Losing First Love – Lose It Without Losing Yourself!

losing first love - lose it without losing yourselfAnyone who remembers his first love would agree that losing first love is one of the most traumatic, painful emotional experiences in a person’s late teens or early twenties. Losing first love is probably more hurtful than losing any subsequent love or breaking up in the future. When our very first love is not reciprocated or when our first lover abandons us for whatever reasons, we truly feel crashed and our world collapses. That perfect world that we thought we had with that perfect person who we were crazy about all of a sudden became less stable and not as eternal as we first thought we lose our first love. After all, every man and a woman tend to believe that that first person who they fall for is that one-of-a-kind special partner that will spend a lifetime with them. When these hopes are shattered by the reality of losing first love, we feel betrayed, powerless, and above all – angry.

We believe that there has to be something we could do to fix the situation, to bring that person back into our life and to resolve any differences that caused the break-up. Usually, however, our attempts to bring our first “ex” back only have the reverse effect – they distance our first romantic partner even further from us, make us all the more unattractive and undesirable to the other person, and make the break-up hurt even more. As in most other situation, you cannot impose yourself upon someone who doesn’t want to be with you, and the harder you try the more they would want to stay away from you, as you simply cannot convince another person to be with you and neither should you try. No matter how badly you want to be with that other person and how special you think he or she is, it takes two to tango, and if the other person refuses to “dance”  – then you have to look for another dancing partner, without looking back.

As we all know, losing first love can hurt a lot and most people would agree that the first break-up is the hardest one in their life. Losing first love at times can be unbearable.  Looking at the photos of the two of you, thinking about all the things you have done together and planned to do together in the future does not make it easier. But hey, you don’t really have a choice but to move on. Overcoming such painful experiences is almost inevitable, and it is your duty to yourself to handle a break-up the right way.

So, what can you do to alleviate that pain, if you are at the stage of having the bitter taste of losing first love?

First and foremost, you have to realize that no matter how bad and how unique your pain is, it is what everyone feels and experiences when in your shoes. And guess what – the vast majority of people do not settle and spend their whole life with their first love. Every young boy and girl cry, reminiscing on the great times that they had with their first beloved. They think about the looks they got and gave to each other, their magic nights, all the places they went together and all the things they did together and had in common. No matter how special and unique you believe your situation is and no matter how one-of-a-kind you think your love is, obviously you are not the first person who feels that way, so you must remember that what you feel is not uncommon for a person in your situation, and it can be successfully dealt with, and you will deal with it and will eventually overcome it and will move on.

Secondly, if that other person initiated a break-up, you must stop trying to get him/her back. During my work with people of different ages and dating backgrounds, I haven’t yet seen one person return to anyone as a result of being convinced by the one they broke up with to come back. You should realize that if a person made a decision to leave you, then he/she has their own reasons for it that might even be beyond your ability to relate or change. Anything you do to bring that person back into your life will only make you more unattractive and even repelling to him/her.

Thirdly, you should know that there is no shortcut or a quick trick that will allow you to get over your pain. Getting over losing first love takes time! A certain amount of time must elapse before the pain begins going away. It might take anywhere from several weeks to several months before you feel any relief.  By keeping yourself busy and interested in other people socially and romantically, you will help the healing process dramatically. It is also very important that you remember that what you feel is normal. It’s an emotion. An emotion of love and romantic interest takes time to develop and it takes time to go away when you break up. You cannot expect something you felt for months or years to disappear overnight. In fact, you should be concerned if you don’t feel any pain, as that should raise some concerns about your emotional availability and sensitivity as a human being.

I can bet that if you just lost your first love, you are convinced that he/she is one of a kind and that you are never going to meet anyone quite like him/her, especially if you feel that you have never meet anyone like him/her before. Well, guess what – I can also bet that this is not true! The reality of the dating life of all people I worked with shows beyond any doubt that they meet many, many more people after their first love, who they fall in love with and who they consider to be very special in their own, unique way. It’s true that no two people are alike, but it’s also true that every person, including every subsequent person who you will date will have something special about him/her that your former love didn’t. So, don’t allow yourself to aggravate your heart even further by making yourself believe that your loss is irreplaceable. This is simply not true.

Perceive your loss of first love as a positive stage in your life. It’s part of growing up, part of becoming stronger and more mature and learning how to deal with breaking up and rejection. And the best part is that every subsequent break-up in your life will likely be easier, as you will learn how to handle it and how to move on with your life.

Lastly, don’t consider your past relationships to be a waste of time just because they ended. The only time when the relationship is a waste of time is if you were in it for the wrong reasons or if you didn’t learn anything from it and moved forward without becoming a better partner and without reflecting on the possible mistakes that you made in your last relationship that you could and should avoid in the future.

You enjoyed loving as long as it lasted. I sure hope that you learned something from that experience and that you also reflect on the possible mistakes you made. It’s never too early or too late to learn how to be a better relationship partner and how to avoid having the same problems in the future as you had in the past. And if you want to start learning some of the most crucial elements of being a great relationship partner learn about my audio program “20 Laws of Successful Relationships.”

The vast majority of people lose their first love and pretty much all of them live through it, becoming stronger and more mature individuals and lovers. You will be in the same group! Remember, a true champion does not deny his loss. He accepts it with grace and dignity, and does his best to learn from it, so that he moves on as a better and a stronger person. This applies to both sports as well as love and dating.

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  • christy jamie

    THANKS DR FOR YOUR HELP

  • Tynesha D

    How are you doing now?

  • Klárka Jeffree Hoduláková

    Needed this, thank you.

  • Catrina Maureen

    I just want to share my experience and testimony here..my name is Mrs Rose

    i was married for 4 years to my husband

    and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started

    hailing me and he was

    abusive..but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all

    cost…then he filed for

    divorce..my whole life was turning apart and i didn’t know what to do..he

    moved out of the

    house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual

    means to get my

    husband back and introduced me to a spell caster

    dr.erazuagreattemple@gmail.com so i decided to try it

    reluctantly..although i didn’t believe in all those things…she told me about, Africa Spell Temple,

    TEMPLE OF

    solution,they offer different kinds of spell.CURE TO ALL KIND OF SICKNESS,

    LOVE, MONEY, PROTECTION, GOOD JOB,PROMOTION, EX BACK,

    WIN LOTTERY,HIV AND GET PREGNANT and so many more.

    India Spell Temple, is a temple which has been in

    existence for more than 52 year and it has been past from generation to

    generations. What they do is 100% guaranteed and no matter what the

    problem is,the spell works for the power behind it is very

    powerful and secured, no harm and very easy, And in this

    temple they are rules that can never be violated: {1} Do not tell

    anybody about the spell until you have seen result {2} Do not work

    with them and the same time work with another spell caster it is either

    you make a choice {3} Do not come for jokes or take spell casting

    for granted. then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2days, my

    husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just

    couldn’t believe it..

    anyways we are back together now and we are happy.

    But before he start with the casting of the spell this informations

    will be needed,

    YOUR NAME:

    YOUR COUNTRY:

    YOUR MOBILE:

    YOUR PHOTO AND HIS:

    HIS DATE OF BIRTH AND YOURS:

    you can contact him with this email dr.erazuagreattemple@gmail.com

    It works…..am happy again at last. and his mobile number +2349060424123I just want to share my experience and testimony here..my name is Mrs Rose

    i was married for 4 years to my husband

    and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started

    hailing me and he was

    abusive..but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all

    cost…then he filed for

    divorce..my whole life was turning apart and i didn’t know what to do..he

    moved out of the

    house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual

    means to get my

    husband back and introduced me to a spell caster

    dr.erazuagreattemple@gmail.com so i decided to try it

    reluctantly..although i didn’t believe in all those things…she told me about, Africa Spell Temple,

    TEMPLE OF

    solution,they offer different kinds of spell.CURE TO ALL KIND OF SICKNESS,

    LOVE, MONEY, PROTECTION, GOOD JOB,PROMOTION, EX BACK,

    WIN LOTTERY,HIV AND GET PREGNANT and so many more.

    India Spell Temple, is a temple which has been in

    existence for more than 52 year and it has been past from generation to

    generations. What they do is 100% guaranteed and no matter what the

    problem is,the spell works for the power behind it is very

    powerful and secured, no harm and very easy, And in this

    temple they are rules that can never be violated: {1} Do not tell

    anybody about the spell until you have seen result {2} Do not work

    with them and the same time work with another spell caster it is either

    you make a choice {3} Do not come for jokes or take spell casting

    for granted. then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2days, my

    husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just

    couldn’t believe it..

    anyways we are back together now and we are happy.

    But before he start with the casting of the spell this informations

    will be needed,

    YOUR NAME:

    YOUR COUNTRY:

    YOUR MOBILE:

    YOUR PHOTO AND HIS:

    HIS DATE OF BIRTH AND YOURS:

    you can contact him with this email dr.erazuagreattemple@gmail.com

    It works…..am happy again at last. and his mobile number +2349060424123

  • Hollim Frankly

    BEST AND GENUINE SPELL CASTER ONLINE TO HELP SAVE BROKEN MARRIAGE AND BROKEN RELATIONSHIP
    I live in London, and I’m happily married with a lovely wife and three children. I had a very big problem with my wife few months ago, to the extent that she left the house with our kids to her parents’ for almost 5 months. All efforts to bring them back proved abortive. Friends and Family were all in concern and my very close mate gave me an advice concerning a spell caster, and he quote; “There’s someone who can handle your situation, he’s always ready and able to do anything related to spiritual matters, I searched for a spell caster on the internet, his advert was everywhere, Although I never believed in spell casting, but he convinced me and I had
    no choice than to follow his advice, because I never dream of losing my lovely wife and I was desperate. So I did all what he told me to do and i did. He told me that I’ll get my wife back in two days after the spell is completed. I was skeptical. He casted the spell for me and i was so anxious waiting to see or hear from her, until
    the second day when my wife called and said she was coming home . It was like a joke to me!!! That’s how I got my family back through spiritual means and our relationship is now stronger than ever. One of the price I was asked to pay was to tell it to people around me that problems like this, can always be solved by Dr GOSSY. And this is his email drgossysolutioncenter@gmail.com concern if you wish to contact him and solve your problem too , my advice to you out there is to visit this great DR GOSSY and tell him your problems. He’s capable of handling anything spiritual and spell casting. Thanks a lot for saving my marriage.

    GOOD LUCK.

  • oceantracks

    My first love left me when I was 19. It was brutally traumatic, particularly because it was so unexpected. I thought everything was fine.

    I’m 65 now, and still think about it, even though happily married with kids. So don’t be surprised if you aren’t over it in a few months……

  • Dr Odion Ighalo

    My ex and I have been broken up for about 2 months and I don’t think that we’re suppose to be over yet, I feel like we’re still meant to be even if he’s wandered out of my life for now. I love him a lot and I know things could be different this time since i contacted Dr Odion Ighalo
    via email: odionighalospellcaster008@hotmail.com WhatsApp or call +2348053461505 all my problems is solve now and we are both living together i now believe love spell work since Dr Odion Ighalo did it for me.

  • Dr. Zuma

    hello everyone, am dr Zuma raymond from africa, am a spell-caster of any problem and sickness. i have help a lot of people to recover their lost happiness in many ways but here am i today to tell you that there is no need to surfer and die over a problem which can be solve. if you need my help on anything you can email me on (spiritualherbalisthealing@gmail.com).

    1) need a love spell to get your ex back..

    2) hiv cure..

    3) pregnancy spell.. .

    4) promotion spell..

