Every now and then I meet a guy or a woman who says that they are ready to give up on dating and relationships, and that it’s simply not worth the effort. Ironically, this happens more to the more attractive women than anyone else, and the reason is usually the same – multiple, disappointing relationships that lead to emotional trauma and eventually frustration with dating in general. Because the very attractive women get more attention from men, are asked out more often and end up dating different guys more often, they also have more negative experiences with men. Surely, if you lost someone you were really in love with, even one break up can feel like life has betrayed you and there is no point in trying to meet someone special again, as it will lead to terrible pain again.
It is particularly easy to get discouraged if you are being dumped time after time, and you are feeling like you are wasting time when you invest effort and emotion into people time after time, but it does not lead to a committed relationship. However, it is critical that you do not give to your negative past and don’t become a victim of your previous dating disappointments. First, “giving up” is move that’s not productive. It’s not going to make your life better. You might tell others and yourself that you have given up, but let’s be honest: as long as we are alive and healthy and vital enough to think and want love, romance and sex, we can never give up. Giving up is nothing but a self defense mechanism against continuing to date and hope for better and an attempt to justify not taking action to improve your dating life and relationships.
One of the most important things that a person can do to deal with or avoid that mindset of being ready to give up is not expecting love and romance to come to easy into their lives. For many people it takes many relationship and many years to find “the one”, and not everyone finds it obviously. It’s important to recognize that the probability of meeting someone very special to you, to whom you also might turn out to be special is pretty low. It’s not a bad thing or a good thing – it’s just a normal part of life. The fact that some people turned out to marry their first and only or a highschool sweetheart is wonderful, but you can’t measure yourself that way and compare yourself to them. They are not the rule but the exception – a rare exception. Everyone has their own path, their own circumstances, their own goals and preferences when it comes to dating and relationships.
The next element of preventing this feeling of frustration is learning how to enjoy the process of dating without being attached to the outcome. You enjoy every date you go out on as a learning experience at the very least, and if things don’t work out, that’s totally fine and it gives you an opportunity for more interesting encounters in the future. One reaosn people get tired of dating is because they go out on too many dates with too many different people, which becomes exhausting – it becomes like a second job. If that’s the case, the only natural solution is taking a break from dating. A month off seeing people will do the trick in most cases and will resent you mind and your “dating clock” allowing you to again be excited about going out rather than feel like you are on a mission.
When you go to the shoe store, even the most high-end shoe store, you might spend an hour or longer trying different shoes, and out of thirty pairs, you might only like one pair, or even none. You are tired of trying different shoes that don’t fit or don’t look right to you, but you also enjoyed the experience of going through different shoes, seeing what’s out there, and eventually finding the right pair. I realize that dating and shoe shopping are not the same, but there are similarities, and if you can look at dating at least a little bit more like shoe shopping and try to enjoy the process of learning more about other people and also about yourself – what you like, what you don’t like, what turns you on and what annoys you in people, etc., you are much more likely to not be frustrated with dating and to not think of giving up. After all, when you give you – you give up on yourself only, and it’s hardly ever worth doing.