Question: I’m not sure if you’ve heard of these books, but i’ve a read a book called ‘Why Men Love Bitches’ and i’ve read one called ‘Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man’ and in a way they contradict each other, it would be good if you could do a review on them or your perspective (as a guy). For example, the first book makes it seem as though men are attracted to women who are independent and rely on themselves completely (financially etc), and are attracted to girls who seem like their life is fulfilled regardless of him being a part of it. Whereas, the other book states that men want to be with a woman who they feel needs them & that it is innate for them to feel the need to provide for her/protect her & they wouldn’t feel the need to be with her otherwise.
Obviously, in the end everyone is attracted to different things, but it would be good to get another view.
Answer: I guess the question could be summarized into whether men really like bitches. I could see how the message that the above books convey seem to be contradictory, and here are my thoughts. Please bear in mind that the following is just an opinion of one man, even though I am trying to be as objective as I can, and I am sure that many other men would agree with me, especially if they decide to be brutally honest about their sexuality.
First, obviously different men want a different kind of woman. They say that opposites attract, and often it seems to be true. Aggressive “bitchy” women get along with the more sweet and “docile” men, and the very masculine “alpha” males are often attracted to the more traditional, feminine woman.
In addition, here is a number of other observations. Bitchy women might be purely sexually more arousing to a guy, because that’s the attitude that’s simply sexually appealing because it communicates a degree of dominance, which is a turn-on. It’s the same type of behavior as the attitude of a model on a runway who looks very confident or even stuck up, whose nose is high up and who thinks that she is all that. When a woman acts like she is hot and she is all that, it makes her look “hotter” to the unarmed male eye, so to speak. This of course does not make her more attractive as a person or more desirable as a relationship partner. On the contrary, the downsides of being a bitch far outweigh any benefits in the long run.
For some guys, getting a bitch, dating and having sex with one is a personal challenge. These men might have been successful at meeting, attracting and dating the “softer” kind and are now ready to the more difficult conquests. They might be turned on by the idea of a woman who is loud, argumentative and competitive – the one who will disagree just for the sake of showing that she can, and that no one can control her. The one who has to demonstrate her independence in every way possible, and the one who is notoriously hard to get along with, because these men either excited by the idea of being dominated or they are just as excited about the idea of trying to tame that type of a woman and put her in her place.
One other thing: Most of the men I know are GOOD men that don't need to be 'trained'. A woman who thinks all men need to be trained will chase away all of the good men (which is the majority of men) and will be left with the few bad men who really do need to be trained. Those good men who get stuck in the position of having to be trained will ultimately become worse men (by responding to the expectation that they are bad men), as opposed to continuing to be the good men they originally were.
Real men don't like bitches, just as they disdain men who act like complete dicks. I am a man…..a real man. I respect myself, and I respect others. I also have a low tolerance for disrespect. When I encounter a woman who acts like a B, I'll respond in one of two ways: I'll either call her out on it, or (if I see her B behavior is over the top), I'll simply walk away….Not because I am scared of her, but because I have a pretty good life (6 figure income, great physical shape, good family, good friends, career that allows me to travel all over the US, Master's degree, no debt, several hobbies, etc…). I'm not going to risk losing all of that to be with someone who doesn't respect anyone. I don't want a volatile 'project' as a GF..I want a GOOD woman who respects all humans.
I am mortified by your response to the reader's question. You obviously have not read either book. Both book titles are not actually what the author's suggest. "Why men marry bitches" is a book about not being a "yes" girl or a nice girl that goes along to get along. Its about having standards, letting men know you are a true person (not a Stepford wife solely focused on getting a ring) and going along in a relationship without obligating a person to do so. " Act like a man, think like a man is a book about standards as well, but informs women to think strategically about what they want and voice it up front.
You simply gave your "opinion" based on the titles alone. I can't believe you did that! Please read both book before giving an educated perspective!
Love the conversation! I’ve always been a competitive girl in nature, but I had a soft, outer shell that I believe made me vulnerable to aggressive, disrespectful men for years. I would do anything and everything for a man that I really cared about, but he usually took my kindness for granted. It wasn’t until I started wearing a protective, bitchy shield, that I started to reel in the men who would practically jump through hoops for me. No, I wasn’t a total bitch. I just laid down the line. I made sure they knew I was serious, and that I had a no-bullshit-tolerance-policy. I made them work for what they wanted, and in return, I would unleash small hints of kindness. Call it sick, but it’s kind of like training your man… in a healthy way. I would never take advantage of someone, but I’m not a door mat either. I think it’s so easy for women to get stepped on, especially because most of us are motherly at heart. Perhaps that’s why we resort to such bitchy behaviors. It’s the ones who lose touch with their soft sides who should be avoided!
So now the condition precedent for a guy to get into a relationship is to be "trained" (like a seal)? This is just too depressing for words.
The single biggest irony about all this is there are too many stuck-up, hostile women out there. The type who play up their unapproachability and wear their so-called "bitch shield" like a badge of honor. They typically cut guys off at the knees for sport and they get their rocks off doing it. And at the end of the day, they're the ones crying that they can't find a good man. Is it any wonder that a lot of guys, myself included, have closed the door on meeting women?
@Mickey. Well put, and unfortunately so true in many cases, especially in big cities where both men and women have a chip on their shoulder.
Very informative article, thank you for posting! definitely addresses the question. Does this suggest that men go for 'bitches' for the thrill of having a challenge, where as they look for someone more in between the two extremes, to cherish as a long term partner?
Thank you. I believe that this is true at least with regard to some men, although of course there are men who not only enter into relationships and even marry women who would by most consider "bitches" but even when it doesn't work out with one such woman or more, they keep going after the same type over and over.