Sometimes we call it an ego, and at other times we call it pride. Sometimes it really helps us, and at other times it hurts us in a way that could and should have been easily avoided. Is is possible that your ego stands in your way of having better dating life and relationships with the women? Or worse – does your ego drag you into unnecessary disagreements and fighting that case a fall out that could and should have been easily avoided.
Here are three typical ways in which our male ego hurts our interactions with girls, from the very beginning of dating a particular girl and throughout any long-term relationship:
1. Does Your Ego Make You Too Much of a Challenge and Lead You to Playing Hard to Get Way too Much and Way Too Often?
Like I mention in my podcast about being a challenge today, not showing interest, playing way too hard to get, and waiting for the other person to show interest is not a good idea. Like all other things, being a “challenge” should be done in moderation, especially this day and age when everyone is aware of this playing hard to get strategy very well and often perceive it as nothing other than playing games. You are probably better off today keeping your word about calling, texting, and showing up for dates, and otherwise doing as you say you will, instead of waiting for days to call or for hours to text back just to mess with her head. It might have been effective when it was a new trick, but the word has been out for a while now, so it doesn’t work that well anymore.
2. Does Your Ego Lead You to Arguing and Insisting That You Are Right with Girls When It’s Completely Unnecessary?
This applies to both sexes but it is particularly common among men, especially the ones with very strong political or religious convictions. They feel the urge to engage the girl they are talking to in a discussion about something controversial and something that divides the world in half, such as death penalty, right to bear arms, legalizing drugs and prostitution, Christianity v Catholicism, cloning, etc… These issues have absolutely no relevance to your interaction with the girl, and yet he would start arguing with her in an attempt to prove his point. Guys do this mostly because they are competitive and they want to show how smart they are, which is all driven by their ego. However, fiercely competing with a girl this way or challenging her on something that has no connection to your personal interaction with her is a sure way of coming across as an insecure and immature jerk in her eyes. And the older you are, the more unacceptable this kind of behavior is, because there is an expectation among girls, and justifiably so, that an older guy will be more confident, more at peace with himself and he will know better than pound on the table and scream “I am right and you are wrong!”
3. Does Your Big Male Ego Prevent You from Apologizing to Women When an Apology is Due?
It’s not always about who is right and who is wrong. Sometimes, you just have to be a “bigger man” even if you are not a very big man. This doesn’t mean that you have to come forward and beg for apology every single time regardless of who is right and who is wrong, but waiting for the other person to say “I am sorry” …. often leads to a silly stalemate that belongs in high school but not later. This issue, again, ties to competing over who cares about whom more, who loves whom more, and above all – who needs whom more. Pick your fights carefully. A few fights with women are really worth fighting; the rest you should really skip over and move on, especially if you love her and she is special to you. Work on your ability to zoom out, and look at the bigger picture. Take a break from talking or thinking about whatever you are arguing about. Sometimes, sleeping on it can really help you (and her) have a fresh perspective on things and wonder the next day “What the hell was I thinking, saying and doing all these things to her?!” Forget all the nonsense about the apology being a sign of weaknesses. Admitting fault is one of the greatest strengths that you can and should develop, if you haven’t yet. It will serve you well not only with girls but in any other social and professional environment.
Take a moment to reflect on your prior arguments and fights with girls and ask yourself whether you can work on any of the above issues so that you avoid the same issues in the future. I know, I know – it’s easier said than done, but it really is worth trying. Like any other great trait worth having, knowing when and how to put your ego aside and not let it have the better of you is really worth trying to develop.
Wow, I’m amazed that some guys out there choose to talk about the death penalty or differences in religion. While talking about those topics can be appropriate in the right situation with a certain girl, to just choose to talk about those things out of the blue is completely moronic.
@ Justin. Good point. I know for a fact that some girls subconsciously test guys by subtly bringing these topics on their own, to just see if the guy they are talking is the kind guy who would be arguing over this in psychotic way.