One of the most common reasons that girls break up with their boyfriends is that these guys become more and more jealous, controlling and possessive. Some guys don’t let their girlfriends go out on their own with friends, being afraid that some other guy will seduce her. Other guys tell their girlfriend what to wear, how to keep their hair, who to hang out with and otherwise trying to control their life. A woman who is in a relationship with a jealous and controlling guy will sooner or later will feel both unhappy and even suffocated and will also lose attraction to her guy, as jealousy is one of the most prominent signs of lack of confidence. Then, the break-up will be inevitable.
So, why are so many guys acting jealous and controlling? I believe that this is a combination of two reasons: first, if they really like the woman they are with, they want everything in that relationship to be perfect, which means that expect their girlfriend to be perfect as well – perfect in a way that they imagine “perfection” to be, so they try to adjust who she is, how she acts, and how she lives her life to their own standard of perfection. By way of analogy, imagine if you moved from a budget housing to this beautiful luxury home. You would probably want to make sure that the kitchen, the furniture, the shower and just about everything in that house was perfect. That’s what jealous guys do to their “perfect” girlfriends.
The second reason that guys become jealous and controlling is because they are really afraid to lose that special girl, and they feel that if they don’t keep an eye on her, she is going to slip away or some other guy is going to take her away from them. Thus, these guys try to keep their partner away from any “threat.” At first, a girl might be flattered by such attention, thinking that the guy really cares about her. It’s only a matter of time, however, until the girl realizes that the reason the guy is so territorial about her is not because of who she is but because of his own insecurity about her and himself.
So, how do you deal with your boyfriend’s jealousy and control issues? Many girls simply walk away. I have to say that in many cases this is the only option, as many guys are unable to understand or change their jealous ways. If you really love the guy however and you are committed to the relationship, it’s worth at least trying to fix the problem before you leave him. Address jealousy as soon as possible. The first and the necessary step that every jealous guy should take is to realize and acknowledge that he has a problem – that his behavior is irrational and detrimental to the relationship. Have him read this article on overcoming and abandoning jealousy, which will provide very simple yet very practical steps on handling this problem. For many people this article is an eye-opener and is a start to a completely new outlook on their partner and on their relationship. At the very least, you will know that you tried to fix the problem before you gave up.
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My boyfriend is extreamly insecure and does not trust me!
I gave him no reason not to .. It’s bcuz all his ex’s cheated !!
When I’m at a gf’s house he don’t even believe me, he believes I could be with a guy and not tellin him. Or if I was with a gf that other guys could be there and me not telling him and that if I did something he’d never find out bcuz my friends woulnt tell on me!
I don’t know what to do bcuz I really love him and wanna with with him & I wouldn’t ever cheat or do anything to hurt him so all this is hard to handle!
What am I suppose to do??? Help!!!
He even says he don’t know how to change and that he don’t know if he’ll ever trust me!
He loves me to death and wants to be with me but he won’t forget his past and believe me about anything!!!
So I have the same exact problem.
Except he’s the father of my child.
We fight all the time because he has to work
16hrs a day. So all I do is sit home with our
daughter and txt hiim.
He always thinks I’m sleeping with someone
Even at our home.
I’d never cheat on him.
I addressed the problem many times..
Like last night for example.
I told him if he didn’t stop being controlling
And jealous I’d leave him and wouldn’t turn back
This time.
We have been together since I was 15.
Its very complicated.
It seems like every year he gets more protective and
Jealous.
All I can say is if you truly love him..
Then help him. Help him forget the past and worry
About your future.. If he truly loves you like he says he does
Than tell him that you love him and your only there for him and
That you don’t want anyone else because if you did
You wouldn’t be with him you’d be with someone else.
Thanks,
Leah : )
A word of advice for anyone who thinks that the man they are with is the only man they will ever love: You can fall in love many times during your lifetime, and each time is unique and different. Each relationship has its own issues to be worked out. Love is beautiful – it is not supposed to make you feel bad 24 hours a day. Love is not suspicious because there is nothing to be suspicious of. Jealousy is an illness, and it is his illness, not yours. You can’t fix him; he is not a science project. Guys like this don’t get over being jealous, they only get worse and yes, this type of jealousy is often the precursor to physical violence. How many years are you willing to spend feeling miserable, sad and scared trying to fix the unfixable? The only person who can fix him is him, and he has to want to.
