How to Overcome Fear of Loss of Your Partner

Posted on February 4, 2009 by practicalh · 9 Comments

Too many people sabotage their dating life and their romantic relationships because their thoughts and actions in a relationship are paralyzed by their fear of loss. They treat their relationship like some kind of precious, gentle stone that must be preserved and protected at any cost, and many of their actions in a relationship are governed by that fear of losing that dating / relationship partner.

If you are one of those people who is really afraid that your partner will leave you, cheat on you, stop loving you, break up with you or otherwise slip away, you should be aware of one very important truth: Your fear is both pointless and harmful!

See, there is no point in worrying about things that are NOT in your control. It so happens that there is no insurance policy against breaking up and losing your loved one. People break up and divorce after 10 or more years of being together, so it’s important to realize and accept that that risk is always there.

Fear of loss is very similar to jealousy in that it suffocates the other person, so to speak. It makes him / her that tremendous pressure of being the most important thing in your life and being the “gauge” of your happiness. Ironically, then, the more afraid you are to lose your lover, the more your actions will push him / her away from you.

It is important, therefore, to liberate yourself of this fear if you want to enjoy a good relationship and be a good partner. Here are a few steps that you can and you should take in order to abandon this fear once and for all:

1. Realize and remember that your partner’s actions in the future are OUT of your hands. They don’t depend on you and therefore you should not feel responsible for them. Accept the fact that it’s possible that he / she will leave one day and that it’s just one, by far not the biggest risk in life.

2. Make sure that you do your part by doing what depends on you – being the best partner you can be!

3. Realize that even if you lose that very special person in your life, it’s not going to be the end of the world. You will survive that loss and will move forward. There is life out there after your partner leaves you, whether you are able to believe it today or not. This doesn’t mean that you should prepare yourself for your relationship to be over, but it’s a good idea to be realistic and simply know that it’s always a possibility.

So, stop being afraid to lose your partner, make the most out of the relationship you have right now and leave the rest to other powers that have nothing to do with you, such as your partners character, emotions and commitment to you.

ANGELICA

i feel like am not lucky with men. well i know that during the early stage of our relationship we tend to say i cannot leave without you or the usual saying i love you so much…but this will fade away as time goes by for he said always be honest to him where in fact he is not and say everything of whats in my mind coz as much as possible we have to be honest to each other in thoughts and for everything… i started believing in this for am always looking for real love as such he will just forsake me.am sad and lonely i dont know how to carry on right away. its hard to move on real real hard am somehow tortured and suffered a lot for loving someone whom i believe never deserve the real love of mine.well got to believe in magic for i know there's always meant for me but til now am waiting never let go of the time that he will just come right on time for me to be happy eternally.

[Reply]
Anonymous

would u agree if i say this writing of urs is mainly concerned wid ppl having a more sexual or flirtatious kind of relationship, when ur utmost priority is just to have as better tym as possible for as longer as possible? dont u think that when it comes to ppl who r more soulfully attached it is sometimes better to hear I WANT TO GROW OLD WID U! maybe, instead of flinching or feeling pressurized, ur partner feels more warmer towards u.n it may actually strengthen ur relationship. obviously i m not talking abt a fussy attitude which really is harmful, but i think expressing ur wish in a deep passionate way may not hurt.

[Reply]
practicalhappiness.c Reply:
September 25th, 2010 at 2:57 am
What you say makes sense and it should work the way you say. However, in real life – saying things like "I want to grow old with you" or "I can't live without you" should be reserved to the very few and the most special moments such as – proposing and giving her a ring, at the wedding altar or an equally major event. Otherwise, when you say this, a woman is very likely to go "ewww" even if she doesn't show it.

[Reply]
Anna

@ Practical :

I have to disagree with that post , I am a hopeless romantic and if my guy said those things to me I would be over the top . I wish I had a man who said those things to me to hang around long enough to do them . I've found men , not all , but some , have hidden agenda's or things that prevent them from committing to such an endeavor . I think it all depends on the individual as to what works , and how things work within the relationship . I've been married to 3 men , I'm 52 , divorced for 8 years now , but in a relationship now which seems to be about to end . Not because of anything I've done but because of things I won't do . He expects me to " fight " for him . Women fall all over him , he's not rich but a do-gooder type . He does stupid things for women's attention . And this seems to be the norm of men nowadays , instead of settling down they wish to lead that "Jerry Springer" lifestyle , no disrespect to the talk show host but its tragic . I speak to women all over the net and in my Church and I hear the same thing . Men , in my opinion , seem they just can't hold a commitment as well as they did say 20 years ago . If you don't think so , turn the TV on and see how the shows go there .

