One Night Stands – Why Guys Disappear After Sleeping With a Woman Once

one night standsA one-night stand can be an emotionally taxing experience for a woman. Few experiences are more disappointing and frustrating to a woman than one night stands with guys that she was actually interested in getting to know and was hoping to have much more than a quick fling.  Meeting an attractive, interesting guy, going out with him, liking him, and ending up sleeping with him to only never hear back from him again after that often feels like an utter waste of time. I hear this kind of story over and over – “We went out. He seemed to be really into me, he was all over me, and we spent an incredible night together after which he told me that he really liked me and that he couldn’t wait to see me again, but I haven’t heard from him since. Why do guys do that? I thought he really liked me as much as I liked him! I did not want it to be a one-night stand.”

While I could never tell you how to prevent having such disappointments in the future from one-night stands, I would like to shed some light of honest reality of some of the typical reasons for such male behavior. If nothing else, understanding this behavior should help any woman, if not avoid, at least handle these experiences better.

1. Just because a guy is going out with you, doesn’t mean that he finds you very attractive and that he perceives you as a girlfriend material.

It is possible that he does like you, but it’s also possible that he doesn’t have anything better going on at this time, and you are just a “transitory” experience while is looking for someone who he really wants to be with. As cruel and as selfish as it sounds, it’s quite common for guys to look for sex and one night stands, and to do and say whatever it takes to find a sex partner and temporarily female companionship just for fun, while looking for a more serious partner, or while taking a break from anything serious altogether. Men are able to enjoy one night stands because every such experience can feel like a James Bond like conquest or a victory. One night stands are also a validation of the guy’s self-esteem by making them think – “If she slept with me that quickly, I must be that good and that attractive to women.”

2. Guys can have one night stands with women they don’t really like or don’t even find that attractive.

Just because a guy you are out with is kissing you, making out with you and is otherwise all over you doesn’t even mean that he finds you very attractive or particularly sexy. This sounds totally counter-intuitive, but you might just be attractive and sexy enough for him for that very moment to satisfy his physical drive and need for physical contact. This is especially true if he hasn’t had sex in a while or conversely – if he just broke up with someone he really like and is looking for any female company. This doesn’t mean, that he finds you beautiful, or that he would like to see you again or have any kind of relationship with you. The same applies to sex. It often doesn’t take for a guy to be crazy about a woman or to find her sexually irresistible in order to have sex with her. A man who is sexually hungry will likely find physical pleasure and satisfaction from having sex with any woman who is not repulsive to him. He will be looking for that single, one-time physical satisfaction from that encounter with a woman, but he will want nothing more from her in the future. A typical woman might be justifiably mislead by a guy’s affectionate behavior towards her when they start seeing each other, believing that his touching her is a sign of possibly genuine care and a long-term interest, but more often or not, this sensuality is just an attempt to escalate the interaction toward a one-night stand – a one-time sexual experience and nothing further.

3. Sometimes guys themselves don’t know why they have one night stands.

They might be blinded by lust to the degree where they honestly don’t know what they want until after they satisfy their sexual urges. Thus, a guy who thinks that he is interested in dating a certain woman, might change his mind immediately after having sex with her, realizing that he wants nothing else from her but what he just received – again – a one-night stand, but the one that he didn’t plan to have. It can be painful and unfair to women, but he doesn’t really have a control over that.

So, don’t be mislead by a guy’s affection, and don’t judge his intentions about you based on how much you think he is attracted to you at one given evening when you are out, especially if your date takes place before you had sex with him. This is especially true if the guy seems to be too nice, too sweet and too accommodating. If it’s too good to be true, it probably isn’t, and if he acts like a sleazy salesman, he might just be looking to score.

Not all one night stands were made equal. Some can be exciting adventures which will leave great memories, while others will make you feel dirty and guilty. Knowing how to recognize when a one night stand is coming your way decide whether this is really what you want at that given time with that particular guy.

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  • I absolutely agree – effort makes a difference when it comes to anything in life. And while just doing your best to be the best person or the best woman you can is not a guarantee of finding a great man and a great relationship, it will surely increase the chances of that.

  • SRosa78

    Just came across this article and all I have to say is that this seems like an increasing trend, especially in online dating comunity.I have had a few similar experiences recently so I can tell from my own perspective that most of the time we cannot blame men for this kind of outcome.When I look back thinking what I did wrong when those men slept with me and then dissapeared soon after,I realized that first of all i always chose younger and good looking men that are in higher demand and therefore they have more chances to hook up with multiple women and stay with noone.Also those men never talked about wanting a relationship and some even claimed they prefer to remain single as their lifestyle is already hectic and they feel like it would put a strain on relationship if being in one.The biggest mistake I made is not giving a chance to show my true self .If we women really want a guy to like us more then just for a one night stand or occasional sexual encounter we need to put out the best of our personality and show that we are more than a sexual object and by not giving in so easy and so fast because either we are lonely or we haven’t had it for a while.There are milions of women making same mistake every day and it just makes it easier for guys to keep sleeping with us and dumping us.Also acting this way ,we will know who is truly interested in in us or not

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  • Thanks for sharing your experiences. While creating mixed emotions they surely sound like they were interesting experiences and something to remember.

  • Meli

    I have some good and bad one night stand experiences. When I say good, I mean the sex was out of this world passionate and crazy. One guy hit my g-spot the entire time and it sent me into a frenzy because I never experienced that before. He was very handsome and we had a lot in common. He was up for sex again except he was only in town on a temporary basis and lived too far of  a commute. The next guy was super sweet and caring, he was willing to please and very easy on the eyes. He invited me out to an event initially before having sex, but I declined because I didn’t think he was serious. We did it like 5 times in one night and the chemistry was pretty amazing. We were both so excited that we did it on a second night, multiple times as well. Only thing is I fell for him really hard. After the sex, he planned on taking me out on an official date (which was his idea). Well when that day came, he never got back to me (just ignored my texts). I was so distraught because I felt like he was really into me. I often wondered if things would of went differently if I had accepted his first date invitation (before offering sex). This is what happens when you have low self esteem. Worse thing is he was already going away for a 6 month travel, so i don’t think he was looking for something serious anyway. Now I still think about him after a year. We’re friends on Facebook so I just admire him from a far.

  • Jack McGriff

    It’s just hormones. After the release of which, the man loses all interest. That’s why you’ve got to keep a man interested and pierce his heart first BEFORE SLEEPING WITH HIM! The longer the better. Also, women who have one night stands are perceived as VERY LOW QUALITY because they are too easy. No challenge so the guy moves on. Easy.

  • Very much agree. It’s wrong to automatically assume that just because you slept with someone too quickly it means that there is no potential for a meaningful connection to develop.

  • PradeepA

    It happens, and it’s odd. I think that some women, even those who want a bf, are open to having a one night stand but after doing so, think that any guy who would indulge that temptation wouldn’t be boyfriend material. Just because we f*cked the fist night doesn’t mean I’m not happy to commit, or that I think less of the woman for doing it with me. We had fun, nothing wrong with that.

  • LePatriote1980

    In my experience, it’s the women that disappear after a one-night stand. Then they falsely claim the guy left so they can play the victim. Also it avoids making them look like a slut,

  • Duamutef9

    Pish…a woman uses a man for his money, his status, and his utility and
    nobody cares. A man uses a woman for sex and we have to convene a
    council to do something about the “problem”. These men are just giving back what they are getting.

  • Chris

    Yes, that’s why I did state that it’s all perspective. I did not generalize all men and women. One woman might feel played and another might not. However, I hate that society has this double standard in which a man can fuck around and he’s a player who got over when that’s also all perspective. Women have way more power and are the ones who can decide who to sleep with and when. In your example, regarding the female that attaches a lot of meaning into sex and reserves the act with that one special guy then she should wait to get to know a him a little better before having sex with him and not participate in a one-night stand. Because then the possible result of a the guy “disappearing” after the one-night stand is something this particular type of woman probably can’t handle and that’s okay. One-night stands are not for everyone. And one-night stands in which a man does ghost a woman does NOT mean the woman was played. She just met a cool guy, wanted to have sex with him and that was exactly what happened…sex. If she walks away feeling used or whatever then hook-up culture isn’t for her. Sometimes a guy thinks it’s polite to tell a woman I’ll call you or I’ll see you later after sex and they never do it. A woman shouldn’t place too much meaning into these words and the type of woman who does place meaning into these words was probably looking for a deeper connection. Unfortunately, a hook-up usually doesn’t lead to a deep connection and the guy probably viewed it as a physical release and therefore that “type” of woman will feel played. If you are the kind of person who can go into a one night stand without expectations then go for it. If you can not do that, then it’s okay, you are still a “modern woman”, you just prefer not to put yourself in a situation where you might get ghosted. Some guys talk a lot of shit to get a woman in bed, if you are a woman looking for more than just sex, then you have to watch out for red flags. If you just want to have sex one night, then that particular shit talking guy will definitely give it to you and it will usually be nothing more than that. Basically, just know who you are, what you want, what you don’t want, what you can handle and what you can’t.

  • This very much depends on the woman’s perspective. if she is the type of “modern” woman who can have casual sex like gusy do then this definitely applies to her. However, if she is wishes to reserve physical intimacy for a special guy & special relationship and she attaches a lot of meaning to it, she will inevitably feel played.
    Let us not forget that men and women are built differently. Even though this is far from a strict rule, we can’t expect men and women, in general, react the same way to different situations when it comes to dating and sex.

  • Chris

    I don’t agree with the person who said a woman has been played by a guy if he disappears after sex. It’s all perspective: if a woman feels like she’s been played then she probably has confidence issues, a confident woman would say to herself, “eh, he wasn’t all that so whatever. I just wanted to fuck anyway”, and goes on with her life without even thinking about the guy ever again, then I’d say she’s a boss. A woman just like a man has the right to fuck whoever she wants, when she wants. If he disappears, so fucking what. You got yours too.

  • molly

    Some games are not neccesary, some wm are free 🎮, & that’s the way it is…

    Surely, majority of the time, shed had enough experience 2 know better, 2 do better & be better.

    Truth starts with oneself, embrace it!

  • molly

    he knows what he wamts, it just may not be her…,

  • molly

    It would be even better if women pay attention to the signs…
    both made a choice..

  • molly

    It makes her feel no more dirtier than a man…

  • brad

    Unfortunately I am one those in the 40-50% fit, good career, but not quite GQ for most women, can only attract occasional over weight women. Funny though I get hit on by more guys…I gave up on online dating to much time with little or no reward.

  • Elitza Harrington

    Yes sad but true.

  • Elitza Harrington

    Nice said. What else is there about on line dating I should know? I guess it takes to kiss a few frogs to find your prince. I don’t want to see it , however, settling for a bottom dwellers when there could be good guys in the top 20, desirable and honest.I agree many are dishonest about trying to get numbers and they are not good guys but need to prove themselve desired. I think high percentage of them. So if you feel you want sex, this is what you get, if you want relationship you need to aim for minority.

  • Well said and very true. If women were OK being with guys who sleep around, there would be no reason to be dishonest, but then we would have a whole bunch of other problems.

  • Ann Brown

    It would be great if a guy/gal would just say in the beginning that they just want sex. But if they say that they probably won’t get any. So, they play games, hence the player is born.

  • Ann Brown

    A very sexual person wants to be on a dating site. They are called players. It is an easy way to play the numbers game for them to have sex. This does ruin it for honest people who want a relationship and do not sleep around.

  • brad

    Most women want a guy that’s out of her league… The top 20% ers of men who are datable according to quipid online study. These men have multiple women who want to date them and will have sex with you and not be very attracted to you then will drop you. The reality of dating…. Good luck girls.Are there any good men you ask? Yes they are the ones you overlook and reject all the time, the bottom dwellers, those in the bottom ,80%….not datable………

  • brad

    Yes, women seem to attracted to men a little out if there league the top 20% of datable men, who can date multiple women and easily have sex with you and not be attracted to you. They want Gq man ….

