The issue of how soon you should be calling a girl after getting her phone number has been turned into a science by various dating gurus, many of whom make it sound much more complicated than it really is. Some suggest that you should call the girl you met as soon as possible, while the majority of sources of dating advice, which strongly advocate the notion of challenge, suggest that a guy should wait at least five days before calling a girl, to make her wonder and anticipate his call, and to make sure that he doesn’t come across as needy and/or desperate.
So, how soon should you call a girl after you met her for the first time and got her phone number?
My extensive personal experience and close observation of my students has revealed two things that I actually expected to be revealed:
Calling a girl soon after meeting her (a day or two after) is not going to be a turn-off and is not going to make you come across as needy and desperate. What makes a guy come across as unattractive is not when he calls but how he talks and what he says once on the phone.
Waiting for too long (4-5 days or longer) to call a girl might backfire and start things on the wrong foot. Be assured that the vast majority of girls are aware of these waiting strategies, they have read “The Rules” and they know all about the waiting game. As such, if they feel that you are trying to play the same game, they might start resenting the whole idea of talking to you or will lose interest altogether.
Just to give you an example from one of my online dating students’ recent experience: he was chatting with a girl online, got her phone number and wasn’t able to call her for about 5-6 days because he had to leave town on a business trip unexpectedly. He called her about a week after he got her phone number, and he only heard from her 10 days after he left her a message. When she finally called, he semi-jokingly commented: “Wow, that took while,” to which she responded “Well, you took a while to call, so a girl is gotta keep the balance.” Admittedly, that was a very immature response, governed by excessive pride, which didn’t take into account the possibility that the guy simply wasn’t able to call, but the bottom line remains the same – women are well familiar with dating and phone games, so there is no point in going there, as it will hardly do any good.
So, the next time you meet a girl and get her phone number. Wait a day or two and then call her. There is no reason to wait any longer if you are interested in talking to her, and you believe that the feeling is mutual.
u do a wonderful job, may THE ALMIGHTY always take care of u
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practicalhappiness.c Reply:
July 7th, 2010 at 6:42 am
Thanks for your kind words. I am glad you find this information useful.
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That’s amazing! I mean I was aware of all these tactics but you’ve exactly put it in precise words!
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I met this guy through my brother’s basektball games. According to my brother, this guy is no normal guy. He said he really likes him for me and he’s like his brother. Which really says ALOT coming from him. So anyway, after the third time of seeing him briefly, he approached me, sang to me and played piano for me. Well not all so soon, but we chatted a little and he then asked me for my #. I told him that I was too old for him, he’s 24, I’m 28 although he seems to be a very mature 24. I saw him on youtube and he asked for my # again through message and I decided to give it to him. He asked for it on Thursday and hadn’t called. Saw him again on Monday and he only said “hello, how are you?” Never mentioned why he didn’t call, but I know he got the message because it showed he had logged on. What’s up with that? Which as you mentioned in your article, we sometimes start to lose interest and I have, but I would still like an answer. Was it something I did? Or was he just trying to let his boys know that he could get my # if he really tried?
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Interesting!This is exactly how girls thing. However, always wait for a couple of hours n text the girl. It does not matter how long u wait,but what u say n how u say it.
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I personally think a guy shouldn’t wait more than 3 days to call. The longer you wait the less the girl will feel special and think you are not interested even if you are.
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Just tonight I met a girl. She's a dj, I'm a dj, we both graduated with similar degrees, she's 30 and I'm 31, we clicked outside the bar and after being anxious for a brief time period, I was urged to ask her out to dinner and I did, and she immediately said yes and I got her number. Her and a few of her friends and my friends went back inside and I got her a drink. When I gave it to her she told me she just ran into a guy she was seeing and it was quite shocking and caught me off guard.
What I want to know is that was she just being honest with me about her situation (It's normal for a girl to be involved with someone else of course), or was she just being mean?
It's hard for me to believe she is not interested, even if she is seeing someone. So I'm thinking the answer is to go to dinner…. I like her, ALOT. I'm not going to let the fact that shes not completely single stop me from trying. Am I over analyzing? Did the yes mean yes? Or was she trying to blow me off one minute after saying yes to dinner?
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practicalhappiness.com Reply:
July 29th, 2012 at 12:09 pm
@Frank
I think you should go out to dinner with her without trying to predict or guess what’s going on exactly in her personal life, as there can be so many things going on – from her being confused about what she wants, to having problems in her current relationship and trying to move on, etc., etc. You should go to dinner with an open mind, not be overly pushy or aggressive. As much as you might have liked her and thought she is very, very special – you should not be acting that way too quickly and too early on, as usually that has an opposite result from the desired.
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