Here is my answer based on my own experience and the experience of dozens of guys I observed, talked to and exchanged experiences with, encouraging them to be as candid as possible:

First, although there is some correlation between waiting to have sex and commitment, its definitely not a hard rule, and there are just too many exceptions and real-life examples out there that prove that waiting to have sex and commitment don’t always go together. Just because you make the guy wait, doesn’t mean he is not going to stop seeing you after you have sex with him a couple of times when it eventually happens, especially if he finds sexual connection with you to be less than satisfying. Of course, there is always a risk that he is having sex with someone on a side while “waiting” for you.

Surely, making a guy wait might weed out those guys who are only interested in having sex with you, but it will also push some great guys away who could be a great match with you, as many guys simply don’t like to be tested that way and don’t like to be put in a position where they have to wait just for the sake of waiting.  When the girl makes them wait for months as some kind of test that they have to pass in order to “earn” having sex with her, it will have the opposite effect on many guys and will actually push them away – and not just because they were only interested in sex, but because they simply don’t like that kind of dynamic between them and the girl they started seeing.

On the other hand, having sex on a first/second date might send a message to a guy that you are a slut or are otherwise unworthy of respect and being taken seriously in some cases, but in others, it might be a beginning of an exciting relationship, both physically and otherwise. What matters more is: (1) what the guy wants at that point in his life; and (2) whether he likes you, enjoys your company, and finds physical connection with you to be gratifying. If, for instance, has sex with you on the same day that he meets you or on your first date, because both of you feel strong connection sexually and otherwise and decide to act on it, and both of you end up having a great time together and not because of alcohol but because you truly like each other, it’s possible that it will turn into a beginning of a serious, long-lasting relationship.

Your interest in knowing men’s intentions before having sex with them is understandable, but you may be surprised to learn that often guys themselves don’t really know what they want. When a guy is physically very attracted to you, he might honestly believe that he wants more than just sex from you, but shortly after having sex once or twice with you, he might suddenly realize that that’s all he wanted and he just doesn’t want any kind of commitment from you or anyone else at that point, or that he just doesn’t like you all that much.

Also, regardless of whether you have sex with on a first date or months after you started going out, as you get to know each other, you will discover things that you find attractive and not so attractive in each other. You may see certain deal breakers in each other a week, a month, six months or longer from now that will put an end to your relationship regardless of how long you wait to have sex.

It is important to remember that there is simply no way to ensure that the guy you are going out with will want to be in a relationship with you, no matter how many precautions you take and how long you make a guy wait to have sex with you. There is a opinion out there that we value that which we work for. However, that claim is only true when  we actually like what we earn. A guy is not going to appreciate that girl who delivered mediocre sexual experience after making him wait for a long time, just like you are not going to appreciate expensive yet uncomfortable and poorly made shoes or a dress that you bought just because you spent a lot of money on it. Having said this, there are several easy and practical steps that every single woman can and should take to increase her chances of getting where she wants to with the guy that she started seeing:

a. This might sound trivial but not all guys are the same. They don’t all respond the same way to the same female behavior. What might attract one guy may annoy the other guy. There is no single rule of how long you should wait or should make the guy wait in order to make sure that he is interested in having a relationship with you. There isn’t a magic number of times or number of weeks or months you need to wait before you have sex with a guy that will guarantee a long-term relationship with him. It’s a safer choice not to have sex on a first date. If the guy is interested and you like him, having a few dates before having sex is fun and builds sexual attention and anticipation. If the guy gave up on talking to you because you refused to have sex with him the same night you met him or on your first date, it’s a sure sign that he was only interested in sex. However, if you feel and want to have sex after 4-5 dates, there is nothing inappropriate about it. If the guy bails on you after having sex at that point, there is not much you can do about it, and you just have to accept it as a natural part of the dating process, because the opposite can happen as well. Imagine a situation where you don’t want to see the guy you had sex with after 4-5 dates because you found out something about it sexually or otherwise that made you lose interest. It’s not impossible for something like this to happen.