  • Elitza Harrington

    So I googled that because I wonder what is it about guy’s behavior to sleep with women over and over again. I want to give my advice to anyone who comes here. If you are a very sexual person, consider not to put yourself in the “lion cage” which is on-line dating sites (: . the best place to find one night stands where women long for affection.

  • Kim Pe

    But isnt he sleeping with her on the first date? Hiw can we truust him? It can go bith ways

  • StarsCollide

    This is sad. One night stands are all about sex. It will leave the girl feel dirty, used and guilt. If she has done this to all sorts of men, then it’s a different story. Sex is sex if it is too easy for a guy. It doesn’t matter what kind of a person the girl is, because sex is sex.

  • that’s a valid point. Like women, some men suggest that they would like to see a woman again just to be nice or because they have a hard time being direct about not wanting to see her. Others truly believe at that moment that they want to see her again, but the interest fades shortly after or it’s being replaced by an interest in someone else.

  • Ashara Dayne

    It’s not just about ‘one-night stands’ is it? It’s about people who don’t want to see someone again after they have sex for the first time. Most men do want to meet up again in my experience (80% do). Those who don’t universally either have a micropenis or are so bad in bed you’re not sure if you actually had sex, so it’s mutual anyway. What amuses me is if they say stuff indicating they would like to see you again and then they don’t stay in touch. Why say it? It’s playing mind games to boost their ego. Just say ‘goodbye’ or whatever.

  • Jessa the Fatty

    You’re pitiful.

  • That’s very true. If someone acts too soon too good to be true it’s a major player giveaway.

  • Ann Brown

    I do agree with you here. Though I have learned that if a guy acts like he is my boyfriend too soon or is soooo into me too soon these are red flag signs for me. Also, I really do not agree that a guy does not know what he wants from a woman till after he sleeps with her. He knows that all he wants is sex and should be honest and up front about it. Yet, if he did he probably wouldn’t get laid, hence the “player” is born. I met a guy recently and he actually has manners and doesn’t fit the player guy that I have run across. We shall see where it leads.

  • Spotting a player is probably one of the more difficult things for women to do, even if that’s something that many would love so much to do. This is because they come in different packages and flavors. And also, like the article mentions – guys often don’t really know what they want from a woman until after they sleep with her. Having your radar up might protect you, but if it’s too high up – it will cause other issues, including of course – not getting close to someone who could potentially become very special to you.

  • Ann Brown

    Bottom line is when guys have sex and play Houdini, well ladies you got played. He was after sex and that was all he wanted. Learn a lesson here and do not fall for the B.S. Learn how to spot a player. This just happened to me. It was like a hit and run. I thought I knew better. My radar is so up now.

  • Samuel

    As long as you know it then I guess there’s nothing wrong with it. It did just throw me for a loop for like 5 minutes though because I was sitting here trying to understand what was happening in this comment section from like a month ago. I get like that sometimes.

  • That’s correct, Samuel. Sometimes I just like to briefly acknowledge readers’ comments to show that their point is taken as a matter of courtesy.

  • Samuel

    I don’t get it practicalh. What you said makes no sense. His statement can be said about men as well, so can yours. However you’re replying in such a way as to try and explain something when there is nothing to explain? You’re essentially just commenting to comment without adding anything to the discussion.

  • Golf course. This goes into jist being a bad sex partner in general. We need to remember however that many, if not most women, won’t be at their best in bed if they don’t know the guy well enough and thus don’t feel very comfortable yet with him.

  • DupageMarketing

    Some chicks wind up being one night stands because they were “dead” / boring lays… just saying.

  • dani

    I think we try to do everything we can and not get into bed with him. I agree once we do things change we have less of a control and we general don’t want to add another number if sex was great

  • Nowhere does the article say that *all* men have one night stands. It talks about the reasons why some men would have one night stands when they do. Women have one night stands to, but this article is written for and about men.

  • Well said. If girls who complain about guys sleeping with them and never calling them again knew how often women do the same to guys for all kinds of reasons – from needing validation to being on a rebound, etc…, they would be really surprised.

  • Caleb

    it goes both ways, no need to be sexixt. ive had a couple one night stands and wish they had evolved into more but the girls weren’t keen, saying things like they just got out of a big relationship and wanna have fun being single for a while, or i dont have time for a relationship, and even: i already have a boyfriend sorry. this is not a jab at women its just the truth and it goes both ways, some guys and girls are committed, some are more lustful and feel they deserve multiple partners (not to say their arent sometimes reasons for this such as: not getting any from their current partner and other things)

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  • Dylan

    thing is this is about guys who leave after one night stands, not about guys who don’t leave or don’t have them.

  • debbie

    This site thanks so much helped me and stopped me being used for and hurt l was texting phoneing a man on line l know know all same shit meal want meet u reliship u kind careing beuitful sexy knickers l know know he was married girlfreind chatting to other women on line l am so thank full this men nev got to use me for sex l stuck up he did not like it and cause l said no to sex he tryed to be nice and say l want u for reliship before l would have belive it cause the advice on here opened my eyes so please watch out these men lies cheat after sex with any women for sex they are hungry for sex debbie

  • debbie

    I have had seem shit men chatting on phone texting telling me they care l am beuitful best women in world the big hurt is they ask for u address u say no sex l want serious relationship they say no not after u for sex u belive it its lies the truth is these men married girlfreind s cheats lies they tell u anything to get in u knickers l am chatting to man on phone now but since l read this has opened my eyes up he wants to meet at mine l said no he turned funny u he’s after sex use hurt me but l am wiser now

  • john

    honestly everything that’s written here would still be just as valid if you switched the topic to being about why so many women have one nights stands, only difference is there would be all these reasons and a whole lot more to write about.

  • David

    Sorry to hear about your husband. Did you meet this man in a small bar in South Bay Area/Torrance?

  • Of course not all men are the same, and this article describes just a few common situations and reasons for one night stands. Discussion about women doing the same is a separate topic that’s discussed in other articles.

  • Greg

    Um excuse me? Why is this article talking about men as if we’re all the same? Many guys would never have a one night stand, and what about all the girls who actively look for a one night stand? Women use guys for sex too!!! What is it with this obsession with needing to be in love with who you have sex with, sex has absolutely nothing to do with love, love can just be added to it.

  • It’s actually a nice and helpful piece of info. I’m happy that you just shared
    this helpful information with us. Please stay us informed like this.
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  • Carol

    I had a one night stand two nights ago with my friend’s brother! It was her birthday party and everyone was off their heads, and I was no different. I didn’t know anyone at the party so I started talking to her brother and somehow I ended up in bed with him.
    He said he’d text the morning after (which he did), but after a while I realized he was texting me just to be nice because he really wasn’t interested.
    I don’t really care because I wasn’t interested either but the thing is, he’s my friend’s brother and we had sex in her bed! Now it’s just super awkward between us..

  • That is totally true. Some girls just need a “fix” for one night because they are on a rebound or just horny, while others don’t call the guy back after having sex too soon because they feel embarrassed and they think that their early too easy behavior necessarily mean that the guy will never respect them, which is not true. The quality of sex and who the girl is as a person will determine respect and all the other things and not how soon they had sex, or at least not just that.

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  • True, but sometimes that's all a woman is looking for as well. If both people are on the same page, no harm done.

  • Eatmeasshole

    …..AND most women once they realize a guy is only looking for a one night stand with a woman whom he has just met will never view that man as a serious candidate for a relationship because they will assume he has had sex with many strangers before

  • I met a guy through a texting app and we have been talking for almost a month now until we decided to meet last weekend. he bought me dinner, and we ate by the beach, we talked and he even taught me how to drive his car. and then as the date almost came to a close, he wanted to kiss and we did and it ended up as a rather hot make out session.

    he dropped me home, and texted me 'sleep well :)'. it's been 6 f*cking days after that date and he hasn't texted, called or anything. I don't have feelings for him but I am attracted to him, and I'm totally going nuts over what went wrong?!

    also, he is of a different religion than me and this is considered as their holy month. could it be that he is just concentrating on his religion for the time being so that's why he isn't texting? WELL HE SHOULD'VE TOLD ME than just pulling off a dissapearing act. totally clueless now

  • Good point. Sometimes, we guys think that the girl is not really interested or did not enjoy the time she spent with us, so we don't bother to call. It's been scientifically proven that we often tend to like those who like us. If the guys doesn't feel like the girl is into him, even if she slept with him, he is less likely to want to talk to see her again.

  • It's true that men often lie and deceive to get into a woman's pants. However, hating men for that is not going to change this very common issue. Trying to understand the reasons behind it would be much more useful. Also, although less common among women, they too are known to make it look like they are really into a guy and then stop returning his calls/texts, except this happens before they have sex. Once the girl sleeps with the guy, it goes the other way around.

  • Very true, and often for the same reasons, although for women being embarrassed of sleeping with the guy too soon is one reason that doesn't really apply to guys, as for us it's something to be proud of, rather than being ashamed.

  • I wouldn't worry about the gossip too much. Gossip is part of human nature and there is no real way to avoid it. I would hope that most women who have one night stands don't get pregnant. As we all know, there is protection out there and every woman should always use it regardless of her reasons for having casual sex. If you act on your sexual urges at any given moment with the guy you don't know very well, at least make sure you protect yourself and him from STD's and unwanted pregnancies.

  • jiawenrebecca@hotmai

    yeah of course i didn't regret i chose to ignore and drop the contacting, because i hate to see his friends and him gossiping about me. i am consider lucky aren't i most girls get pregnant from one night stands and i didn't. I have a good self esteem in some way. This is why girls shouldn't ask guys to hangout you do and you get laid your known as easy to get ,

  • Thanks for sharing your experience. First, it's good that you realize that you were lucky in more ways than one, especially with the fact that you didn't get pregnant and presumably not getting diseases. This is a common experience for many girls out there. It's important that you realize that although sometimes guys know in advance that one-night stand is the only thing they want from a girl, at other times, they don't really know what they want or they are blinding by sexual desire and attraction, and they only realize that they are not really interested in seeing the girl after having sex with her after having sex once or a few times.

  • jiawenrebecca@hotmai

    I experienced my first one night stand, I got lucky . I didn't get in trouble by any of his family member, friends nor any of his important social group. We only touched, hugged a little. Till I found out two years later my 5month of sex partner i decided to cut it off ,because something seems off. He ignores me when hes with his inner social group and when hes with his other social group he comes to me. I even tested him to see if he was really into me ,but hes not i pranked called him several times to see if he really cared about me, i spammed his Facebook page and he didn't respond at all he blocked me. All his friends were calling me his friends called me crazy physico they didn't even know me at all and already judging me apond my base and his friend glared at me like he wanted to kill me or something geez i didn't even do anything wrong he did.

    Now I know how girls get into these kind of situations is your personality your self esteem is not stable. I was the one who was so stupid to add him on facebook, called him to hangout and he thought i was easy. The things i kept telling him was about my parents, i showed him all my friends and he showed me none of his friends.

    Then one day i ask him to walk me home he took me to the park, and he started cuddling me and testing me to see if i am that type of person i'm not but i pushed it too soon and it scared him to think am i really that easy to get and he did so now he moved and married another women in another state glad i didn't get pregnant or lost my virgin ,but probably my jean had some penis gusted stain he was about to stick it in my v that time but im surprise he didn't .

    he did admit he was very sorry about playing me though and im glad he leaved me alone . glad none of my pictures were that clear on the internet. his friends couldn't even see me that closely up front. every time i see him i pretend i dont know him lol so they will know hes lying. hahahh.

  • Not sorry

    She did. Her intentions were to face me off without even letting him know he'd been caught. By formally telling her after realizing she was biding her time I simply threw their problem back at them directly. What I didn't know at the time is that they were, and still are in a bizarre manipulation battle to see who can be the colder narcissist. They've used many people along the way since then and I'm very glad to be out of it. In retrospect, some people in this world really do deserve each other and they turned out to be shining examples of that. The saying And The Truth Shall Set You Free has merit, but only applies to people who have a conscience. In a world of acohol, drug use and lies lies and more lies, reality will never be an issue because it will never see the light of day. They suck people in with piles of B.S. and back each other up to make everyone else look like fools. These are not young people either, they're middle agers! Horrible, disgraceful behaviors and with kids at home too.

