How Women Sabatoge Their Dating Life

Posted on May 1, 2012 by practicalh · 8 Comments

As a woman, I love romance comedy films. They are funny, witty, and oh, so sinfully delightful to watch; makes me feel all warm and gooey inside to watch the socially awkward underdog heroine finally get the man she deserves. As a single woman, I hate these movies. They remind me that I am not a heroine, and my social awkwardness repels men more than it attracts. Most of all, I get angry that all men aren’t as funny, sensitive, and neurotic like John Cusak, the male lead in many hit romance films. At the end of a chick flick, I want to throw my tub of buttery popcorn at the movie screen, stomp out of the theater, and swing by the grocery store to buy a huge vat of Mocha Almond Fudge ice cream to wallow in from the privacy of my own home.

The chances of real love flourishing are at risk of being ruined because women (like me) gush over Harlequin novels and idolize sappy movies like “Serendipity” or “The Notebook”. Over the years, I’ve come to realize that romance movies and books are my dating downfall. I, like most women, want what the silver screen has to offer when it comes to romance; I want my own Mr./Mark Darcy who will love me like Ms.Elizabeth Bennett/ Bridget Jones. When that doesn’t happen, I blame the man and not my inability to check out of the Hollywood story.

How can a real man live up to “The Dream” that Hollywood has woven into all women’s minds? The problem isn’t the men, but the women who believe they deserve the fairytale fantasy, the happily ever after. It really is no wonder so many women feel disenchanted, jaded, and bitter about dating. All their lives they’ve eaten upromance novels written by trained professionals in the art of weaving amazinglove stories. The whole Edward/Bella story is a perfect example of the type of love women think they want. (I admit I do, and I hate that I do.)

I can’t even imagine the pressure a man has to endure trying to date women starry-eyed about finding a love that only exists on film. These are the very same women who get upset at men for gawking at celebrities and movie stars. They cry foul when they are compared to swimsuit models on popular men’s magazines. But, god forbid, someone try to tell them that they are wrong for objectifying a male movie star. Stand back and get ready for a stern talking to if you tell them that love like that on TV and in movies isn’t real.

Trying to live a dating life full of drama, passion and intrigue like in movies and in romance novels blinds you from seeing the actual moments you have with a man. You are going to miss many a time when a man actually does something romantic, albeit a little subtle and less obviously charming for your taste or Hollywood standards, but before you know it, the moment will have passed, and so did the guy.

To my sisterhood of chick flick movie ticket holders, romantic DVD owners, and romance novel bookworms: We all need to stop trying to gauge all the relationships we have been in, are in, and would like to be in by what happens in print and on the big and little screens. All we are doing is hurting our own dating lives by comparing real life men to a movie star who says what a team of writers told him to say or fictional characters written to be suave. Don’t lose a relationship because the man you are seeing isn’t standing under your window holding up a radio playing your favorite love song. Trust me, if a man did that for me, I’d probably be calling the cops, reporting that there a stalker outside. I highly doubt I’d be rushing out to meet him, passionately kissing him and ripping my clothes off for him. We are not fictional characters; nor do we have a large production company filming our every move, so we should stop expecting our lives to play out like a movie. Or lest be hurt for our fantastical follies in the long run.

I bet you’d be pretty upset, if you heard a man talk about you like this, “I wish she looked more like so and so.” If you don’t want him to do that, then don’t compare him to movie stars. A telltale sign that you are comparing your relationships and dating partners to those you see in movies is if you tell your friends, “I wish I could have that kind of relationship. Why can’t he be more like him?” When these thoughts appear, ask yourself: are they realistic points of views? If they aren’t, make a list of realistic attributes you see in the man you like and the relationship you have with him. You might be pleasantly surprised by what you find. – Contributed by J.N. from Sacramento, California.

student and teacher

I really enjoyed reading this contribution. It is so true.

It’s not that successful relationships only happen in movies, but HOW they form in real life is a bit different.

Movie scripts, actors, characters are purposefully made to be over-the-top, very dramatic, and a bit cliche. We like these emotionally cathartic moments. They are entertaining, but not always real. But if you expose yourself to something enough time, you will certainly FEEL its real.

[Reply]
Mickey

Practicalhappiness.com:

Taking into consideration that we live in a politically correct, man-hating universe, I don't believe for a second that women sabotage their dating options. Women typically waste no time cutting guys to shreds at every opportunity, precisely because they are hard wired now to distrust, dislike, and disrespect men. I hardly think that the majority of single women are bemoaning the fact that they don't have a significant other like what they see in some "romantic" movie.