b. You will likely get much further with a guy you are dating if instead of making him wait or testing him, you put a different and a much more positive spin on the whole situation. Tell him that you want your first time with him to be special, because you like him and because you think that he is special. Tell him that you really want him as well (if you do) but you are not quite ready yet, and you are flattered by his sexual advances.

c. Making out, and going a little further is ok, but don’t go “half way”. If you are laying naked next to him and you touch each other all over and tease each other and then you push him away, it will likely frustrate him, and will make him feel like you are just playing games with him. And, the more he wants you, the more frustrated and even angry with you he will likely be at that point. The worst thing a girl can do is start giving the guy a blow job or a hand job and then stop before making him cum. There is absolutely no benefit in doing that. If you started something like that, be ready to finish, or don’t start at all.

d. Finally, you should not feel used by a guy if he stops seeing you after having sex with you, because if you liked him and enjoyed having sex with him, you used him as much as he used you. You need to remember that most people who start seeing each other do not end up in a relationship for one or more of many reasons. This is just raw statistics and it’s normal. Guys move on from one girl to another and girls do the same until they find someone they like, they want to be with and where it’s mutual.

On the other side of the femininity scale there is Zoe Saldana, who is playing the character of the female creature Neytiri, and who is the object of Jake’s romantic interest. Sure, she comes across a super tough at first, rescuing him, teaching him, and slapping/disciplining him, but once her guards are off, her soft, caring and nurturing personality shines through bot her voice, her mannerisms and her behavior. A monumental scene in that movie where Neytiri’s guards come off half way or more is where she stands next to Jake while he is about to shoot a crossbow, and she acknowledges his progress of holding the weapon the right way, by very softly brushing her hand against his arm.

I believe that this movie is great reminder to women of what it means being more or less feminine, and the fact that it’s sci-fi does not make a difference to this.

Today, it seems like cool thing to tell others that you are extremely busy. How often do you hear: “I have been extremely busy, and therefore I couldn’t do x or I couldn’t call y, or I couldn’t call/see you.” or “It has been really crazy at work/school lately”. Because so many people say this all the time, it almost sounds redundant. Sometimes, I am very tempted to respond to that with something like  ”Really? I thought you were sitting around and doing nothing all day, just staring in the window, like I have been doing for the past few weeks.”

Contrary to what some might think, telling others about how busy you are does not make you sound more attractive or more important. On the contrary, it makes you sound overwhelmed and possibly unhappy about your life’s circumstances. After all, if you don’t have the time to do the things you like and see the people you want to see because of the obligations that restrict you so much, how can you possibly be happy?

If you are a single guy living and actively dating in a big city, you know that setting up a date or even getting a call back from a woman you met (online or in “real” life) can be a project, which might make you wonder if those women you meet could use a secretary to make it easier to get a hold of them and meet up with them. If you are single girl in a big city, you probably met enough guys who seem to be extremely unavailable, and you wonder whether they are truly that busy, or whether they are playing games, or are just not interested, or all of the above.

Making yourself available for the things you want to do and people you want to see is yet another opportunity for you to stand out from the rest of the people who seem to not be able to manage their life very well. It will make you come across as someone who is in charge and in control of his own life, which is especially attractive in men. No guy can deny being impressed these days by a girl who returns his phone calls on time and shows up to meet him when and where she says she will. Similarly, no girl these days can take men’s availability and punctuality for granted.

Yet you, instead of telling him what most others would –  ”don’t judge me” or “I am going to be myself and if you can’t accept me for who I am, it’s too bad” – listen to what he says, try to understand where he is coming from, and see if it’s possible that he has a point. You may also say: “hmmm, interesting. I never thought of it that way”. This kind of response will make you come across as so much more mature, confident and classy than so many other people who simply can’t handle any kind of criticism or negative feedback.

Not responding defensively to tough love but instead – considering what you hear before deciding whether it’s valid or unfounded can also be of tremendous benefit to you in understanding how at least some other people out there may be perceiving your actions and behavior. This is because if one person is unhappy about something you say or do, chances are that it might rub some other people out there the wrong way too.