  • blogster

    Always fascinating to read these articles and the way women respond compared to men. Instead of talking about the issue generally, women relate it solely to them.

    While I wouldn't condone the behaviour of men who intentionally do this, you must remember the considerable effort the overwhelming majority of men have to go through to even get to the sex stage – the entire emphasis is on the man to take responsibility. Initiate a conversation with a complete stranger, create interest and attraction in a woman, hope she is interested, face numerous rejections, hope to get a number, getting large numbers of flakes, dealing with women who just want the ego boost and validation of male attention (significant numbers) being expected to pay and make arrangements for dates, drinks, whatever, be bold, make the moves, face last minute anxiety of women prior to sex.

    Men, in the overwhelming majority of cases must do all of this (yes some women do this, but 95% at least, it is the man's job). For most men, the chances of success are small, the effort great. It does take a toll on a man. Most women have no idea what it is like to face this day in day out. For once, instead of just purely talking about your own individual experiences, but yourself in the OVERWHELMING MAJORITY of men's shoes.

  • A

    I feel your pain. Being a perfectionist, it's difficult to forgive people for their mistakes. I know because it's difficult for me too. If a first impression disappoints, it's hard to get past that. But if you try, you might be pleasantly surprised. A relationship is both give and take. So, if you forgive her for her mistakes, she might forgive you sometime too, when you really need forgiveness. So, maybe instead of writing a woman off, because you think she's too this or that for you, try talking to her and letting her know your concerns. You're both adults, and communicating usually creates an amicable outcome. Also, just because she was one way with you, doesn't mean she's that way with every guy.

  • A

    A woman teases a guy and leaves him "high and dry" for various reasons. 1. He got too touchy feely too early. 2. She likes him, but doesn't know him well enough to trust him THAT much 3. She tried to create intimacy, verbally or physically in some way, but he didn't respond, so she didn't feel comfortable taking it any further. Women generally don't leave a man "high and dry" to hurt them. Women are nurturers, not interested in causing pain. Also, it is fulfilling for her, even if he's left "high and dry". Women are also more social than men and learning about that man can be just as fulfilling, if not more, than sleeping with him. Some women don't like or even want to date. Some women just want a meaningful relationship.

  • Playing the same game that some guys play and seeking some kind of revenge is not going to make anyone feel like a winner. I doubt that woman who teases a guy and then leaves him high and dry would find that to be fulfilling, unless she is so desperate for a reminder that she is still attractive and wanted. When a woman falls victim to some men's games and starts playing the same games instead of refusing to lower her standards of behavior, she is going to be the one missing out on the positive experiences that dating should bring into her life.

  • Anonymous

    If men are going to play the game, women should too. Women, don't give it up to easily. Tease him, make him beg, then leave high and dry if he doesn't meet requirements. Talk is cheap. I had an experience where, a man was getting excited with me date 1,2,3. I told him i am looking for a relationship. Of course he must of been horny and said, yes! so am I. Not looking for a one night stand, can you be my girl? blah blah. Well i got caught up in the moment, and slept with him on the third date. Cuddling with him felt like floating on a cloud, it was euphoric. But, guess what….i had to go out of town the next day and i was semi joking and said, 'will i see you again?' He said to 'shoot him a text when i get back.' Really? Whatever, so it's been five days, no text, no call, no "how's your vacation." Is this what we really have been reduced to in this world? A toy, a game, a conquest. You know what you men should be ashamed of yourselves, In fact you are not men at all, just little boys. My point is, do not believe anything they say. Just see in their actions. You are a prize, be confident, and don't settle for less. What happened to men that choose a girl and settle down without all of this game playing, mind manipulation bullshit.

  • Kim

    That's a frustrating situation for sure. The best you can do is control what is going on for you instead of trying to figure out what's going on in his head. Decide what it is your really want from him, tell him so, and if he cannot or will not accept that, then move on. It's a challenge not to take it personally when he says he's "not attracted to you" ,we all would, but everyone has different tastes in personality, looks, and character. Some guys that your friends think are gorgeous, you have no desire for. Nice to see you put yourself out there though, a big step out of the comfort zone no? Exciting personal development in your life none the less which shouldn't go without praise 🙂

  • Ana Lima

    Found by accident, I'm loving your website. So, I’ve decided to share my story as well. I’m 20 years old and since September that I’ve been regularly seeing a boy, 10 years older than me. We were nothing but friends, although I always felt something special for him. We had good talks, he was a good listener and gave me advices on my worries and I felt like I had somebody I could count on. For over 4 months he always treated me as a caring friend, so I “packed” my feelings away and did my best to see him just as a friend as well. In January, suddenly he mentioned for the first time that he was interested in me as more than a friend. He told me we should always take time to get to know each other before starting a romantic relationship. I was very surprised with his sudden change and honestly, although having some strong feelings for him, I didn’t know what it was best, if to keep a friend or eventually win a boyfriend. Anyway, after his words, I knew we would never be simply friends again, so a couple of weeks ago I agreed to go for dinner at his place. We kissed for the first time and we went to bed together. He seemed to enjoy my body but I was very nervous – I’m a bit ashamed of this but I’m still a virgin. We have tried, but it simply didn’t work out. It was my fault and I felt very frustrated. Anyway, a couple of days after our dinner, he sent a message telling that he had changed his mind about me and that he no longer felt physically attracted to me. My self esteem is absolutely down. We were friends… how could he have changed his mind so suddenly just because I failed on my first time??? I know I was insecure and nervous, but I’m eager to learn and I’m sure I will get better. Why didn't I deserve a 2nd chance??? Will I ever attract him again?? I feel so down… I’m broken hearted and I now lost a friend whom I trusted. I feel like writing him a long letter letting him know about my disappointment and my deepest feelings about this all, but on the other hand, maybe I should simply “keep quiet” and forget about it all… Please can somebody advise me???

  • Vesela

    @practicalh,
    Thank you so much for the advise!But i took my decision-i told him that i wont come to visit him,because i don't trust him after all,and yes i love him but i am not welling to be only sex partner with him, even that our sex was unbelievable!And this morning he call me and we talk,he say its shame he wouldn't see my son bla,bla,bla..i told my door is open, if your is open too you have to work to win me again,he accepted this and that's all…now we gonna see what will happen…But guys i feel i take the right decision,no matter what!I have proud in the end!And thank you very much,its great that you are here:)!And sorry about my English lol!

  • T

    Hi, I am a male and just recently met a woman at a concert we hung out all night and she wanted me to come stay at her place we were very attracted to eachother at that point of the night I was way to drunk to have sex so it was pretty lousy. The next morning I wake up and she is cuddling with me and kissing me and saying she doesn’t want me to leave, so I stayed there for about 5 hours in bed with her watching tv and talking, I had to go to a family christmas party so I tried to call my brother and he wouldnt answer to give me a ride so I said I would call a cab but she wanted to take me home.
    She is 29 years old and I am 21, I lost my phone in the cab that night and she knew that, when she dropped me off she said she would call me in a few days when I get my phone. Well I am getting my phone today and was wondering if she is really as interested into me as I am her. Should I call her today? It has been 3 days.

  • @ Vesela
    If you are in love with thim, I could see why there would be a great temptation to see him, but his inconsistent behavior might end up hurting you more than making you enjoy this. The one question, of course, that only you can answer is this: are you willing to take and enjoy whatever you can from his, however little it might be, or are you attached to the outcome and to the long term plans that you might or would like to have with that guy….

  • anniesez

    i met a guy about 8 months ago online and we talked almost every night. i finally decided to meet with him and ended up having sex. he was very sweet but i barely talk to him now. i feel terible about this. and not to mention i felt so used to the point it made me sick. i refuse to text him or call him. i feel that if he wants to see me he would contact me. u have no clue what to do. its horrible!!

  • Vesela

    Hello guys,that’s me again lol.I tough my story was finished but no…He call me today after 18 days silence!He call me and invite me with my son to visit him for 1-2 days.I was shocked i was so surprised,i still can’t believe…So guys i don’t know what to do…from one side i don’t trust him, but on the other hand i really want to meet him again!I am in love with him that’s for sure,i knew this from the day 1 i met him,the problem is that i am scared,i dont trust him…Do you think guys,i can take this risk or just to give up from him?Oh it is so difficult to decide,but i really want him so much!

  • @ John, I couldn’t agree more. It’s so important to remember that any skill worth having and any progress is gradual. An easy but ineffective way out is to give up and say that it’s just how it is about any problem. A harder but a much more effective and fulfilling way to handle problems is to try to solve them.

    Giving up on dating or on meeting the right person is no different. You can either leave things to chance to do something about both, being more attractive, and also put yourself in different situations to meet more and better people.

  • John

    @Laura, Laura, I’m happy to be honest, and to continue in that fashion, here is what I have to say. There is a ridiculous amount of people out in the world, half of them are men. You can’t possibly tell me you’ve gone out of your way and got to know 100’s or 1000’s of these men on a personal level, because if you did, you’d know someone IS perfect for you. Maybe not long term until you die of old age kind of perfect, but at very least, perfect for you right NOW. In today’s society, to meet these men, it’s seen as the man’s responsibility to introduce himself and sweep a women off her feet. This responsibility may be out of her control, but she is at very least responsible for herself. She can continue to work on improving herself in every way, physically and mentally. The confidence and beauty a women expresses by taking control of her life and loving her body and mind is something that few men can resist. If she keeps working on her body and mind, every day she’ll be seen as more and more attractive, physically and mentally, to more and more men. This process takes baby steps and time, but so does digging ones self into a place where they feel no one can love them. A lot of women just need to step somewhere, sometime, NOW.

  • Laura

    John…thank you so much for your blunt honesty. I know all of this to be true by experience and confirmed by all of my guy friends. The only thing I would challenge you on is that there are plenty of great men out there that would work perfectly for me. That is just not the case, but again I really appreciate you telling the truth about men and sex. It is universal.

  • John

    Guys do silly things that screw with the minds of women every day. Confident guys have a string of girls and know they can always obtain more. On the other hand guys who are not confident will hold onto you until a newer, hotter, nicer girl comes and takes your place, usually by random circumstances. The less confident a man is in meeting new girls the longer it will take for him to replace you, hence why sometimes you can be feel like your being dragged along just for sex…it’s because it’s true. This man lacking in REAL confidence won’t want any relationship with you because of your looks or personality, or both, but your satisfying his urges until a replacement is met. Don’t trust a man’s going to call you back and wanna marry you when the both of you are drunk and hooking up in the back seat of his Mustang after the first night of meeting. Booze is a terrible indicator of interest. Stick to sober men, and stay sober yourself…That way if you are chatting to him, you’ll notice those eyes of hunger for you which he doesn’t give to girls he’s not interested in. Girls, you know the eyes, you give it to attractive men all the time. Also, on final thought, a real confidence man who knows what he wants (every girls dream guy) will make sure he keeps seeing more of you, no just for sex, but for dinners and PUBLIC things. If he just wants to see you in house and wont go out for a public outing, then your in trouble, he’s embarrassed by you. Move on. There’s plenty of great men out there that will work perfectly for you, it’s a matter of time, and numbers, meet lots of men and if they seem like there messing with you, be honest and tell them what you want. If that scares them and makes them run off, all the better for you, but if it doesn’t scare them and they look into your eyes and tell you they have the same feelings… Then you know you have a keeper.