[Reply]
Kaizen

You've been b*tchslapped enough without my having to add

anything more. Not by a woman, but by the ego itself. In a

sense, the key to relationships is to simply do the opposite

of what the ego would have you doing.

As a rule of thumb, the moment a woman pulls away from you

for any reason, let her go immediately. By analogy, let the

ocean waves come and go as they please, and don't try to

cling to the waves nor try to stop or push them away.

Similarly, when she comes towards you, open your arms to her

and love her, and as soon as she pulls away from you, let

her go and love her. It isn't wise to "push" nor

"pull" a woman. It's best to simply enjoy the fact that

she Exists.

It can take an entire lifetime to really "get" this simple

lesson. Once it really "clicks", the knowingness of when

to break up or not reveals itself spontaneously and

automatically, without the agony of guilt nor of having to

weigh out all of the pros and cons and to think about these

kinds of decisions endlessly. There is also no more losing

sleep or appetite.

[Reply]
Tr. T

This article is written for me! I'm with a woman I'm really in love with. She left her husband couple yrs ago when she could not stand him anymore. Words can not describe how much i love her and everything around her (her parents, her daughter….). And naturally, I am scare of one day she will find me unsuitable and say goodbye just like what she did with her ex. I feel exactly what the author writes. It helps me find a reasonable behavior toward my fear. Thanks

[Reply]
Heartbroken

hi my name is Bell i have been dating this guy for about 1 year and a half now we met febuary 15,2010 i have a 3 year old son from a previous relationship but its not his child. we lived together i got put out he did not help me do anything hes always complaining about how hard it is for him to find a because of his record. but i tell him we can still do this so i stood by him hoping he would grow up he was from Jamaica and im from Washington dc very different backgrounds . and he grew up without him mom she left him just came back into his life his father left his mother after he had a baby outside of there relationship the father decided to stay with the other woman. and his mom had to leave Jamaica and come to america alone to try and make it for them. he was left in Jamaica to tend to 4 siblings he was the oldest he was forced to be a parent at 7 his mom sent for him at age 22 she said he would be right back . so he is traumatized so now he lives with this theory “he’s not gonna be like his father and leave the woman of his child for another woman”. when i met him he was cold i had to tech him how to treat a woman talk to a woman care about a woman he was cold hearted in the beginning he had a wall up. but he put it down he began buying flowers we went to family functions he and my son played alot together.but i must admit i noticed a huge red flag when i met him we worked together his previous girlfriend used to work at the same job i had just got hired at at the time. so we got close everyone on the job started talking shit he got fired for always talking to me and the girl came up there once in a while also and argued with him . so when i first met him he told me he was just ending a relationship with a girl .but at that time i didn’t care cause i had no intentions on dating him . but we hung out and told each other stories and fell in love. as i was falling i grew concerns about the ex girlfriend but i loved him we were together every second my son loved him so i kept telling myself it will be ok. ok a year pass i have had multiple abortions almost died over that. but i was becoming sick in the brain i wanted him to cum in me i knew i wouldn’t have his child but i wanted apart of him even if it put my life i danger..

so i began seeing text messages from her the ex as well as another girl who claimed he had a baby with her he told me about her in the beginning when we were just friends. so all the lying started i found texts , calls voice mails the ex calling my phone .he being quiet he acts like a child he sleeps on his mom couch in the living room and he wanted me to have the first baby i was pregnant wit but i said no he was not ready. he cares more about buying 150 dollar sneakers very week then getting a apartment so we can all be together. so after that things went totally down hill for us. he became more sneaky we would always go sit at the statue of liberty and talk that was our safe haven .we broke up in December i later contacted him in January he admitted the ex girlfriend was pregnant and he sorry and how he wants to be with me so we planned a wedding. the baby born in sept now i ripped up the birth certificate threw alcohol in his face and he begged me to work it out how hes serious now and done playing games. i believed him so months go pass remember we planning a wedding so he slacking on looking for jobs he just laying around so i broke it off told him when he ready for something serious he had my number. now a few days ago we got together since that altinatum i gave him about being serious about marriage . there had been no drama with the ex and all after having the baby surprised now i know why she never bothered me keep reading so he came over yesterday i told him i was pregnant people you no what he told me . “dam sunshine ” he calls me sunshine i call him moon nicknames we gave each other. so i said im having it i had to many abortions he said ok i love you ,r u going to name it after me we laughed and went to sleep.