For instance, if one friend dares to tell you that you talk too much and you don’t listen nearly as well, it’s likely that at least some other people feel that way as well when they talk to you, but they just don’t bother to tell you that, because they don’t want to confront you or because they think it’s rude to point out something like that, or both.  This single issue can be a major turn-off to the new people you meet that you are interested in romantically, and it can also be a deal breaker on your first dates. Most people have no idea that they talk too much, and they can go through life ruining their interactions and dates over and over without having a clue why things don’t work out and why their flirting and dates don’t go anywhere.

If you are lucky enough to have a person in your life who takes the time and effort to point something like thatout to you, this should help you fix that that issue, that you otherwise wouldn’t have even known was a problem to others.

It takes a lot of guts to criticize someone, and it’s so much easier to simply nod your head, smile and compliment others. If you learn how to appreciate negative feedback and constructive criticism instead of being offended by it, the benefits of it to you and to how you are perceived by the people around you will follow quicker than you think.

No guy can deny the fact that when he wears a shirt, a coat or a suit that fits him, it makes him feel better about himself, and it adds confidence to his posture and to how he walks. That subtle difference in mannerisms makes the same guy appear more attractive. On the other hand, a guy who wears clothes are at a size or more bigger than what he should be wearing will look and likely feel sloppy which will translate in a sloppier and less graceful stance and manner of walking. Just go downtown in any city and look around. Tha majority of guys wear clothes that are far too big for them and pants that are far too short, while the small minority of guys are well put together. Look at the difference it makes. Women surely notice what you do, and it’s hard for them not to assume that if you are not put together on the outside, you are more likely to be a mess on the inside.

Wearing clothes that are too fitting, at least in the US, will also send the wrong message – that you are a metrosexual or gay or that you are too self absorbed and care way too much about how you look. Tailored clothes and suits can be a great addition to your wardrobe, but when you order a tailored piece of clothing, make sure that you tell the tailor not to make it too “tailored”. Make it clear that you do like some space between your body and the fabric. Very few guys can pull off tailored/skinny suits that seem to be popular today in many parts of the world. Unless you are European and/or have a very slim body type, that kind of suit is probably not for you and you need a more relaxed feet. For example, the picture above on the left is an example of a well fitted suit, while the suit on the right side is well too fitted, and unless you are gay or live in Europe, you should probably stay way from that kind of cut.

If you are not sure what the right fit for you is, go to a store where you can get professional help. It may be well worth your while spending an hour at Nordstrom to get professional advice on what would flatter your body type most as far suits, pants and shorts go. Surely not every Nordstrom employee is an expert in style, so if you can bring a female friend with you whose opinion and style your trust to help, this will be even better. As we all know, most girls like clothes and fashion and would love to help. Besides, what would would refuse to have another another excuse to also shop for herself while she is helping you.

However, the one obvious advantage of talking on the phone with someone you met online might outweigh all of the above issues. Having a phone conversation before meeting in person can be either a great ice breaker or an effective time saver. If you have a good phone conversation, it will be a great ice breaker and you will look forward to meeting each other in person. It will not be a guarantee that you will be attracted to each other or otherwise interested in each other when you meet in person, but at least it will be a good start and it will take a lot of the awkwardness out of your first meeting.

On the other hand, if you don’t have a good conversation on the phone, chances are pretty high that you won’t get along in person either, so there is really no reason for you to meet in person, and that one phone conversation will save you lots of time and aggravation of that bad or boring first date.

Approaching a girl in such a situation is admittedly a difficult task. Many women don’t feel comfortable being approached when they are sitting at a park and reading, and their natural inclination is to cut a conversation with a stranger short and move on with their reading. It takes quite a bit of confidence and persistence to break through those barriers even with women who are very much single and who spend a lot of time worry about why they are still single and why they can’t meet more and better guys. That guy’s attitude and ability to start a conversation was admirable regardless of where it went afterwards. And the best part of that interaction was the very first thing he said. Without a doubt it was easier for him to say what he did because it was relevant and he really meant it.