    5) cancer cure and other deadly disease

    6) marriage spell. e.t.c

    7)ALS cure and others .

    just email me on spiritualherbalisthealing@gmail.com or call +2349055637784 don’t keep your pain to yourself so it wouldn’t destroy you. thanks and may you all grow from strength to strength…..

  • Ru.

    Lost my first love yesterday. The build up to the breakup was torturing, and when he ended it, I almost had a bit of closure knowing where I finally stood. I’m sixteen, coming to the end of high school and will be moving on in life, and honestly I’ve never felt so hopeless. Thoughts like ‘but we went through x, he said y, I was his first z’ makes me hopeful that he’ll come around again, but with all the doubt that I’m receiving, I don’t know what to think any more. I feel like no matter how accurately I try to exert it, my words won’t match up to the emotions I’m feeling right now. How can you fall out of love after three years?

    At times like this I’m torn between holding onto hope and the motivation to change for him, trying to move on and deal with the pain, or just stop continuing altogether.

    I was supposed to be his forever; he said I’m all his. I still have borrowed clothes and gifts, and things that have been left untouched since I was in a relationship, or objects in my room that haven’t been tampered since he’s moved them.

    I think the hardest thing to adjust to isn’t the average, tangible item. It’s dealing with the memories behind almost everything around you. ‘He’d usually walk here to my house while I look outside this window,’ ‘I’d only come here with him,’ ‘I visited this place and sat on that seat with him,’ ‘usually he’d be in my arms at this time,’ and the best one of all, ‘he loved me a week ago’.

  • Sarah Ghabrial

    Needed this

  • Forrest Hall

    I lost my one and only love 18 years ago. I’ve tried to move on, going through the motions and marrying other women who my heart never genuinely loved. As a result I’ve been through two failed marriages.
    I have some decisions based on these experiences: 1) it was wrong for me to have ever married anyone else other than the one my heart loved, 2) I should not repeat the mistake. I will remain single the rest of my life.

  • Philip Anderson

    just wanna share my experience with everyone how i got my ex back and saved my marriage,because i really love my husband so much that i can not even do without him I think i am incomplete without him by my side. I was married for 9years with my husband and 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting rough and we had fights and arguments all the time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change and stay with me because i dont want to lose him and i love him with all my heart but things didn’t work out… he moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… All this stopped when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me with love spell… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try because I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used roots and herbs… Within 2 days my husband called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had costed me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy with my husband. I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems around me and they all had good result….. Send him a mail via (abuyespelltemple@gmail.com) Don’t give up yet, you will feel good and happy so make effort to save your marriage or relationship if it’s truly worth it……..

  • TheGamer Man

    I just lost my first love and she was really kind hearted and had a wonderful name. She just left primary school because she is the year above me.

  • Darsh m

    Hi can u contact me? I know its year old thread but im at the same situation as urs at same age!! Im in dark and falling down. I want know how r u now and how u dealt with it, pls if u can help me.

  • Mickey

    “Champions fight another round…”
    Sometimes, even champions get beaten down enough times before throwing in the towel. How many punches are enough?

  • You’ll be fine

    Don’t worry bud there’s plenty of women out there that will see what type of man you are. She just wasn’t the one. The sleepless nights the depression it’s all a phase and its a phase that you control.its up to you whether or not you want to pick yourself up an move on. I can tell you from experience that sitting around depressed is a waste of your time because to be bluntly honest she is not coming back. Those memorable nights long conversations and that feeling of she’s the one is gone…but only with her. There is another women out there that will give you those feelings and she will love you in return but it up to you to go find her…Champions fight another round…good luck

  • Lydia laures

    I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex love back. I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month, But when I meet a friend that introduce me to DR Olawole the great messenger to the whole world who God has given him the grace to help people in their relationships, I narrated my problem to DR Olawole about how my ex love left me and also how I needed to get a job in a very big company. He only said to me that i have come to the right place were I will be getting my heart desire without any side effect. He told me what i need to do, After it was been done, In the next 2 days, My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness, I was called for an interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director.. I am so happy and overwhelmed that I have to tell this to the entire world to contact DR Olawole at the following email address and get all your problem solve.. No problem is too big for him to solve. Contact him direct on: ugbeninspellsolutiontemple@gmail.com And get your problems solve like me….. ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: ugbeninspellsolutiontemple@gmail.com

  • Alpha

    Too all the man that lost there first love from a traumatic recovery guy here that was at your lvl a month ago. MAN UP !!!! BE ALPHA NOT BETA i was BETA and same thing happen to me !!! Its ALL A GAME !!!! Hate to tell this but you all got PLAYED !!! In a Relationship there is 2 roles player and played, search it on internet, Did i get played ????? If you are a Player you satisfy your needs and the woman whit you will be charming and needy and will tell you she loves you first then you satisfy her needs from time to time and Relationship will last for as long as you are happy whit it, when your played you tell her you love her first and try to satisfy all her needs and become a door mat and cheated or break up…. A woman needs to know your the male !!! MAN UP !!! And for the ones whit girls in other state SAME GOES MAN UP AND MOVE ON and if she comes back and you really want her Try your chance then don’t waste years of your lifes waiting or suffering that is being needy you gotta stand for yourselfs !!!!! On recovery poeple don’t loose months of your life waiting !!! MAN UP !!!! I got my ex gf back this way and it was watching all the lasting Relationship of my friends around me when i got the hint, why are they still whit them after so many years when they are treated poorly ?? Hate to tell this but it is what it is they need the drama !!!

  • dheeraj

    Thanks you so much for the great article. its really helpful.

  • Harmand Amadeus

    My Name is Harmand Amadeus from California. I am here to give testimony on how got my wife back. My wife left me for no reason 3 years ago. She moved out with another man, i felt like killing myself, my life became very bitter and sorrowful. Then 1 day, a friend of mine told me about a great spell caster that is very good and does not even charge for his services, he said he gave him some lucky numbers that he played in a lottery and he won. I didn't believe it because I've worked with so many of them and it didn't work. He begged me further so i decided to try this great spell caster called DR. OTIAGBE and i contacted him via his email: {Otiagbe@yahoo.com}. I still didn't believe. I used the spell he gave me and the next day i received a call from my darling wife called Rugina last month. She apologized and came back to me. I'm very happy now. Thank you DR. OTIAGBE, You can reach him via email: {Otiagbe@yahoo.com}

  • Jack

    I know exactly how you feel Emma 🙁

    This girl was and I honestly believe this even though im young, (18) , my first true love. We were together for 11 months, 1 week shy of our 1 year milestone when she ended it over phone saying she felt nothing and couldn't do it, Its been a month since the breakup and I still can't get to sleep till 2 in the morning, just lying in bed brooding over how perfect she was and that she was my real happiness and she and I had helped each other through thick and thin as best friends, we still try to be friends but I can't do it knowing she is completely over me and liking other people so quickly after all we had and felt which now just feels one sided even when I put so so much into the relationship and I'm just so depressed all the time now and I honestly don't feel like living because she was my everything, I would do everything for her.. The phrase "I'd take a bullet for you" couldn't have justified at all, anything and everything that I would have gone through to keep her happy because if she was happy I was happy and when we broke up I had and still have no one to lean on, I only have a couple of mates who arnt the type to talk about this let alone comprehend the feeling and my family don't understand, they just think its that teenage not real love stuff. What sucks even more is that she was the only one that was always there for me and the only I one I could comfortably share my feelings and emotions with and now I have no one at all. Yea I have "friends" who say you can talk to me but they won't even look at me or talk to me more than once a week. She was literally everything I had 🙁 and I still can't get over her, every minute of the day I get pangs of despair because I feel like my heart has been gripped by a cold icy hand and ripped from my body and my soul been pierced by a million and one spears of depression and anxiety. I'm sorry about my rant… I guess I just took the opportunity of being able to express my feelings for once even if it is to someone I don't even know.. Maybe its because people here on this page have felt the same way that I find some comfort in sharing my story.. She helped me through everything and now I am alone and feel as lost as I did before meeting her if not twice as more :/ 🙁

  • And even if it takes longer, time is the only cure in that kind of situation.

  • MATA

    After my break up, I sat in my bed all day, every day. I cried constantly I actually started to Google ways to get over a broken heart, and that’s when I found your email I just wanted to thank you so much for your help. It has gotten me through a lot, and I appreciate it immensely thank you for bringing my husband back to me and our kids thank you drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail. com you are truly a blessing.

  • Tom

    One more thing will I ever love and trust someone as much as I did her again? And should I not look for a relationship or look because I feel if I don't I won't find one

  • Tom

    Yeah that's why I want to be friends with her because I harbor hope to be with her in the future and it's silly my friend told me to completely cut everyone who I know is connected to her out and I have but I feel bad about it

  • It depends. If the only reason you will be friends with her is because you harbor hope that she will one day want to be back with you, then it's a bad idea. If you truly have a friends kind of connection, then it might be ok, but I would wait longer than 3 months, considering how you feel now.

  • Tom

    Is it a good thing to try and be friends after three months or just move on and forget her

  • Reading the articles on this site, watching our videos and joining the forum, to see what challenges other guys deal with and how they go about handling it would be a good first step.

  • Tom

    I don't really know what the lesson is to learn from my break up she basically left me and went straight on to another guy so I don't really know what there is to learn and she told me we broke up over arguing and stuff but I highly doubt it we always worked things out but since you was talking to him she didn't want to I guess I do deserve someone who no that its a wrong decision to make and I don't know how I can approve my ability to meet girls

  • Statistically, this is extremely unlikely to happen at your age. There is no point in being afraid, but it might be well worth learning the lesson from your recent break-up and focusing and improving your ability to meet, date and attract girls. The rest will take care of itself in due time.

  • Tom

    I know but am just scared I won't find anyone who will interest me or even be interested in me the guy she left me for has a lot in common with me so basically she replaced me with me I got sick of giving her attention because she was always with me 24/7 and they didn't end up getting together which was good I guess

  • You are just beginning your adult life and your dating life. Everyone feels what you feel when they lose their first real love. There will be many other women in your life. They won't be just like her, but they will also be special in their own way.

  • Tom

    Sorry I think I kinda overreacted but I just feel I'll never find anyone better or like her again I just don't think I'll be loved 🙁 and I don't want to be alone am 17 and scared to death I've only had 1 relationship

  • Tom

    Yes but am the one left scarred and wounded I can never trust or love anyone just as much again I mean why should I let people in fuck them

  • The first and most important step to dealing with this is hoping for the best but being ready for the worst. There are no insurance policies against break-ups and disappointments. We are all in the same boat. Things change. Feelings change. That's not good or bad, but it's part of nature – part of out nature. We can fight it or hate it, but accepting it as part of life and treating these disappointments as tools to make us stronger is a better way to go.

  • Tom

    Their is always a chance though and that's what scares me I don't want to go through pain like this again 🙁 not the way she treated me :'( and am just gonna be paranoid and scared now throughout all my other relationships just because of what she done and the fact that she treated me like shit and said I was clingy when I forgave her and want to stay friends but am glad she's gone am just sad that it's gonna be hard finding someone with all the same interests as me like she did and the guy has a lot of similar intresets in what I like so she basically replaced me for a younger me she's 19 nearly 20 and went out with a 16 year old then a 14 year old am 17 and was with her for a year and I just thought nothing could touch us :'(

  • @ Tom – it does sound like a painful situation indeed, but it is supposed to be painful under the circumstance. Dealing with this and overcoming it should part of your process of growing stronger and more mature. There is simply no way of getting around it except waiting till you are not in the same class, and for now trying to do what you can to minimize the amount of time you look at him or have to interact with him on any level.