READY FOR THIS !!!!!!!!!!!!
well around 11:30 last night i texted him as usual u no so out of no where he siad lets talk like adults so i said ok u no i had no idea what he was gettin ready to say but i was ready to talk be acts like a kid so much i thought he finally grew up and were going to finally start trying.

So he texts me im going to cry world but i wanna share this cause i need help please be here fore me even if you email me u can call me to please.

he says
“sunshine im sorry but im not ready for another child right now, i can handle take care of he one i have and im moving to Jamaica in the beginning of next year and my son and his mom is coming with me .”

I said
“wow enjoy i wish u the best moon”
i wanted to curse him out but i dident want him to see the level of pain he took me to at that moment ofr all i been threw with him trying to shape him into a man so that we can get married and to ear that i cried so hard i thought i was going to die.

he says
“im so sorry sunshine but i have to do the right thing cant do what my father did i love you always”

i said
dont worry about it im happy for you i want the best for you even if your not with me”
america i died on the inside

he siad

“she pregnant again i wanted to be honest with you before but i couldn’t, i don’t wanna lie anymore sunshine please don’t hate me none of this was suppose to happen ”

the only thing i was thinking was why me ?. i was faithful,caring, very dumb and on top of that he just said he cant afford any more kids but she pregnant agian i got on the floor leaned next to my son in his car bed and cried ,cried and cried. it literally felt like Niagara falls was behind my eye lids begging to come out.

I said
“ok i understand you go take care of that hansom boy of urs and enjoy your like moon”

“he said
“sunshine im sorry ”

i cried my self to sleep and been cring every moment

then this morning i texted him so he could get his things form my house i asked him do he want to come get it or can i donate it because i speak at a drug program i never did drugs but those people are inspirations to me and they could use it . so he said yes then he said “you love me” i said “your sick have a nice life”
then he said “im so sorry i love you please don’t hate me”

“i said Jesus Christ was hated by everyone yet he manages to die on that cross with his heart hating no one, i say that to say you never no why we are introduced to people who enter our lives but one thing i did learn and that’s the fact that i found true love and i can now move on good bye moon”

‘he siad i love you sunshine”

i said nothing everyone please prey for me if you read this because i have a 3 year old i still have to raise. so i really have no time to sit in my thoughts any cry so please prey i get threw this and i hope this helped someone out there. i don’t no why this happened to me but i no i dident deserve it and i hate no one for it. though its going to be hard for me to date again because of trust i learned something never ignore red flags.

the worst part about all this is we went out to eat everywhere ,shopping everywhere i cant enjoy my life because im so afraid i will see them somewhere together and i cry every time something resembles what we had.

PLEASE BE THERE FOR ME IM A SINGLE PARENT , I DON’T ASSOCIATE WITH ALOT OF PEOPLE SO I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO OR GO OUT WITH TO HELP GET OVER THIS. I JUST REALLY NEED A FRIEND . IF YOU CAN YOU CAN CALL ME EMAIL ME TEXT ME SET UP A OUTING ,REFER ME TO A COUNSLER ANYTHING JUST PLEASE BE THERE FOR ME.
wyalita@yahoo.com
(973)230-4467

THANKS FOR LISTENING

[Reply]
Brittany

To the lady above me ^^

I just read your story and i am sorry to hear that. By what i have read you are a very strong women for the way you handled that – Full credit to you.

I was once told “You cant help what happens to you but you can help how you perceive it.” I haven’t been in your situation but i can imagine its not a nice place to be. You sound like a great mother and a very strong, and independant women.

I hope you are okay now and have moved on in your life, in every aspect.
Don’t ever regret or question why these things happen because i believe it all happens for a reason, and if you learn’t a valuable lesson from it, thats good enough.

Anyway, i purely wanted to wish you well and let you know that there is someone out there thinking of you – Even if i am on the other side of the world (Australia).

Brittany x

[Reply]
dude

heartbroken isn't as bad as heartstab!

[Reply]

Share this: