There are several main reasons a guy won’t commit to a woman he started seeing or has been dating for a while. Although, for obvious reasons, every situation is very unique and different, there are common obstacles out there that that lead to commitment issues and prevent many women from finding and enjoying a committed relationship. Running your situation by the following checklist might provide you with an insight as to why the guy you have been seeing is not willing to be in a committed, exclusive relationship with you, or why no guy has been willing to commit to you lately, or ever:
1. You are going for the wrong type of guy and assume way too much and too early about the guys you meet
As hard as it is for me to believe, I see women in their thirties and even forties go for guys who are “bad boys”. These women keep insisting that they are only attracted to guys with muscles. With all due respect to our very subjective physical and sexual needs and preferences, that kind of high-school mentality is not going to help these women find the right guy, and they are going to run into the same problem – a guy who is aloof and/or who doesn’t really know what he wants (yet) or a guy who is only looking to get laid.
In order to find a life partner, you need to recognize and accept that it’s the qualities other than muscles, muscle cars and tattoos that make that kind of man. Before you can meet and attract the kind of guy who will commit and who you would want to commit, you need to be able to recognize him when he comes your way. This also means that you need to stop assuming too much and too soon about some guys and dismissing them as potential partners before giving them and yourself a chance before you dismiss them. Being careful and picky is good, but being too picky and too presumptive might make you miss out on connecting with great guys, because you assumed way too early that you are not interested based on something very insignificant – such as his less than the most creative pick-up line, or a bold spot on his head or the fact that he is an inch shorter below your “minimum requirements.”
Also, is it possible that your range of age and height of the guys you are looking to meet is too narrow? If you set the guys’ age limit at 34-39, are you saying that if you meet a great guy who is 41, you are not going to date him? What if is he 33? It’s important that you are flexible about your requirements and that you don’t forget that we, humans, are more than the sum of our qualities and parts.
Remember the “Sex and the City” show and how the main female character would quickly dismiss guys for a big reasons, small reason or completely insignificant reasons? Why this makes for an interesting show, in real life by doing this you run the risk of not connecting with the guys who, while not perfect, but be wonderful potential relationship partners if you could look beyond that one or two little flaws that in the end don’t make that much of a difference. This doesn’t mean you have to lower your standards or settle for less than you deserve, but it does mean that you should be flexible for your own good.
2. You limit the times and the places where you are willing to meet guys
If you wait for Fri/Sat night to meet that special guy and during you week you look and act completely unapproachable, you are probably missing out on over 90% of the guys who could be potential serious relationship partners. Ask any guy in any major city whether he thinks that women look and act approachable during the daytime, and see what the say. T
You may be wondering how you know if you are unapproachable. The test is extremely simple. Just ask yourself one question. Do any normal guys around you ever come up to you and talk to you, or at least smile at you? If not, and assuming you are not unattractive, this means that you are doing something wrong that makes you come across as unfriendly and unapproachable. In my book “What You Wish Your Knew about Men” I talk about this significant obstacles of radiating unfriendly energy and how to eliminate it.
This doesn’t mean that you have to stare at and smile at every guy you see, but making it clear in your own subtle ways that you are interested in a guy when you find someone attractive at a restaurant, coffee shop, grocery store, or anywhere else can go a long way toward allowing you to meet more and better guys. That guy at a grocery store or a coffee shop is not drunk and is not looking to hook up at that very moment, so your interaction with him has a chance to be more interesting and more meaningful.
3. You are too busy to date anyone, let alone work toward a committed relationship
If you work ten or more hours a day and your career comes ahead of everything, you will most likely pay the price by having a harder time dating and finding love. A guy who finds out that this great girl he met works till late hours of the day and gets up at 5 in the morning will be discouraged to even ask her out, because he knows that any kind of good time they might have when they go out will be interrupted by her need to go to sleep at 9:00 pm or so, not to mention the difficulties of even setting up a date with someone who is that busy.
