It’s not a secret that when it comes to attraction, men are more “visual” than women – guys are driven toward women who are more physically attractive, while for women a man’s personality and character generally play a more important role than his looks. This popular theory, however, tends to cloud a very important truth – when it comes to selecting a long-term romantic partner, the most attractive, confident and desirable men are also driven toward those women who possess exceptional personality.
Let’s face it. Attractive women are not that uncommon. Just go to any bar or a club in your area of residence, and you are likely to see a few girls who are “hotter” than last year’s Ms. Universe or any Hollywood actress. However, it is much harder to find a very attractive woman whose personality and character are as “hot” as her body and face. There are a few reasons for this. The power of choice inevitably corrupts a person to a certain extent. If you only had vanilla and chocolate ice cream to choose from when you are at the store, the choice would be easy, and you would likely appreciate either of the flavors. On the other hand, having 50 flavors of ice-cream to choose from confuses you and makes you wonder what you are missing out by choosing one as opposed to the other. Don’t take me wrong – having a choice is a wonderful thing and it’s one of the fundamental principles of freedom, but it also tends to adversely affect our ability to make rational choices and decisions.
The same applies to the strikingly attractive women – many of them, if not most, are corrupted by excess attention from men. They talk to too many guys, go on too many dates, get dumped way too often, and become way too disappointed, jaded, and bitter. Such a history with men creates a “stuck up” woman, who seems hostile and unapproachable. The excess attention from men also tends to keep these women out “having fun” way too much and away from developing their personality and identity.
The few very attractive women who are conscious of the consequences of being in the “scene” for way too long, and who protect themselves from becoming the victims of their own beauty, will win in the dating and relationship world. How so, you wonder? Excellent question!
The reality is that there comes a time in every desirable guy’s life when, after dating many women, he stops and falls head over heals for that one woman. But why? Is she the most attractive woman out of all the others he dated? Probably not. Chances are that her character and personality are the ones that make her stand out and make the guy think “Wow, she is a rare kind… I better not mess this one up, as I am not likely to meet a woman like her any time soon.”
Indeed, she must be special. She must be elegant, feminine, and she probably naturally enjoys pleasing her partner. That woman truly makes her guy feel like a man. She didn’t betray many of the traditional family values that she was brought up to believe in and saw in her own parents’ relationship. She probably believes in gender roles, and she is proud of it. She actually wants the guy to take charge, and seeing a guy take the lead might even turn her on sexually.
Meeting a woman like this is particularly thrilling to a modern guy who lives in a Western civilization, and who is used to dealing with “business” women and other kinds of extreme feminists who like to challenge his masculinity and assert their own and not always in a good way, but going out of their way to show that they can be just like men – those same women who make guys travel to the other side of the world to look for “real” women – women whose souls and hearts have not yet been corrupted by success and status, and the ones who gave rise to the very natural movement among Western men, which is referred to as “Asian fetish,” which we should understand instead of criticizing and mocking.
There is a natural core of femininity, gentleness, softness and sensuality in every healthy, heterosexual woman. Don’t suppress it; let it out and enjoy having it. Some people might try and take advantage of it, but the benefits of exuding femininity will surely outweigh any associated social risks. Besides, few things are more attractive and desirable to a man in woman than her femininity – sexually and in many other ways.
“Asian fetish”? Not all asian women are feminine.
Very much so. We are all products of our environment, and many Asian women who grow up and/or spend time in some of the “harsh” places in the West, adopt local ways.
I get that. I get what you said. BUT, what I was trying to say was, not all asian women, even who grew up in an asian country since birth, is feminine.
I am sure it’s true too. This is a matter of upbringing, cultural values, etc.. Just because some culture has more of it, does’t mean that the entire race doesn’t have plenty of exceptions.
I agree that a woman that is elegant, well mannered, kind and has her values in the right place is attractive. I wanted to like this article but found much of it to be very sexist, especially the ignorant section on feminism which makes it sound as if equality for women is not an attractive thing to men (which, if so, is his loss- not mine).
You know what I’ve found? Men are attracted to strong and independent women. Are they also feminine, elegant and have a strong sense of morality? Of course that would make them more attractive.
To the writer of this article- you are indeed behind the times on issues like feminism and gender roles and you need to open your mind a bit more. A woman can make a man feel good about himself and still be smart and strong. Oh yeah, and some men like to cook and please a woman too which is good considering that married women are still doing most of the household chores whilst working full time- and this is not the way it should be.
Thanks for your thoughts. I think my perspective has changed a little bit from the time when I wrote that article, and today I believe more than ever before than it’s not the strength or independence that’s the problem, but how you show your strength and independence. Is it calm and graceful or is it in-your-face attitude of overcompensation from something that a woman feels she is missing.
There is a reason why a movement against the latter movement is growing and so many guys are traveling to distant lands to find women who are “softer”. Softer doesn’t mean stupid or subordinate. It means more feminine in the way that we guys understand it and find it attractive. Yes, this article might not say what you and other women want to hear, but that’s not its point. (I hear that’s what Huffington Post is for). The purpose is to alert women to this serious issue and remind them that they are simple ways to stand out from the rest this day and age, that are extremely attractive to many, if not most, men.
If “feminism” means a woman always getting in a guy’s face and finding fault with him no matter what he does, then, sorry, I’ll pass.
"She must be elegant, feminine, and she probably naturally enjoys pleasing her partner. That woman truly makes her guy feel like a man." OMG, how old are you? 90? What kind of antiquated bs are you trying to feed women? Relationship between two people, regardless of their gender(s), has to do with self-respect and a mutual respect, not with a "natural" inclination to please. Its up to two people in the relationship to decide on their roles and not some stupid tradition.
Personally I am sick of seeing young men acting like they are 80-year-old Cicilians preaching about how things used to done in good ol' days. Are you looking for a housewife/babymaker or are looking to meet someone who will understand and support you no matter what and for whom you will gladly do the same?
You need to live a real life. No male-glorifying tradition is going to help you find a happy relationship.
Hello, Sarah. I truly hope that elegance and femininity, as well as natural desire to please a man that a woman loves, admires and respects never go out of style and become a vestige of antiquity. Of course, this doesn’t mean that the guy who receives all that shouldn’t reciprocate. On the contrary, he will probably be happy to do so. And those men who are unable to find it in the home town/state/country will go to great lengths to look for it and find it, and will travel to distant land to find those exact qualities. No, they are not looking for subservient women. They are looking for a partner in life, in love, and in crime, who will not challenge them just for the sake of showing that they can.
The sad thing is that men are permitted to age, be a little paunchy, have gray hair & they will still attract women. Middle aged women have to work a lot harder to enhance their appearance in order to attract someone of the opposite sex.
Yeah agreed! and the tragedy is, even in these cultures, women are westernizing themselves instead of retaining their feminine qualities!
Indeed, blinding follow western culture and fashion often hurts other cultures more than helps.
thanks! i used to think my feminism and the desire NOT to be in the lead when it comes to be in a relationship was something no women normally posses but i came to know today that there exists a rare category of us actually! This is a fact i have come across for the first time on web or maybe anywhere at all. Your analysis of feminine women and the fact that men are attracted towards them because of their intellectual touch rather than their physical features is completely correct without a flaw!
Thanks, Tahira. I am sure that this kind of women is probably more common in other cultures outside the western "industrialized" world.