So many dating advice books for women urge them to be a challenge when dealing with and dating guys. The writers suggest that men value a woman much more when it takes more work to get her interest and to attract her. While there is usually some truth to that, many women misinterpret the entire notion of challenge and completely misapply that advice to their own behavior:
The Wrong Way to Be a Challenge with Guys
If you adopt all the bad advice out there for women that suggests that you should make yourself more unavailable than you really are, it’s going to hurt you more than help. If takes you three days to return a guy’s call or text message, if you need a three-week notice to set a date, and if you keep canceling and rescheduling dates over and over, a guy who is busy and who has a lot going for him will likely lose interest in you quickly, unless he already really likes you and finds you to be a very special woman. But if you just recently met or if you exchanged a few messages on the online dating site, he is unlikely to feel that way about you, not yet anyway. Chances are that guy has to deal with all kind of pressures in his own life. He might have an overly demanding boss. He might be required to chase clients for his boss 18 hours a day. The last thing he wants to do is to struggle to get a hold of a girl that he likes and would like to spend time with and get to know.
One best-selling dating advice book suggests that if a guy texts a girl to ask her out, she should ignore it until and unless he calls. While it’s a much better idea to ask a woman out in a real conversation rather than by text, this advice is unrealistic. A guy who texted you and did not get a response from you will likely assume that you are ignoring him and that you are simply not interested. If you want to send a message about your expectations, do it directly and text him: “If you want to ask me out, call me and do so. ;)” or something along those lines. Some guys might not be able to handle such a direct approach, but many will appreciate it and find it very refreshing.
Chances are that your life is not that easy either and you are quite busy yourself. There is no reason to make things more difficult than they already are, and there is no reason why you should create obstacles in your communication with the men you meet when you are both very busy as it is.
The Right Way to Be a Challenge with Guys
The only advice that you should adopt as far being a challenge with men goes is making sure you don’t make a few typical mistakes that would make you come across as needy and desperate:
* Don’t text him for no reason just because you are bored. It’s fine to send a cute text message every now and then, saying something funny or flirty, but there is no reason to send empty, meaningless text messages, such as “what are you up to?” or “how is it going?” Both men and women are guilty of making this mistake, and it is an unattractive behavior, whether it comes from a guy or a girl.
* Don’t be available all the time. Being responsive is good, but if you always answer a phone right away, and if you always text back two seconds after he texts you no matter what time of the day it is, it makes it look like you have no life, and for a good reason. As bad as it is not being available to go out until three weeks from now, being available every single night at any hour is just as unattractive.
* Don’t make it look like your whole life revolves around social media. If you have too many photos or updates on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram, and if it looks like you are always on line or on IM, it also suggests that you don’t have much of a life outside of the Internet. Some guys care about this and notice this more than others, but in any event – being too active in the social media world does not make you look more attractive or interesting.
If you keep in mind the above basic points and let common sense dictate the rest of your behavior, you should not try to be more of a challenge on purpose, as it will likely hurt much more than help dating life and your interactions with the guys you like.
I want to mention one more thing about guys appreciating women more when it takes more work to get to know them. What you bring to the table as a person and as a woman is far more important than how much work it takes to get a hold of you, go out with you or have sex with you. A guy rarely, if ever, thinks: “Wow, she is so hard to get a hold of. I am getting so interested in her.” He is much more likely to say: “She is an amazing woman, smart, funny, incredible in bed, punctual… I haven’t met too many women like her and it will probably be a while before I meet someone like her again, so I better appreciate her”.