grab some dinner tonight.” At first it might sound like a normal casual invite, but…it sounded way too casual and … so wrong! I am not sure why. Is it because of the word “grab” and because it made it sound way too casual? Or because he assumed that it’s ok to invite a girl out to dinner right after he met her.

She was clearly put off by his presumptuousness. I could tell by the look on her face that the only thought she had at that point was “who does that guy think he is… is he inviting every girl out to dinner after introducing himself without knowing anything about her?” Thus, I wasn’t surprised when she politely declined his invitation, making it clear that she was looking forward to spending some time with her friends (even though, as mentioned earlier, she didn’t have any specific plans).

2. Last week, I was sitting at this hotel bar with a friend who was staying in that hotel. At one point, he struck up a conversation with a woman and after having a very short conversation, he invited her to his room upstairs. She looked like she was ready to slap his face, but she didn’t and instead politely excused herself and left. Even the “easiest,” most promiscuous woman who would have sex with the guy the same night she met him doesn’t want to be treated as if she was that “easy.” Thus, no woman enjoys it when the guy assumes that she would just go to his room like an escort, even if in the end she actually did end up sleeping with him the same night if they spoke a little longer and established some kind of connection.

Being presumptive with women is usually a mistake. Every woman wants to be shown at least some degree of respect and attention – during the first encounter, on a date or at any other time.

Consider a friend or someone you started dating recently who will hang on the phone with you for half an hour, telling you how he doesn’t have time to meet with you because of how busy he/she is and how many issues they have to deal with. It is the same friend that would be sitting across the table from you at a coffee shop or a restaurant, talking louder than anyone else about how horrible his boss is and how his co-workers have conspired against him, and how he is way too busy and overwhelmed to do anything outside of work. You will be sitting there and patiently listening. It is anything but fun to you. Your problems are just as serious or even more serious but you are not in a habit of sharing them so openly – in part because you know it won’t help in resolving them.

Let it be a lesson to you that talking about your problems and about how overwhelmed and busy you are is neither impressive nor attractive to your friends or anyone you might have a romantic interest it. What’s much more attractive is dealing with your problems quietly and impressing others with how you gain control over your issues.

I know a few people who are never available talk on the phone, take forever to return a phone call and can’t meet even for 30-minute lunch because they are “too busy.” I also know a number of people who are objectively much busier and whose jobs and personal lives are much more complex and yet they are surprisingly prompt about returning phone calls and e-mails and are much more available to meet. Whatever time and energy the first group of people takes to complain and feel sorry for themselves, the second group invests into working on their issues and improving their time management skills.

When you have a stressful life but you are clearly in charge of it, it will be very attractive to both – your friends and members of the opposite sex. Like all other abilities worth having, developing this quality will take time and practice, but it is sure worth the effort.

Remember, real heroes do not go around telling people how strong and how smart they are. People who are worthy of admiration are the ones who show through their actions rather than words how they overcome their challenges and accomplish their personal and professional life.

A woman who tries too hard also creates a negative impression in the eyes of a guy who is looking to meet a woman of substance. A “decked-out” woman who looks like she is going to a Ms. Universe contest, also known as being “over the top,” will either be intimidating to most men or will come across as high-maintenance even if she is not. Of course you could say, and in many cases rightfully so, that if a guy is intimidated by a woman who is put together very well, it’s his fault and it comes from his insecurities. However, I met some very confident guys who still had a problem approaching a woman who was dressed like she is about to walk on a runway.

There is an outfit for each occasion. If you are going to a black and white ball or a wedding, this is not an issue. But if you are going to a bar/club/restaurant or anywhere else, looking nice and sharp without being flashy or too provocative will take you a long way toward having the attention of those men who you likely want to meet.

And, of course, don’t forget that there is a difference between looking sexy and looking trashy. The first comes with elegance and leaves space for a guy’s imagination.