  • Vesela

    Hello girls!I want to tell you my story,happens to me the last 3 days.Sorry for my English!So last month i meet a men in dating site.But he is from other city so we couldn't meet earlier.But all the month he send me everyday 2 sms and 1 call.Even change his mobile operator to be same with me.Min wile we delete our profiles in that site,but once i created 1 false account just to check and yes he was there again!I was so mad at him,send him sms and say thats all we are over!But then he call me and say that @dont trust to internet its not me pls pls i want only u@and in the end he convince me.So in 28 this month he come with his car and pick up me 2 h travel till his city.I stay with him 3 days and we have great,unbelievable sex(it was my dream to have sex with black)Just amazing.But in last day he say that he need to go for 2h to his work,then he say no 2 but 4h in the and he call me and say i will be back in 3 oclock.So he come back and was more tender then usually and we make again sex,and then he take me with the car to train station,so i wont miss my train.But in all the way he kept silence,in the station give me few kisses and half hug(really like he dont want to hug me)and say @Thanks that u come and cya)and go.1.5h i waited for the train and finally i arrived at home.Received that night only one very dry sms that he tried to call me but unsuccessful,and hope that i am fine at home.But no kisses and sweet words as usually.I answer him to call me after 10 min because i am in the tube and have 2 more stations,But he didnt and i think he fall a sleep.But today all day no sms from him,no nothing.I feel so bad,dont know what to do,i decide already to dont sms or call him,but i am very bad situation all day,crying and miss him like hell!What to do,pls give me advice!I am 40 he is 44y.

  • Anonymous

    @Jdawg, exactly the same thing happened to me. I'm married and had this fling with a married man who seemed very keen to have an affair with me. He pursued me and after two dates he came to my house and we had sex. I made it clear I wasn't interested in a serious relationship. I took a risk having sex with him in my house and afterwards he said we should find an alternative, a hotel or something. I then phoned him the same day to make an appointment a few days later to which he agreed. But on the day of our date he texted me that he couldn't make it but that he would call me. Of course he never did. Now I'm wondering. Why didn't he just tell me up front he wasn't interested anymore? He seemed really into me. I know his wife and she s really unatractive. And i had the impression he really enjoyed the sex with me. It's really weird.

  • Anonymous

    l don’t think you should be texting him, l think he should text you or call you.If he really likes you l don’t think there is anything stopping him from picking up his phone to call or text just to see how you are.

  • vix

    Hello everyone! I recently had my very first one night stand at the age of 27- bit late on the uptake really, but I've always been in long term relationships until about a year and a half ago. The one night stand was really unexpected- we weren't drunk, we didn't know each other, we just got chatting in a bar and I thought- why not get laid tonight?!

    We had really kinky sex, which I have never experienced before. In the morning I felt really good, we didn't exchange numbers and I thought it had gone pretty well for my first attempt. We didn't hug or really touch each other like we were in a relationship- it was just all about the sex.Because of that, I think that he must have had a lot more experience in these matters than me- until then I had only had sex with guys that I was in love with. I must admit that when we were done, I kinda wanted him to go and now realise that I should have somehow got him to leave.I kinda thought, the least I could do was give him a bed for the night, but he didn't afford me the same courtesy later on as u will see, so I say next time. Fuck em and kick em out!!

    Then about a week later I thought ' I wonder if I can find him on Facebook?' BIG MISTAKE!! He wouldn't add me as a friend or return my message. I didn't really expect it to go anywhere, I just thought it would be cool to flirt a bit more or sth. I just wanted to normalise it, but as I started looking at his photos and listening to song tracks that he recorded, I began to somehow develop feelings for him! weird! The thing that really annoyed me was that in the bar he wanted to add me on Facebook and i was like, oh, maybe later. It was him who suggested it in the first place-freak!

    I had kinda picked him out at the bar as being ok, I didn't really fancy him, but was just a bit horny. I wish I had never looked for him on Facebook cause then I was like-OMG he is so hot!!and he sings really well-damn it! I think that my only option is to block him now to stop myself obsessing over it and learn from this next time. I was thinking about leaving Facebook anyway, I just need to sort my pictures out first and make hard copies.

    I personally think that girls should have more fun with one night stands and I intend to in the future. I mean dress up like a character- lie about your name, play up to your fantasies, let yourself go- it's one night only- do what the hell you like then move onto the next one. If you want a relationship, then this obviously isn't the right approach- it's all about the sexploration! Enjoy it while u can and if mr right turns up at some point then great, but until then- it's game on!!

    All in all I think that I had a good time and he taught me how to do the dirty properly- he didn't come across as being overly interested in me, he didn't have to talk shit to get me into bed. It was all just a rather pleasant way to pass the time. Personally I wouldn't have minded some seconds,but I think that that may be a different ball game all together and a bit of a risk, so all in all it probably turned out for the best in the end.

  • Moxie

    My story is a little different. I met this guy out in July. He is 51 and I’m 46. We got on like a house no fire and I took him home that night. We kept in touch for a couple of weeks and then nothing. I forgot all about him and then last weekend he turns up on my doorstep. He had only been to my place once and that was at night. He said he didnt remember exactly where I lived but had been driving around the streets near my house and recognised my car. He said he hadnt been in contact as he had a motorcycle accident. I saw the scars and the bike so I believed his story.

    We went out for dinner and drinks and had another great night and I stayed at his place. I havent heard from him since. I dont care about the no contact, but my question is why did he go to all effort to find me?

  • me

    omg,i understand you were probably extremely hurt and felt used…but come on,that was wrong!!Anger got in the way,not good judgement,should have let his wife catch him on her own.If he’s a scumbag,believe me she wouldv’e find out sooner or later.

  • soniya

    I was just reading all the blogs…but its really irritating when guys do such kind of things…

    I knw this guy since 2.5 years and has been a gud friend of mine.. and i do like him a lott inspite he toldd me that hes committed as i never wanted to come in between these guys.. but nw as he is single now( no more into the realation) I had a one night stand with him recently.. as I was already emotionally attached to him and that night has made me more close to him but all in vain this guy has not called me up since then i dont knw what to do. I tried to call him but he said hes busy and txt him too and he replied that he will call me soon.. and i m still waiting for his call..

    I know he will never but the pain is unbearable he left me shatterd… Y do guys cant have a simple closure.. I have decided i will not make him any call i do have my own self respect…

  • golden

    Guy I met and had a one night stand with years ago, who I actually thought was marriage material never really called again, I was sad sort of but moved on. Bumped into him a few times over the years… ended up seeing each other for what I THOUGHT was just another romp one lazy afternoon and he starts talking dating and marriage or do i just want to be fwb? holy! talked for hours and then romped. I didn't know what to say, so didn't say anything. Then he starts contacting me daily the next few days. And well I do really like him but thought ok there is no way I can do a one nighter again with him so I told him has to be a relationship or just friends. He said he'd think about it and continued to contact me and then started hitting me up for more "fun" which I pretty much ignored even though I wanted to do it, I knew I'd get hurt if I did. Never asked me out on a date and a week later he's still "thinking" about the relationship thing but I haven't bothered him about it. He is a rather respectful guy, he hit on me with words, he wasn't all grabby, I ended up taking him to the bedroom both times so I don't feel bad about it. I finally know where my boundaries are but I think it will suck if he doesn't want a relationship, kinda love him a bit. on pins and needles lol

  • MONA

    @neenah, DEAR NEENAH

    i think he didn't ask again because u were very helpfull saying that you can be near him whenevr he needs you.a man can understand this sentence in 2 ways,either :1- who said i need help or i can't go all the way to way if i need her,2- i have a total hold on her ,i have her for granted coz she's willing to sacrifice

    i don't think he'll call again,unless he sees you again in strong situation (successful or with a nadsome man) then you can start from zero

  • juri

    i met ths guy online for 4 months already. one day we wer both surprised to know we live in the same city. so he invited me over to his place. before our meet-up we casually have cybersex…wen he invited me i knew the real one will be coming. cut the long story short i spent the next 2 nights with him! i had the best sex experience to date. days later he is still online and poking me and chattng with me. he is currently doing some business and travels often. he said he misses me and wants to see me after he comes back from his trips. is he telling the truth? is there a good relationship ahead of us? right now, i am preventing myself to think about him and me because the last time i ask him that, he said hadn't think about it because of his work etc…im confused if he really wants to date me for real? or does he just wants sex?

  • Hmmmmmm

    @Not sorry, I don't respect what you did. You shouldn't have blabbed like that it's not your place.

  • practicalhappiness.com

    Hello, Yes. Please follow me on twitter @practicalh
    Thanks,

  • Hello there!
    Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be okay. I’m absolutely enjoying your blog and look forward to new updates.

  • practicalhappiness.com

    @Dior. This is a painful experience but not uncommon and that one that happens to both men and women. You have to remember that just because a guy had fun with you and asked you to add him doesn’t mean that the next day he is not going to change his mind or that he doesn’t have other women that he is interested in or interested in more. If you look at your own past, you might notice how your interest in a certain guy had changed over a short period of time, and that’s something that you simply can’t predict. If a one night stand causes that much agony to you, then perhaps you should be careful in the future and take things a little slower, as that might help you determine whether the guy is only interested in a one time sexual encounter or more.

  • Dior

    Hi everyone,

    Just went through this one-night thing and for me the experience was extremely painful and destructive. I met the guy on an evening cruise party around a lake. We then went clubbing and I ended up at his place. The sex was Amazing. Best I’ve ever had. Plus it’s been 10 months since the last time I had sex. So I was a hornball basically.
    There was a small incident though. To give you some background: I’m a (young) breast cancer survivor. I went through 6 months of chemo. Lost my hair, lost my breasts, went through reconstruction. But given the context of my encounter with this guy, there was no good timing to inform him about my past health issues. So guess what? In the middle of the action, my wig fell off. He looked surprised but he didn’t make a big deal about it. He even finished the job…hehe. Anyway, the morning after, we were all cuddly, had breakfast and then he even had the courtesy of driving me back home. He then asked me to add him on Facebook, “so that we can keep in touch” which is exactly what I did, two days after but….he never accepted my friend request. Plus, I sent him a message just to explain my situation: hair loss, bc etc…I finished the message on a lighter note, saying that I had such a great night with him, that the chemistry was there, that I wouldn’t mind hooking up with him again but…he never answered. It hurts me so bad because I got attached. You all know how sex does that. You just got the person under you skin. But now it’s so painful to be ignored like that. You feel like you have no worth, no value. It’s horrible. Plus I will never know how big of a role my past illness and its consequences (hair loss) played. Maybe the guy got traumatized by this vision of a woman with very short hair (they are just starting to grow back). But the moral of the story is: Never Again. I’ve been through this type of situation before (at least 10 times) and it always hurts really bad. I think it’s not worth it. One night of pleasure vs weeks and month of agony? Please!!!! Do the math. What do you think guys? Any words of wisdom?

  • me_myself_and_I

    And what do you say about this then?
    Since I haven't had sex for about a year I decided to just go with it on my last vacation about 5 days ago.

    Normally I had sex with a guy I've met for the first time and who I assume that I will never ever meet again = the whole concept of one night stands! I got it…

    But the trick here is that he could tell that I hadn't had sex in a long time…so I'm hardly a slut = actually I even bled on the sheets so it was kind of a losing virginity de-ja-vu all over again.

    And the sex was awesome I still feel great!
    So how about it? He knew that I hadn't slept with many guys…
    I mean please… a player can always tell…
    But I expected that he would at least add me on face book simply out of elementary human being politeness, but you see that won't happen.

    So my point is that even if the guy can see that your a great girl it's the same to hell with that cause they treat you like every other slut they've ever slept with and to be honest they put you in the same category – he said so himself.

    I'm just wondering why did he ask how many men have I slept with?
    Suppose he thought that I was a virgin? or something…

    And guys are not fair players… he totally abrupted my body like he's never seen boobs although he's been with many many girls… he said so himself = men are pure energy sucking dogs!

    Plus he wanted to cuddle after having sex = so men manipulate you through sex but even though it's just sex and not love making with their dearest for example, they still need that dose of affection = that's a weak link for me to handle exactly so I backed off definitely.

    The funniest thing here was that he started to cuddle and come forward so my conclusion is that this is just a plain stupid game all of us people play when we need some sort of vent.