“I recently responded to a girl’s dating profile. I wrote a nice, witty, and interesting first e-mail to her. I signed it with my name and underneath wrote: “p.s. “outgoing” is one word” ” just to tease her about writing in your profile that she was “out going”.  Her reply was very short: “Pointing out errors in your first e-mail is not the best way to charm a lady… good luck with that.” She seems to have completely disregarded everything else I wrote and the compliments I gave her about her profile and just focused on that little part at the very end, taking it so personally. Is there anything I can do to correct?”

This is a great question, because this points out one common quality in men and women that is very unattractive and unfortunately very common  - defensiveness. There are quite a few people out there who are uptight, who take everything way too personally and who get defensive way too quickly at any hint of criticism in their direction, even it’s totally innocent and insignificant. There is not much you can or should be doing about them, except not beating yourself up for not being able to get along with them.

So, in this case – should the guy try to fix the situation with the girl who seems to have gotten offended? Well, let’s consider his options:

(a) He may write back and apologize. This is going to make him sound so silly and “beta”. What would he be apologize for? He really hasn’t done anything wrong. If he were to apologize, and she were to accept it, what kind of dynamic will be set between the two of them?

(b) He can try to prove his point, tell her that he was joking and that she shouldn’t take it so personally. Unfortunately, this will usually lead to her ignoring him, or following up with another defensive e-mail that will only escalate the negative vibe.

(c) Not doing anything and just moving on. This seems to be the best option out of all. Consider it a blessing that you didn’t have to spend too much time in order to find out how overly sensitive and insecure that kind of person is.

However, this lack of originality can be good news for you, as it gives you the opportunity and a relatively easy way to come across as more original, and as a result – a more interesting and more attractive person.  Here are just three easy, practical, and effective ways in which you can come across as more original and more interesting on a date or when you meet someone new, than the vast majority of people out there:

1. Lose the “What do you do?” question.

There is absolutely no reason to ask the person you just met or you are going out with on a first date about what they do for a living as soon as you meet them. This question can wait till at least later in a conversation or even the next time you see each other. This doesn’t mean that you are not interested in the other person’s life or occupation. There are simply so many more things that you can you ask and talk about that are so much more interesting and conducive to developing a more personal, “warmer” conversation. Besides, chances are that the other person is going to bring up their work anyway, so you might not even need to ask what they do for a living in order for you to find out what their occupation is. If you stop asking this cliche “What do you do?” question when you meet someone new, that alone is going to differentiate you from over 90% of other people, or at least other people in the US. Almost everyone expects to be asked about what they do right away by every new person they meet. When you break that cycle, it will be as refreshing to them as it is to you, because it will force you to take your conversation in a different direction from what so many people seem to be used to.

2. Abolish bragging about how wonderful you are both in person and in your online dating profile.

Check out a few dating profiles. They all have something in common – they look like aggressive sales and marketing pages. Just look at the top two cliche dating profiles here.  My experience suggests that the best products out there do not need to announce to the world too loudly about how good they are. They make it a point to make their existence known, intrigue you with something about them and then let you be judge of how good they are by learning more about them. The same applies to people and online dating. A few interesting/witty lines in your dating profile, reflecting your observations about the world or the things you notice around, will likely be so much more interesting and flattering to you than talking about how accomplished, ambitious, honest, and compassionate you are.

3. Stop limiting your interaction with the people  you are interested in to texting and Facebook only.

I know, I know – we are all busy, and texting/Facebook seems to be so efficient. It allows us to forego the endless phone tag that we have come to dread, and it just gets us to where we need to be in a conversation right away. We also don’t like or don’t have time to hang on the phone for hours and talk about nothing, especially if we have a few close friends or relatives that force us into that periodically.

However, if you commit to hearing the voice of the person you are interested in on the phone and make it a part of your communication, it will surely add an important romantic flavor to your interaction, especially if you enjoy hearing each other’s voice, and if you find each other’s company to be stimulating and entertaining. Your conversations don’t have to be long or very frequent. Even a 3 minute phone call once a week is so much better than only texting. Any guy who calls a woman today to ask her out or simply talk to her briefly, instead of texting, will likely stand out as one of the few who haven’t yet forgotten the art of talking and enjoying the voice he hears on the other side of the line. This will be an attractive quality to any woman who hasn’t lost faith in romance and in those little things that make her interactions with men more interesting and intriguing.

