It goes without saying that trust is one of the most important fundamental elements of a fulfilling romantic relationship. Losing your romantic partner’s romantic trust in a relationship is likely to create a major barrier to enjoying a happy, fulfilling romantic connection, love, and that intimacy that we believe defines a long-term, committed relationship or marriage. It doesn’t take a big lie (such as cheating) to lose your dating or relationship partner’s trust. A petty, trivial will make the other person lose trust. He/she will inevitably assume that you if can lie about small things, you are just as likely to lie about the more significant things in a relationship. As a result, your partner will start doubting other things that you do or say that he or she would have never otherwise even though about doubting.
Trust in a relationship and reputation for honesty take time and work to build, especially when your partner has been “around the block” and has been lied to by his/her prior dating partners. Once you lose your partner’s trust, however, getting that trust back can be a challenging task. Having your lover forgive you is one thing, but having him/her fully trust you again is a completely different component of your relationship that simply cannot be restored with the mere words “I forgive.”
If you are in the situation where you lost your partner’s trust, you must also be frustrated, because your partner is probably reminding you of the one or several lies that you told in the past. He is making you “pay” for that over and over again, but bringing it up in other, unrelated situations and arguments.
Indeed, it’s pointless for your partner to continue bringing up the incident in which his / her trust was violated, but often a person can’t help but go back and make you feel guilty about what you have done – primarily because your act bothers them so much. So what can you do to rectify that situation besides not giving new reasons not to trust you in the future?
I would like to suggest to you several very useful steps toward restoring your dating partner’s trust in your relationship:
1. Try to understand and relate to what your partner is going through and to how difficult it is believing someone after they gave you a reason not to. Truly put yourself in their shoes and try to imagine how it would feel to be lied to, and how difficult it would be to trust the person who deceived you once before if you expected full honesty and mutual trust from each other till that moment.
2. Treat the recurring comments of your partner about your prior lies with patience and realize that there is no way around but letting time take care of your partner’s anger and bitterness. Sure he or she will bring up the incident of catching you on a lie over and over in the future, even after regret and apologize many times. Saying “sorry” is easy. Saying “I forgive” is also not that hard, but truly forgiving and moving on after losing trust in your partner or doubting his or her honesty takes time. In other words, you should be aware that there are no instant fixes to this problem and there is no way restore trust and get it back overnight. Only time can make your partner truly forgive, forget and put the problem behind both of you.
3. Put a positive spin on the incident that made your partner lose trust in you in the first place to the extent possible. Continue assuring your partner that you have learned a lot from the incident, that it made you a better person, and that you have realized better than ever before how important it is to be truthful in a relationship.
4. Lastly, be firm about insisting that your partner doesn’t continue making you feel guilty about what you have done because it doesn’t do any good to either of you or to your relationship, and that the sooner she stops bring that up, the better off both of you will be.
Getting trust in your relationship back takes time and effort, but if you care about your partner and your relationship, it’s certainly worth the effort, and overcoming the loss of trust can eventually bring you closer to your partner than you have ever been before.
i really, love my boyfriend,so much, nd i messed up nd can't find a way to get him 2 trust me again, thing is dat my bestfriend like his friend, so my boyfriend nd i decided to hook em up, so my boyfriend asked me if my bestfriend was dating, nd i said No, knowin dat she was, thing is i promised my bestfriend dat i wasnt gonna tell them, coz she really liked the guy, but i really wanted to tell my boyfriend abt it, i was worried dat he might think dat im jst like my bestfriend nd i can do dat to him too, but @ the end she ended up telling the guy dat she liked, dat she was taken due 2 da fact, her boyfriend knew dat othr guy she liked, she ony dd that bcoz she ddnt want her man finding out bt dis, now when i told my boyfriend abt this, he was really hurt nd disappointed wif me, im tryin so hard to fix my relationship wif him, but i can't, i dont know wat to do nd i've never felt like this abt any1 b4. please advice me on wat to do please.
I too have messd up . I can feel your pain as I am going through the same situation . I feel I have lost him , he has changed completely after that incident . I really regret for what I did . I know i didnt do intensionally , he was always been insured and doubtful about me though I was honest . He used to flight /scream at me for no reason just because he feel insecure about me and had false doubts. At some point I got badly frustrated due to our daily arguements and his false blames and I messed up with a third person – which made my life wrost . now he thinks that all those past doubts were true and unfortunately I can not justify myself becaue of my single mistake. I have lost myself too, though he is still with me I can't stop feel guilty listening to his daily hurting words . He avoids being with me , does not want to go out with me , he send me hurting texts and makes me feel that he is unable to forgive me and love me like before .I love him a lot and I need his love back , that is the only wish I have in my life but I do know if ever my wish may come true .
I know how yu feel u try and try n when yu start to believe yu guys are happy they bring it back up n it makes yu feel like the lowest person n the world n yu start getting those feelings in your stomach …
I really messed things up.. 🙁
I don’t know what to do..
I don’t know how to earn her trust back..
Sometimes I wish i can turn back time 🙁
I too had messed up and it costs me to lose someone I really love. I looked at his computer while he was at work but it was out of curiosity, well, anyway I don't want to make any excuses, I did look and read tiny part of his journal and stopped reading because i didnt feel proud of what i was doing,,,,i felt so guilty so i told him afterwards to clear my conscience and be honest all In all but he said I betrayed our trust and he ended the relationship. I told him I was sorry and I regret what I did but he wouldn't give me another chance. I thought it was pretty cruel and for me it was not like I cheated at all, I just snooped and I was not proud of it. I told him I'll moved on but there's no time that I don't play back in my mind what happened and I regret all of it. I told him I deserve better if he cannot accept my one mistake out of anger and pride I guess, but I do love him and I am wishing he'll come to his senses and realizes that it will just be a tiny bump along the way as long as we love each other and stay true and honest to each other. Is there anybody who has the same experience as me, and is it wrong to wish him back? And what can I do to finally accept and stop regretting about what I did. I'm so confused and hurt but I know its me to blame.
My partner betrayed me in the first throws of love , when I truely thought we was happy , he was messaging other women , on numerous occasions , since then I've tried to trust because I do love him deeply . But when I look I tend to find 🙁 he lied to me yesturday , I happened to look at his work phone , he took the day off … But phoned me and made out he was at work !! Deceit .. He said he didn't tell me because how I would react ??? Am I totally blind and wasting my time ?
i agree, i messed up, and there just is no way he will ever stop making me feel guilty its been ages since the incident but i still hear about it, dont know what to do anymore.
It is really true once your partner will caught you lying to Him, He will surely show the benefit of the doubt that He can also do it to you..just one way or another, if you don't want to be treated that way, dont do it. Lesson will always fall on the realization on end and not on the beginning of the story, unless you jump over the page and assume how things mess up.
I have done all this not expecting an instant result but it doesn’t work… Mayb they r just stubborn and don’t want it to work…