    But at the end he even started to approach and kiss me and told his friend how strange I was… but I knew that If I gave myself in he would make a fool out of me!

    So I decided to be the first one to back off…
    He told me that we had a nice fine time and the whole time I was silent… there was no reply on my part.

    Point is that in the end I am the one writing this and not that anonymous guy so my conclusion is that the ladies especially when single and fragile always get the worst part of the closure = till the end the guys are kinda into you just for playing it safe so that they can have a safe gateway but then he didn't need to comment on me being weird cause I just wanted to protect myself. So men like a girl that can act or is a whore in bed but at the same time a respectable girl = go figure that one out!

    At the same time they don't want mixing emotions with pleasure but they still ask for and enjoy warm cuddles.

    I' m thinking of converting into a lesbian.

    Cheers to that!

  • boo

    I guess this article is true but how very depressing. I recently had a one night stand. He was a friend of a friend that I met at various parties and nights out. Didn’t know him that well, but had very brief conversations. I also have a boyfriend of 10months. And yes, I’m ashamed to admit it, but I did cheat on him. The relationship was not going well at all. Having fancied this other guy for ages, the thought of being with him became tempting, where as before I wouldn’t even think it because of my boyfriend. Went on a night out, he was there and being very full on, very touchy. Clearly very intoxicated. Me being the same just kissed him. We couldn’t go back anywhere to have sex as we both were were staying with friends. So I told him that he should message me to do it another time and then he asked for my number. Sent a text the next day, around 9pm. Saying the other night was fun and we should go for drinks, clearing wanting sex in disguise. Replied back and got a message back the next day around the same sort of time the evening. Which was looking a bit dodgy anyway, as thats when he would message me. I really wanted to sleep with him so I didn’t care, I also had no plans to get into a relationship or dating him, as I already had a boyfriend. He clearly thought I was an easy lay and I wanted to sleep with him too so it seemed like we both were getting what we wanted. Met for drinks, quite close to where he lived, which was convenient for him. Then went to his place. Talking to him at the bars was excruciating. Always talked about himself, often stuff that was irrelevant to me or simply wasn’t of interest. I was thinking the whole time what I was doing here sitting with him. Once we got to his place it was fine. I poured myself a large drink and he started being very touchy. By this point I knew the signs and what he wanted. I gave in. We had sex that evening, then once early in the morning. Best sex of my life!! Left with him as he went to work, a bit awkward but otherwise fine. I didn’t expect a call or text from him. Knowing a bit about his reputation he seemed like he liked to concur women and didn’t want a relationship. I knew all this, I knew what he wanted from me, what he was like. The guy bored me when talking so I wouldn’t want a relationship anyway I fancy the pants off him and he was great sex but that’s it. So why do I feel like shit?!!! I’m not upset or hurt, its a weird feeling. I was fine with the sex, I didn’t feel ashamed or disgusted with myself. Maybe its because I could possibly never have sex with him again? I think I was a lot more drink than him and may of said some very embarrassing things to him. Which makes me cringe now. So maybe this feeling is that?

  • practicalhappiness.com

    @Nina
    I think the moment he didn’t even bother to exachange contact information it became abundantly clear that he just wanted to have a little bit of fun for the night – just to kiss/make out and nothing more, so he left it at that. And of course, the fact that you think you are better looking than he is, even if it’s true, does not affect the level of his interest in you. There could be many reasons why he didn’t want things to go any further. Maybe he is involved with someone else or just recently broke up with someone and is not over it, or he is not interested involved with anyone at this time.
    It’s not clear from your comment how soon after meeting you started making out with the guy, but if it happened to soon, it sends the wrong message – you are too available and that you do it all the time. Whether it’s true or not, the perception is the same, and something you should think of avoiding in the future, if you are interested in having a potentially more meaningful connection with a guy.

  • nina

    I was just googling this exact question and found this… I’m wondering if the same question applies to making out? I slept at a guys house the other night, we just made out and he drove me home in the morning. As I was getting out of the car he said “we’ll talk soon”. We never exchanged numbers, and I was trying to play it somewhat cool because I think I have a tendency to make myself too available.

    Now I’m worried that maybe I came off as uninterested or bitchy and that is why he isn’t making an effort to contact me? Guys are so confusing, I ‘m sick of putting myself out there because I get rejected a lot.

    A friend we have in common tagged everyone we went out with that night in a post on fb, so it would be easy for him to find me and add me.

    Another thing is, I don’t mean for this to come off as conceited, but I think I’m a fair bit better looking than him, if that matters at all.

    If anyone has advice I would really appreciate it!!!!!!!!

  • andrea

    well.. i liked this guy i met a few months ago, i knew him before, just never really knew him, we ended up kissing the night i met him and stayed up speaking for hours.. i thought he was diffrent to the guys i normaly go for, so i stayed possitive, we continued to text for a month later, then we hooked up at a party last weekend and slept together. things werent awkward but he never text me back, we argue alot but over silly things, the other night he called me just because he wanted somone to speak too, im not sure if hes a player or if hes genuine and it was just a one night stand!.. its really hard to read him but i think iv made it obvious enough that i like him? help please?

  • dont blame him

    I am like the guys you are talking about. I would really like a girl, but after an oragsm, Its like I have no more feelings for her. I want to see her again and hang out with her, but for some reason I just stop having feelings for her. The next time I want her would be when I am horny. When I am horny I well start to feel like I lover her and want to be with her forver. After sex all those feelings go away, and I dont want to be around her. I dont like being like this, but its just the way I am. For the record. I was not sexually molested as a boy. So most of the time its sphycoligical, and at times a guy is just an asshole and just wanted sex the whole time.

  • Kurt

    The same women complaining about men “taking advantage” of them by not calling after having a one-night-stand and probably the same type of women who see nothing wrong with going out on a date with a man whom they don’t really like and letting the man pay for everything on the date. Every guy I know has had this happen at some point where the woman didn’t answer a call or return a call after a man took a woman on a nice date. From a man’s perspective, aren’t those women taking advantage of men for doing this?

  • The Dark Angel

    And Ladies when you tell the guy how you feel and he apologised, that was VICTORIOUS!!! Trust me, you'll feel that we are not victims! We can either take the reign or just feel like a victim.

  • The Dark Angel

    an apology.

  • The Dark Angel

    Oh he came online and chatted with me but somehow it was different. Hr even said I was his slave since he F**bed me. I thought it was all in good fun.

    The following day no news. I said hi he replied. We agreed upon to have fun but he changed his mind like 2 hours later. I asked him why and he was really rude! He said I was sick and mentally ill. That was the last straw. I decided not to be nice to him anymore.I texted him horrible texts.

    I felt used and he asked me to f off and to jump from a high building. Frankly why should we keep quiet! Never allow a man to make you feel bad. I made sure this guy apologised to.me for all the horrible things he texted me. Well he was shouting at me saying we are all adults and he changed his mind because he doesn't like me. Fine but why should he be allowed to say horrible things!

    All I know is never feel bad in any circumstances. Even if it was just fun , remember the men should feel honoured we allowed them to enjoy our bodies.

    Never allow them to make you feel bad. Don't keep quiet. Make sure they apologise for what they had done. I may be extreme but I went to his house demanding for what

  • The Dark Angel

    Hi to All,

    I can understand what the majority of us here are feeling cos been there, done that.

    I used to be really nice and sweet about it and hope the guy will get back to me. But recently, it happened again. And worse.this time the guy a actually said he likes me.

    After sex, no news and the night itself, he went the website we known each other and Viola there he was. Oh hell hath no fury as a woman. This time, I was very straightforward with him. I empoweredempowered myself and told off straight into his face no wonder he's so busy!!!

  • doubley confused

    Hey. I had an incident where I started a new course. There was an instant attraction with my teacher. I asked him for some advice and we met for coffee. He ended up asking me to the theatre… it built up we went for dinner.. then he came to mine for dinner and we ended up having sex. He asked to see me the next day – he texted me in the morning the next day.. then he started to back off. We didnt meet up a few texts were sent about the way someone should be treated. We met up once more after that then i cooled off the whole thing. Then its been stop start since then – only via emails /texts. I told him I thought I had beenfalling for him.. we arrangedto meet for coffee but then he cancelled on me. I’m really disappointed by the whole thing. Now it’s written down I guess I can see it for what it was but I feel bad because I emailed him a few times with no response. GOD WHAT AN IDIOT. Don’t do what I did.

    I feel dirty and used. My friends say let it go i hadnt slept with someone for 2 years and I thought he was really into me. I feel so stupid.

  • Confused

    I am confused, about one guy in particular, we spent about two months of hanging out, calling, texting. Had fun together – he would put his arm around me hold my hand, etc. We both have very demanding schedules and jobs but we would always find time. Then his hours really increased and he sort of diappeared I tried to reach out but also pulled back from contacting him because I didn't want to be a pain.

    We then now and then would get in touch with each other, and now he is getting back in touch – he has off possibly this Friday and asked if I would be up for a walk? A part of me whether I am free or not wants to say no, but I also do really like him and enjoyed his company. We did have sex but stayed in touch regularly after that…what's the deal?

  • practicalhappiness.com

    @mom25-2012
    This is rather common. Maybe one night is all he wanted, or maybe he didn’t enjoy sex as much as it appeared he did or … maybe he changed his mind and the way he felt about you and about his experience with you is very different from the way he felt at the moment. It’s possible that he is also involved, just like you area.

  • i had one nigh stand 3days ago. his only 21 and im 25, i have kids and i already told him before we meet. i also told him i had a boyfren but i dont have, because i dont want to have something to do with him. because i have a husband. a loving husband who luvs me so much and also very very kind honest person.
    but this guy whos 21 y.o after we had sex i can tel that he like me and his wishing me to see again, but i said no more this is the last time. but now i found my self waiting for his txts and call. im asking why now? why? his not txting or calling me? before sex he call and txt me why after sex no more??????

  • E

    This article is a real eye-opener. I’m young and I go to parties now and then. And usually, there’s always a guy that catches my eye. After some eye contact, he approaches me, we flirt, we dance and we end up making out the entire night. I don’t do one-night stands, so this is just about making out and flirting the entire night. It’s fun, and experience has taught me not to expect anything of these guys. They just want to have fun for one night. But then when the guy gives me his number or e-mail address and asks me multiple times to get in touch with him, that gets my hopes up. WHY do they do that? If you’re not interested in me (and I really don’t necessarily mean relationship wise, but just to have casual “fun” some other time), why do you ask me to get in touch with you? At first when something like this happens, I get a real confidence boost, but then afterwards when they start acting all cold and like nothing special happened, that confidence boost gets smashed so hard. It’s really cruel. I would never flirt or kiss with someone if I wasn’t attracted to them physically. It’s a kind of behaviour I have real trouble with understanding. During the night iself, they almost appear to be the needy one, they desperately want you, but when you approach them afterwards, they turn the tables so fast, then you’re suddenly the needy girl who wants an exclusive relationship right away. It’s completely messed up.

  • Magda

    The question is, why do we put all our value into sex?

    We can NEVER predict how a man/woman will treat us after sex. People end up married and get beaten or abused by trusted partners they've known for years. Human beings are human beings. If in the moment you want sex, do it and be safe, and if you just wanted sex be on your way and if you didn't, then see what happens, but don't put all your value into the fact that you had sex.

    Words like slag, whore and slut are just designed to shame women because men feel insecure, threatened and sometimes disgusted by women that are free spirited sexually, it's usually a reflection of repressed shame/guilt/confusion/insecurity about their own abilities and performance.

    The truth is, if you have good sex with a guy and he doesn't call you back, does that REALLY matter? In what way does it devalue you or take from you as a person? Be comfortable in who you are, live in the moment and make the right decisions for you, not anyone else, and ignore judgement, because guess what? If you don't have sex you'll be a prude, tease, flirt and if you do, you'll be loose and a whore. Who cares what they say/think? What other people think of you is none of your business. What you think of you is what matters.