i totally agree with mandy white…i dont understand how a guy who loves you to death does not trust you if this guy really loves you he would change not for him but for you because he loves you…i do belive that letting a girl hang out with a guy friend is healthy in a relationship and here are my reasons why…one i believe that it would show the girl if her boyfriend trust her with another guy as friends next i believe that it will show the guy if the girl really wants to be with him or not…wat do i mean by this well many guys get angry at the girl for cheating with the guy friend and he might get mad at the guy for taking his girl…but he shoulfnt get mad because that shows that the girl did nto want to be with him and its better to find out soon then later…so let her go if she doesnt cheat on you then hey she really wants to be with you but if she does cheat on you then she doenst want to be with you…and for the girls if ur boyfriend does not trust you then one day if u plan on gettin married then ur marriage will have problems cause in order for a marriage to work you must trust each other…be happy live happy smile
I am in love with a guy who is lives in italy. I am in the USA. I was in italy for 4 months with this guy. I had to return home because my visa ran out. I want gain dual citizenship to return to italy to be with him permanently. I have a return ticket for March. However, since I have returned to the states, he has become extremely jealous. If I am not online to chat with him or I do not answer my phone every time he calls, he thinks I am with another man. While I was in italy, we did have a big fight once when he thought i was flirting with another man. I did not even know who he was talking about. The whole incident left me feeling hurt and bewildered. I would never cheat on him. He talks to other women all the time online. I asked him why he needs to talk to all these strange women he says it is nothing. Since my return, I feel we have spent more time fighting than talking about our future. I am always on the defense against what he thinks is going on…when nothing is going on.
I’m in a band and the singer and I had relations long before I met my current boyfriend.
Well, I’m still in the band and through the grapevine of many many mutual friends and being well aquainted themselves, my boyfriend is incredibly jealous of my ex-lover.
I have made sacrifices that include not really hanging out with the band (all my dear dear friends) because I know it will make him uncomfortable.
The same problem keeps being brought up over and over again.
He just doesn’t trust me.
I love him very much and with the exception of this issue, we don’t have any other problems.
Is it fair for him to want me to quit the band and risk losing my other friendships with the rest of the bandmates?
He won’t actually ask me outright to do it because he doesn’t want me to hold it against him, but in an ideal world that is exactly what he wants.
I’m lost and need outside perspective.
Trtust me men with jealousy issues will say anything to justify their jealousy. INCLUDING being cheated on in the past. I advise anyone who is dating someone with jealousy issues to research domestic violence, abusive men, narcissists.
I learned my ex was actually the one who was the cheater in past relationships. Leave now and do not stay with this person. It will never get better and they are not in love with you, dont trust their words. Jealousy is all about them and trying to gain control over you so they can destroy you.. Have the courage and faith that you deserve a better man. Unless you want to experience the worst relationship there is, stay with him. Good luck.
Patty, I am in a strikingly similar situation to yours. Guy abroad, all that same behavior. Reading these posts has really been good for me. I love him but I can’t take it anymore.
My boyfriend secluded me from all my friends and any place that is male dominated including career directions. He wont let me come out with his friends like before yet he doesn’t want me to have any, or any contact. My life is off the rails now and I need help, its not fair my lifes been taken away.
Wow reading all this is just crazy. I don’t get how my jealous boyfriend is able to make everything my fault…and I mean everything. He says he doesn’t want to lose me and even warned me when we started dating that he was a jealous person and didn’t trust anyone. I really thought after time he would see that he could trust me but it hasn’t happened yet. He said I would get tired of it and he was right, I am getting tired of it. The worst part is I really do love him and I really want to be with him but he just won’t stop. He even tries to keep me from my family but that didn’t really work but it causes lots of fights. I now find myself pulling the jealousy card just because he does it to me. I now do almost the same things to him because I hate that I am not able to do anything ever. I don’t want to be this person at all and I know that I could always move on but for some reason I can’t let go of him either. I do see him trying but once a thought is in his head there is no turning back. We have been together a long time now and he has never been physically abusive but I am smart enough to know that there is some abuse involved yet here I am still putting up with it. I just don’t get it. If I wanted to cheat I would and there would not be a way for him to stop me but I don’t want to and the only thing he is doing to me is pushing me away. I still won’t cheat but I might leave because no one should feel so alone when they are with someone. I am going to hang in there for as long as I can but in the end it will be his own choice if he wants it to work.
Sarah I really have no right to tell you what you should do since I am in the same situation but all I can say is we have to make a choice. Do we want our lives that we had back or do we want to be with them. They won’t let us have both so we will have to make the choice. It is a hard one and I still haven’t decided yet myself. I guess the real question is are they worth giving all that up for? Also followed by the question …. would they give all that up for you? Along with …. If someone truly loves you would they want to take that away from you? Once I figure out the answers to those questions I think I will know what I need to do. For now I am just hanging in there….
