It is often noted that one of the mistakes that single women make is looking for a guy who is nothing short of perfect, thereby missing out on many great guys by dismissing them for all kinds of insignificant, petty reasons way too early, before these women give those guys and themselves a real chance. For some, it takes many years, if ever, to realize that they have been way too picky and it hurt them more than helped with men.
However, the opposite often happens as well. If you dated around long enough, you know that just because a guy is “perfect” on the paper – just because he is attractive, went to a good school, makes a good living, has manners, etc. – it doesn’t mean that he is the one you want to be with. We often like to call a situation where we don’t really want to be with a seeming perfect person a lack of chemistry.
The problem is that many women feel guilty about not wanting Mr. Perfect once they meet him. First, they may try to force themselves to like him, because he has everything they have been looking for in a guy and they feel they should be liking him. Then, they start doubting their own emotions, trying to figure out whether they might in fact be interested. Eventually, not being able to feel what they want to feel for a guy they are with, they will start conducting a census by asking all of her friends and possibly family members what they think of that perfect guy. They will be looking to either be convinced by friends to be with that guy or to have that lack of desire to be with him rationalized by pointing out anything negative about that guy.
If you find yourself in a situation like that – where you started seeing Mr. Perfect but you really don’t miss him when he is not around, and you feel that being in a relationship with him will be some kind of business arrangement rather than a romantic adventure for you, you should not settle. Some people might tell you that you will get used to it, and the relationship will grow on you, but it likely won’t. If you don’t feel something special that you know you should be feeling for the guy you are with today, a month or a year from now things will not get better but will get worse. Instead of feeling indifferent toward him like you probably do today, you will start getting annoyed by his mere presence and you will want out. Or, you will meet someone who you want to be with and you will have an affair. And if you don’t have an affair because of your commitment to your mediocre relationship, you will start resenting your partner for making you miss out on being much happier than you would be with him.
So, if you are dating a guy who just doesn’t do it for you, but you are looking for a serious relationship, you should stop seeing him without delay, so that you don’t waste your time and energy on a dead-end interaction, and you don’t end up misleading him into believing that you really like him.
This is so true about the girls how dismiss guys for all kinds of stupid reasons without giving them and themselves a chance. Some are lucky enough to realize with time that they are being too picky or unreasonably picky, while others get stuck in that search for a perfect guy who doesn't exist and rationalize staying single and unhappily so for years with that approach.
Thank you for this very useful article. Quite a few of my friends make these mistakes – especially the first one, but convincing them not to dismiss guys for stupid reasons that don't really matter is easier said than done. I guess a girl needs to get old enough or desperate enough to have realistic expectations from men.