In our society, men are often told not to be too forward or too pushy when approaching women and asking them out. Indeed, being too forceful and too direct with a woman who barely knows you or doesn’t know you at all will make her feel uncomfortable or “cornered” and very little good will come out of the pressure that she is feeling. Thus, coming up to a woman with whom you had very little contact before and telling her “I really like you, and I would love to go out with you” is too much of a good thing, unless of course that girl likes you just as much as you like her or more, which is quite uncommon.

On the other hand, being too casual about asking a woman out is also a bad idea, as it takes all the fun and romance out of the process. Recently, I witnessed an incident, where this guy asked out a grocery store cashier in the following way, after talking to her for about two minutes: “Hey, wanna grab some dinner later?” The girl declined his invitation even though she told him just a few moments earlier that she didn’t have any specific plans for that evening. I will not suggest that I know the exact reason why she didn’t want to go out with him, but the way he asked her out was clearly not attractive or in any way romantic. In fact, I think I noticed one or two people standing nearby who actually rolled their eyes when they heard that conversation.

There is something wrong with using the word “grab” in the context of asking a girl out. It’s way too casual. It almost suggests that the guy doesn’t care at all if the girl he is asking out joins him or not. Generally, if a woman wants to have romance in her life, she wants to know that she is not in the guy’s “whatever” category. She wants to be asked out; not being asked to “grab” a drink or “grab” dinner. A much better way to ask a girl out in that same situation with the cashier would be “Hey, I know this little café. Join me tonight for dinner. They have great food and/or wine” or something like that.

In an attempt to cure themselves of desperation and neediness, guys have been trained all too often to show that they are a challenge, that they don’t care, that they don’t need a woman, but this is not necessary and is actually counterproductive if taken to an extreme.  A healthy amount of interest and attention is flattering to a woman who is interested. This kind of healthy, confident initiative makes the guy showing that attention to a woman come across as the “real man.”  If, on the other hand, the girl is not interested, no matter what the man’s approach is, it’s not make her more interested in him.

Surely, there are women out there who don’t like any kind of attention from men. Some of them just got out of a terrible relationship, and the last thing they want now is meeting another guy who is going to create possible complications and “drama” in their life again. Others have had their fair share of stalkers and are extra careful and overly skeptical about meeting men now, and some might prefer women over men. But, you shouldn’t be dating those women anyway, so if they don’t appreciate a flattering attention from you, consider it great news  – you are saving yourself a lot of time and trouble.

I also discuss the above “grabbing dinner” incident in my article about why being presumptive is not attractive to women.

So, you were working in the same office with this girl or perhaps you were in the same class at school, and one day you asked her out to only find out that she was not interested in talking to you. It might have bothered you for a while, and maybe you were even embarrassed to run into her, and you were avoiding her for a while, but lately it looks like she is being friendly with you and you suspect that she might actually be interested. Should you ask her out again, even though she rejected you before?

- Absolutely! Why? First of all, people change their mind. She might have not wanted to go out with you before for a number of reasons. It’s possible that she was seeing someone at that time or that she had a bad break up with her boyfriend at about that time when you first approached her and expressing interest in getting to know her. It might sound obvious, but things change, people change, and what people want changes as well.

Secondly, it is very common for women to reject a guy and shortly after regret it. Think about how you react when a stranger initiates a conversation with you. Almost subconsciously you try to cut the conversation short because you believe it’s the right thing to do and that’s the social norm. When you ask a woman out, you might catch her off guard, thinking about her own issues and not being interested in talking to anyone at that very moment. She might not be interested in talking to you at that specific moment, but this doesn’t mean that she is not single, available and would not like you if she got to know you. If you wonder about how common it is, just check out the “missed connection” section on Craigslist in any city, and you will find dozens of postings by women who talk about how “flustered” they got when this guy talked to them and how much they want to have a second chance at talking to him.

