Meeting and Dating Women in San Francisco 101

The modern dating culture in San Francisco is as unique as its geography, climate and politics. Here are five things you might want to keep in mind about meeting and dating women in San Francisco, whether you are new in town and would like to “hit the ground running”, or whether you have been living in the city for a while and wonder whether your experience with the local women is unique or nothing unusual:

1. Your date is likely to be cancelled.

Don’t be surprised if she texts you that she can’t make it or that she is tired a few hours before you are supposed to meet. Even though rumor is that men flake too, girls are especially known for this. Between demanding corporate jobs, and trying to pack as much “fun” as possible into their lives (friends, yoga, boot camps, book clubs ) they often overbook themselves and tire themselves with their social obligations so much that they feel all too drained to have enough energy and just as importantly – enough motivation to want to go out with a guy at the end of such a long day.  And, surely the local women’s dating fatigue contributes to that lack of motivation for going out on dates.

2. Online dating is more popular in San Francisco than in other places.

The Silicon Valley tech effect has bled into the dating world more in this area than elsewhere, even though OkCupid, Tinder, Match and alike are just as available anywhere else in the world. The stigma associated with online dating still exists in other places around the country and the world, but it’s completely gone in San Francisco. It seems that people only meet online this day an age in this city. Approaching women in person is less socially acceptable than ever before, and you almost never see it happen. There are just too many options to pint, like and swipe people on the phone. Because men are out of practice approaching and talking to women and women are out of practice dealing with being approached, don’t expect people to be open to casual flirting unless they are completely drunk at a bar.

3. Women are more confused and less emotionally available in San Francisco than elsewhere. 

Because of the popularity of online dating and the notoriously unfavorable men/women ratio to men in the area, the local women are overwhelmed with attention from men online. They meet way too many guys, go out on way too many dates, and as a result – they will be far less excited to meet you. When you meet a girl in San Francisco today, she is very likely to chat to 5 other guys online and she probably already has 2-3 dates scheduled  for that week or the following week. This means that you might have an amazing date with a girl, and you might rightfully assume that she really liked you and she is as eager to see you again as you are to see her, and yet you won’t hear back from her. She won’t call or text you back not because he she didn’t have a good time with you, but because she wants to find out if the next guy is a “better deal”. This is a vicious cycle for many single women in San Francisco who turn into chronic serial daters.

4. Women are more “independent” than elsewhere. 

San Francisco might just be the capital of feminism. Women here appear to be more independent and more “manly” than in other metropolitan areas, including New York City. Such industries as finance and law attract career oriented women who often put their dating life on a back burner for months or even for years. Their job is their priority, so don’t be surprised if the girl you met is trying to pencil you in, instead of being excited about spending time with you and stay out late with you.  Just because she seems to put a lot of effort into exuding more sex appeal with her clothes and make up doesn’t mean that she wants a lot of romance or affection in her life, and it certainly doesn’t mean that she will put you ahead of her work schedule.

The local women are also more “independent” in bed. “Hit and runs” are no longer only the men’s domain. Expect the girl you have  had sex with at her place to ask you to leave shortly after in so many words or expect her to leave your place after you are “done” because she has to get up early for work. Of course, there are still plenty of women who want the “whole package” – they want the holding and the cuddling, the morning sex and hopefully breakfast, but what used to be unheard of – acting like a guy in bed – has became typical and acceptable.

5. The amount of downtown date destinations is surprisingly limited. 

You might have heard that San Francisco is one of the more beautiful and unique places in the country, and there is a lot of truth to that. However, when it comes to dating destinations in the central areas of the city – near the Embarcadero and near Union Square – don’t expect to find  a lot of cool, eclectic places. Between countless Starbucks stores and high-end stuffy restaurants, you will be lucky to find a few spots that are warm and cozy enough to be conducive to creating the kind of atmosphere that would make your (first) date feel special.