  • sue modesta

    I am a married women of 9 years have always been faithful to my husband. About 4 months ago a man I somewhat knew through work came on to me he is married as well. I don’t know what came over me but I jumped right in. We texted alot everyday and had alot of sexual conversation. We had about 3 some encounters within that 4 months and then the big one happened. We had a really good time. He texted the next day talked for a little and now it seems to have cooled down. Why? Did he not enjoy it? What could have happened to change things overnight?

  • ashleyn2012

    personally, i don't like one night stands- i like being held and touched afterward, but what can a woman do when she's lonely?

  • sandy

    @ BBC, I know all men aren’t pigs. I know there are good ones out there. I feel like “up in the air” I’m a grown Oman. If your not going to call and don’t plan on ever seeing me again just tell me. Waiting around trying to figure it all out really sucks!!

  • BBc

    I'm male responding, and can honestly say i have never treated any women like what i am reading above. I am some what a Bad boy/ self employed Classy Gentleman type . looove seduction, treat women like a goddest . take care of all her needs before mine. Had a few one night stands , but have been up front. not the type to fall a sleep after sex love to cuddle ,kiss , touch squeeze ect . i would really like to meet some of these ladies who commented above. To show you a real good time, of how a real gentleman should treat and take care of a woman . Plus let you know not all men are pigs. any one willing to try?

  • kerry

    I had a one night stand 3 year ago and the man dont want to leave I beg him he said he going nowhere..its amost 4 year and I am so tired of him some man just dont get the picture

  • sandy

    I have the same feelings going on and I have been trying to get past them also. About a month ago I met this man at a conference I was attending. He was smart, funny, beautiful. Successful, everything you could want in a man. We chit chatted for a bit and he gave me his card and told me to text him later. At first I had no intentions of calling or texting him but eventually I broke down and did. I ended up at his hotel that night and at first it was just watching tv and talking. He finally got the nerve to kiss me and it was just mindblowing.we had sex and it was the most wonderful and gentle sex I think I had ever had. I went back to my room that night on cloud 9!! The next morning he text good morning to me and we disscussed getting together later that night but he ended up having to leave. He told me we would keep in touch. We live in different states so I knew it would never work. I waited a week and didn’t hear from so I text him. He replied and it was like we had been talking forever. He told me how he came to my state all the time for work and we could get together then. It was a great conversation. He told me he wished I was there and how much he enjoyed talking to me. Again cloud 9. Well its been two weeks now and even though he promised to keep in touch I haven’t heard from him again. I have emailed him twice with professional questions and haven’t heard anything. I decided not to text him. I know now that I was used. This is kinda hard for me because he was my first one night stand. If anything it has taught me a lesson. I’ll always remember that night and him but I will also remember how confused, hurt and angry I ended up. Chances are ill see him again at another conference. But, you can bet I’ve seen the light!!

  • Jdawg

    @dance on and many others if there is a male out there that can clarify why this goes on it would be great !! I slept with a married man last week I've known him for many years we have flirted and even made out about a year ago and decided do the deed with one an other !! I am married to I know it's wrong on both parts but I think we both needed it !! But it's now 5 days later and I haven't heard from him I thought maybe he was waiting for me to txt him but when I did today I got no response WTF really what is that about I made it clear to him that I wanted nothing more than to just have a little fun every now and than but now I feel used and rejected I thought the sex was great I even felt like I was a little much for him to handle !!! So can any one put there tell me why he would pull away !! And did I mentioned that we had sex at is house now that's a big risk to take on his part !!

  • dance on!

    I am in the same boat… well similar. I went out clubbing met a guy..talked about our backgrounds and got to know eachother..he even paid money to a bar to let me use their toilet cuz it was about 4am. We went back to my place, had sex and went to sleep at around 8. He stayed over and we woke up at about 1 and stayed in bed talking til 3 when he had to leave to meet his friends. I got dressed and walked him to where his friends were which was 5mins from where i lived. On the way there we exchanged numbers and he gave me his facebook details. And spoke about meeting up on other occasions. He was very affectionate and even introduced me to his friends. He then kissed me goodbye and said take care and see you later. I went back home. This happened yesterday which was the last time i saw him. He hasnt contacted me yet…Should I keep waiting? Should I add him on facebook or should i send him a text? And if yes what should I say? :S He's really sweet and I think I like him. xx

  • up in the air

    I've read all of the comments above, and its comforting to see other people are going through this as well. Having run into situation like this, I'vespent a lot of "woe is me" time and the occasional pout, why me? Ive also talked the living crap out of it to all my friends and have beat up the topic, I cannot help but ask WHY?

    What I want to know is, why even ask for my number? I had my first encounter of such nature a month ago, after a while of being without anyone. It was during a layover (I am an air hostess) with a fellow crew member. I wouldve much preferred a "it was a blast, maybe well fly again" rather than creating expectation and hope by asking for my #.

    Of course I would have felt like garbage. However, it would quickly be brought into perspective and Id be forced to move on. He had requested my #, made tentative plans…WHY? If he had absolutely no intention of following through….SPARE ME..just be fwd. why create false hope?

    I am a grown woman, do not sugar coat it.

  • practicalhappiness.c

    @Fujiko
    Very interesting quesiton. I am not a woman but I would imagine that first, even if women want a one night stand, they are afraid of the stigma associated with just coming up to a guy and initiating things. Secondly, I would think that even for a one night stand a woman would want someone she likes or is attracted to on some level. Lastly, some women are concerned about their safety, especially if they end up at the guy's place shortly after meeting him without knowing much about who he is and/or being drunk.

    Maybe the guy you got in touch with is unavailable – married? Has a girlfriend and remains faithful to her? Doesn't check his e-mail? It's hard to tell.

  • Fujiko

    When I was oversees I met a bartender at a local bar. We clicked instantly. Long story short, we finally hooked up 2 days before I had to leave.

    I'm going back to the same place soon, and Id love to have some fun while I'm there. I also happen to like the bar…but anyway. I found him on a social network site from his country. I messaged him my offer but he has never written back!

    My question is… I am just looking for sex as well, like a guy. I figure he'd be down and I don't feel like wasting my time trying to find a new fun night out while I'm on a short time schedule.

    Can't men pick up when a woman wants it just like they do? What are they scared of if their one night stand is available and willing again?

  • Julz

    I am separated from my husband, I booted him out after his affair. I tried for 8 months but could not take his attitude and the constant, "I am confused". I have not been looking for anything but was away on a much needed girlfriend get-a-way. Met this amazing man who I told up front my situation, married but separated (married 24 years), we had a great night that went on until 5 am. Next day he texted and asked to see me again, so we did. This night was even better and we ended up having sex and I stayed at his house. His last words to me when he dropped me off were "You can call and text me, don't wait for me". Now I am back home and can't stop thinking about him. So I did text him the day after arriving back home and he responded right away, but it was brief.

    So now I want to text him that I really enjoyed meeting him and spending time with him and very much want to see him again.

    So since I have been out of dating for 27 years, am I doing the right thing?

  • punkrockgirl

    I'm 40 and met a guy at work about 4 yrs , we got on straight away and I was shocked when he told me he was 19. Nothing happened between us then, we got on great and he knows everything about my complicated relationship with my kid's dad. We went on to work in different places but kept in touch ,always planning to meet but never actually managing it. He has always been very attentive and sweet telling me how beautiful he thinks I am and how I don't look my age (people we used to work with used to think he's the older one haha!) Anyway, we finally met a week ago and we ended up having sex. It was amazing,obviously, and he told me how he has been waiting for 4 yrs for this and how much he likes me etc. He's been telling me this years ago so I don't think he only said it to get some sex. I've decided to play it cool but after only a week I find myself thinking 'what if I don't hear from him?' He knows I've been messed around by men a lot, so I'd like to think he doesn't do it ,but I couldn't bear it if all I got now was silence I think I'd be really really hurt 🙁

  • Grapevine…

    I got married when I was 23 and I am now 37 & mother of a 16yr old. Only had 2 men in my life. A University love and a husband. I had a one night stand with a guy after just the second time I saw him. When this happened there was no thought of; 'NO'; 'what are the people going to say', 'I am not this cheap' etc…But it happened. I cried all the way home. Took a shower and then slept. I am yet to find out if I am pregnant…

    I accepted that I am responsible for my own life and its too short to live it complicated.

    I am a realistic person – it happened. It was enjoyable. The guy was great. The only problem is that we are both a bit in the spotlight and walk into each other at times. My cheeks will be red and his stare will be cold but at least I dont try to build a Castle of Hope.

    Still – he is a Scorpio – I am a Capricorn. The perfect match!

  • Vinto

    Here is a thought. Why don't YOU call him up. It's not only that you gave him pleasure, but he gave you pleasure too.

  • practicalhappiness.c

    @April
    Very interesting question. I wonder if indeed having sexual online chat too early is the same as having actual sex just as early. It might be. It's possible that to some degree, when you have online sexual chat so early on, while both of you might enjoy it on the phone, if it goes too far it may backfire and make the guy take you less seriously without him intending it to be that way. By doing this before you established a solid connection with the guy, you run the risk of turning your interaction into a sexual joke or some kind online sex service.
    I am not a big fan of excessive IM and texting. I believe that long instant messaging chats particularly hurt an interaction in more ways than one. People exchange meaningless for the most part messages in part because they are bored until they are tired. This will hardly lead to attraction or mutual respect, especially if the chat is sexual. I would avoid having sex chat in the future and would limit chatting with guys online – whether they live close or far away. There is nothing wrong with a short chat or a few e-mail exchanges, but you are better off having less frequent but higher quality interactions (such as phone calls) than chatting for hours. Thanks.

  • embarrassed

    So my story is a little different. I met this guy 18 months ago on an airplane. He flirted with me, even tried to kiss me, but I was having none of it. All the same there was something about him I liked. Later he put in a friend request for me on facebook. I accepted. We messaged the odd hello over the next year or so, and spoke about potentially meeting up over New Year 2012, which never happened (both busy). Last weekend we went to see a band together. He was sweet and considerate. A true gentleman. Held my hand, pecked me goodbye. He spoke alot about meeting again. Going on holidays etc. Over the next couple of nights we messaged each other alot. We arranged to see the northern lights for the leap year. He booked tickets. Last night we were messaging each other online and the converstaion, for the first time, turned sexual. We had online sex (no cam). Immediately afterwards I got the feeling he was disappointed. He said "so is your exterior a lie then?" Meaning he had thought I was a 'good girl'. I told him no, because it isn't. I actually AM a good girl. I'm not sure why I had that sexual conversation with him. And now I feel a little degraded and hurt that he thinks less of me. He signed out telling me to enjoy my holiday in April (which I'm going on) if he doesn't talk to me before then. April? What happened to February? So I'm guessing that even online sex is a big no no for some guys. So that's my question… could being sexual in text be the same as actually physically sleeping with a guy so soon (which I would never do)?

  • sassile

    Why her over me that night?

    I was with this guy for a year and a half when I broke things off with him I loved him but I guess I was freaked out about it. We broke up for about 7 months and we both fooled around with other people and each other through out the break up. After 7 months he finally wanted to just let me go and move on because he didn't see us back together. We hooked up two months prior. I called him and told him I loved him and realized a lot of things and I really did want to be with him I thought he would be so excited for this. He was on a date with a girl from his work. He was angry at me for telling him these things because I broke his heart and why now. He said he was interested in this girl to see where it could go. I guess she pushed the issue of sex the first date but he stopped her because he didn't want to start off that way she then backed off. The next day they went on another date and apparently he resisted trying to have sex with her because she was pushing it again. She told him to pull over and he did they then started to have sex he has condoms on him but didn't use them. He said while having sex with her he lost respect for her because of the way she went about pushing sex and it wasn't like having sex with me. She road him and he had a hard time cumming when he did finally *** she told him to *** inside her. Apparently she has a diaphragm. He said after that he just lost interest in her as he brought her back to the car. They only talked for about two or three weeks these were their first dates. I took a pregnancy test and found out that I was pregnant and i texted him and he didn't see it until after her. That night he went to his brothers house to try and figure everything out what he was going to do. He finally came over to my house the following night after I confirmed with the gyno. He did not plan on getting back together with me however he did tell her to back off the same night he hooked up with her. When he was here he felt I had changed and we talked and we of course hooked up and he broke things off with her. He says it didn't mean anything with her that he doesn't like her he loves me and glad to have me back. He even talks about being married. What I don't get is why does it bother me so much that they had no self respect that night? How can a girl just let a guy *** inside her? There are so many questions. I am so hurt about this but don't know how to get past it. I love him and I know he loves me but if that's the case why can't I except it. I don't understand if a guy looses respect for a girl he's interested in how he could still keep going that far. I can except the fact that we hooked up with others but he not only didn't use a condom but he came inside her just because she said so. Im lost I know if I don't get past it I will loose him. Every time I get close with him I can't help to think about her doing what she did with him. I know he didn't cheat on me we were not together he let me go but it still hurts the same way and I don't understand why.