So, how would you go about asking a girl out who rejected you before? The same exact way you would as if you never actually asked her our earlier. There is no reason to make any references to the first time you wanted to go out with her. Talking about that first time she rejected you will do nothing good to your interaction. If things go well between the two of you, you will have plenty of time to laugh about your original encounter later. Part of being a “real man” is letting those little things in the past go and showing your strength by not allowing it to affect your present.

So, you decided to ask this girl out, but you are not sure how to go about doing that. There is so much conflicting and confusing advice out there on asking women out on a date, that it’s hard to figure out which advice is most useful in your specific situation. Indeed, it is important to ask the girl out the right way and avoid the typical mistakes that so many guys make when they ask girls out.

Here is a list of points that you should keep in mind to make sure that you ask the girl out the right and the attractive way:

1. Don’t ask but invite. Don’t start your conversation with “Would you like to go out with me?” This kind of passive attitude implies a certain lack of confidence and initiative on your part. Women, especially those women who are “romantically” inclined – who want to love and be loved, enjoy seeing a guy who takes charge in sublte but important ways when it comes to going out and dating. So, instead of asking whether she would like to go out on a date, invite her out and start the conversation with: “Let’s take a walk together at this new park.”

2. Don’t use the word “date.” As ironic as it sounds, you are better off not using the word “date” when you are asking a girl out on your first date. Instead, simply invite her to spend time with you. “Lets go on a date” take all the romance and all the tension out of the situation and will likely turn the time you spend together into a very “non-date” like experience. If she asks if it’s going to be a date, this is a perfect opportunity for you to be funny and say playfully something like: “Of course not; it’s purely business.”

3. Be specific about time and place. Don’t say “let’s do….. sometime.” Name the day and approximate time of when you want to meet. Also, don’t use vague, weak words, such as “let’s hang out” as this implies some kind of passive attitude and purposelessness to your time together.

4. Don’t make a big deal out of asking her out. Don’t make it sound like asking her out is a matter of life and death. If you are tense and nervous when asking her out, she will feel just as tense and nervous. Make your invitation sound as if it was the most natural thing for you to do (and it should), and this will help her feel comfortable and at ease with the plan as well.

5. Don’t plan anything too exciting or complicated. The purpose of the first date is to spend time together and focus on each other rather than some very interesting activity such as a concert, sports game, etc. So keep that first date simple where you have the opportunity to talk to each other and get to know each other without too many distractions.

Keep the above five tips for asking a woman out on a first date in mind, and they will likely serve you well.

Daytime first dates, such as lunch dates are a bad idea for several reasons. First, daytime in itself is not very conducive to romantic interactions and creating attraction. Even more importantly, the time pressure of lunchtime itself will likely destroy much of the potential for romance between you and your date. The idea that both of you will probably have to be at work after you meet will be in the back of your minds during the entire time of your date. Instead of being relaxed and enjoying yourself as you normally would be in the evening, you will be thinking about all the things you have done and all the things that you are yet to accomplish before the end of that day. This is very distracting to both of you, and it will undermine the potential attraction that could have been developing between you and your date.

Further, a typical one-hour lunch break is simply not long enough for two people to figure out whether they like each other on their first date. And usually, when people aren’t able to figure our if they like each other on their first date, they don’t have the desire to see each other again. It takes at least a better-than-average experience on a first date for the two people to want to see each other again. A brief, completely neutral interaction between the two will likely not “cut it” for either you or your date. So, don’t suggest having your first date during the lunch hour.

If a woman suggests that you have a lunch date, gracefully decline the invitation and suggest meeting in the evening. The evening atmosphere, especially a weekday evening, is a much more relaxed and more conducive time to a romantic interaction. One fact alone that both of you will not be rushing anywhere during your evening date will be much more beneficial to your good communication, which is a key element of building mutual attraction and interest.

