I often hear women say after they meet a guy: “He is not my type.” Then, they proceed to describe exactly what they are looking for in their perfect dating partner as well as mentioning their absolute deal-breakers. I then like to direct their attention on thinking about one or more guys that they used to really like in their recent or not so recent past and ask them whether those guys matched the “type” they think they like. And the answer is usually “no.”
However, my extensive observations show that many, if not, most people end up dating, falling in love with and forming lasting relationships with people who not only don’t fit their “type,” but who are often in many ways opposite from what these women said they were looking for. The truth is that most people end up dating, having long-term relationships and marrying a person who doesn’t fully fit or even defies their preset type. And this isn’t surprising to anybody who understands and remembers that a romantic partner is more than the sum of his individual qualities. Feeling attraction and love takes more than just meeting certain criteria that we believe must be filled before we fall in love. The best proof of this phenomenon is the fact that sometimes we meet someone who does meet all of our requirements and seems to be perfect in every way, and yet we don’t experience any of those romantic feelings and emotions that we often describe as “chemistry.” Some of us like to say that the reason we are not attracted to these perfect people is because perfect is boring. There must be some truth to that, as part of dating and having an interesting relationship is actually working out the differences and also learning from each other different perspectives on life.
Even purely physical requirements aren’t really all that “solid” for most of us. I have seen too many guys who would “only go for blondes” to only end up falling for a brunette. I have also seen many women who have a strong preference for tall guys to end up in a great relationship with a man of their height or even shorter. Physical beauty comes in all colors and shapes.
Ironically, most of us do not know ourselves well enough to know exactly what we find attractive and unattractive, even though we might think we have figured it all out. Sometimes we are attracted to someone or find someone unattractive for reasons that are beyond our understanding. And, perhaps it was meant to be and stay that way. When it comes to love, passion, and attraction not everything can or should be rationally explained.
So, do you think you have figured out the exact “type” of a man that you are looking to meet and date? If so, think again. The circle of guys you might be interested in is probably much larger than you think. You just have to make sure that you give yourself and those single guys around you a fair chance to get to know you and show you who they really are before you decide whether you are interested in them or not.
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