Fun Dates Are Overrated

fun datesRecently, I read in one of the new dating advice brochures for guys about the importance of planning fun dates. One woman in that book is quoted, stating that what made her fall in love with her current husband was the fact that he always planned surprising, fun dates every time they met and went out for the first 3-4 months, which really impressed her and ultimately made her realize that he was the “one”.

In my view, the above advice about the importance of having so many “fun” dates is seriously misguided or at least exaggerated. Even though surprising your the person you recently started seeing with a unique activity on your date can be wonderful, not only is it not necessary, but it can be even counterproductive to figuring out whether you actually have the kind of chemistry that you should be looking for and whether you really like each for you and not for the activities you do when you are together.  Like with friends, the old saying – the company is more important than the activity – is just as true when it comes to dating. You only know that you truly like each other when you enjoy each other’s company while doing nothing, or doing something mundane and boring without feeling any pressure to be doing something “exciting” or “adventurous”. That’s why when I hear one girl tells the other that she went out on a date with some new guy she just met, and her friend asks her “What did you guys do on your date?”, I can barely prevent myself from interjecting with “What difference does it make?” And really, what would knowing what they did on a date and where they went tell the friend exactly about the quality of that date?

That’s why when you find yourself worrying about what you will be doing on a date with the girl you recently met and have already gone out with a few times, it’s kind of a red flag. It suggests that you don’t have that much chemistry with her, or else you wouldn’t be concerned about what you will be doing together.  You would know that even if you end up sitting on your couch or hers, you would be laughing at each other’s jokes, sharing stories, thoughts and observations and there would be no need to go skydiving or rock climbing together, not to mention the fact that you would find climbing on top of each other so much more appealing anyway.

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Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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