You may think that being too busy makes you sound more interesting and important and attractive, but that’s not how guys see it. Just because you like guys who are ambitious and dedicated to their work (in part or in whole because you also want to avoid the deadbeats who sit around and do nothing all day), guys don’t look at women the same way. We certainly don’t want a woman to be lazy or dumb, but being obsessed with career is almost equally unappealing. We know that when all of the woman’s energy is directed to work & school, very little emotional and physical energy is left for romance.
4. Guys are turned off by one or more things you do or say
Do you talk too much when out on a date or at any other time when you talk to a guy? If so, it’s time for me to remind you that excessive chatter is one of the things that turn men off earlier and quicker than anything else? Or, is it possible that you make one of these first date mistakes? Perhaps there is something else about your behavior or manner of speaking that makes the guys: “She is good enough to sleep with a few times, but is definitely not good enough to be in a relationship with or marry.”
5. Guys lose interested in any potential for a committed relationship with you due to your sexual incompetence
A sure way to lose a guy’s interest is by not being a great partner in bed. While chemistry and compatibility are to an extent out of our control and they are often pre-determined by nature, there are things you can do and there are also things you must not do in order to make yourself a better sexual partner.
6. You refuse to recognize that many guys are not ready to commit even to the perfect woman, because they are not presently interested in any kind of committed relationship.
As you surely know, many guys love the game and the excitement that the variety and novelty when it comes to dating brings into their lives. Even more men would be playing the field for longer or for as long as they can if they knew how to do that, and if they had the looks and means to do so. You can be the most perfect woman in every way that has ever been born on the planet, but that won’t change what that kind of guy wants and what he doesn’t want. Sometimes, you can easily recognize that kind of guy. He is too smooth and too well put together. He says and does all the right things. If that’s the case, he is probably an aspiring Casanova. You might enjoy spending time with him or even have an affair with him, but you must keep in mind that he is probably not someone who is going to sacrifice all the fun he has for being with one woman – at least not at that point in his life.
7. You continue rationalizing your dating and relationship issues by blaming men year after year
There are plenty of guys who are liars, cheaters and assholes for one reason or another. Who knows – they might even be the majority of the male kind. Blaming your less than satisfactory love life on that is understandable but not productive, as it’s not going to change your “bottom line” and it’s not going to improve your own relationships with the opposite sex. Stop wasting time on complaining about how awful the men are and instead make sure you do your best on your part in order to be the best woman you can be, and also in order to adjust your mindset, attitude and behavior in a way that will make you both more attractive and more approachable.
8. You refuse to change yourself and/or your appearance and continue just “being yourself”.
One of the most common yet also the worst kinds of advice I have ever heard is “be yourself”. While the intentions behind that advice might be good, the end result is … no result. Being yourself hasn’t worked for you so far, and that’s one reason you reading this article. Contrary to what some say, changing and improving yourself, or even learning how to behave or look at things from others doesn’t mean you are not being true to yourself, but it means taking initiative to improve yourself and your dating life. If being true to yourself means being stuck at where you are and refusing to recognize how you can make yourself more attractive, then I would rather never be true to myself.
Whether it’s changing your style or hair or losing weight – under the risk of sounding obvious I will remind you that the importance of your appearance cannot be overstated. I would encourage you to ask some of your friends who are known for being open and honest with you if there is anything about your body, make-up, clothes, the way you walk or your body language that makes you more or less attractive or approachable to men.
9. You don’t bring anything exceptional to the table that would make a guy want to commit to you as opposed to continue dating different women
This might just be the most important factors in this list. What do you bring to the table that makes you different, special and better than all those other women that the guy you met has gone out with in the past few months or years? Are you much more feminine and funnier than all those other girls? Are you more giving and affectionate? Are you incomparably passionate in bed? Do you know how to disagree without starting to yell and fight? If you are not, why would he want to commit to you out of all those other women?
10. You ignore the guys who seem to have been interested in your for a while instead of giving them and yourself a chance
Are there guys out there in your life who have been flirting with you for months or years, and who you never thought of as potential romantic partners? Perhaps it’s time to revisit who they are and see if flirting back going out with any of them might be an interesting idea. After all, you have nothing to lose, and having a date with a guy who obviously likes you and has been admiring you for a while shouldn’t be too painful of an experience.