A conversation with a female friend inspired me to write this article on the issue that I have been thinking to write about for quite a while now – fighting in a relationship. While most questions on fighting focus around preventing or dealing with fights, nasty arguments, name calling, and yelling at each other, my friend presented me with a different issue of equal or greater importance, but the one that is hardly ever been raised
– What if you feel too comfortable in a relationship? What if you feel like you don’t fight enough with your guy? What if you were at first happy that he would go along with just about everything you do and say, but now it irritates you that the guy you are with never confronts you, never calls you on your sh-t even when you clearly deserve it?
My friend is remarkably true… with herself. She admitted during our conversation that she feels she is trying to cause a fight just to wake her boyfriend up from that seeming state of apathy. She wants to see some strong emotion and some anger from him.
I could completely understand where she was coming from as a woman. She wanted to see that important part of a man in her boyfriend that makes him masculine and attractive. I assured her that while what she feels might not make logical sense, it is completely natural. Fighting in a relationship is completely natural, because disagreements between any two people are part of human interaction, especially if they care about each other and if they spend a lot of time together.
In our conversation today, I went so far as to say that fighting might just be a basic need that has to be satisfied periodically (like eating, drinking and using a bathroom). As we get to know each other, we will inevitably disagree and annoy each other at times. We have to confront each other about it in one way or another. This is totally normal. And this is exactly the reason why so many couples have these recurring arguments in between periods of great love and affection.
This means that you should not expect or promise to each other to never fight again. It’s unrealistic and unnecessary. As long you fight fairly by the “rules” and avoid the low blows, such as for instance bringing up things from the past that you already argued about and settled, fighting can be an invigorating experience, breeding new life into a relationship (and sex) upon make-up, hence the term “make up” sex.