Essential Tips for Dating a Guy Who Has Children

(Last Updated On: 01/08/2017)

dating a guy who has childrenSo, you met a guy who you find very attractive and interesting in more ways than one. It has been a long time since you met someone who you liked so much or even hoped to meet someone worthy, but this one looks like he could be a special guy, and he unlike most others who you have been meeting lately. He seems to be interesting, witty, charming, and professionally accomplished. He challenges you and he makes you laugh at the same time. Yet there is one issue with him – he has “baggage.” He is divorced or separated and he has children from his previous relationship or marriage, or he might even have children from several other women. He is close to his children and he has all the intention to be in their life.

Dealing with the Jealousy of Being No. 2 

Dating a guy who has children might be something very new to you, that you haven’t experienced before, and you are not sure how to deal with. The more you become involved with him, the more it bothers you that he has all that other stuff going on in his life and he is unable to give you that undivided attention that you would like to have, even if he wanted to. Even if the two of you end up having your own children together, he will still have to allocate his emotions, time and commitment between your children and his other children. If you are not going to have children, it might very much bother you that you won’t share the experience of having the first child for both of you together.

So, how do you deal with this? How do you avoid getting jealous when he pays so much attention to the parts of his life that pretty much have nothing to do with you?

Only You Know Whether It’s Worth It 

The first, ultimate question can only be answered by you – how much do you like the guy? How much do you really care about him? Are you willing to compromise your desire to be the primary focus of his life in order to try and make your relationship work? And of course, how much do you trust him and the situation – how likely is your relationship with him to turn into a real long-term partnership, given his emotional involvement with his children and the mother/s of his children.

If You Want To Try To Make It Work

If you are determined to make things work between the two of you, you should really try to empathize with that man’s situation. This means that you should look at your partner’s life and realize that what happened in his life could have happened and does happen to many other people out there. It could also happen to you as no one is insured from having big dreams for a perfect life and then breaking up some times after having children with the partner you thought you would be forever. The guy you are with had a life before he met you. He has history that you cannot and should not try to deny. Instead, remind yourself of a very simple but important truth: no one is insured from breaking up or divorcing after having children. Accept his past personal life and his current obligations with respect to his children. Accept the fact that he will want to spend time in the future. You have to decide for yourself if you are willing to share him this way. If you can’t do that, you will not be able to sustain a healthy relationship with him. The fact that he wants to be in his children’s life is a good sign, and it would be much more alarming if he didn’t care about them. After all, what would that say about his heart, soul and emotional capacity?

If you  decide to stick around it would also be very helpful if you actually participated to at least some degree in that other part of your partner’s life. Being on good terms with his children and even his ex should only help strengthen your relationship. Get to know his children and the mother of those children. You might just be surprised that you can develop positive feelings and emotions for the guy’s children, especially if they reciprocate and treat you well, as the current lover of their father. After all, they are part of who he is. Your acceptance of those children, and your participation in that part of his life, whether it means spending time together, talking to them, etc… will show a very mature and attractive part of you to your partner as well. This would a gesture of significant support on your part.  That, in turn, will strengthen your relationship with him. And, of course, you should never make the guy you are dating choose between you and his children. It is unfair toward him, and such an ultimatum would not benefit you or your relationship in any way.

What If He Goes Back To Her?

You might have an understandable fear that your boyfriend will one day want to get back together with his children’s mother. In reality, it doesn’t appear to happen very often, but of course it’s not impossible, and that risk exists. While it cannot be completely eliminated, encouraging your partner to be as open and honest with you about how he feels about his ex should give you an insight whether you are putting yourself at a big risk of being dumped sooner or later for his children’s mother.

Dealing With His Ex’s Jealousy 

Just like it’s natural for you to be jealous in this type of situation, it’s even more natural for a woman who lost a father of her children to be jealous of you. Sometimes, this (mutual) jealousy turns the two women in this situation into real enemies. If that’s the case, there is not much you can do about it except distancing yourself from her. If there is a willingness to work on jealousy issues on both sides, gathering altogether and talking about how the situation makes you feel and what can be done to help each other overcome those feelings can be extremely effective. In this type of situation, everyone involved should be able to step into the others’ shoes, and see where the other is coming from.

Dating a guy who has children from another woman, is not easy, but it’s not impossible. The above tips should help you handle some of the most common challenges in this type of situation, including the often inevitable jealousy on the part of both women.

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