Women consider confidence to be one of the most attractive qualities in a man. Ask any woman what qualities she finds most appealing in men, whether for dating or a relationship, and what turns her on, and confidence will usually be on the top of her list. Indeed, every step in a man’s pursuit of a romantic partner and dating requires a great deal of confidence on his part. Approaching and picking up a woman, kissing a woman for the first time, becoming sexual with a woman and even handling different conflicts in a romantic relationship requires us to be enthusiastic, to get out of our comfort zone, and to pursue things in a proactive manner. Shyness and lack of confidence, on the other hand, impede the ability of many men to have a successful romantic life.

Confidence is indeed a great quality to have and absolutely essential to attracting and "picking up" women. But how does one acquire it? It is a shame that most of the commercially available materials on self-help and dating are of literally of no help in this crucially important subject. The popular sources suggest that men should simply be confident, they should act confidently, or they should “fake it until they make it.” In other words, most books at your local bookstore suggest an easy way, a quick fix to the fundamental problem in inner psychology – lack of confidence. Few, if any, men find the tricks that these books suggest to be effective. Affirmations and positive self-talk are notoriously ineffective. Acting confident without actually being confident does not really make anybody confident. When a man fakes confidence, the lack of authenticity in his behavior becomes apparent to the outside world very quickly. The awkward bodily movements and lack of congruence between that man’s behavior and his words give away the unstable nature of his sense of self-worth in any situation.

We all learn through our life experiences that achieving real results in any field and acquiring any kind of significant, useful skill is a gradual process that takes time, great effort, patience, and perseverance. There are no easy ways to achieving significant goals. This principle literally pervades any aspect of our lives. Getting an academic degree takes at least four years, unless, of course, you enroll in some on-line college of questionable quality. Building a toned, muscular body takes months or even years of spending long hours at a gym day after day. Surely, taking steroids will bring the desired results much quicker, but the quality of those results will be inferior, not to mention the health detriments that steroid users will suffer from. Learning a foreign language or learning how to play a musical instrument is also a lengthy process that requires great determination on the part of those who wish to acquire those skills. Losing weight also takes a long time if done in a healthy, proper, and natural way.

It is often suggested that a man should feel good about who he is, but it is rarely pointed out that a person actually needs valid reasons to be sure of himself and have that attractive confidence that women find so appealing and sexy. Such a certainty comes from personal achievements – achievements that reflect on that man’s valuable skills and traits of character. Contrary to the popular view, confidence is not just an easily adjustable mindset that a person can just turn on and off like a switch. Confidence is a skill! It’s an integral part of one’s personality. Like all other worthy qualities, developing confidence requires an investment of effort and time.

The great news is that confidence is a natural side effect of another great quality - the quality of living a great life. Having an interesting, fulfilling, exciting life, filled with short-term and long term goals, which you are excited about and constantly working on, will make you feel like a winner at the end of every day. Setting small goals every day and achieving them at the end of each day will literally make you feel like a fighter on your own personal battlefield – the fighter who achieves another great conquest every time your planned task is completed. Whether you set a goal of running a mile under a certain time, or performing a certain work-out routine, or finishing reading a book or writing a book, or finishing up a work project, or getting involved in a totally unfamiliar and new field to you – set those goals each day and make sure you actually work toward achieving them each and every day. That sense of personal growth, of feeling that you are more, that you can do more or know more at the end of each day than you were at the end of the previous day, will literally transform your life and make you experience a tremendous life satisfaction, while making you feel truly proud of yourself. And as long as you follow this life pattern of setting small goals for each day and being committed to achieving them on a regular basis, you will subconsciously radiate an incredible confidence toward the outside world that will have a real, solid foundation that comes from within. After all, real confidence is nothing else but a manifestation of having a happy, exciting, and fulfilling life.

One specific activity can dramatically boost your confidence – public speaking. Making presentations, conducting interviews, teaching a class and alike will break the imaginary barrier and fear of other people’s reaction to who you are and will prove to you that you are capable of communicating with and relating to strangers and capture their interest through the contents of your presented material as well as through your manner of presentation. The best part is that any kind of public speaking is a fun and exciting activity within itself. Moreover, public speech can actually become one of your exciting daily goals that you set for yourself and enjoy achieving periodically. Sure, speaking in front of strangers can be one scary experience. But getting out of your comfort zone, overcoming anxiety of speaking in front of a crowd of different people while looking them in the eye will become easier and more rewarding every time you do it. This will turn you into a more confident individual, who is comfortable in any new environment.

Confidence is like a muscle that you can and should grow. Like any other bodily muscles, confidence does not grow overnight, but it is sure worth growing, and the rewards of having it justify the efforts that you will invest into it in all aspects of dating and relationships.

"Spice Up Your First Conversation with a Woman"