It is just as important knowing how not to ask a girl out as it is knowing how to ask her out. In many cases, it won’t really matter how you ask a girl out and that’s not what will usually make it or break it when it comes to her interest level. However, it is still important to come across as an attractive, confident guy, especially if you are dealing with a woman who you don’t know, or don’t know very well, and she doesn’t have much information to base her opinion of you on, except the way you meet her and ask her out. In these cases, the small things do matter.

Recently, one guy asked me a very good question, during which he mentioned asking a girl out by saying: “I was wondering, that if you’re single, would you like to go out with me?” At first, this looks like an innocent, direct way to ask a girl out, and there is nothing obviously wrong about it. However, looking closer, I can’t help but see that it will necessarily take things in the wrong direction. Although, I am aware that some of the most reputable sources of dating advice out there suggest that asking a girl if she is single is a great way to start a conversation, I believe that more often than not, it’s not a good way to start a conversation. First, it is way too direct. You might ask “Well, what’s wrong with being direct?” Well, if the girl is already interested in you, then there is probably nothing wrong with it. However, in the vast majority of cases, when a guy is asking a girl out, she doesn’t know much about him or doesn’t know anything about him at all, and as such – she cannot possible be all that interested in going out with him. Thus, in most cases, asking a girl whether she is single out of the blue is going to “corner” her, put pressure on her and make her feel uncomfortable.

Even more importantly, I always advise guys to avoid asking a girl out by actually using the words “Would you like to go out with me?” It’s best if you don’t use the words “out,” “date,” etc… Also, it’s better if you invite a girl out, as opposed to asking her out.  “Would you like to….?” almost invites “no” in a sense. It corners a girl and is likely to put her in an uncomfortable position. On other hand “lets meet this Wednesday evening at 6 o’clock and take a walk together at this park and grab coffee” sounds like a much more appealing and confident way to ask a girl out. You don’t even have to explain to the girl whether it’s a date or not. You are not telling her that you like her. You are not telling her that you want to go out on a date with her and you don’t put any pressure on her whatsoever. Let her wonder – let her hope that it’s a date. And if she asks you “Is this going to be a date?” this will be your perfect opportunity to show you sense of humor and confidence by playfully saying: “Oh, no… it’s strictly business” while winking at her.

So, keep the above simple, practical rules of asking a girl out in mind, and they will likely help you to do better when you ask girls out.

Having the right frame of mind when asking a woman out is of utmost importance to the whole process. In fact, the way you perceive the whole situation is much more important than the words you use. Moreover, if you state mind is frame is in place, then the right words will come to your mind automatically. Too many guys approach asking a woman out with a very bad frame of mind. In fact, their frame of mind is the exact opposite from that which is necessary to attract a woman and evoke her interest.

Too many men believe that asking a woman out should be done in the same manner as actually “asking” her for something. They believe that if a woman agrees to go out with them, she will be doing them a favor. This kind of mindset makes men come across as very unattractive and insecure when asking a woman out. “Would you like to go out with me sometimes?” is about the worst way to ask a woman out. It literally telegraphs to her your lack of confidence, the fact that you almost expect to hear “no” from here, and it fact begs for a big “No!”

From now on, you must start believing that when you ask a woman out you COMPLIMENT her because you really do! Inviting a woman out is a compliment. Indeed, you flatter a woman when you ask her out because by doing that you are basically telling her that you like her, you are attracted to her and you would like to get to know her better. Once you truly believe that by asking any single, available woman out you are doing a nice gesture to her regardless of her response, your entire posture and your attitude about those situations will change.

Just as important is the way in which you ask a woman out. In fact, it’s a much better idea not to ask a woman out at all, but instead invite her out. In other words, frame your words as a declarative invitation and not a question. Thus, instead of saying: “Would you like to go out with me?” say “Hey, I am available this Thursday evening. I know this cafe near this park. Lets go down there on Thursday evening, grab something work and sweet to drink and take a walk in the park together. It will be fun.” This will make you come across as a much more confident and thus a much more attractive guy.