Profile No., 1. “My Self Summary:

I am a happy, positive and energetic person. I have no complaints or regrets about my life experiences because they have shaped me into the person I am. Working hard and being dedicated have allowed me many great things both personally and professionally. I am very close with my family and cherish the moments we share.
Staying active, healthy and fit are important components of my life and desire someone who feels the same. I find time in my daily life for physical activity – running, yoga, swimming, weights, biking or hiking.
I love traveling and exploring and will always vote for the great outdoors vs. indoors. I enjoy adventures such as camping, skiing (snow and water), drives up the coast or into the city. I am also always open to trying and learning something new.
As much as I enjoy activities, sometimes there is nothing better than a little R&R at home over dinner and a movie. I’m a romantic at heart and will never pass up on a nice evening with that “someone.” I am genuine and honest and look for these qualities in others.
Laughter, fun and acting like a kid should never be lost. Who can pass up jumping in a puddle, a snow ball fight or a game of hide and seek? Not me! There are plenty of times in life to be serious, so I never pass up the fun moments. “ 

Profile No. 2: “My Self Summary:

I love meeting new people and I love adventure. Travel has been a large part of my life for the past 10+ years. I’ve been to 46 countries, 6 continents, and all over the US. And so far, San Fran has been the one to make me unpack my suitcases. I’m exited to get-to-know this city better and explore more. I love being out doors and being active. I’m open to suggestions for new places to check out, hikes to go on, or the new hip restaurant or bar for happy hour. Either way, I’m sure SF will not disappoint. I love this city!
I enjoy biking, rock climbing, ice skating, snow boarding, snow skiing, water skiing, scuba diving, yoga, salsa dancing, hiking, camping (in no particular order) and pretty much anything active outdoors.”

At first glance, these are decent profiles written by someone who seems to be happy and would probably be fun to meet. However, these profiles suffer from one serious problem - they are extremely cliche and so painfully unoriginal. They look just like any other profile, at least in the locality where they are posted.  Everything in them is so standard, so generic, and so overused – from how positive and happy the author is to her activities and her liking to laugh screams “I am just like the next profile you will be reading”.

Also, while many guys will not have a problem with it, some will doubt the honesty of a person who makes her life sound too good to be true and who claims to be happy all the time. How is it possible? And is it even normal/healthy/natural?

Now, consider the excerpts from a profile that’s far more original, interesting, and attractive:

Profile No. 3: “My Self Summary” 

“About Me:

Maximizer. Solution-focused, communicative. Humanist. Competitive. I like being the best. Extremely logical, extremely honest, and extremely direct– sometimes to a fault. Little bit of a firecracker. Maybe a little too good at compartmentalizing. And I’m sarcastic as all get out– it feels a little like Tourette’s. Sensitive, sensual, sensible. And genuine. What you see is what you get.

I am really good at:

Spooning. Perseverating. Flirting. The sillies.Forgiving. Loyalty. Not giving up. Gut check. Proud owner of a pretty darn decent moral compass. Persevering. Rolling with the punches. Goal-setting, boundary-setting. Setting limits, exceeding limits. Rules; following them, knowing when and how to break them while maintaining my personal integrity.Losing things, forgetting things. I am also super clumsy. I spill things on myself like it’s nobody’s business, especially when I’m wearing white. I can be incredibly impatient. And temperamental. I love with all of my heart. Sometimes this gets me into big trouble. Listening. Fixing things. I’m an observer. Very analytical (read: little bit of an overthinker). Social butterfly. Easy conversation. Trustworthy, affectionate. I’m a little quirky and I like to think I have an excellent sense of humor. I am goofy and not afraid to laugh at myself. I am a kid at heart and people tend to laugh quite a bit in my presence, which I believe is a good thing.

The six things I couldn’t do without: 

My dog, my family, my friends. 

Music, my voice.

Fried chicken. The darkest beer in the house. 

