Two Common Reasons for Being Dumped

dumped, break-upThe more I study dating and relationships, and the more I observe why both guys and women get dumped, the more clearly I see these two common themes and patterns of behavior that lead to being dumped. Understanding these common reasons for being dumped is obviously important for at least two reasons. First, if you are in a relationship now, being aware of these major causes for break-ups will help you avoid making those mistakes and will reduce the chances of being dumped losing a good relationship. Secondly, if you are not in a relationship now, it would still be very useful for you to learn how to not make these common mistakes that people make in relationships that lead to bad break-ups, so you that you can avoid making those unnecessary mistakes:

1. You Might Have Been Dumped Because Spent Way Too Much Time Together

As I point out in my audio program “20 Laws of Successful Relationships,” many people believe that the more you love each other, the more time you should spend with together. They believe that love and desire for space are incompatible and the more you love each other the more time you should spend with each other, and it is never too much. This way of thinking can be fatal to a relationship, if only one of the two people feels that way. If you want to spend every free moment with you partner, while he/she makes it clear to you that they like their alone time very much, pushing them or trying to convince them to give that time they need for themselves is a sure way to make your partner unhappy, and as a result cause all kinds of related and seemingly unrelated problems in your relationship.  This is because whoever needs space and doesn’t get it tends to feel suffocated.

If you are one of those people who thinks that you don’t need any space, I encourage you to consider creating at least some space  in your relationship. Whether it’s friends, relatives, a spouse, a dating partner or anyone else – we all need some time from each other. The only question is how much. This is nothing personal, but it is something necessary in order to have a healthy relationship.

A whole-day first date, spending every night together, working, traveling and doing all the other things together with your partner might sound like a great relationship of two inseparable souls. However, in reality this leads to a certain kind of romantic over-satiation. You become so fed up with each other and become so annoyed by each other that you consciously or subconsciously seek a way out. All too often, lack of personal time and space to do your own thing will kill love, attraction, passion and sexual desire faster than anything else. Whether you think you need space or not, chances are that spending some time away from your partner – whether it’s a few hours a day or a few days a month – will do a lot of good to your relationship. Among other things, it will make you miss each other and look forward to seeing each other.  On the other hand, being in each other’s face will make you take each other for granted, feeling that your partner becomes a burden rather than someone you want to see an spend time with.

Think about it – your most favorite food will become repulsive to you and even thinking about it will cause you nausea if you overeat, or if it is in front of you all day, whether you are hungry or not. Dating and relationship are not that much different in that regard.

2. You Might Have Been Dumped because You Were Too Jealous and Controlling

Few things are more destructive in a relationship than jealousy and control. When you restrict your partner’s freedom to do what he/she wants and to spend time with whoever he/she wants and to live his/her life the way they want, you make them very unhappy and you also show great insecurity that make you come across as very unattractive and “suffocate” your dating or relationship partner, making him eager to get out and break free. If you believe that you are jealous, and you would like to overcome and abandon that part of you, a good start for you on that journey would be reading the article on dealing with and overcome jealousy. You must remember that the only reason that your partner would be with you is because of his desire to be with you. Any attempt to keep someone and supervise his actions is futile. Whoever wants to cheat and have an affair while in a relationship, will find a way to cheat regardless of you efforts to prevent that.

Being dumped is not fun, to say the least, and so is dumping someone you have been with for a while. However, by avoiding just two of the above major mistakes, you will dramatically reduce the chances of being dumped and losing a good relationship with a good person.

And if you have been dumped by your dating partner, make sure that you don’t let that experience be a waste. Take the time to reflect on your recent experience to learn what you did right, what you did wrong, and how you can avoid making the same mistakes in the future, as there is no better lesson and opportunity to improve than your own past mistakes with the opposite sex. And if you recently broke up with your partner, make sure you read this article on overcoming a painful break-up.