Herd mentality is a fascinating concept. It was first introduced by a German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, and it basically suggests that (some) people tend to follow what others do without giving it much thought of their own, just like a herd of cows would follow one cow, when that one cow starts walking in a certain direction.
Herd mentality is much a more common and prevalent phenomenon in any society than it might at first appear, and it plays a very important role in business, economy, social networking and basic human interactions. Fashion trends are based almost exclusively on some kind of herd mentality – a small group of people introduce a certain style and a few months later they have a large following. We see this happening not only with clothes and cellphones but even with people’s hobbies and the way they communicate. It didn’t take long for texting and Facebook to turn from being new to being almost an exclusive means of communication among teenagers and other segments in our population.
In the context of dating, herd mentality also plays a significant role. Unfortunately, it can bring about a great deal of damage, making a person who follows many of the trends much less attractive, as it makes him/her come across as unoriginal and possibly boring. Here are just a few examples of how following “the herd” can make a person less attractive to the opposite ways, and how simple it could be for anyone avoid making these mistakes:
1. Written and verbal cliches – these are things and words that are overused. From generic, cliche questions on first dates that we hear in movies and from other people, such as “What do you do?” and “Where did you grow up?” to cliche statements in online dating profiles, such as “I like to work hard and play hard”, “I am as comfortable in a dress as I am in jeans”, and “I live my life to the fullest.” Most people with minimal perception will see through the lack of originality and will assume that you simply copied someone else’s boring writing. It’s very easy to not make this mistake by simply not writing and not saying what everyone else does. Contrary to what one might think, you don’t have to follow a certain order to questions when you are out with someone. After all, you are not filling out a questionnaire but are trying to establish a personal connection, which will hardly depend on how many siblings each of you has and what high school you went. Likewise, your dating profile does not need to be “normal” and look like everyone else’s, as this would make it boring and will get it lost in the midst of thousands of other profiles.
2. Annoying speech patterns originating from pop culture sources. Just because other people around you say “like”, “you know”, “hella” and “tight” in every sentence, doesn’t mean you should. This is a simple opportunity for you to sound different and much more intelligent than others around you and it cannot possibly hurt you.
3. Behavior resulting from social pressure. Just because others run on a treadmill, doesn’t mean you cannot go out and enjoy a job in the neighborhood park. The fact that you friends like to drink too much on weekends, doesn’t mean you have to get as intoxicated as they do. And do not worry – you are not likely to alienate them by not participating in the debauchery, but you might just set an example of a better way to be when you are out. Just because everyone else is texting, doesn’t mean that you can’t pick up the phone and actually call whoever you want to call and whoever’s voice you want to hear. The fact that your friends got a certain tattoo doesn’t mean you have to do the same to belong, and if that’s what determines whether you belong to the group, then you better consider the value of that bond.
The above list is of course far from being exhaustive, but I hope that it provides an illustration of how unattractive following “the herd” can be in the context of dating, and the simple but effective ways in which you can distinguish yourself and be more attractive than many other people.
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Interesting article. I am seeing it from an entirely differnet angle, however.
It’s long been my experience that if a person is a non-follower of trends, or even disparages popular herd tastes due to being “sans souci” (self-sufficient in French) and also has an original mind, people will tend to mistunderstand them as being a nerd, unsocial, an outcast.
So the other extreme is viewed by society as equally bad (even though I don’t believe the other extreme to be bad at all).
Sans Souci – very interesting. About the “other extreme” – of course when some people go out of their way to do whatever they can to stand out and often in all the wrong ways just for the sake of being different, it might be a bad route to take.
In my opinion, individuality is effortless, like I said on my blog the other night, there is no way to be exactly like the person sitting next to you, you are still you with your DNA and fingerprints. Moreover, the trend of “being different” is no longer a surprise, being unique is normal now, which means it is no longer unique. The bottom line for me is it is pointless to try and be anything, weather it’s what a bunch of other people are doing or not you are still just you at the end of the day. So conform to the mainstrain group or conform to the “rebel” group, either way, you are still you.
In my opinion, individuality is effortless, like I said on my blog the other night, there is no way to be exactly like the person sitting next to you, you are still you with your DNA and fingerprints. Moreover, the trend of “being different” is no longer a surprise, being unique is normal now, which means it is no longer unique. The bottom line for me is it is pointless to try and be anything, weather it’s what a bunch of other people are doing or not you are still just you at the end of the day. So conform to the mainstream group or conform to the “rebel” group, either way, you are still you.
I would have to disagree with Charity. Its easy to chalk it up to DNA or a trend when you’re not one of the people he is referring to. I, on the other hand, am someone who simply is an individual. Sure, you have people who “rebel” just to do so to look cool, and guess what? I think their hilarious. What a joke right? Those people have something to prove. Its not rebellion, its overcompensation. Unless you can be objective its really hard to see the difference.
I have never been a follower. Have a tried? Yes, I admit that Ive given it a swing on a few occasions in my life but it doesnt feel right to me. Not saying that Im the “leader” either, but I would just prefer to do my own thing. That is innate to my. I dont know why either. If people follow me then fine, and if they dont then fine. Its no sweat off my back either way. Most people want to fit in. There is nothing wrong with that, but its hard for people to understand those who really dont care to.
Sure, Ive been called weird, or considered a social outcast by some people, but I dont care. It honestly doesnt affect me. My self confidence and self esteem are never based off of what other people do, say, or think. Cant tell you the reason for that, but Im surely not complaining. Im definitely not a “clique” type. Yes, I have friends, but I hate those who follow me. Its annoying. I more of the lone wolf type for sure.
I think this was a well written article. Its not something most dating advice sites discuss. I often read about how men have a hard time approaching women because they have a ton of friends with them and vice versa. Its extremely stand-offish and unapproachable. I think people feel more secure in big groups of like minded friends. Its a safety net. So, if you ask me I would go for a small group because its exude confidence. Two women chatting at a bar seem welcoming while 7 women seem like they are all afraid to stand on their own.