May 19 2009
Why You Shouldn’t Take Her Out to Dinner on a First Date!
I remember watching an episode of “Sex in the City” in which one of the female characters (who was named Charlotte in the series) set two first dates one after the other on the same evening, and she was complaining to one of her friends about not knowing how she was going to handle having two dinners in one night. None of the two guys she was going to go out with told her that they were going out eating, but she just assumed that because that’s pretty much what every guy has been doing as long as she could remember going out on first dates. This was yet another reminder to me of how painfully predictable and cliche it is – taking out a woman to a dinner on a first date. Not making your first date a cliche experience is only one of the reasons why you should not go out to have dinner on a first date.
Although it might not make it or break it, having a meal during your first date and during one of your initial interactions with a woman is not likely to be conducive to creating and developing attraction. Instead of focusing on each other, you will be focusing on the food that is in front of you. And, of course, the more elaborate your meal is, the more likely you are to focus on what’s on the table rather than on each other, as you should be doing on a first date.
Generally, a first date dinner forces the two to sit relatively far from each other. That distance, in addition to a possible self-consciousness about your table manners is likely to further contribute to the overall “stiffness” of the situation during those moments when you should be anything but stiff and when breaking the ice, and feeling and making the other person feel as comfortable as possible are so important.
Dinner on a first date is also an unnecessary expense. Under the risk of sounding cheap I will suggest that regardless of how well off you are financially, that kind of expense on a first date is premature.It’s not the price tag but the gesture itself that makes the wrong statement the first time you are spending time with woman.
Buying a woman a meal on a first date also subtly communicates to her that you believe that you have to buy her time and attention with food and that it’s not worth it for her to simply be with you just for you, for who you are and for what you have to offer as a man – your character and personality. This is very unattractive because it conveys insecurity and lack of self-esteem, whether it’s true or not. A woman should be out with you in order to enjoy your company, and if she isn’t, you are both better off knowing it as soon as possible and not covering the obvious lack of chemistry and romantic connection with food.
Don’t get me wrong – dinner can be a very enjoyable, romantic first date or any date for that matter, but it’s far better when it’s shared with someone you know and where mutual interest and attraction have already been established.
A cup of coffee or ice-cream and a walk are perfectly fine first date treats, and you should not go beyond that with a woman who you barely know on a first date. A simple, pressure-free activity will make both people feel more comfortable on a first date and will allow you to focus on getting to know each other.
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