Hi i just need a little help. things are good between me and my fiance 87% of the time. the other time things are very bad . he admits he is jealous but i feel he needs to do something about it. i have been open with him since day one. i have a guy friend that to me is more of a girl friend we only talk when i need relationship advice. one day we saw him in a store and i reached my hand out to shake his had but he gave me a hug. now we get home and my fiance ask me why i hugged him did i want to and im like i was gone shake his hand until he hugged me and i didnt think you had no problem with it then he asks me was i ok with it the type of person i am if its a guy that is not my man it is going to feel a little awkward for me to hug them and i told him it was awkward and now he talking bout im lying i like him and i wasnt gone say it was awkward until i realized he wasnt ok with it but he gone say i know him he is a guy that likes girls and you hugged him you dont hug yo other girl friends and i told him you dont be with me every minute of the day you dont know what i do im just pissed right now i put all my hard work and time in this relationship and he wanna act like this how do i get through this we are not talking right now
I need help too my bf is a very jealous person and we fight daily but I love him and not sure if its worth the tears , fighting , ect…
Can anyone help me plz.I have a jealousy boyfriend he fight with me over small thing almost everyday.I do love him but I can’t go on like it he say 2 me who I can speak 2 and who not.my sister have a boyfriend and he stay with us and he is very jealous about him he say 2 me that I like 2 look at him and the guy isn’t my tipe.I don’t know what 2 do bec I was cheated on before with my X’s and my boyfriend what I have now he thinks I will cheat on him and I won’t ever bec it was done 2 me.how can I assure him that he don’t need 2 be jealous and controlling.
Jealousy is the single most poisonous thing to any relationship.
I’m also having same problem right now, my bf is very jealous guy I did everything for him and even gave him another chance one twice and every chances I forgive him..God KNOWS how much I love hIm till now but being jealous is not a thing to be tolerated, hes accusing me things I didn’t do even making up words that it really happen..I also caught him talking with girls and telling that I fooled him but it wasn’t really true..even he uses my facebook account to make me look mesirable..he violently torturing me on his words..I wanna help him but I don’t know how, I already make him feel very special even abandoned my family just for him..I don’t know now..
Hi,reading these comments has made me realize I’m not d only one with this problem. I love my boyfriend so much but makes it hard to be with him. I can’t be without him either cos I’ve tried n I could not bear being without him. I’m always home n each time I go out, he asks me so many questions. I don’t even have friends anymore. He has even been violent to me but I’m still with him. I always find myself thinking about everything before telling him cos I’m trying to avoid a fight. I really love him and I wish he’d change. Right now, I’m praying for the strength to either leave him or be with him. Someone please help me handle sunday!!!!!!
It is nice to know I am not the only one… I love my boyfriend to death and we;ve been together for a long time but from the start ive seen his jealousy and tried to ignore it wishing it would go away, then i called him out on it too and he got very defensive. his exes cheated on him. he thinks im the perfect one for him and he feels he has to do everything to prevent any possible scenario of another guy liking me …i was a very independant girl before i met him. and i want to keep it that way.. he cut me off from my guy friends, forbid me to talk to some people and tries to control my actions and where i go and i can only go out if its with him. he says i cant go out with my friends to clubs or bars (even for birthdays or innocent gatherings) because other guys will look at me.. I would NEVER cheat on him, and i reassure him of that all the time, he claims he trusts me and wont admit his problem. I dont want to leave him
i feel like i wont find that sort of love with any one else. we are VERY happy most of the time. except when these irrational things come up= no idea where they come from!! Jealousy really is the poison to a relationship!!!
Maybe people shouldn’t do things to make their partner jealous. It’s like Dr. Phil said, “Don’t do things that you wouldn’t do in front of your loved one.” Well I say, “don’t do things that you couldn’t do in front of God.” If people would be more considerate of their loved ones and not do things they know they don’t need to do or things they know would hurt their loved ones feelings then maybe relationships would last much longer. Instead everyone cries and cries and cries for privacy. Well the only person you should have privacy with is your loved one. If you have privacy from that person, then you’re being deceptive to the one person you shouldn’t be.
Final thought, if you cry about being controlled, maybe you should look at the things you do to make that loved one feel the insecurity and jealousy.
And btw, it’s not controlling for them to ask to know things. It’s only controlling when they try to tell you what you can and cannot do. And if you’re too stubborn and want to do those things even though it hurts your loved ones feelings, then leave them, because they’re stupid for being with someone so inconsiderate to their feelings.
I think you’re being a little naive. Maybe you’re on the other side of the relationship… The jealous side. It’s nice to have a different outlook on the situation however, it seems as if you haven’t experienced what the others are talking about, not to say your opinion isnt appreciated. I used to hear stories about these men and I’d always say “oh my god just leave them this is ridiculous.” now I know how it feels. What happens when you think you’ve met the perfect guy for you and everything is great until a year and a half later the jealously he’s spoken about in the past creeps up and begins to take over your relationship? It’s easy at first to try to just change your actions and make him feel secure and comfortable but that’s not good enough. Not for people with true jealousy problems. These are problems they can’t control and they don’t understand where it comes from necessarily. How long should we go changing our lives to accommodate his insecurities? That’s detrimental to any relationship it causes one partner to begin to hold back the person they really are. And in my case this is now happening after a year of bliss and wanting to marry him (which is a huge deal for me considering I have commitment phobia). Now what? I just can’t put up with it anymore. But I can’t let go of all the other parts of us that used to be so good. This jealousy has caused me to be angry and frustatted which I’m also learning through his bahavior. This is a terrible terrible illness which is possibly a large part of my relapse into the feeling of being trapped which is tied to my commitment phobia. He needs to fix this if he wants the relationship to work.