Recently, I learned that a fairly accomplished guy, who lives in my area and uses a “higher end” dating app to meet women, runs the same game on every woman he is trying to meet. He sends the same message to every one of them: “Do you want to go to dinner this week?” – Any woman reading this line will know that this is a mass message to goes out to dozens of women, if not more. There is no indication that the guy even looked at her profile and showed any interest in who she might be. This is a major turn off, and the only women who will respond to this type of message are the ones who just want free dinner. This means that by being lazy – by not spending extra few minutes on reading a profile and writing something at least somewhat unique to the women this guy contacts, he pretty much sets himself for meeting “dinner whores” and no one else.
My understanding is that this guy went to a good school and has a highly paid, professional job. Thus, he is clearly capable to write a more interesting message than a generic dinner invite. In fact, anyone whose education took him past middle school should be able to do that. The fact that he chooses not to or just doesn’t care indicates that he is not looking for anything serious or anything at all. He doesn’t have to spend half an hour on every message, but taking a few moments to read a woman’s profile, and writing a few sentences that are clearly responsive to what she talks about on her page makes a big difference, especially because most men (and women) don’t do this. After all, being lazy is as unlikely to lead to any type of success in the online dating world, as it is anywhere else in any other are of life. As a guy, you are much better off sending five unique messages than sending 20 generic ones.
Many guys (and women too) believe that what you write in your first message doesn’t make any difference, and that what really matters is how you feel about each other when you meet. This is only partially true. First, if a woman is turned off by your first message, why would she even want to meet you? Secondly, a more interesting first message will set the stage for the future dynamic between the two of you – online and in person. Wouldn’t you want the woman, who you are messaging to, to be intrigued by you and actually want to get to know you, rather than have a “whatever” feeling about you when she meets you?