Chapstick. A decent cup of coffee. 

“Me” time. A good pair of running shoes, a good book, the sun. 

My impressive collection of hooded sweatshirts. You can’t have just one. 

Discourse. 

Love– complete with butterflies, warm and fuzzy, hot and sexy. 

Adverbs. I find them _incredibly_ emphatic. 

Ok. That was six right?

I spend a lot of time thinking about:

Human behavior. Attachment Theory,How transient this all is.

How thankful I am that no one can hear my inner monologue. Although I heard a guy on NPR recently talking about developing a technology that would allow humans to do so. WTF? Mind your own goddamn business, right? ”

 

Meanwhile, the women sat around plastic tables and bitch and moan about how inept their men were. Given I had no man to gripe about, I sat there looking attentive and understanding. However, underneath it all I was bored and ready to bounce out of the party. Being single means I have no one to complain about.

One woman screeched in the most annoying voice that sounded like nails to a chalkboard –  ”Do this! Get that! Honey, your son is climbing a tree, stop him!” Her man seemed sadly resolved to be her slave. He looked masculine but his shoulders slumped forward in a permanent prostrate bow. She complained loudly that he shouldn’t drink so much and that he was being a bad role model for the youngins. I wanted to crack him and myself another beer and scold her for being a bad role model as well. What was she teaching her kids? That it was okay to talk to another person like this, much less her husband? If this was “for better” I wondered what was “for worse” like.

At one point I offered this man a slice of cake. Maybe a little sugar would do him good. When she heard me, she reminded him of his unsightly weight gain and beer belly. All the while shoving mouthfuls of the sweets in her gaping caw. I wondered what he would say to her if he had the chance to speak up, “A moment on the lips, forever on the hips,” while slapping her jeggings covered ass.

I smiled and said, “You know what they say – the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. He must love you a lot!” In stride she answered, “Damn right, he better love me a lot. Ain’t no other woman gonna love him like I do. He better recognize.” The cackling laughter of the choir of man hating wives behind her filled my head. Instantly, I had a headache. I wanted something stronger than a beer, but I know myself – while intoxicated, I am liable to really tell these women what was on my mind. From the looks of these muscular women they’d take me down with one hair pull and scratch my eyes out.

Good god, what gave these woman the right to be blatantly mean to men? There were tons of little children running around our heels to show me that they had sex with their men. I sat back in my chair and wondered – was I like this when I was married? Nope, I kept my complaints to a small group of friends and never would I blast my ex hubby out in public.

I think my silence is what put me right smack dab in the middle of their sights. One woman with two inch streaks of fake platinum blonde highlights in dark overtreated hair and eyebrows, plucked to look like she was perpetually surprised, turned to me and asked – “How about you? Are you dating someone special?” If I had a necktie and collar I’d be tugging at it nervously.

But no; unlike the women in this party who dressed as if they were going clubbing in tight pants, even tighter low cut shirts and hooker heels, I wore an above the knee turquoise dress and cute black and white flats. I shifted in my chair, “Um, hmmm, well…” I didn’t know what to say. I didnt want to be overwhelmed by the barrage of prying, nosy questions from unfulfilled and rather bitchy women. If I say, “No,” then they all give me tips on how to bag a man like theirs. I can hear it now, “First things first, you gotta change your style. You look like you are going to church. Put some highlights in your hair. Ooo, let me do your makeup. I can’t tell, are you wearing any? The natural look is good if you like staying single. No man wants to date a saint.” Ugh… No.

But if I say, “Yes,” then they’re gonna want to hear the gory details and worst yet - they are going to want to know why I didnt bring him to the party. I wonder if the Geneva Convention has anything to protect me from cruel and unusual questioning from a gaggle of scary overmade amazon women.

What would I answer? “I’m sorry I didnt want to embarrass myself by introducing him to my associations such as yours.” Sheepish smile – throw cake in their faces, tip over tables and then run before they get me. Yeah… No.

