The other night I went out to one of my favorite clubs in the city. It has great music, good energy, the “right” crowd, and a low key vibe that’s not easy to find on weekends. While I was out, I ran into a few of my former female co-workers. From my days working with them, I remembered our conversations about dating and relationships which were quite interesting and educational to me, as those women struck me as highly perceptive and experienced in dating. They took the time to reflect on their own behavior as well as their former or present partners as well as the people around them. As we were out on the dance floor, one of the girls noticed three guys sitting on a couch and just looking around. One of the women pointed out that all of the guys were attractive but they looked weird just sitting and staring around. This reminded me of that part in my dating advice book for women, where I talked about the idea that busy men are more attractive than the ones who are idle, and that’s why even bartenders are often found to be more attractive by women than the rest of the guys at the same bar, even if these other guys are physically more attractive.
Although perhaps many women didn’t give this a thought, if asked, they would agree that a busy man is much more attractive than the one who just sits idly and is doing nothing. This goes far beyond the way men are perceived by women in bars and clubs. A guy in action – a guy who is playing a guitar, playing tennis on a tennis court, a comedian during his show, a singer on the stage – these men are much more attractive to women because they demonstrate those skills and abilities that make them get respect, recognition and admiration from a woman. It’s much less common to a man to be attracted to a woman who is simply dressed up and is sitting around without doing anything.
While I don’t have a solution for every situation where a guy might find himself just hanging out without doing anything interesting, if you are out at a bar or a club, there are a few simple things you can do to avoid giving out that unattractive energy of idleness and/or vanity. Listening to the music, dancing, talking to your friends in a way that would suggest that you are engaged in an interesting conversation and being otherwise socially involved is much better than just sitting and staring around at people in general and women specifically.