    While you should learn certain lessons from this, you should not let this experience change your future ability to connect with girls. Just because one girl cheated on you, doesn't mean that the next will. In fact, it doesn't say anything at all about the next girl you will meet.

  • Tom

    Thank you for the advice but it's hard when I have to be in the same class as the guy she cheated on me with and most of my mutual friends talk to her I just don't know what to do I feel very numb towards her But miss her somedays and what makes it worse is that she's seem okay and I felt very suicidal in the first month it was so hard for it's my first experience and it's just put me off trusting anybody

  • Anonymous751

    If you want to reclaim anything as yours, do it. Songs you shared, make them YOUR meaningful songs. They probably meant more to you in the end, anyway! Keep those little keepsakes tucked away for the next one who really means a lot to you. Yes, the next one – there will be one, when you're ready. Don't rush it. And practice (respectfully!) saying "No" to others – you don't need her, you don't need anyone else. You own your healing time – give yourself some self-respect. One day, that stranger down the hall will be the most fascinating person to you, and you'll be the most wonderful person she's ever met!

  • Anonymous751

    "I almost wish he cheated on me so I could move on quicker. " It's not any easier, especially if you don't find out right away that he cheated. Sure, when/if you find out, the anger can help you be less sad. But here's the kicker. It's probably going to take years for me to get over my first because we were together for so long and had that "enviable" connection. Our love was a source of pride in a world "where people couldn't communicate effectively." We healed each other from past emotional turmoil, parent shortcomings, etc. Our relationship seemed to be the most meaningful thing in the world. Guess what – on his side, it was all false – he used all that time to lie and cheat behind my back. I still miss what I thought were the good times with him because, on my end, they WERE good times. What's worse? I feel like I'd forgive him for everything just to have him back. Where on earth did my self-respect and standing my ground go?! I know I'm better than to have to accept that sort of thing! Time to see a therapist to reassess what was going wrong before he walked into my life and "healed" me and made a lot of false promises. Enter the song "How Long" by Hinder. Music is food for the soul, even the "broken" ones.

  • Your experience is quite normal. You will feel like you can't live without her for a while and only time will heal this. You will likely need a few months to get over this. At this point, the "out of site out of mind" approach is very important. Staying away from things that remind you of her, including anything related to her on social media, at least until you feel better.

  • Tom

    This has helped I lost my first love three months ago and I just feel like I can't live without her we was so perfect together but she broke up with me and went out with another guy three days after turned out she had been talking to him for a week and not matter what I done I forgave her and tried winning her back which was silly just came of clingy and stupid 🙁 that fact was she did say she loved me and told me we was gonna get back together and stuff in the first few weeks but I guess I was seen more as an option in her eyes :'(

  • Jim

    Thank you for this article. It makes me feel much better and it reminds me that however painful I think my break up is, it's quite normal and natural to feel how I feel.

  • Indeed. As they say – what doesn't kill you, makes your stronger, and going through a painful break up is almost an integral part of maturing emotionally, sexually and otherwise.

  • Olly

    Some inspirational stuff here, and in the comments! It's true, I thought me and Carly would never break up but it's only after a hard week and some online resources that feel confident now! Guys, we all knew that losing that first love would be hard, but just be thankful it happened, and look forward to all of the above things!

  • Unfortunately, many people choose the silent treatment as a way out, because it's so much easier than confronting the person you are breaking up with in person or even over the phone. When you have only been on a couple of dates, it's not a big deal, but if you know that the person has feelings for you, having the courage to face the person you are breaking up is important and simply the right thing to do. You can't change what she did, but you can make sure that you remember what this feels like and you take this experience with you to make sure that you know how to act better when you are in her shoes and when you have to let someone know that you don't want to see her any longer.

  • kss

    just lost my first love … it was a short , but traumatic experience … and even worse, the way she ended it was brutal …. silent treatment T_T ..

    i dont think i'll be playing this relationship thing again .. i was an ant-relationship person due to being surrounded with people in bad relationships .. when i fell for her, and she accepted my confession, i attempted to change …

    but before anything .. everything i feared come into being … so now i'm going back to my original route … i'm really not playing this game anymore … i'm not made for it ..

  • Digvijay

    i lost my first love 5 years from now in 2009….

    the pain is still a fresh in my heart….

    no such articles ever help me….

    i feel like i need a psyk some times…

    those day were the best and the sweetest…

    i have never been the same since..

    i feel some part of me is stolen…

    ill miss that for ever…

  • Andi

    Im am going through this now.. My boyfriend and I were together 4 incredible years. They werent always picture perfect, but we grew a tremendous amount together. We met at 16, we fell in love we were each others first loves, and many would say it was puppy love. Which it was. Then he went off to college and we took a break. And when we reconnected it was real genuine love, not infatuation. We stood by each other and supported each other through lifes curve balls.

    It got to the point where it was marriage, or time to break up. We love each other immensely, but we could t get our futures to line up. I was a strong grounded family, and he wants to travel the world to dangerous places and be a doctor, help all those that need it. I commend him and love him for it, but we cant be what we need in terms of a family together. It is the epitome of that song "with or without you" how do you move on from someone your in love with and you know they are in love with you… You just cant be together.. Thats what i struggle with now and will forever. I will always love him and miss my most treasured best friend

  • Anonymous

    Hi!All every break up feels like the first one,so i'll just go back in time and tell about my first one.well it's been many moons since then I met a women in my work we lit a sprk from first site had a kid inn a year had another in a year she lied to me on sec kid said she was on the pill she wasn't then broke up then got back together and this went on for 12 years of insanity,I devorced her,I felt ruined and 15years later I still struggle like as if I was 19 I keep meeting women with multible baggage,Maybe we should really look at are selfs and not look at the other person they do what they want,we have a responsability for us no one else just ourselves man or women so yes first break up sec break up to me break ups hurt and for me the time period may shorten except the feeling of something dieing inside never changed.what to do what we arre doing right now reading,do something for yourself,go to the gym better yourself thats what I do,I had a good women everything was fine,then one night on the way home on my bike I got struck down by a truck unfortuately im bed rested and was troubled seem I took it out on my lady a bit told her to leave.Sad so here I am crippled alone no family a few friends that are very busy no car on disability.with a life i could right a book about.and the women i told to get out of my place yes I loved her oh so much Im human I made a great mistake life will go on with me or without me so best is to get out the duck tape tape the pieces of your heart back together and make the best of it learn off it.and love the next one as if it was your first or it won't work carring all that baggage around.CHEERS ALL

  • Lauren

    My first love and I were supposed to be the perfect couple. We'd been 'friends' in preschool, met up again at a summer camp at age 14, and started dating at 17. He was my best friend, the first person I could be completely myself around outside of family, and someone I trusted with everything. I looked at him and saw all of the love he had for me and wondered what I'd done to get someone who loved me so much. We were crazy in love, his parents thought we would get married, and I positively glowed any time I thought about him.

    Our relationship became long distance when I went to college 700 miles away, and I quickly realized that distance might not be something he dealt very well with. I could still see the same love in his eyes for me when we met every six weeks, but in between visits he was jealous and insecure and we fought often throughout my freshman year.

    April of my freshman year we took a break for two weeks, ending with a planned visit. We talked through the night, worked out our issues, and reaffirmed that we only wanted to be with each other. In June I kissed him goodbye as he left for basic training before joining ROTC at his university. We made it through ten weeks of communicating through letters only, managed his transition from basic to college, and he came to visit me in October for our two year anniversary. We hadn't fought or had problems in six months. Things that used to cause his jealous insecurity were no longer an issue. I was the happiest I could ever remember being.

    Eight days after our anniversary, he called me on Skype and broke up with me because he couldn't handle the distance. I was heartbroken. I didn't understand how he was so sad while I had been so happy. I woke up to a voicemail from him the next morning saying that he loved me and had made a terrible mistake. I didn't trust him enough to call him back, however badly I wanted to. A month later he contacted me again and said that he wouldn't let this happen, maybe it was a bad idea to start talking to me again, but he couldn't bear to be apart from me. I knew I wanted time on my own, knew I didn't trust him with distance, knew I probably shouldn't reply to his email. But I missed him too much and was hurting. I wanted my best friend back. I replied.

    We were in limbo for five months, as he tried like hell to win back my trust and I spent time figuring out myself. Easter weekend 2013 he had finally convinced me to take another chance. Still wary of distance, however, and knowing that he would be going off to AIT and I would remain on my university campus for June, told him that now was not the best time, and we should wait until we could be in the same place for at least a week. He agreed. We kissed goodbye, and I went back to school with renewed hope in our relationship.

    Three weeks later he had found a new girlfriend and pushed me away for someone closer. He told me there was a possibility for us in the future, that he wanted me to still be his friend but not think of him romantically anymore. I stopped speaking to him.

    I just found out about the new girl on Tuesday. I am absolutely crushed. After everything we went through, all the work we did, and all the work he did trying to get me back, we end in an angry phone conversation about another girl. I don't know whether I love him and want to be his friend or hate him and never want to speak to him again. I lost a friend of six years and a boyfriend of two. My brain says I'm better off, but all my heart wants is to have him back in my arms.

  • Michael

    Hey Ana seriously its the same here my ex she just ended things cold and dark. no emotions showed. 2 years of a roller coaster and that's all i get. Left in the dark.

    Her family hated me so I kinda knew one day she'd go with their decision. But you know what. It has gone a month and im feeling abit better. It will pass. we will find that lucky partner to be with and im not talking about we being lucky . They will be the lucky ones! 😀

  • SUN

    "Susismita Bora" She was my everything. My Life, My breath. We were friends for 10 years and then we decided to be in a relationship. She always knew that I liked her ever since college days, but I never said so. One fine day she came to me and gave me all hints and courage to tell her what I feel about her. She quickly accepted. We were together for more than a year. Finally she found some one else. and I was madly down and lowest to low in my life.

    How could she do it … and why ? I never understood. and probably will never coz we were so happy in the relationship. smiles and hugs were all around. one fine day she broke up via email and that was it.

    All contacts calls or any other possible communication stopped. So were our dreams. Dreams of mrrg kids, spending life together.. End to everything.

    I learned one thing .. Never make anyone priority in life. Being selfish is always good. We have to take care of ourselves. Frankly she was the one who could have stopped my tears, but here she was the one making me cry… i had no one to turn onto..

    I cried like hell… I was lonely. I locked up myself in my room for almost 2 months…

    and then submitted myself to my parents who decided things for me then.

    I have no regrets on what happened but she lost one person who loved her beyond anything or anyone. she lost someone who could have gave her happiness she would never experience in her whole life.

    She lost some one who loved her truly. My loss is nothing as compare to her's.

    My god bless her where ever she is.

  • Anonymous

    I honestly feeeel your pain. I'm going thru the same situation and it sucks.nit honestly sucks. Even talking to ur friends or trying to keep ur self busy, at the end of the day it's this emotion we have to deal with every day for the next months maybe years.

    One quote you need to keep in mind that help me a lot is that

    "Sometimes you have to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve" be strong and keep ya head up.