The hostess of the party answered for me. Apparently there are no confidentiality agreements amongst friends. She spilled the details of my current interest to the horde of hungry women like she was feeding chickens. It was a brief description, almost word for word verbatim to the description I gave her a few days prior, over a quick conversation at church. I was mortified, instinctively I rolled over and played dead. I gave them a short nod of approval to her story and quickly changed the subject.

But these women werent fooled. They wanted to know: how long? What was our status? And if I had plans to get hitched with this guy. Oh Lord, I thought to myself, here we go. I answered them like I was ripping off a bandaid: Off and on for a couple of years, I think. Dunno what we are. Why would I be planning nuptials if I didnt know. Besides I am not ready to get hitched, don’t know if I ever will be.

They honed onto one answer like I was an enemy missile and their questions were surface-to-air defense missiles.”What do you mean you don’t know?” They all shrieked in unison. They were so loud that they spooked their men in hiding. Poor men jumped in their skins. One man graciously smiled at me as if he were thanking me for distracting the mean women. “Cuz— its complicated.” I thought that was going to be a good answer, but no - they latched on to poor single me like a hungry pitbull. One woman who dressed almost dike’ish like – mommy jeans, giant’s baseball t-shirt, with ugly Nike shoes spoke up - ”Well then you need to uncomplicate it. Demand answers. Don’t be like those weak women who take shit from men.”

“Um… Okay.” I tried to hide my humored grin behind a serious face. “Don’t take no shit!” Ooo this was fun… I’m part of the popular girls! If you can’t beat them join them.

“Take charge!” All the women agreed with the self appointed leader of the feminist gang. She continued with more gusto to her voice,”Tell him that if he doesn’t answer, that you won’t give him sex.”

“I wont give him sex,” I nodded. “But what if I like the sex? Can I tell him all this after sex? The sex is great…. ummm… Tell me, why am I punishing myself in the process?”

“You know he is a dog. ALL MEN ARE DOGS! He is probably banging other women. Without you making it official you gave him a free pass to do it! You’re nothing but one of his hoes.”

“I am?” I looked at all the women sitting behind androgynous, sports jersey wearing women’s right advocate. They nodded sympathetically at me as if I was just diagnosed with stage four brain cancer and I had one month to live.

“You are,” she put her hand on my shoulder and pulled me in for a sympathy hug. “I’m sorry.”

Wait…What??? Hold on??? How did I become little orphan Annie of single women?

I wanted to tell them that I wasnt interested in becoming a woman like them. I read real books with hard covers – not gossip magazines! I watch Ted Talks – I dont watch Kim and Chloe talk about random crap. I like the natural look! And medically speaking, constantly wearing high heels is bad for your feet. Why on earth are they wearing them to a ten year old child’s birthday party? And… And when I am surprised, people can tell the difference because my eyebrows move! I would never treat a man like he is a retarded 2 year old!

But I didnt… Backed into the feminist corner… I broke a cardinal rule of mine never show pictures of men I’m dating to women outside my inner circle. I pulled out my phone and google searched his image.

“Him! That’s him! Now what do you have to say now?”

There was a silence that fell over them. They passed my phone around and gave strange approving grunts. “Oh, he is cute!”

Women are visual creatures… Pictures distract them very easily. The topic then turned to them asking me for tips on how to get a guy. I shrugged… Luck, I guess. But I wanted to say by being a woman and not trying to be an equal or superior to him. But I didn’t want to open that can of worms - again.

The heat was off of me. They turned their attentions back to their inept men and began to squaw again. I quietly stepped away and made a b-line to the cooler. Off I went with a cold beer in hand and smokes in the other. I snuck off to the street outside the house, walked a hundred feet down, and plopped my pathetic ass on the ground.

I wanted to cry – not because of anything they said but that I sat there alone. No one to air my bitchiness to. So, it was me and my vices nursing the wounds inflicted by mean, bitchy feminist amazon women. Somehow this experience made me stronger… I vowed never to get that bitter or resentful to men… Ever. And if I met another singleton like me – i would never belittle or berate her just to make my failing relationship look good.

Anyways, it is time for me to go… Gotta watch my favorite show… Grey’s Anatomy… Shhhh dont bother me. By JN, California.