  • susan

    men are f`d up! at least as women our actions typically reflect our inner feelings. How are we suppose to figure out all of these mind games men play? does he like me? is he using me? especially when act the same to women they like and just want to sleep with. I was seeing a guy for a month who put total pressure on sleeping with me-disappeared when i did. How about men start acting like gentlemen and stop making us trying to understand their emotionally abuse self motivated actions?

  • practicalhappiness.com

    @Emma –
    Sure women have sexual urges and any guy who thinks that they don’t either hasn’t found that one who desires him or completely misunderstands women, among other reason. However, I also believe that men and women can be judged differently since we are different creature on the most basic anatomical level. We are built differently, we have different body parts and our chemistry is in a number of ways very different, so we probably shouldn’t expect the members of both sexes to operate in an identical way.

  • Emma

    It is unfair to judge men and women differently. Women also have sexual urges, which can be satisfied for just one night. I have had one-night stands in some occasions, and sure, you feel disappointed when they don’t call back, but at least you felt attractive and desired for one night, and reloaded your energies to keep looking for real love.

  • Kaya

    It's hard to guess what these first dates will turn into because everybody has a different story each time. I had noticed that attractive guy on my floor at work. On a Thursday I heard he was changing job and the next day (Friday) all I could think about was that I needed to talk to him because it was his last day. He ended up introducing himself to me and by the end of the day I had his phone number and email address. We exchanged some emails and text for 2 weeks and then finally after a little push from me we agreed he would bring a bottle of wine to my place. We chatted for 4 hours (drank the whole bottle) and then I invited him to my bedroom. I was fine with that because I have been single for a year and I have a healthy sexual appetite (plus he's very attractive). I have never done that before. But yeah we had sex and he paid a lot of attention to my "needs" and I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself. He left in the early morning.

    Now I'm not wishing for some relationship or anything like that right away but I find him interesting and I would love it if he called me back and wanted to hang out again. I just don't know if that will happen. I mean if it doesn't I'll just move on but that be great if he did contacted me again.

    I guess my question is that if a guy enjoyed himself on a first date and was satisfied with the sex and wanted to see more of the woman…..how long would he wait before contacting her again (bare in mind that this happened only 2 days ago)?

  • MissJ

    But most of the times the girls waste their time expecting a text/call or reply from the guy. And when they don't get a reply, they end up feeling sad (my friends had this experience)! So, it was just an advice. Anyways, people have different ways of dealing with things. Although, it is really nice to hear if someone managed to get something more out of their one night stand!

  • MissJ

    Hi

    I recently had my first one night stand and feel so good. I broke up with my boyfriend and slept with one of my friend’s friend twice to get over him. But the sex was so bad that I was frustrated for a week or two. And then, I met this guy at the club and ended up at his place. The sex was passionate in the beginning and got very rough towards the end. But I loved every bit of it. In the morning, he told me he had to go somewhere. So, I dressed up quickly and he came to the door to see me off. We did not hug or kiss or exchange numbers. I said bye and he said see you sometime.

    On the whole, I would say it was a really good first one night stand. And I would advice all the people having one night stands not to exchange numbers because nothing works out after that and it is just better to enjoy that night, forget about it next day and move on! There are plenty of guys waiting for you 😉

    Stay safe and stay happy! 🙂

    J

  • practicalhappiness.c

    @MissJ
    One night stand is sometimes a more effective remedy to break up pain than at others. But, I don't think you have to avoid exchanging numbers or seeing each other again with your one-night stand. After all, it's not impossible that you like each other, even if it starts purely sexually.

  • Missy

    My husband and I are seperated. He is 10 years my senior and had been an alcoholic for years as well a substance abuser. I finally decided to leave him I started running and lifting weights and signed up for one of the online dating that matches older women with younger men.

    I am 46 and the guy I met is 33. Not in a million years did I ever think that a man whO is in such great physical shape be even remotely interested in me. Alcoholism is such a devastating disease for the spouse as well and to have spent a night with this young man was truly a great pleasure. I, like Mary appreciate this wonderful experience. It has showed me that there are men who are happy and healthy whot might be interested in me. Now I don't know if and when I will ever see him again although we've been in touch via text but that night had a therapeutic quality to it that was very worth it to me…

    So let them be free. He never verbally made a commitment to me so I really shouldn't expect anything.

  • MARY

    I am 55 yrs and i lost my husband to death in Feburary. I was approached from a beautiful man that gave me physicaly way more than I dreamed or thought possible. I am reading this and I refuse to feel unloved or unwanted even if this man and i never connect again. There are times in a womans life when sex comfort and a one nite stand may be just what she needed. I am excited and so joyously happy, that this expierience happened for me.I now know that my vagina and myself work again. I believe what this man gave me was a gift. You never know wehy people make love or have sex Soo let the men be free.

  • sandra

    continued the moral of the story is: WHEN A MAN DOES NOT CALL BACK ITS JUST MEANS HE IS NOT FOR YOU ! he may just well be into you but he is not for you. So dont beat your self up. ALSO if a love leaves you and comes back to you than it is love. So thats my advice to all heart broken women girls anybody.

  • sandra

    This is a pretty interesting topic , Every woman or man has gone threw this issue I my self have gone threw this, I met a man on the train who at first i didnt have any interest in but he ask me for my telephone number I gave it to him. I really didnt expect him to call. 1 week he calls me we set up and appointment to met at his loft apparently he is a photographer/ doctor lol blah. So anyway I went to the loft and he was so impressive soft music chicken casadeas sprite soda and it was great then he said he does massages so i let him give me a massage over of sudden it turn into some pronographic show his glasses throw to the floor. As soon as i saw his dick getting ready to enter me i stopped him. Then we laughed about it. Next date same thing we tried the sex thing but i was feeling it. I think he could sense it but if he would of taken his time to figure me out these things would nt have happen. 3rd date never happen because i didnt go because of the timing. Anyhow he called me but i missed his call and my texting doesnt work. after that i havent heard from him. I called and txt him but i left NO NNEGATIVE COMMENTS .. 3 times after thats it 3 times that person is out in my book.

    The moral of this hold story is;

  • Gal

    I met this guy in a hiking trip about 3 weeks ago and I found him really attractive. He is a foreigner in town for a year on a project. We had dinner together with a group of people on that night itself and we exchanged number. He message me when he got home and also message me when he was on his way to another night hike at 2am, sweet messages, very nice and gentleman.

    Due to his hectic schedule, we went out for dinner about a week later. Meanwhile he would not hesitate to send me sweet messages on a daily basis. On the first date He touched and brushed my hands and arms on a few occasion but nothing more. I sent him home and said goodbye to him, no kisses.

    When I arrived home I got a message from him saying he had a real good time and wish we could go out again. Needless to say I was chuffed to get that message. I was suppose to go to a concert with him the next day but I fell sick and was home for a week which means I did not see him for the entire week. He was still sending me messages but less. At that point I thought he must be busy again.

    When I was close to recovering, I got a message from him to check if i feel better and I replied yes, thanks. He then said "so we can go out again soon?". We went out on a second date and after dinner he suggested we go for a movie. We checked the screening and he wasn't really interested in any of them so he suggested we go back to his place as he has an old movie that is really good.

    I know I shouldn't have said yes to go back with him but I did. He showed me around and got me drinks and we sat down to watch the movie. He said very close to me and then he said "so you are ticklish huh?" He started playing with me and we were laughing and he kissed me. That went on and boy I was really enjoying the heat. I stopped in the end however saying that it wasnt the right time of the month for me. We laid on the couch cuddling half naked throughout the two hours movie. After the movie ended, he started nibbling my ears and kissed me more passionately again. I ended up giving him a bj and he came on top of me.

    He sent me out the door with a smile and I felt weird as he should have walked me to my car in the basement but he didn't. I reached home around 1:30am and not a message from him to check if I am home safe. He did not message me at all and on the third day he sent me a note to check if he is still getting me a ticket to a concert on the weekend, he ended the message with "correct!?!". He made it sound like "I hope you say you are not going."

    It's the day of the concert and I texted him to check what time and where we are meeting and I heard nothing. I called and no reply. I then deleted his number and made other arrangement.

    One thing I really don't understand is why men will not step out and man up to tell a woman up front that he is only looking for one night stand? In Asia there are a lot of willing candidates who love playing around! And why mislead someone decent, let them think you are really into them, gave them the hope that you are really different from those men out there to only break their heart into pieces by disappearing without saying a damn thing????? I have really had enough of men like that. If I ever see him on the street I will not hesitate to kick him in between his legs.

  • Kiki

    Well fellow ladies I really sympathise with u all. Dr.John Gray explains this very well , and answers the whys for us.Sex does not = emotional attachment for a man its that brutal and simple.However sex , or any intimacy with a man releases pewerful bonding hormones called Oxytocin in a woman , its not ur fault just nature.Us ladies reallyand I mean really protect our hearts and emotions by avoiding casual sex , unfair I know , frustrating oh yes.Men have to work for what they appreciate in the end and sex given to easily or soon just destroys this appreciation.I hope this helps.

  • brighty

    I met a guy on the internet couple weeks ago. We dated and had sex the 3rd time. He was really into me was kindda talking about being looking for a relationship ”relationship material”. I was not very expressive on that but we were really attracted to eachother. Sex was fine and he came 3times.

    I didn’t hear from him the day after and decide to text and ask something I knew was going about his job. No answer. After a week, I emailed. Said, I guess it was over but didn’t expect that and would have appreciated him writting back. He wrote couple days after. Basically he said : Sorry he did not text or email back. Things moved super quick with us and I he got scared. He is not that type of person but things just happened so quickly.

    I’m fine with the one night thing and pretty rational about all that (I kindda do that sometimes…) but I have to admit that I’m pretty confused with this one. Should I email back ? What ?

  • Sonya

    So this guy and I frequent the same message board for years. Out of the whim we had exchanged numbers, became incredibly close….talked daily all day for almost 2 months. We finally decide to meet face to face, had a wonderful weekend at the beach, bar hopping, site seeing……and a week after the trip…no contact, phone calls or texts. I never thought I was in danger of becoming a one night stand because we had discussed the future and basically shared everything. I'm really hurt by his sudden cold shoulder. Why not at least have the decency of giving me an explanation or some sort of closure? I really thought our "feelings" were mutual and on the most basic level cared for one another.

    Now I'm stuck with the "why's, should've, would've and could've". How does one get over feeling used?

  • Debs

    Well my experience is slightly different in I am an older woman and the guy in his 20s. We connected through a dating site and he came on very strong. I dismissed his attentions because of the age gap but felt flattered.

    He persisted and having chatted for six weeks we agreed to meet up on the spur of the moment. We didnt have long together as he was catching a train but after our meeting would send me text messages telling me how gorgeous I was and couldn't wait to see me again. Then all went quiet. I messaged to ask if he had a problem with the age gap and if so I understood.

    He responded assuring me that he didn't but every time we arranged to meet he would cancel. I sent a message saying in jest we clearly weren't meant to meet again, then he came back with another date. When I turned up I sensed a coolness and wondered if he was having second thoughts although once we started kissing the passion was out of this world.