  • saif

    Its really helpful …

  • Devin :(

    Well its been 3 days since i lost her and ive done like everyother person on here i have felt like total shit ive cried myself to sleep if i could even get to sleep , im 16 btw and idk what to do i think about ending my own life atleast 2 times a day but i cant because i know its just because i want her back and i know i should walk away but i cant so i try to fix it and when i do actually get 1 last chance which wasnt fair and made it harder because she set me up for failure she didnt want to be together she only did it because she felt bad and then left me again which hit sooooo awfully hard someone says her name and i brake down worse part is we go to school and everytime i see her my heart sinks into my chest remembering what once was . But i tried to fix it messed up and tried to walk away but i love her so much i cant do it so im trying to get her back but i tried to hard and i fear i pushed her away from me forever but she asked to be friends but shes only doing it cause she feels bad but anyways it was 3 years together undoubtably the best time of my life and nothing will ever compare but idk i think this is a good way to get my feelings out and ummmm i dont know how to just give her up forever and entirely when i still love her with all of my heart no matter how much she has hurt me i just cant bare to let her go and walk out of my life forever i cant eat sleep and just overall wish i was dead.

  • Arko

    I envy the fact that you have the luxury of being complacent enough to actually think about hypothetical problems with your lover in the future. As a sappy, sentimental, loser of a bloke, your rather smug comments irk me a little but that's my short-coming, not yours.

  • Arko

    Some of the comments talk about what a horrible 6 months it has been since the break-up. I dunno… She just upped and left me after high-school and it's been over 2 years since the debacle and I still cry because of her. Not only that, I find it impossible to talk to any of my school friends. I discovered recently that, I hate my school-mates and in extension; my school because they remind me of her. of course since it was the year of the 12th standard school-leaving exams, I bungled it badly. I keep doing stuff that I know will land me in trouble- almost deliberately sabotaging myself. Getting suicidal thoughts. Now, I can't even tolerate Romantic films, romantic songs, etc. I can't even enjoy pornography anymore. Neither can I speak to any girl. I always hated my jackass of a father, so I used to be close to my mum. For the past two years, even she disgusts me. I think, I'm becoming unhinged.

  • Sandeep

    Hi,
    I have lost my first love and its quite painful. I miss her alot and can’t live without her. It’s been almost more than 3 years and still i have
    a strong feeling for her and emotional attachment. I still dont know the exact reason why she just left me. She never told me.
    I asked her many times but she never replied. I kept her messaging almost past 3 years but she never opened up her heart and spoke.
    The only reply i use to get from her is “I dont want you in my life.”. I cry almost every single day for her. Its not that i want to cry ,its all just naturally
    happening. I have no control left on my tears. They just run anytime. And i have a stronger feeling too ,that she also cries for me alot and misses me.
    But practically thinking , i should feel she is over me becoz that’s what she always pretended to me ,which i came to know through others.
    My mind says she doesn’t love me anymore but my heart says other thing. Its not that i m not ready to accept things but its just i feel that she still love
    me and care for me. I dont know what i should do?. She does not want to meet me or even talk over phone to try to sort thing if possible.
    I am really lost and no where to go. I really need help on this. I am no longer any happy person and really dont feel emotional accept for her.
    I even feel like not living any more and i should die. But that will be totally wrong in most sense and not correct. I told her that i even have cancer
    which may be true as chances are 50% – 50 %. and i also came to know that she was very depressed knowing these. But still after saying this to her
    she replied me “I dont want you in my life. My answer is always No”. I really need help on this to know what should i do and what will be good for
    both of us.
    Please help me someone. What should i do? One thing i know, i cant live without her and she dont want to live with me. So someone between us
    is really going to lose all of his/her life.

    Please help me. I am not that mature to handle this suituation and no friend of mine is gonna help me on this as they themself are helpless.

    Thanks and regard.

  • garrett

    i was with my first love of my life at age of 30 and it last 5 months,we were perfect and i would do anything for her and her lil girl. just after xmas she said i changed and she needed time to figure her life out(shes 21) ,other day she said to leave her alone for good and my roomie found her profile on a dateing site,im absolutely heartbroken,i cry at wrk and at home all day everyday,it was only 5 months but it felt much longer,feels like ill never b happy again and im a complete loser,

  • Caleb

    That feeling of loosing your first love needs no introduction..I am pretty sure we got jipped though..We met each other .I was in ecstasy just laying with her and getting to hear her voice..even to this day her voice makes me feel like a feather. I still have no clue if she loved me or not and I am not sure I ever will, to get the chems my mind was giving she had to be feeling something is my theory…but we attended her uncles wedding and I got strange..she asked to slow down and I flipped out because she was the only important thing that I have ever had. So I only had about a month and a half of time with my darling haha no pun intended. I mean now..here I am a year and a half later just learning about all these feelings I have repressed..she is getting married and contacted me the day after her engagement to tell me she was pregnant..I am done man..I really do not want anyone else in my life but her..I guess it is just time to be a Badass guy..you know the ones that work all the damn time and pick up any women they want to..yeah I am doing that with myself..I feel so stupid though..the instant epiphany that I LOVE THIS WOMAN was tragically too late….Cest' La Vie….I had to smash my phone to prevent myself from calling too much when we broke up..and even then I logged into sprint's website and checked the call history logs to see if she had called..all the while she was meeting babymaker guy..man I am kinda lame now that I wrote all of this out. But I do not want to waste it.

  • Hello I had also lost my love. We have relationship for 2 yrs. I to love her. But we Also have physical relations. At some instant time i got pregnant > i told him not to abort but he do instead of marriage he abort it. This was my first love I get into a painful period . When there was the time of marriage he said me that he is going to marry another girl of his mother father choice. That is the painful time for me. I am very upset these days . What i do tell me .

  • Daniel

    I’ve just lost my first love… We’ve been together for 6 years… In the last year I moved to another country to get a decent job and prepare our future. That’s when it started going down… In short, she felt lonely and recently she met someone who caught her attention, although nothing serious she is curious and she left me 1 day before she had to come to me to visit for Christmas and new year… We’ve seed each other many time in the past year, but still wasn’t enough. I’m devastated… She was very special to me, and I to her. We even were both virgins and started that together, which made our relationship special and unique… We had big plans for the future… I don’t even know what to do… I’m still hoping this is a nightmare and I’ll wake up… I’m still waiting for her so show up. It’s been just 2 days since the break-up and we’ve never spoken since than, and we did that every day. I don’t know how I’ll continue… I’m 25 know. I can’t see my life without her, it’s impossible for me… Plus now I’ll stay for Christmas and New Year all alone and I’ll think about her every second, it’s unbearable… Sorry if my English isn’t proper, it’s not my first language.

  • Anonymous

    @MA, Time can and does heal MA , it does , but not at the expense of what your heart knows , it's love you feel , and you have given over yourself to him . It's easy for family and friends to mean well and say "he doesn't deserve you " and similar comments , no matter how well these are meant , they are never going to mean much when your heart is so affected by your love for this man . Here comes another of those well meaning comments — trust in life MA , if the pair of you are "meant to be" then one way or another it will happen , I know this seems like a terrible thing to hear right now , what you want is his comforting words that show you how much you mean to him , and I feel a great deal of sympathy for you . When love strikes , it really strikes so powerfully we cannot dismiss it , and you are in that state right now . you are not alone MA , there are so many people experiencing this pain , that may not help either , but it has helped me realise that this pain is universal . My wish for you is that you two get back together somehow . Chris

  • Nicole

    Seriously ditto. As happy as my relationship made me I’m so shattered I’d rather it not have happened at all. So I met guy at a party and we started falling and he was cool and we became friends. He lives basically on the other side of the country than me though. One day when I was just chatting with him I met his brother. Me and his brother, who we can call Z, ended up starting a 8 month long distance relationship. We were in the same time zone so it wasn’t so bad. He was two years older than me. We were totally just infatuated with each other. We would talk on the phone all the time. He had this British accent that made my heart just melt. He said the sweetest things all the time and constantly reminded me how much he loved me. We used to always say we loved each other to infinity and beyond. It was really cute. We were also best friends. I could tell him anything and he wouldn’t judge me at all. He had family problems and was pretty traumatized by a lot of stuff to the point where he had really bad nightmares. Now some people would think this was weird and too much to handle. But it just made me love him all the more. The countless inside jokes. The laughing. The way we shared everything. It all changed. Now this is where it strayed from other people’s relationships. Although mine was long distance. He never said anything bad to me, we rarely fought, it was actually pretty perfect. I could see myself potentially being with this guy for a long long time. He was web coming to a college near me this fall so he could be with me. But then his mom made him go to Oxford in England. That news legitamently changed my life. There’s a five hour time difference between where I live and there. He tried to tell him mom he didn’t want to go. But she made him. I don’t know how it happened. I was so stunned I don’t Ben remember specifics. But he broke up with me saying that that kind of difference was impossible. Which was true. And he wouldn’t be back in the states for four years. Maybe more. And by that time we would have to wait till I was out of college. And very thing just fell apart. Now believe me I’ve had relationships end where they just haven’t wanted me anymore. That stings. But can you imagine losing the love of your life because the distance was simply too great. It’s been four months. I still tall to him now and then. I know he still loves me. We both love each other but we can’t be together. It’s simply so tragic. And I keep waiting for the days to get easier and for the pain to subside but it never does. I just live from one day to the next trying not to have an emotional breakdown. The days where I don’t curl up into a ball and cry in the dark are the good days. Now I don’t know if this is first love sindrome or if he was actually the love of my life. I do know I loved him more than anything else and would have done anything to be with him. I just want the pain to end. I love him. But it would be easier if I didn’t want him anymore. I think deep inside I can’t let go because win afraid that no one will love me the same way and he was absolutely perfect for me and I’m afraid ill just never have that again. My mind is actually tortured. I can’t wait till I can just be ok again.

  • Lindsey

    I'd rather have not loved at all, then to feel this pain, hurt, disappointment, and overall crushed feeling. I lost my bestfriend, boyfriend and the only person who really understood me for one of my closest friends. We had been bestfriends for about 6-8 months before I finally admitted my feelings for him. At first he wasn't sure if he felt the same way as me, but as we started to talk he realized he felt the same way. We said why dont we give this a shot, and if it doesn't work out then we will go back to being friends. So we dated and had probably the best year of my life, but I screwed things up so inevitably that I probably brought this break-up on myself. We broke up because of me, and I dated this other guy for like a week. But I felt the feelings I had for my ex. I went back to him. We had a pretty good relationship for about 3 months, but then it started to go downhill. He would flirt with my good friend right in front of my eyes, then come and hold me. I knew I needed to ask him about it, but when I did he would lie. I didn't know what to do, so I didn't do anything. We started to fight and seperate from eachother. I was one day sitting on a bus when a friend of mine, like a brother, held my hand. Now mind you I was still with my ex. So I just kind of looked at him and his hand, and me being the wuss that I was was scared he would get mad if I brough anything up. But after he did it for a week I told my ex. He got super mad and blamed me for the whole thing and for holding his hand back when it sat there like a limp banana peel. He got mad at my friend too. That was basically the end right there. I could tell he was mad, and didn't want to forgive me. He started to ignore me, and I was lucky to get a text back. He then dumped me THROUGH A TEXT , just to date my friend a week or two later. I know I caused all the trouble, and your right when you say don't go back and try to fix things. But this was my first love, how could I not at least try? I cried for weeks, and I eventually felt better after about 8 months. But now seeing him again and feeling the cold shoulder just brings back the pain. ITS BEEN A YEAR. WHEN DOES THE GUT WRENCHING PAIN STOP?! I've tried about 4 times to get back into a relationship with someone I though I liked, but it only worked aboout twice. And those lasted maybe a month. I couldn't stop compairing them to him, and the way I felt towards him wasn't there with them. Why do I feel so bad when I brought this pain on myself? He just seems so emotionless towards me, and when I called hime the night we broke up hystarically crying he jsut said with a stone cold voice "I wasn't happy anymore." I just said fine, I hope your happy now. I mean how could he?! Just please, tell me how to get this pain to go away, without involving anyone. I'm begging.

