The other night I went out to one of my favorite clubs in the city. It has great music, good energy, the “right” crowd, and a low key vibe that’s not easy to find on weekends. While I was out, I ran into a few of my former female co-workers. From my days working with them, I remembered our conversations about dating and relationships which were quite interesting and educational to me, as those women struck me as highly perceptive and experienced in dating. They took the time to reflect on their own behavior as well as their former or present partners as well as the people around them. As we were out on the dance floor, one of the girls noticed three guys sitting on a couch and just looking around. One of the women pointed out that all of the guys were attractive but they looked weird just sitting and staring around. This reminded me of that part in my dating advice book for women, where I talked about the idea that busy men are more attractive than the ones who are idle, and that’s why even bartenders are often found to be more attractive by women than the rest of the guys at the same bar, even if these other guys are physically more attractive.
Although perhaps many women didn’t give this a thought, if asked, they would agree that a busy man is much more attractive than the one who just sits idly and is doing nothing. This goes far beyond the way men are perceived by women in bars and clubs. A guy in action – a guy who is playing a guitar, playing tennis on a tennis court, a comedian during his show, a singer on the stage – these men are much more attractive to women because they demonstrate those skills and abilities that make them get respect, recognition and admiration from a woman. It’s much less common to a man to be attracted to a woman who is simply dressed up and is sitting around without doing anything.
While I don’t have a solution for every situation where a guy might find himself just hanging out without doing anything interesting, if you are out at a bar or a club, there are a few simple things you can do to avoid giving out that unattractive energy of idleness and/or vanity. Listening to the music, dancing, talking to your friends in a way that would suggest that you are engaged in an interesting conversation and being otherwise socially involved is much better than just sitting and staring around at people in general and women specifically.
hayy, i heard teasings a big part of flirting, can you create a post on it cause imreally stuck:/ but your wok is great!!!
thanks
Thanks, that will be my next article. I will send you a link once it's treating…. If you have a title in mind for the article, that would be great. I am thinking: "Teasing, flirting and attracting women."
Thanks for the reply, but I'm in a bit of a pickle. There's this girl in my class who I've asked out about a year ago and I kind of got rejected, but she continued the conversation afterwards as if she regretted saying no.
This week I went to a school dance with her, and it was great! we danced several times, and she didn't resist at all when I carefully pulled her closer. As I said it was great!
A few days later I called her and asked her out, and she said "maybe, maybe not" in a sort of playful way. then she said she was going to be out if town the two next weekends, and she had hung up 'cause she had to go. she didn't give me an answer really, and she really is going out of town, so they weren't just excuses.
I am aware that I made some mistakes: 1. I called while she was working. 2. I haven't been very flirtatious with her, but I she probably knows I like her because of the past, and I know that she liked me before aswell. she looked at me every single class every day, and she still does it sometimes, just not as much
I'm gonna call her again, and try to flirt more, but what should I say when I'm calling her? I'm really bad at talking to her through the phone. how can I come off as a more attractive person? also, how should I ask her out? should I have a predetermined thing to do/ place to go or should I let her decide?
By the way, I think you're the best dating/relationship coach around! (:
Thanks for your kind words, and I am glad that you learn from and reflect on your mistakes, as it's a strong sign that success is only a matter of time for you now.
you mentioned musicians.. I play the guitar, drums, bass and piano… would that be more attractive than just one instrument, or is it okay as long as it's something?
I don’t think it matters a whole lot, but of course if you play well several instruments, it’s more than impressive, especially to a woman who knows how much work and patience it takes to learn playing even one instrument.
This one is titled Know your freaking purpose in life and stay on it. Our modern age of technology, incredible population growth, options and possible choices are both a Miracle and like an anchor strapped in your neck while your swimming in the middle of the ocean. ( with Sharks? hehe )
CONFUCIUS SAYS: MAN WHO CATCHES TWO RABBITS CATCHES NONE 🙂 LOL
Sit down reflect block out all the noise and distraction and find your purpose. Maybe do a lil basic Meditation. I believe that you can find your purpose for your own life and once you get in touch with it, you can clarify it fine tune it, to get to understand it better. The more you do it on to the world and get feed back from it, experience the more powerful it will become and more meaningful. The more affect you will have with the world and on other people. The more you will help others find their purpose.
If you don't know your purpose go lock yourself in a room with a blank sheet of paper and pen don't do anything until you figure it out! Might take hours maybe weeks but it will come.
MEN PAY ATTENTION VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT!!!
This is one of the single most important thing you can do to become incredibly attractive to women.
If you find your purpose in life stay on it and DON'T ALLOW any woman to distract you or take you off your path. Women will be far more attracted to you. They will line up to get your attention 🙂 TRUST ME!!!!!
very thoughtful article!
Good job on this post. This is informative and something that men should take into consideration. Good points too on what to do when in a bar,etc. So guys, watch out. Dont be idle. Focus. And exude confidence.
Thank you for your reply. I take what you say onboard and will try to expand my range of activities and interests to broaden my social pool.
Thanks,
Paul.
Hi,
Thanks for your post. I like your ideas and you surely are a wealth of knowledge on dating & relationship advice. What advice would you give for guys like me who prefer 'non action' activities like meditation and contemplating. These activities are not exactly exciting or interesting for many people yet I have an interest in inward journeys that require a large amount of time just sitting there. Sure it not be 'attractive' like a musician or talkative guy, but where does my interests fit into the equation?
Thanks for any advice,
Paul.
Hi, Paul. I am sure that many people would be skeptical of those activities or talking about the same. There are two ways to go about it – either you look for people in the "industry" – those women who go to meditation classes and alike, or… you expand your own range of interests and don't define yourself as someone who is strictly into "non action" activities. This doesn't mean that you have to start skydiving or rock climbing, but expanding your interests and activities beyond relaxation would be very healthy for you in more ways than just with women.