[Reply]
practicalhappiness.com

@ student and teacher
I totally agree, and I believe that we could use more movies that reflect how things work in real life. A viewer might just enjoy a movie to which he/she can relate more from personal dating experience.

[Reply]
J.N.

@Mickey
You make it sound like all single women tromp around like Disney’s villainess Cruella DeVille; that we make coats out of men’s skin, on the hunt for our next victim. Well, we don’t and men aren’t cute and cuddly Dalmatian puppies. I honestly don’t see how a “politically correct, man-hating universe” has anything to do with how women sabotage their dating lives. As a woman, I am neither politically correct or hate men, but I am notorious for doing stupid things (mind you things I know I am not supposed to do) that destroy potentially good relationships. Do I do them because I distrust, dislike, and disrespect men? Hmmm, let me check (insert Jeopardy theme song here) and the answer is a resounding “No”. In fact, it is quite the opposite, I trust, like, and respect men too much; well before I should, even though I know better. Part of my problem is I watch too many chick flicks and my mind gets filled with Hollywood’s money making image of love and romance. When I don’t see it in the men I date or in the relationship I am in, I will do one of two things: A) get angry and do something stupid, or B) get sad and then do something stupid. All in the hopes of forcing the relationship tide in the “right” direction. Trust me when I say, women do self-sabotage all the time; I hear many a girlfriend “bemoan”, as you say, to me about the crazy antics they did to ruin a relationship. Women tell their friends this stuff, not men. What I am telling you is women’s trade secrets. I could be dragged out into the streets, tarred, and feathered for blabbing all this.

@student and teacher/practicalhappiness
I tend to wonder if the lines between entertainment and reality have blurred too much. Movies and books are meant to allow a person to check out of reality for a moment, catch a break, relax, and enjoy themselves, then they go back to real life. The problem is people don’t check out. Hollywood makes tons of money on our need to escape. Meanwhile the rest of the time we feel crappy because our lives aren’t as good as what we watch. Instead of changing our lives to feel better, we watch more movies and read more books. If a movie were to be made that realistically portrayed dating, we’d have to classify it as documentary/horror film. No money would be made. The movie dies before it is made. Lol.

[Reply]
Mickey

@J.N.

With all due respect, there are any number of books, articles, blogs, etc. that scream from the rooftops how all men are dogs, oppressors, worthless, etc. Go to Google and type words like “men suck”, “men are dogs”, or “I hate men” into the search engine and see how many hits come up. I’m pretty sure that this is not a figment of my imagination.

A year or so ago, there was a best selling book called “Are Men Necessary?” Around the same time, there was a New York Daily News headline called “Why New York City Men Suck.”

Thus, the popular culture of male bashing is in fact alive, well, and picking up speed.

[Reply]
Two of Us Dating

I LOVE your post!!!!! I know I am not the typical woman in the sense that I hate chick flicks and cannot stand romantic comedies because of the reasons that you stated and not to mention they are WAY too predictable. Personally, all I watch is horror movies. I love the romance and how it over comes all the odds no matter how ridiculous or gory it is. Finding love and over coming death together? Yes please! Again, that was not the reason for my post, reason being I love the realization that women are being fed these ridiculous lines and unrealistic expectations of what men should be, therefore, leaving real men without a chance before they even try. Disney did us dirty making us believe these lies from the time we were born. Thanks for your article!

[Reply]
practicalhappiness.c Reply:
July 18th, 2012 at 1:05 pm
@twoofusdating
Thank you for your kind words. I am complately with you. I think even the most cliche romantic movies/comedies can be made in a way that would actually be useful to both men and women's dating skills. It's not necessarily to mislead 180 degrees in order to make a movie funny or captivating to the mass audience, or at least I would like to believe so.

[Reply]
ashleyn90

Here is what I tell myself: movies are fiction or fantasy and I should not let them affect myself in reality. While it is ok for me to daydream and think of myself as Sabrina Fairchild (1954, Sabrina, Audrey Heprburn) and daydreaming that William Holden (amazing 1 million watt smile) is kissing me. I know in reality that will never happen since it is 2012, not 1954, and plus Holden has since passed. In my personal opinion it is ok to have romantic comedy movies as a guilt pleasure. The Vampire Diaries is my fave tv show, but I know it is fantasy. Just like I use to watch Gossip Girl and I did not let myself have sex with any guy I see. I am still a virgin and that is a big deal towards me What I am saying is it is ok to indulge, just do not let it affect with your sense of reality. P.S. Mickey, woman are not men hating. Yes there are some out there, but most women want a healty relationship.

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