  • Rachel

    Is it really better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? after experiencing it first hand, i’m not so sure. I have always been independent, strong, not the relationship type. I never thought I’d be swept off my feet. He was my first real boyfriend, not because guys didn’t try but because I was always so picky. My ex boyfriend and I have been on and off for over a year. We went through so much together, immaturities, family problems, the works. We were so different but we loved each other.. or so I thought. He recently left for Iceland and i thought for sure it’d be the end of us. I thought it’d be better if we remained friends but he convinced me that we should be together. We surprisingly became closer than ever. We would talk about how good things were and he began to talk about marrying me and starting a family. He said he would never change his mind, but he did. Out of nowhere he stopped emailing me and wouldnt answer my skype calls. Then he finally sent me an email saying his feelings for me have changed. It was so cold and distant and I couldn’t believe he was capable of doing that to me. I was angry and said that he never really loved me. He told me to believe what I want and to leave him alone. It seemed to happen overnight and I cant understand why. It makes me feel like I did something wrong and that I’m not lovable. How can he just cut his feelings off like that? I feel like everything we had was bullshit and now I’m scared to ever get close to anyone because how can you trust that what they say is true? That they won’t just change their mind? It hurts and I feel like I was better off before. I was strong and happy, now I am weak. Love makes you weak and vulnerable, I hate it.

  • practicalhappiness.c

    @ Rachel
    Your expereince sounds very painful and cruel and I can't help but sincerely sympathize. Some of us make a lot of promises that we can't or don't intend to keep or we think that we can keep but we don't. I am not a big believer in long distance relationships, as they seem to work much better in movies than in real life. It's quite possible that the guy met another woman who was closer to him geographically and was more accessible, and hence the sudden break off in communication and him not caring about you any more. I believe and I hope that although this experience made you weaker now, it will utlimately make you stronger and wiser in the long run.

  • cjwizzz

    @Diana,
    I am literally in tears reading this , I relate to it totally , I have had to keep my friends really close and confide in them so much to cope with a similar situation . Diana , I don't know you and never will , but please listen , you must be an exceptional person , exceptional , it is people like you that suffer deeply because of your depths , you could not get to this state of despair if you had anything about you that was insincere . i am not a religious person per se , but somewhere there is an angel looking over you , I promise you that , and you are not worthless believe me , you are human and you feel deeply , that is a great gift in life , and to hear people like you trying to heal their lives due to the loss of the one they love the most , is very very moving . Please don't give up on life . Chris

  • cjwizzz

    @Dave, This is a genuinely heartfelt love story , I am sure everyone posting here has another one to tell , i do too , and mine is so very very complicated , just let me say that everything you mention, especially the "soul mate" connection was what i experienced , and losing "her" in the way it happened to me has been the hardest experience I have ever had to face up to , and although it' been more than a year since we communicated , I still love her with all my heart , break down so much , pray for her every day , care about her , and miss everything we meant to each other , my belief in our future together just got destroyed in 2011 , just like your situation . I would also like to add my comments to yours and say that we do indeed become stronger , but the love is also real , and cannot just dissolve . going through this type of experience makes us realise ourselves , and how deeply we are affected , just remember –everyone, that love like this can only be felt by those that have an open heart , those that don't ,can't live life to the full extent , you can Dave , you have proved it by feeling something really deep for the one you love . May you all be helped in coping , and find in life the love you deserve . Chris

  • Delaine13

    What if I lost my love 3 years ago and still think about him every single day? It is so exhausting and heart wrenching at times. I broke up with him bc we had a huge fight on the day of my 21st birthday as he was yelling and screaming at me. i hadnt even done anything wrong except not show emotion i suppose, to his reaction, so he just escalated. i was quiet the whole time.I just thought how absurd he was acting and broke it off.
    Well, needless to say he apologized in every way possible for almost a month and I still didn't see a reason to budge. I let him go. I was a new 21 year old and saw so many different options ahead of me I wanted to just be selfish.
    1 month after this I get pregnant by a man I had just started dating but knew him only a year. We are still together 3 years later and we are happy. Well, he is perfectly smitten and I cannot reciprocate his love. I have tried. He is and will always be a dear friend of mine. I just cannot stop thinking about the man I let go. I've broken up with guys for a LOT less. We were the best couple, so totally compatible and so in love and we felt so lucky. I didn't give it a chance and I hate myself for that mistake! I just cry every time I think of how stupid I was.
    He lives with his current girlfriend now in another city and we don't talk. I don't know why I feel this way still. I wish I could just shut it off. How can my heart be so broken still after 3 years for this man?

  • practicalhappiness.com

    Thank you for sharing your experience. I too strongly believe that instead or at least besides being upset about a wonderful relationship which ended for one reason or the other, it’s important that we are also greatful for having that great expereince, as clearly being madly in love and losing it is better than never experiencing it in the first place. We should appreciate what we have while we have it, while realizing that for one reason or the other, it may be over at any moment.

  • Russell

    I’m literally crying in a public restaurant right now reading these stories. The first guy I have ever been with made it clear to me that while he “loves” me he can’t be with me. This guy (who is older much older than me) was the one who made me REALLY realize I was into men and he helped me so much become more open and accepting of who I am. He changed my life and I don’t regret our time together, I always knew it would never work out because he’s too old for me but it doesn’t help it not hurt. Reading some of these stories, I realize I have it good though. He said he “loves me so much he can’t hurt me anymore just to satisfy his own attraction” and that he knows he cant offer me the things i need in life because of our age difference. Of course, I’m happy that he cares enough to want what’s best for me but I just miss how special he made me feel and the whole new world he opened up for me. It’s been a while since all this happened and I’m still not over it, but it’s getting better. I feel so much better knowing that I’m not alone and I hope all of you, wherever you all are were/are able to move on and be happy.

  • Some1

    NO! loosing firts love its not easy for everyone. after i lost my first love i made a lotsa mistake to keep trying to forget him.

    its been long long time. 18 years back we started liking each other and slowing we fall for each other. my family didnt like him. his family was a bit different then us. but against my family i used to meet with him, talk to him. i loved him a lot. i was so much emotional. he used to love me as well. we were very young. i was only 12 and he was 15 in 1994. after 6 hours of our relationship when i turned 18 and he turned 21 he start flirting with some other girl next door. he started taking drugs and started lying to me. but i ignored everything i knew only one thing that i love him, my world is nothing without him and i will do anyting for him.when we had relationship we just kissed that’s it. he was crazy about me. i never thought he would leave me for a girl. my family knew it that i go against them for him, they tried to stop me but couldn’t and i didn;t listen anyone. even his family used to know abaout us, sometimes i talked to his youngest brother who is my age, he was a best friend to me. and he used to passed the phone to him to talk to me and they had so much similarity as like their voice, the way they talk, etc. when he broked up with me for that girl i fuked up like anything. he came to me twice and i accepted him and again he broke up. i used to cry whole day. i was like a little kid, my whole world came eneded like anything. after we broke up his brother been supporting me, i used to cry over the phone and he tried to console me althe time he even tried to fix our relationship but my bf was so much in flirting mood with that girl. i used to search him in every person and i fell in love/attachment with his youngest brother and he too. after few months i realized what the hell i am doing? its not him, its his brother, he cannot be like my ex, i am making mistalke i am showing my friend a fake dream and even i am dreaming the wrong one! then i broke up with my friend and i tried to move on with my another friend and same thing happend with me i seached my ex in that person too. and my this bf also understand that i am not in love with him i am still in love with my ex and i tried to get rid of my emotion. after that i had few more bf some of them left me or i left them.( when i used to go out with his brother he knew it but he didnt stop me, i used to heard that he is happy with his that gf and his friend used to call me and used to tell me this king of bullshit that i get upset, when i started go out with our another friend he even knew that one too and necer try to stop me, sometimes i used to call him to listen his voices but stayed silence and he thought i am calling for his brother and he used to pass the phone to him, one day i saw him in a trade fair and he ignored me as if de doesnt know me, i always been with someother guy and but somewhere in corner of my heart i always felt love for him, i had a bf but i used to remember our days together, our words, his face! i used to call him on his birthday and wish him. even he called me on my birthday. but i never saw any gulty feelings on his voice or in his face that he want me back! i even used to make fake fb id to add my ex as a friend to see his photo or talk to him as a stranger. in 2002 or 2003 one day he called me and told me to meet with him and i met with him for 5 mins he didnt tell me anything special just hi hello, and some normal talk, thats it. i didnt keep any contact with him after 2003 but i used to think about him all the time and it used to drive me crazy ,i didnt know actually what i was doing all those year. one side i am going out with some other guy, having a relationship and sinsearly. i didnt cheat with them for any other guy but i broke up to show them excused that my family wont accept them. or they broke up with me either for eny other girl or they showed me excused that i had previous relationships before and they realize they do not want me anymore. i had never ever any physical relationship with any guy.

    in 2005 i met with a guy over the internet and he proposed me after few months and i rejected him to say that i do not belive in long distance relationship and i don;t belive any promises. i get scared about any relationship. even i told him about my first love ( all of my bfs used to know about him). in 2006 i said yes to the guy bcause i saw he really love me and he will make me happy. they i tried to make my family agree about him, but family didnt then we eloped and got married. i was happy for few days with him 100% and my family start accepting him. then i moved to other country to live with my hisband and he strat tourtur me but i was 100% good girl type of wife and i kept everything secret and tried to ix the problem with my husband. i sed to cry whole nigh, whole day, used to work for husband, used to cook, main thing did everything whatever a wife should do for a family for a husband. but sometimes i used to log on those fake ids and see how is my ex and is he happy or not then i find out he still taking drugs and not happy enough with his life. i regreted all the time for those times we had together. but i nevet cheat with my husband. because i got married with him it was my choice and i choosed him, i decided once i got married and i arelady hurt my family i will do any sacrifice to make them happy. and i tried from each and every angle. then i moved to my family and i told then about my husband after 5 years of married. and they got angry on me and forced me to divorce him. i didnt want to. it took me 2 years to take a decission to divorce him. 2 years after separating from husband now i msged my ex few days back and took his cell no and start calling him, talking to him whole day long from abroad finising my calling card like water and now i find out that seached me everywhere, asked everybody about me and tried to back to me, when i used to go put with his brother he used to cry to his mom and told everyone one day i will be back to him and will understand that he was pretty young when he made that mistake with me. he told me de was testing my love for him and he knew i wouldn’t leave him ever because we made for each other, he told me why did i get married and y i didnt keep any contact with him after out last meeting in 2002/2003? he keeps blaming me for everything, he thougt i got mad that i started going out with his brother and realized that time that he made a mistake and i am angry that’s y i am trying to take a revenge over him, then he saw i m going out with another guy then another and he kept thinking i am angry at him and one day i will realize that he actually loved me and still loves me and i will go back to him forever, but i didnt. and he didnt get married , he tried to go for a relationship with another girl 2/3 years back when he heard that i got married but it didn’t workd because he couldn’t forget me at all. he cried for me, he looked for me, he made his family agree that they will send the proposal to my family if i am not married or my my married news is wrong. now the thing is that i cant explain him that i didnt forget him, i was a secret lover i kept contact with him as a stranget, i never forget him i used to call him to hear his voice. yes i was a sinsere wife and there was a another reason. he even doesnt know that i filed for divorce and i cant forget him or not even i cant get married with him because i already hurt once to my family. it was my mistake that i eloped with a guy for my happiness and there is another big mistake in my life. i keep asking him why did u leave me for that girl in the first place? and his and is “i was pretty young to understand the value of a relationship and u knew that i was crazy about you, but how did u hurt me to go out with my youngest brother and more over why did you get married? y u didnt come back to me?” i keep telling him ” how do i know that i want me? u never told me, i thougt u never loved me as much as i loved u. my point is if you really wanted my back y didnt u tell me?” hi questing is ” how can i tell u? u never called me, u called in our no for my brother whenever i picked the phone up u was quite and after that u didnt keep any contact with me, perhaps u got married with someone even without letting me know. why did you do that to me?

    now guys tell me how is possible to forget your first love? is that really possible? and what should i do? i cannt tell him about my divorce that he’ll start dreaming about me and i really cant hurt my family for the 2nd time. i know he maybe really doesnt blv or matbe confused that i loved him truely, though he says he know i loved him once.

    all these 18 years i know how i felt about him and how many small big mistake i made to try to forget him, i really dont know how can i explain this whole feelings, situations and everything to anyone.

    i still have his photo, letters and all the memoried, which i kept in a box in 2003 before i moved to usa with my family and while i was married i used to open them once or twice in a year to smell those things and cherised the memories. i even dont want to tell him about this and he’ll think i wasn’t honest with my husband which i actually was. i tried everuthing to safe my family but didnt see any light.

  • practicalhappiness.com

    @ The Untouchable Poet
    Thank you for sharing your experience. First love that lasts for 10 years and then ends this way is not an easy experience to overcome, to say the least. I won’t pretend that I have all the answers. I certainly wasn’t in your shoes, and while I can try to relate, I know I won’t be able to feel how you feel. My most important advice at this point is this:
    You have too choices – (1) feel sorry for yourself, reminisce on your wonderful relationship and continue telling yourself that you will never love the way you loved before; or adopt a different and much healthier approach: (2) I am grateful for the 10 years of love that I have been gifted. I understand that certain things our out of my control and the fact my relationship was over is something that can happen and does happen to people, and this kind of pain is often part of love; I will start dating around, meeting people and being involved romantically. I will keep an open mind about the people I meet in the future. While none of them might be a substitute for my first love, I will meet someone sooner or later who is very special to me in their own way.

  • The Untouchable Poet

    I have read the article , and the feedback and this is how I feel. I am a lesbian , i met my first love when i was 19 , she was 11 yrs older than me . In the beggining it seemed to me a mututal attraction and endearment . I thought she was sincere with her feelings for me fastforward 10 years . Our familes were intermingled , i was an aunt to her nieces , i was part of the family , and her mine . Her family never really accepted me that was heartbreaking in itself . I did everything i could to be the person i thought she wanted me to me . i changed my whole world for her , sacrifised . She taught me so much she was apart of the pivitol times of my life . we fought because i couldnt live up to her expectations . but i believed she loved me . Nov 2008 she said it was over .. that was the hardest pill to swallow , but on top of that while i was calling for apartments changing insurance companys , packing , pulling my life from here with 10 yrs of untwinding things .. i found out there was another woman . that she had an affair with for the last few yrs of our relationship . the day i moved out she moved in . in the matter of weeks my life went from a 10 yr relationship to not even knowing the woman who i clamed as mine .. the deciet .. the betyral .. i could never do that to someone and live with myself . so most people would think they lucked out maybe i did and cant see it . what i feel every day of my life is that this will never be healed , this will be part of my life , for the rest of my life , and i will never feel complete again . whats even scarrier is its been 4 yrs since the breakup i have nightmares everyday sometimes more than one time a day . just recently my mother called me and told me she called it was october 11th i found out her girlfriend died .. she died on my birthday it freaked me out . i have been lost since the last nightmare i had to told her i loved her and she said she loved becky . i blew my brains out . so since this site has all the answers tell me when will be free when will i have a peaceful night of sleep when will it end its been almost 5 yrs it still hasnt

  • jessica

    @Bella, let him go. Give yiurself sometime like 3 months and so, you will feel better, and can slowly move on! Trust me, I was there.

  • Anonymous

    I'm writing from somewhat of the opposite side. I am currently in a relationship with a man who I've been in love with for a few years. We met in class when he was 18 and I was 23. We went on several dates in the beginning and then fell out of touch for about a year, only to be reunited again. Then, as suddenly as it started, we were out of touch again. I thought we wouldn't end up together again until earlier this year when he contacted me. Now, it seems our relationship has turned a corner. We are now in a steady boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. We've told each other about our expectations for the relationship and we've both agreed to date exclusively.

    I know he is really in love with me. Despite a history of being on again/off again, I believe we are now on a permanently different path to something bigger and better. Which brings me to my point: he is not my first love although I know I am his first. Despite that he is not my first love, he IS the first person I've ever been truly crazy about. (My first "love" was my best friend in high school and although I was never "crazy" about him, I do consider him to be my first love in the sense that it was a healthy relationship.)

    The guy I'm with now is the one I've wanted for a while, and with whom I'm desperately in love with. He is now 22 and I'm 27. Not only am I his first love, I am also his "first". I've never been fazed about our age difference, and I know he is not bothered by it anymore (I think it did weird him out a little in the beginning). I can honestly say that if it were up to me, I would marry him – if he asked me to – however because I am the first girl he has ever been with, I would feel uncertain and somewhat guilty because I know that eventually he would probably want to date other girls (and who could blame him?). I try not to be a possessive or jealous person, but like any other person in love the thought of him being with another girl makes me cringe.

    I am a firm believer that to love someone, you must set them free. So I have told him that in the event he ever has the desire to see what else is out there, I will not object. A lot of relationship experts agree that testing the waters with a few relationships before settling on "the one" is a good idea, and I have no reason to question that. Heck, I didn't want to stop at the first guy I lost it to either. But as I said before, I am truly in love with this guy. I feel confident that his feelings are just as strong for me. In fact, he is worried that after he joins the military in the fall, I will decide to hook up with someone else. I've told him that as long as he's willing to put the effort in to maintain our relationship, I have no reason to get with anyone else.

    While I have told him that I will not object if he decideds to sleep with someone else in the future, I will NOT allow him to stay in the relationship with me if he thinks he might be falling for someone else. Sex is one thing, but intimate feelings for another are something else. Basically, I won't penalize him for his natural male instincts because that would be completely unfair. However, I do want him to stay faithful to me emotionally (if he desires to have a long-term relationship with me). I know I'm future tripping heavily, but I just keep wishing that he'd at least had one serious girlfriend before me so that I wouldn't feel so dumb for wishing we could be together forever.

    Any thoughts or comments? I know I'm not talking about losing my first love, but the message board intrigued me because I wonder if my boyfriend's feelings for me are like those of many of the respondens.

  • Peter Andrew

    DIANA , GIRL HOLD ON , DON’T END URESELF ! I feel for youre heart girl and i can feel it s softness. Even if you die loving him , what can i say , SOMETIMES LOVE IS TOO STRONG TO GET OVER. And that’s that .

  • Diana

    I have lost the love of my life and my best friend after 7 years together. He decided to end things and now treats me like a complete stranger and I can’t even begin to describe the grief that I’m feeling. I am not a strong person and I don’t see myself getting past this, what’s the point in living a life without the person you love the most? I feel nothing but unconditional love for this man despite everything what happened between us.
    I just feel so worthless, like I wasn’t good enough to even acknowledge after all this time. I wish my life would just end now as there’s no more reason for me to exist on this Earth…I am not angry, just overwhelmed by all this love for him…It hurts so much 🙁

  • Antoinette

    I broke up with my first love 3 yrs and 8mths ago. We were together for 7 yrs and I ended it because I wanted us to get married and didnt want to live with him for 5 to ten years. Thats how long he says it would be before we could get marrried because he wanted to migrate to America and his mother was filling for him. I feel angry at myself because I loved him and wished I waited for him until his filling came through. I wanted to get baptized and you cant live with a man who is not your husband as a christian I was conflicted with religion and I wanted approval of the relationship from my parents. He has moved on he told me he had another relationship for 4yrs and she moved in shortly after I moved out and they have a child now. I was suicidal but I have had theraphy and have tried 4 other relationships but the guys had other women and I didnt want to be in a love triangle. I pray I will love again and true love because I want a family of my own now

  • Alex

    I literally loved my girlfriend.. I thought she was so different. We were together and we had to go to different highschools, she was the one who gave me so much hope that our ldr would work, that she didnt mind going through a little pain. Now she says that she cant take it anymore. Ive been with her sonce march to july. We broke up 2 days ago. I feel like crap, i wanted to marry her.. I wanted a future that had ME AND HER. We still basically love each still but she feels its over. I cry and cry. I listened to scientist by cold play and it triggered my emotions.. All my previous gfs couldnt compare to her. I loved her to death. She melts my heart and makes me feel so amazing.. Im here wanting her back. I cant take this much pain.. My highschool years are hell, i wanted to be with this girl.. I cant simple move on, it hurts.. So much..

  • Anthony

    we met playing on xbox Live one year ago, started talking with each other more and more, stayed up till early hours of the morning just chatting away with each other. Eventually we decided to meet up so I went to see her, and there she was so happy to see me. We had a great time I stayed at her parents for the weekend, I enjoyed her company so much I went back again, I met with her quite a few times sometimes I stayed for a week and eventually she came to meet my family. We moved in together far too quickly I had moved away from my family and friends to be with her. We were both too inexperienced which I believe led to our relationship failing, I won’t go into to too much detail but we didn’t discuss our problems and lack of communication led to a raging argument, we broke up quite a few times but we always ended up speaking on the phone again and talked about fixing the problems. In the end it was the same result and the final time I left I felt withdrawn from her I didn’t want to kiss her. It’s been a month and iv’e never cried so much but this time I feel like that choice to be with her again has passed me by. I regret how things were handled between us and I guess now I have to move on with my life, It’s the worst feeling I have ever had to deal with and being the one that always ended the relationship made me feel really bad about myself, it was hard considering I had no where else to go but 2 hours back down the country. I think once you start being nasty with each other and things get abusive then your logic kicks in too flee from the situation all together. Despite it all we do forgive each other but we would only be hurting each other trying again

  • Donald

    Hi

    This is a good article and i love the fact that its all about love, I have just Broke-up with my girl-friend and this article just gave me a solution how to get her back into my life. To all the people that have lost their partners, dont give up,go get your love back…May God be with all of you.

  • MA

    Today i got home from school, went straight to my bed and cried hours and decided to google 'first love lost" and my eyes met this article.

    It's been two weeks since my boyfriend and i've broke up, we've been together for almost a year and a half. It may not seem that long but to me it seems like an eternity. He broke up with me, because my family and him dnt get along also because he doesn't feel the same anymore. Just like that we're done. Today he told me how he looks at me nothing more then a friend. So the girl that once meant "everything" to him means NOTHING more then just friends anymore.

    You said how everyone feels the emotions i'm going through right now, but i really dont know how to cope with all of this. I'm so emotionless in a whole different world. I feeel like i'm stuck in my head and nothing seems to go right. Nothing pleases me anymore. I want him back, but there's nothing i can d other then look "Desperate" infront of his eyes. I made him my everything and i'm left with nothing. I wish i could get over him, or just be with him al happily. Though, i know nothing will ever be the same again. I miss him and i want him. My life is falling infront of my eyes, and no one understands. Everyone says "time heals", "he doesn't deserve you" etc. I agree, but my heart doesnt. I can literally feel the pain in my heart. I can't get through.. i can't.

  • Jay

    Andrew: Yours is the most heart breaking story I have ever read…. I have been thru a lot of shit myself, but yours is unimaginable.

    May god be with you and give u strength and wisdom to take the right decision……….

  • Dave

    My girlfriend of two and a half years just broke up with me out of the blue saying that she needs to be on her own to figure out her own life before she can fully commit to someone else. I know everybody is in the same boat, but for me things are a bit different.
    She was my first love and the girl who I ‘lost it’ to.

    I met my ex the day I got to university, and from this moment we hit it off. Honestly nothing could have seemed more perfect between us. We shared all the same interests and have lived happily sharing an amazing adventure together until last week.

    However, this is where it gets difficult. My ex was on an exchange program from another country, in her second year of university, I was a fresher. Despite our difference in culture, background, and past life experiences we were inseparable and we quickly fell deeply in love. At Christmas of the first year, she managed to extend her stay in my country to last for the full year, instead of one semester. We were so happy and carried on living together. (Oh yeah, I forgot to mention we were flatmates!)

    Summer came and the end of her year abroad. As she had stayed for much longer than she anticipated, she had too much stuff to take on a plane, so I manned up and drove her back to her home country. Big adventure for me seeing as I was only 19… We spent an amazing summer together and I was accepted into her family like a son. Which for me was incredibly important, as I’ve never had a good relationship with my own father…

    However, at the end of the summer, I had to return home and my ex had to do her final year at home. It was so difficult being apart but we managed to get through it, we both trusted each other and nothing ever happened to threaten our love for each other. We saw each other on holidays and it was as if we’d never been apart. Thankfully the year passed and we were back together again, going on amazing trips around my country, discovering it together.

    Luckily, with my university degree I was able to take a year abroad, so went to be with her and live in our own flat which we split the cost of. In the beginning everything was fine, we enjoyed being together and doing the things we had always done, however she got a job, a necessity after university I know, and she became very involved. And I felt she had a lot less time for me. She’s a very attractive girl and I was worried about all the attention she was getting from her male colleagues, who were all older and had nice cars and a good pay packet. She became more and more distant, wanting to do romantic couple things less and less. Let’s not even start to go into what our once amazing sex life had become…

    Anyway, I went home for Christmas and I thought that everything was fine. I just thought she was tired from all the working. But I return in January and things really aren’t right. She barely wants to touch me or do anything and alarm bells are ringing in my head. I confront her one morning before she goes to work and she says everything is fine.

    Foolishly I log on to her facebook account and check her messages, where to my horror I find hundreds of messages between her and a colleague. Hearts, I need you, please don’t go, etc. The guy in question has been with his girlfriend 10 years and is in the process of moving to another continent with her… Anyway I go into shock, wondering how our perfect world could have become full of deceit and lies. It turns out that she had kissed this guy at a work party over christmas and had very strong feelings for him.

    I ask if we can possibly work it out and she says she needs time to be on her own to work out her own life. She got me only shortly after breaking up with an ex boyfriend, so sadly for the last maybe 5 or 6 years, she has been unable to live for herself. She says that she now has few friends or interests and needs to discover life on her own.

    I was completely shattered as I was sure, albeit naively that we were perfect for each other. Everything had worked in our favour. We had talked about marriage and children and all of the future. I know this is common for long duration couples, but this dream future had become my reality and I couldn’t imagine it any different.

    So I’m here now typing this from her parents house, as they are trying to do everything for me to make life easier. After all, I am in a foreign country, far from my friends and family, and suffering the worst thing that has ever happened in my life. She says she still loves me and wants to be with me, however I can’t help but feel that this may be just to soften the blow and make me feel better. She seems emotionally disconnected and I’m genuinely worried about her. I’m currently in the process of trying to find somewhere else to live, which is pretty difficult at this time of year.

    It is total heartache to lose her, as I was sure that we were soulmates. We knew absolutely everything about one another and I feel as if my whole world and my expectations from it have been extinguished. I know in the future that I will be OK, I’m just going through a very rough time at the moment. I’m finding it hard to eat or revise for my exams that are happening next week… (Fantastic time for it to happen…) let alone sleep. Although when I do, it’s always about her. I’m still deeply in love with her and don’t know how to make her see that we were the best thing for each other. I know I can’t change her mind but I hope she comes to this realisation herself.

    I desperately want her back, however I feel that now my love and trust has been betrayed, that it would be hard to continue as we were before. Maybe good things need to come to an end though. I don’t for one minute regret any of the time we spent together. I’ve had the best 2 1/2 years of my life. I’m just very sad that all the magic we used to have has become this.

    Sorry for rambling, but it helps to put your thoughts in writing, especially as I’ve very few people to talk to at the moment. I’m already starting to feel better about myself as I know the breakup was nothing to do with me. I never changed, and always treated her like a princess. I hope she will come to her senses and come back to me. I’m trying to avoid all contact and wait for her to come back. I want her to realise she misses me.

    To all those going through a similar situation, I urge you to keep strong and keep going with your life. People come in and out for a reason, and although the pain of losing someone you deeply love may never truly go away, everyone can come out a stronger person with hopes for the future. May you all find the happiness you deserve.

  • Katie

    My boyfriend of five months just broke up with me. We had so many plans, and there's still a possibility that i'm pregnant, too soon to tell. He'd told me how he knew i was the one he'd been waiting for and how much he loved me, I'd never been in love so once i realized i was it was a whirlwind of happiness. We had talked about starting a family before he left, and being married and just how great we are together. I was happy to finally feel this way and that he was treating me the best he possibly could. We never once had a fight or any kind of disagreement, we were always able to talk and work it out showing nothing but love and understanding for one another. My parents however don't realize this, they don't think we need to be anything more than "work friends". My parents would refuse to even meet him. This is his reason for breaking up with me. He's in the army and goes off in a few months, it is incredibly hard now, but i don't even want to imagine how i'll feel knowing he'll be so far away. He wants to be friends with me still, in fact we're going to dinner tonight as friends. I'm still not sure if this will make it harder or not. If anyone has been through anything similar, or has some advice, please feel free to share, I'm beyond lost and confused.

  • andrew

    This article says that what you feel isn’t unique, even though that person feels so special to you. This may apply to 99% of the people.

    Let me explain what I’m going through. My girlfriend and I have been living together for 2 years, we still are. We have fallen into the deepest pit of love I think is possible for two people. Every minute possible we are together. I am convinced she is the only girl on the planet for me. We made all kinds of plans for the future, our aspirations are spot on, we are perfectly compatible. Last summer we almost got married, her parents wanted her to, and she did also, but I said lets just get through college first, then figure out wedding planning. I’m 26 shes 23.

    About 6 months ago she broke down crying one day and it took me about 3 hours to finally get her to talk. She said she might be bi. This “might” slowly turned into “i might be lesbian” which turned into “i am a lesbian” a couple months ago.

    So we live together now, still completely in love, but there is an understanding that we can’t continue. But who’s going to move? It’s been a couple months of this monster truth lurking around silently. We still live happily and spend time together, but the truth is there staring at us. She wants to go explore, I have to move out.

    This may be the most confusing situation two people could get in. Neither wants this, she doesn’t want to leave me, I don’t want to leave her.
    But we have to?? ?? It doesn’t make sense, except as this being a cruel joke by god.

    She says she needs to explore and can’t do it with me here. And I said “well, you have a car too.”
    It seems so unjust, so wrong, so backward, that we have to separate, and she feels the same. This is the era of gay rights and awareness. How about the first straight-gay relationship? I seek to transcend all human sexuality and reside with this woman on a plane of powerful platonic love.
    But, I will be shattered, am shattered, and will leave peacefully, wondering for the rest of my life what could have been.

  • Eon

    “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile cause it happened!” I too lost my first love and it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. What really made it so bad is that we were happy together but were in a long distance relationship and the distance created jealousy and miss trust and led us to drift apart. We still love each other alot but so many things have been said and done since the break up that it’s sad to think how we lost each other. I believe your first love is your biggest love cause it’s the relationship you share and learn the most in about someone else as well as yourself and your willing to open up in ways you wouldn’t normally with people. Once you lose that love it is extremely hard for one to share in the same way with someone else and you always end up comparing them to your first love what they did differently or the same. I miss my ex more than I’d like to admit and it kills me that we’ve drifted so far apart. And the worst part is we both feel the same but there is nothing we can do to fix anything anymore. Life has a way f working itself out though so one can only wait and see and stay positive and look to the future and never regret sharing that great love. “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.”

  • Devin

    I just lost my girlfriend two days ago. We hadn't been doing very well after our anniversary. She's a senior, so she got really busy. I thought we were just going through a rough patch, but then I got the bomb dropped on me. She said that she felt like we were going down two different paths and a lot had changed over the past month or so. Then she continued on to say that she wants to still be friends and she considers me one of her best and closest friends. She asked me if I would be willing to try. Honestly, I said yes when she first told me, thinking that it was better than nothing. But the pain that I've been feeling is too much for me and now I don't know. We were together for almost two years, which is pretty long considering I'm still in high school. It's funny though, whenever I see her at school, I feel so many different things. Sadness that we're not together, anger that its her fault and love because I still love her. I don't even know if she feels that way about me any longer. My family been giving me as much comfort as they can and I doubt any of my friends have any idea what I'm going through because they either have never loved anybody or have never dated anybody. It just kinda sucks. 🙁

  • john

    Mine was my first girlfriend who I went out with for three years in college. Basically, I came to the conclusion that I didn’t want to marry her (or anyone for that matter) at that time when I was 21. I’d never gone out with anyone else and simply couldn’t make that kind of commitment without more experience. I thought I should feel like that after three years. We spent an enormous amount of time together. The differences between us began to irritate me and I tried to get her to change (which was utterly stupid). Because of these differences, I thought we weren’t compatible. Because I didn’t want to marry her after so long, and I didn’t think I ever would, I felt we needed to break it off. We were physically separated and I didn’t have a phone or a car, so it was easy to ignore her letters and not stay in touch. It was easy to suggest we see other people. She did. She went from writing me in a letter one day, saying how much she loved me, to 11 days later – crying while we were being intimate, then not being able to talk about it, then telling me there was someone else, that she took his picture down when I came over, that they’d been intimate, etc. It had obviously been going on for a while. No emotion on her face whatsoever. Just calmly answered my questions as I was bawling the whole time, gave me kleenex and patiently waited for me to leave. That was the last time I saw her. 30 years ago. She would never talk to me again. I have never gotten over it to be honest. Most traumatic thing I’ve ever been through in my life by a long shot. I found out a couple months ago that she ended up marrying that guy. She was on a 4 year all tuition paid scholarship at school, which was not based on need. She married a construction worker who never went to college. Go figure.

  • John

    I was with someone for 4 months and although its nowhere near as long as most people on here had been with, it was very special to me. We had so much in common and get along so well it just seemed like it was the one I’d been waiting on. Being gay and religiously Jewish doesn’t make it easier unfortunately and I guess after waiting nearly 6 years for something that lasted more than 2 weeks it just felt right. Idk, prolly sounds silly to most people. It’s just hard trying to move on when I think that it took that long to find someone for just 4 months….

  • practicalhappiness.c

    Thanks for the update and we are glad you found this site to be helpful to overcoming your personal challenges.

  • sheldon

    just back to say i am finaly moved on with my life and am over my first heart break. im now dating a beautiful girl who enjoys me for me and dosent try to change me. my ex fiance tryed to use me agin but the third time around not being blinded by love i was able to see all the wrong she did me and i told her i was happy and to leave me alone….she proceeded to tell me it was a good thing she dumped me and that her new man is better than me i just laughed at her then turned around and kissed my new girl…..so yea im over it lol and just wanted to thank this site and everyone that shared there stories it helped me through a tuff time (: and inspired me to keep going….sept now i might be an alcoholic cuz its wat i turned 2 when i was down sadly but thats something i solve later cuz right now life couldnt be better

  • Hextreme

    Hex,
    I am too dealing with losing my first love. What makes it so particularly painful is that we have been together for 10 years. We have obviously countless beautiful memories and just as many painful memories. We have always have a hard time communicating and coming to an understanding after a fight and many times simply decided not to talk about problems in order to avoid more fights. Recently he has decided to leave me and he swears to me that he loves me just as much as he did but he is convinced that we will never make each other happy. I will admit i have felt the same way sometimes, but my love for him is way much stronger than for me to allow myself to convince of that. I would want to fight for us now more than ever but he just simply wants to move on while still being able to talk to me and remain on each others life. I am so devastated and feel that after all this years I am simply being thrown away and not good enough anymore. I refuse simply remains as friends… It hurts too much for me to see him and not be with him. I am starting to realize that as much as one can love another person, there comes a time when everything is simply out of our control. No matter how hard I am willing to fight for us, he has made up his mind that he does not want me any more and I will have no choice but to accept it and somehow try to move on. I fell like I have no friends anymore since he lives in the same apartment complex with most of our close friends, I feel like I have no moral support from anyone

  • Rose

    My boyfriend and I met at work about a year and a half ago. It was literally love at first sight, he took my breath away and I took his away. I had never felt that instant connection with anyone before and I fell for him so quickly, and he fell quickly for me too. We did such amazing things together, walks, lunch dates, picnics, family dinners, dinner dates, movies…everything a relationship should have. Our favorite was snuggle time after our hours spent out together, we would come back to the house and just lay together. I grew to love absolutely everything about him and he shared everything he loved with me. He was always on my mind and was the only thing I would think of when I woke up. Suddenly two months ago all of these feelings began to slip away, and I started questioning my love for him, I still am, and I dont want things to be over between us because he is the one thing that makes me happy, but my romantic feelings have vanished. I can't have sex with him because he has always been so intimate in bed. We are on a break right now because I broke up with him a few days ago but immediately regretted it and changed it to a break. His little sister just left for school and he is so upset because he going through that and he is faced with the fear of losing me, I want to help him through this because he has helped me through so much in the past few months. To him I am the only one he has a future with, he has had a few serious relationships before me and is five years older, so he is ready to settle where I am not too ready for that. He has treated me exactly the way I have always dreamed a man would treat me, he makes me laugh he comforts me, he listens and gives amazing advice. I want to have hope that my love for him will come back, but I am not hopeful that it is possible and it is miserable to live like that. I am writing this so people can see that being on this side of losing your first love is as equally painful. Not only do we have to make a decision that is best for ourselves, but we have to lose the love and happiness and hurt our significant other. I do keep hope however that we could find each other later in life since our relationship was meaningful and special, and we want all the same things in our future. It the worst feeling in the world hurting the one you love AND losing the one you love.

  • sheldon

    well later on today at night me and my girl met up and i could see her trying to still feel those feelings but she couldn’t even kiss me ….we went to the park and we both said that people had tainted what we had. so many outside influences destroyed something so pure…we spent hours talking about all the good times we had and she almost broke down so she wanted to leav…we huged a final goodby and she kissed me on my cheak and thnked me for everything ….and just like that my first love left me forever and now im off to drink up a few 4lokos knowing it will probably only make the pain worse …..i fell as if theres no light left in my life . my hearts an open wound and i rlly hope its able to heal soon

  • sheldon

    after dating for over a year and getting engaged my first love left me after an argument. on a normal day we would have patched things up but this time her family got involved and convinced her that it would be better to leav me…but when her visiting family left after 2 weeks she called me in tears(she had called me b4 this 2 multiple times) saying she messed up and that she was just to influenced by her family(shes hispanic and she tells me that in there culture family is evrything). i gladly took her back and things felt back to normal she even claimed to want a child with me but soon after she took a trip with the family agin she came back a little different somtimes she would show heavy affection then sometimes not…then she told out of the blue she no longer loved me in a matter of two weeks and i beged her to stay but it only made it worse but the next day she called and i sounded like i didnt care and tht made her say lets just take it 1 day at a time then..whn im nice its a no but mean yes,wt to do

  • lisa

    I can’t imagine what some of must be going through after being together for 1..3 years. I lost my first love and was with him for only 5 months. But love is love whether you’ve had it for a brief time or several years. He started acting weird all of a sudden in the last two weeks, withdrawn, moody and tired all the time. I knew something was not right but was too afraid to ask. Last week I did and he said he doesn’t feel “IT” for me, said he likes me and thinks I am amazing but just doesn’t feel “IT”. Well that does it. I have never endured pain like this, bad mood swings, constant need to cry when I smell and hear something or even go to certain stores where we shopped together. I write him letters and never post it. I feel empty, don’t feel like eating anything so have lost weight, have no interest in anything. I don’t think I will ever be able to forget him, he’s wonderful not perfect but someone I love.
    Right now it feels like hell, is all I can say. I want to feel normal but don’t when that will happen..hearing similar experiences makes me feel not so alone anymore.
    Thank you.

  • Emma

    Wow for a second I thought I was the only person in the world that felt the way I do, I wish I just had someone to talk to my friends would never understand because they have no clue what it feels like to break up with someone you love.

    :/

  • I, too have just lost my first love. 13 months of special times together. Deep emotional and physical connections to her but it all ended so abruptly when she said “I dont love you anymore”. I can’t quite understand because i thought i’d been perfect. At the beginning she was obsessed with me and always wanted to be around me. But as time went on that role switched and i could only see her on weekends. She introduced me to her family and they all loved me. I’d go round to see her family when they asked me and sometimes even without her! We had such a good laugh together and now she couldn’t care less. All those emotions thrown back in my face. I asked her to leave me in person so i could have closure and ease the pain. Her response was “its too difficult” when in actual fact she was round at another blokes house already. I keep having moid swings and one minute i feel like i’m fine and the next i’m begging myself to go to hers. But i won’t. Stupidly, i tried to rectify everything with her but that made it worse. Havn’t seen her since and she’s made no attempt to contact me. Not even a last kiss goodbye. I put so much time, effort and money into making us work but now i just feel used. Her parents are on my side but thats made it worse again. They’re blaming her. But now i’ve no lifeboats to meet. I’m planning on expelling all my time into my education and achieving the best grades i can. But it will be harder without her there to help me along the way and tell me its all ok. I feel isolated. I slept on the sofa because i remembered the times i’d hold her to sleep in my bed and she’d tell me she loved me. And that was only a week ago. 🙁 please. Someone. Help.

  • Mary Margaret

    This article is a compilation of what everyone has told me. My boyfriend of 3 years just broke up with me. It sounds so similar to what the other posts say. We made the mistake of moving in together in a house I bought with my mom. I thought it would be ok because he could help us pay the mortgage and it would help make him more responsible.

    What ended up happening was the stress of these responsibilities getting to him, him shutting down, letting the relationship get to the point where his frustration canceled his feelings for me, and he ended it. I have felt pain like this before, but this is even more severe. It feels like someone close to me died. We had been planning to get married, he even started paying for a ring.

    I know that there were things that could have been better and things that were fantastic. He is not as responsible as I am and he has always been in a relationship before. I am the opposite, I have always been single and overly responsible. In the end, I think that is where the problems are. He was so supportive, loving, tender, affectionate, spiritual…I could go on. It was so hard to have him be so cold to me after such a deep loving relationship. In the end, I think he felt not good enough for me and like the different levels we are at as people were where the relationship failed. I pray that he will do what he feels he needs to do on his own time and one day realize what he lost. I have hope that there is still a chance that one day we will be back together under more appropriate circumstances.

    I know logically that I cannot wait for that to happen because it may never happen, but I am still holding on to that hope emotionally. To find a person you love so deeply who loves you back, treats you well, and has such a loving family that welcomes you in it is such a rare thing to find. I know that one day I might be able to find it again with someone else, but no one person replaces another. I'm hoping by not contacting him at all and giving him the time he needs will help him grow will help him see that I was the right one for him. In the meantime, I am doing my best to help alleviate my own stressors in my life that contributed to this outcome. I know that if I don't work on making this better for myself, this will continue to poison my other relationships. I'm going to exercise and work on things that make me happy. It will probably take months for me to feel anywhere near my usual self, but I am trying to lean on those that will help me cope. I am still looking for anything to help me feel an ounce of happiness. I haven't felt happy in a week.

  • KT

    Dear Bella,

    I too love first love. I’m a guy and I thought this girl was everything I ever hoped for. I adored her and in my eyes she could do no wrong. I did everything for her and still in the end, she didn’t love me in return. You know what? Pick yourself up, you deserve someone that loves you as much as you do. No one will ever respect someone that accepts being treated like shit! Raise your standards, be kind and love those that deserve it and you’ll find that not only he wasn’t worth it, but higher quality men will come into your life! I know it hurts now, but sometimes pain can be the best teacher, if you allow it!

  • Bella

    I have just lost my first love, it hurts so much i actually get pains in my chest. We were together for two years, i have never felt for anyone the way i feel for him. I cant describe it, he was my best friend. we were together for two years, In the last 6 months or so he slowly started losing his love for me, we used to fight a lot and bad things would always happen to us, we didnt have the best relationship looking back on it now (i was so blinded by my love for him i thought it was all normal and we were perfect) He would always just sit there or drive off when we had a fight and not care until i contacted him, he barely said he loved me anymore except on the odd occasion (usually when i mentioned he hasn't been saying it a lot, or if he was drunk) he planned a 4wk trip across asia and thailand with his friends on new years (never asking me to come) he just kind of lost interest. He broke up with me a few days ago saying, he has been unhappy for a while and he doesn't want to be with me, yet he said he still loves me? It's so confusing, he obviously doesn't love me. I loved him so much i was convinced he was the one that i was gonna marry, we even used to talk about it in the beginning. I'm not getting over it cause i just cant let go yet. It's too hard. I know he'll find another girl easily that he will fall in love with and it hurts so much cause they probably won't fight like we did. I really don't wanna let him go =(

  • Ana

    I just lost my first love, and it's the hardest thing I've ever gone through. I rarely show my emotions in front of my family and friends, but this breakup hurt so much I couldn't help but bawl in front of them. The thing that hurt me the most was how he was so blunt when he ended it. He told me i could never be priority in his life, and his family mattered more… A family that never liked me, and disrespected me whenever they could. It just hurt knowing that after two years he could throw me away so easily, and with no emotion. It's hard getting through the days, people say it gets better but it's hard to believe that right away. I almost wish he cheated on me so I could move on quicker.

  • Eleanor

    Hi,

    This is a great article. I am obviously getting over my first love and it hits the nail on the head… I feel like my first love and I had the perfect relationship – that no relationship I will be in in the future will compare, but you addressed this and made me feel better 🙂 Also, the first point is so true! I did everything in my power to try and get my ex to talk to me and love me back in the week or two that he was figuring out if he still loved me and it was the worst thing I could do. Now its truly over, i'm just leaving him be because I realise it will not make him love me and it will just make getting over him harder.

    Thanks again for this article. Very wise advice.