There is one simple yet powerful way in which you can impress upon a guy that you recently met and who you like that you are feminine and probably more feminine that the vast majority of women he has been meeting, especially if you live in a larger western metropolitan area. After a few dates, send him the following e-mail or text message: “I would like for you to come one evening next week, so I can cook / make dinner.”

How often do you think a guy hears something like that from a woman he recently met? I assure you that not often, or hardly ever.  This simple invitation to eat a meal that you will cook for him is so simple and yet it has such a great impact. It says so many attractive things about you – you know how to cook, you don’t mind cooking for a guy, and you enjoy pleasing your potential partner by extending this basic but powerful gesture. This also means that you are not rebelling against basic traditional values, and you don’t consider cooking for a guy to be something degrading or humiliating to you sense of self-worth as a woman. You are confident enough in your value that you do not not feel the need to assert your independence by abandoning something as basic as cooking for the guy you find attractive and would like to develop a more meaningful relationship with. This doesn’t mean that you have to buy very rare and expensive ingredients or spend hours cooking in order to woo him. Even a very simple meal, made and served by you will have that impact.

Above all, you are secure enough to know that cooking for someone you like does not make you subservient or less intelligent.

As simple and as trivial as it may sound, there is no way around it – in order to attract better men, you must become a better woman. It’s important to remember that quality guys value their time more than all the other guys and they will not trade their free time for just anything or anyone. The guys who are truly great and are serious about their lives are very picky. They will not fall for a woman as easily as other men.  They have options when it comes to women, and they know it.

To attract an exceptional man, you must also be a woman who stands out from the rest in a way that would make that guy think: “wow, she is someone I can see sharing my life with”.  Every guy who has dated for a while knows that there aren’t that many women out there who are truly great, and who guys typically would call a “keeper”, but they are out there.

When you start working on actively improving as yourself - whether it’s losing weight, becoming more patient and less uptight, more interesting, better conversationalist and listener, and learning a few things about what makes men particularly happy sexually - you will be much more likely to attract the  guys who notice and appreciate those qualities in a woman.

I see a lot of women around who feel that they are entitled to meeting, dating and being with ”Mr. Right”.  They think that the only reason they can’t meet or keep one of those great guys is because men as a whole are mediocre or because these women have some kind of bad luck with the opposite sex. It only takes looking at a woman’s typical online dating profile in order to see that. “Don’t contact me if you are…”  ”I am only interested in….”, “If you are….. then move onto the next profile” etc…  - This is the typical language that many men find in women’s dating profiles.  Although it’s a good idea to know what you want and what you wish to avoid, few things are more unattractive to a quality guy than a woman who believes that she deserves the best of everything without having all that much to offer.

On the other hand, if you commit to making your personal growth your priority –  if you commit to becoming more physically attractive, funnier, more feminine and a little more outgoing, while also not prematurely disqualifying a man as soon as you meet him, like so many other women do, your ability to meet and attract the kind of men you want will dramatically improve. This is a far more difficult and longer way, but also much a much more effective way of increasing your chances of  meeting that great guy than simply leaning back and saying that you are perfect the way you are and if guys can’t appreciate you for who they are, it’s their problem.

Here is one “classic” example: suppose you met someone online, you have been chatting for a while online, exchanged a few e-mails, you spoke on the phone and now … you are going out for the first time. Then, at some point during the first date, the “So, do you do this often?” question pops out. From there, the conversation goes into discussing prior dating experiences on the internet, the site, online dating in general, what and who you like and dislike and why. This is a bad idea. Why? Simply because that’s what friends are usually talking about; not lovers or potential loves. That’s what girlfriends discuss over coffee, and this kind of conversation adds absolutely nothing to developing any kind of attraction or romantic tension.  It’s almost as bad as kissing for the first time and then telling the other person immediately after “Wow, I really like how you move your tongue behind my teeth.”  Certain things are just better off not to be said…ever or at least for a while.

And if you are asked on your first date if you do this often, the best response is saying something sarcastic and playful and moving onto the next topic as soon as possible – “Hmmm… about every other day or so…”.