    At the end of the evening I gave him oral sex. Believe me I got a great deal of pleasure from it BUT as he left, he thanked me! It made me feel I had done him a favour rather than it being two people consenting to a pleasurable experience.

    Needless to say I haven't heard since and I will not contact him. It looks as if he may have even blocked me on msn. Whereas I realise it couldn't have gone anywhere due to the age difference I don't understand how he pursued me for two months then after one amazing sexual act has disappeared…

  • practicalhappiness.c

    It also makes a difference if alcohol is involved. Not all one night stands are alike. If the two people like each other and feel incredible chemistry during their first meeting/date, following their mutual urges is not necessarily such a bad thing and it's not necessarily bound to fail. But if it's the influence of alcohol / drugs that throws people into each others' arms, then it's more likely to be a problem or a waste of time for both of them.

  • Jenni doesnt care lo

    I cant believe how some men on here are quick to blame women. And thats in 2011, if a girl sleeps witha dude the 1st night hes the one who gonna be worried if she has had other one nights stands??? Really? But men can have one night stands and no one judges….wow. Look the reality is you can go on a date sleep with a guy in 1-2 dates. Its a gamble. Either hes horny (well they always are) or he is attracted to you and you never know.

    One rule of thumb girls, if you are thinking of sleeping with a guy too early on, be prepared to seperate the emotional part from the sexual. Meaning, you must be ok with the fact that this may never turn into anything ever. Point blank.

  • Sofia

    Omg Hanna I feel you…I had a similar thing happen to me. Okay so I’ve always been kind of like a lone wolf kind of gal, very attractive and smart but just never been good at making friends, much less boyfriends. So with my free time I decided to enroll in a gym where I quickly started getting all the males’ attention, but since I’m picky I only decided to go out with one. We went out on like 5 or 6 dates, we both had hectic schedules so worked around them. He was tall, dark and handsome of course, very mature and kept to himself like I do (he was 25 I am 23 btw) and then one night we went back to his place after the club to drink it up with his roomies who I totally got a long with, then I suppose I drank too much cuz next thing I know I woke up naked. I remember bits and pieces of it, now mind me I really wanted him and I had slept over at his place before without having sex. I just hated how I couldn’t remember it lol, we cuddled in the morning and he drove me back still acting super sweet, I texted him that morning “so did you roofie (pill) me up or what?” I was joking but then he got back to me “you’re kidding me right?” I responded hours later saying “yeah” and he hasn’t texted/spoken to me since, what a fkn scumbag huh? Also I should add that unlike you, I am not the kind to give the man the upper-hand in rejection so I never tried to contact him since, luckily we had both moved away (ironically enough) so we don’t have to be all awkward. I forgot to add my email Miss Mod!

  • Tasha

    I met this guy and was seeing him for a month and I thought we really connected. We went on dates, he would call and text me daily and then we was at his place and we had sex. After our first sex, he went from texting me less to not texting me at all. He would tell me that he was busy with school and on the day we was gonna go out to a restaurant, he had an excuse saying that he went to go see his mom. I called and text him back and he never replied back, so I moved on to a man who I'm now married to and have a beautiful 3 year old daughter with. I don't know why guys do this, but be man enough to break it off if he's no longer interested in the woman, don't give her silent treatment. This also goes for women who do men like this too, WE CAN'T READ MINDS!!! Best not to give up the goods so quickly.

  • Anonymous

    I solely blaim women cause 9 times.out of ten if a women has a one night stand with a guy he’s not the first & mos def not the last. My friends now husband said he had a one night dtand with an older lady 5 yrs past he ddnt see nor did he hear from her but she accused him of fathering her 4 yr old daughter, so now it’s affecting his marriage because my friend is going to leave him if it’s his some women are just skanks and makes it harder for women like me jst cause a random guy comes on to you doesn’t mean you sleep with them attractive or not you have to habe some kind of self worth & boundaries if not your setting youself up so don’t be surprise if you never see him again & please don’t try an act like the victim you made your bed lie in it , that goes for everyone

  • hanna

    we meet at the gym 5 mnths ago, we have been flirting around. He got my number from the gym instructor, he sent me amessage to have adrink with him…..i was like jumping in the air.we meet that evenning we had drinks after we went dancing……i got drunk i asked him to drive me back home with my car.he packed near my house,i asked him its very late how is he going back home …he suddenly started kissing me i could not resist ….he asked if we can go to his home for one more drink and at that time i was getting more and more……. i remember asking him ( do u have acondom at your home) he said yes .he drove like amad person.After he asked me to call him when i get home…i did not call that night. i sent him a message the next day saying Good morning he didnt reply i called later that day using adifferent line ,he recieved it i asked him why he didnt get back to me, he said he was very busy.Then he was travelling the next day he promised to call when he comes back..i waited for his call invain.i called him once he never answered…i sent him amessage after three days (telling him how terrible i feel and how i feel like not seeing him again i will change the gym.)he still never replied .now the problem i think about him all the time and its killing me. my english is not so good sorry about that.

  • Kari

    So having been a lesbian for 15 years, I decided to give men a try. This guy i met texted/called about 1-2 times a week during the first 6 weeks after we met. We clicked instantly and went on three great dates during those 6 weeks (he told me on several occasions how much fun he had on those dates). My intention has been to have a one-night (or a few nights) with him – he is absolutely not a relationship material. When we were out on dates, he treated me very well and didn't push for sex. We had some hot make-out sessions but none of which resulted in real sex. He seemed to have really liked me and said he wanted to do it right when we are at either my or his place. Two weeks ago this man said he was going away for a week but will call/text. Okay. I haven't heard from him since then. I guess he turned out to be one of those guys who just fade/disappear because they have no guts/decency to tell you what is going on!! I'm disappointed because I have been imagining how great our sex would be for the last 2 freaking months! Needless to say, I'm completely frustrated at this point. I've just finally gotten comfortable with him enough to do this and he went 'poof'. I think if he doesn't call/text, I'll just let it go. But if he does call/text again, what should I do? I feel kind of upset that he left me hanging and I will be compelled not to respond. But at the same time all i want is sex so why do i care? Any thoughts?

  • Astrid

    Well, I guess this means he spent all that time and attention on me and at some point in the date realized he wasn't interested. I'm still not sure what turned him off. I know he's not a player. I THINK I know he's not a player. Why didn't I have a warning? We had sex twice and I was too busy trying to make an impression that I couldn't get in to it. I keep thinking that drove him away. I'm going insane wondering what drove him away. I don't want to let him out of my life. He was the best thing in a long time to happen to me. But I can't be 'just friends.' That would be too painful. He dumped me in a kind way. 'not enough in common'. Except I want the truth, even if it hurts. I asked him for the truth. He didn't respond. I keep thinking of reasons to e-mail him, I waste a lot of energy thinking of cute things to say and then forcing myself not to send them. I'm a grown woman, not a crazy stalker. I just don't know why I can't let him go.

  • Avangi

    "Dosent have a control over that?" of course he dose, and we all know with in a brief time if we are really into a person or not. Many time I think it's because they are married, or have a girl friend, or they just taking advantage of a situation. Men know exactly what women they can prey upon and the ones they can't! I can't say to a women don't sleep with him on the first date, because sometimes he call, he will move in, he will propose, and he will be snoring in your ear 20 years later.<< cuz thats the mistake I made almost 20 years ago. (was the best mistake I ever made)

    But for the most part that he won't, and he dose have control over it, if he pushes for sex on the first date, then he is not going to call! I never planned on my guy calling again, but then I was really not that into him, until after we had sex, and I said "WOW!! that man just rocked my world! Oh BTW it was more me than him that said "cme on baby lets do the wild thing!

  • Kurt

    I agree with most of Andi’s advice. If a woman has a one-night stand with a man she just met (not someone who was a friend or at least she has known for awhile), the vast majority of men will never view that woman as a serious candidate for a relationship because they will assume she has had sex with many other strangers before.

  • Not sorry

    “It can be painful and unfair to women, but he doesn’t really have a control over that.”

    Too bad this wasn’t explained to the married man who ‘pumped and dumped’ me after having sex with me in my home on 3 seperate occasions. Wasn’t he surprized when I fed him to his wife on a silver platter for being the lying cheating scumbag that he turned out to be. Now, several months after the fact, I could give her a few more names of women he’d also been hitting on-went right on down the line til he got one. ME!! He had absolutely no control over the effect his break up speech would have on my pride or ego, nor did he have any control over the rage that I unloaded under his precious roof that he’d been telling me he was so unhappy under. Now they are out an entire group of almost new friends they might have harvested because he was only out for himself…”He will be looking for that single, one-time physical satisfaction from that encounter with a woman, but he will want nothing more from her in the future.” best sums this up, but this player used me 2 more times in addition to that first time-the last of which we’d had sex several times in the same encounter. Unfortunately the circle of friends they lost largely consisted of people I’ve known for years as well as went to school with, whereas this man and his wife had only been in town a short while. Yes, town…one not large enough to get lost in. Oops, he shoulda thought of that…To the men who don’t use the head that has the brain in it when trying to think, BE CAREFUL. It’s a jungle out there =)

  • A man

    Let’s not forget that same situation also happens in reverse – women disappear after a few dates, leaving men with big question marks floating on their head… so it’s not a “male” problem, its a human problem.

  • Andi

    This advice is very true, men will bang anything that doesn't make them vomit, at least not right away! I appreciate an article that doesn't present women a sluts and stupid for wanting sex. However, as a woman, I've had many one night stands by choice, and one thing I've learned is never, ever sleep with anyone you are really interested in. A man who calls after a one-nighter is looking for easy sex at his convienece, he doesn't see you as anything more than a sex partner when he's got nothing else better. Unless you had a one-nighter with a guy you were platonic friends with for awhile, no man wants anything more.

    There is one bone of contention I have with this article and that is that men often do know what they want from a women within a few minutes of meeting. They know whether they're attracted to the women and would want date her or if they're out for a good time. I've had my share of both, and the ones that really attracted to you are not trying to get in your pants on the night. You're being gentle with these ladies feelings. Many one-nighters are guys that are in town for a short period of time or who are so busy with successful careers that can't seem to call you back, blah, blah, blah, PLEASE, BS.

    Bottom line ladies, if you hit, then quit it, unless you want to be an at will hole for them to fill when they're in the neighborhood or strike out at the club. Just remember, the better they make you feel, the practice they have had.

  • neenah

    I had a one night stand recently and it was awesome. I want this man so bad. I gave him my number after we spent the night together. He texted me a few days later and we were having a conversation when I told him I could be near him whenever he needed me. I have not heard from him and it’s driving me crazy. I really want to pursue him but, I don’t want him to think I’m possessive or clingy. I deliberately didn’t ask for his number so he could ask for mine if he was interested in me. I don’t know why he asked for it and used it once and then changed his mind. BTW he is the president of a movie production company and he travels a lot.

  • practicalhappiness.c

    Hi, Samantha. As disappointing as this may be, your experience is quite common. This is all guys sometimes want – to have a good time with someone who they are unlikely to see soon or be able to keep in touch for whatever reason. He was attracted to you and he acted on it, and so did you. There is no way to know what the guy will want after you spend a night together. Often the guy doesn't even know what he wants until after.

  • samantha

    i had a good night with a french man that i met a month a go through my job. we are very attracted to each other, and the time before he go back to paris something happened to us. he told me to meet me up in paris when i get back and call me, but its been a month since then, and still no news from him. i tried to called him and even sent messages but no reply. i just received 1 message from him telling me that " I'm back to call you tonight.sorry" he even dont call me back and now its been almost 1 month more that i dont have news from him, and still asking why hes reacting or doing this kind thing to me. i really dont understand him. i know he likes me. my question is a big WHY?????

  • Kurt

    Sometimes if a girl pushes for sex right away the guy will assume she has done the same thing with about 100 other guys before him and that will be a big turn-off for a lot of guys.

  • margo

    This puts the sad in sadistic