One of the most fundamental tips on how to approach and meet women that I have ever heard was from my father. He told me a few years ago: “Don’t look for opportunities to meet women, but instead learn and make sure that you take advantage of the opportunities with women that your life presents to you every day.”

I believe there was more value to that advice than I realized at first. Going out with the sole purpose of meeting women has many drawbacks. You focus too much on meeting women, which makes you come across as “weird” when in public. If you don’t know what I mean, just look at the guys around you when you go out and try to pick out from the crows those guys who look like they are on the “prowl.” I bet they would look very obvious to you. More importantly, when you go out to just meet women and do nothing else, if you do not meet any women by the end of that night, it will really take you down and upset you. You will feel like you wasted your night and didn’t have fun at all. Thus, it is very important that whenever you go out, you have other reasons to do that besides meeting women.

This means that you shouldn’t be going to a bar/club that you really don’t like just because there are many women in there. Go to a place that you can enjoy spending time in. Whether it’s the music, the atmosophere or anything else – make sure that the place has another appeal to you, beyond having women. If you go to a coffee shop that you know many women frequent, don’t just go there to hang out and stare at people. Bring a book or your homework into the coffee house so that you can do something interesting and productive, while thinking about meeting women.

But even in those situations, when guys go about their lives and run into women in different situations, they often have trouble finding the right words and the right way to approach and meet a women in those day-to-day situations.

One young man, who lives in New York City told me that he was taking a subway one day, and as he was standing next to this very attractive woman, he noticed that she had a bug in her hair. He knew that that was a great opportunity to start a conversation and meet her, but he just couldn’t find the right words and the right way to start a conversation with that woman.

The most common obstacle that prevents guys from taking action in such situations, as I also explained to him, is the fact that most men believe that they have to say something incredible, something very unique – something that will make that woman fall in love with them right then and there. In reality, however, the purpose of starting a conversation with a woman is just that – to start a conversation. No woman will or should fall in love with the guy after him opening his mouth and uttering a few words, so there is no reason to expect it. Anything normal, relevant and mildly witty would do the job or starting a conversation with a woman in this and most other situations.

In that particular case, without thinking too much about it, I advised the guy that he should have playfully said something like: “Wow, you must be a bug collector.” Or… “I thought that girls are afraid of bugs.” Obviously, she would respond with: “What? What do you mean? What are you talking about?” Then, he could gently remove the bug from her hair and show it to her. This would be a great ice breaker that would surely make her laugh and would open a conversation.

So, don’t sweat it – don’t look to sweep the woman you want to meet off her feet as soon as you open your mouth. You will have many opportunities to come across as an attractive guy later. Not setting the bar too high on those first few words you are going to say to a woman in order to meet her will make it much easier for you to come up with the right words to meet women and start talking to them.

Suppose you want to approach and meet a woman who you never met before or perhaps you would like to ask out a woman who you already know. What frame of mind should you have in order to make a move with the right energy and the right attitude and eliminate any fear or anxiety that you might be having in such situations?

The answers to these questions is rather simple but very important to keep in mind when it’s time for you take action and make a move: you must feel and truly believe that you are giving her a compliment when you approach her and start a conversation with her.

It should be easier for you to train yourself to believe this because it is actually true – you are complimenting a woman by your attention. When you try to meet a woman or when you are asking her out, you are basically saying: “I find you attractive and/or interesting. I would like to spend more time with you and get to know you better.” – Those are very nice things to tell a woman, and a woman who is worthy of your attention should take it as a compliment regardless of whether she is interested in going out with you and getting to know you or not.

Many guys feel that they are doing something wrong when they are looking at a woman or when they are thinking about approaching her and starting a conversation with her. But the only reason they feel that is because they heard from a small number of confused, and immature women that approaching and “hitting” on girls is bad, when in fact there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, especially if you do it the right way – with both respect and confidence.

So, the next time you are about to make a move, feel good and be proud of what you are doing because what some might call a “pick-up” is actually a compliment.