After working with several dozen of men and women on making their online dating profiles more interesting and attractive, it is clear to me that he number one mistake that both men and women make when writing that very first e-mail to a potential partner online is writing a message which is very generic and which looks like a boilerplate mass e-mail that goes out to a hundred people at the same time. Sometimes it’s very obvious – i.e. “I like your profile, let’s talk” or “Would you like to have a drink sometime?” and at other times it is a little less obvious but still look like a generic mass e-mail that can be sent to anyone: “You are very attractive and I like what you wrote on your page. I think I can relate to a lot of your ideas and goals and would like to get to know you better.” All of the above are bad ways to start a conversation online because they don’t make the person you write to feel like you wrote to them specifically. This is especially true with regard to women, who receive many generic messages from guys and after a while simply stop reading them, finding it both frustrating and disappointing that even the more educated and accomplished guys don’t put a little more effort into that initial contact.
Every woman wants to feel special even when she meets a guy on the internet, especially if she took the time and put an effort into making her onlined dating profile stand out and be more interesting and attractive than the average online dating profile that most other women have. No one cares of a message that says “I didn’t read your profile, I don’t care what you have to say and I am putting no effort at all into this.” As a guy, you are much better off addressing one or more things that she said on her page, rather than giving her a generic compliment that could apply to any woman.
You don’t have to be extremely creative to write a decent message. Even the most simple and the most common things that a woman mentions in her dating profile can be addressed in your message to her. For instance, if a woman says that she is shy at first and it takes her a while to warm up to a person she meets, you could say that you don’t think it’s a bad, and that it’s quite natural to be shy at first, and it’s probably better than the other extreme – being too outgoing too early on, before you even know who you are dealing with.
It’s much easier to write to a woman who lists a number of interests or hobbies in her profile. If she talks about hiking or traveling (almost everyone seems to be mentioning that in their profile), you can ask her where she went hiking most recently and what was her most memorable travel destination so far. If you happened to travel to the same area, it might open an interesting exchange of experiences.
If someone lists what they like and what they don’t like in other people, perhaps you can relate to your own specific experience where you can identify with the same likes and dislikes. For instance, if a guy or a woman say that they don’t like drama, you could say that you don’t like drama either, but at the same time you realize that some drama is an inevitable part of life, and it’s how we deal with it when it comes our way that makes a big difference.
And, of course, before you write to anyone, makes sure you read these three tips on making your online dating profile more attractive.