A one-night stand can be an emotionally taxing experience for a woman. Few experiences are more disappointing and frustrating to a woman than one night stands with guys that she was actually interested in getting to know and was hoping to have much more than a quick fling. Meeting an attractive, interesting guy, going out with him, liking him, and ending up sleeping with him to only never hear back from him again after that often feels like an utter waste of time. I hear this kind of story over and over – “We went out. He seemed to be really into me, he was all over me, and we spent an incredible night together after which he told me that he really liked me and that he couldn’t wait to see me again, but I haven’t heard from him since. Why do guys do that? I thought he really liked me as much as I liked him! I did not want it to be a one-night stand.”
While I could never tell you how to prevent having such disappointments in the future from one-night stands, I would like to shed some light of honest reality of some of the typical reasons for such male behavior. If nothing else, understanding this behavior should help any woman, if not avoid, at least handle these experiences better.
1. Just because a guy is going out with you, doesn’t mean that he finds you very attractive and that he perceives you as a girlfriend material.
It is possible that he does like you, but it’s also possible that he doesn’t have anything better going on at this time, and you are just a “transitory” experience while is looking for someone who he really wants to be with. As cruel and as selfish as it sounds, it’s quite common for guys to look for sex and one night stands, and to do and say whatever it takes to find a sex partner and temporarily female companionship just for fun, while looking for a more serious partner, or while taking a break from anything serious altogether. Men are able to enjoy one night stands because every such experience can feel like a James Bond like conquest or a victory. One night stands are also a validation of the guy’s self-esteem by making them think – “If she slept with me that quickly, I must be that good and that attractive to women.”
2. Guys can have one night stands with women they don’t really like or don’t even find that attractive.
Just because a guy you are out with is kissing you, making out with you and is otherwise all over you doesn’t even mean that he finds you very attractive or particularly sexy. This sounds totally counter-intuitive, but you might just be attractive and sexy enough for him for that very moment to satisfy his physical drive and need for physical contact. This is especially true if he hasn’t had sex in a while or conversely – if he just broke up with someone he really like and is looking for any female company. This doesn’t mean, that he finds you beautiful, or that he would like to see you again or have any kind of relationship with you. The same applies to sex. It often doesn’t take for a guy to be crazy about a woman or to find her sexually irresistible in order to have sex with her. A man who is sexually hungry will likely find physical pleasure and satisfaction from having sex with any woman who is not repulsive to him. He will be looking for that single, one-time physical satisfaction from that encounter with a woman, but he will want nothing more from her in the future. A typical woman might be justifiably mislead by a guy’s affectionate behavior towards her when they start seeing each other, believing that his touching her is a sign of possibly genuine care and a long-term interest, but more often or not, this sensuality is just an attempt to escalate the interaction toward a one-night stand – a one-time sexual experience and nothing further.
3. Sometimes guys themselves don’t know why they have one night stands.
They might be blinded by lust to the degree where they honestly don’t know what they want until after they satisfy their sexual urges. Thus, a guy who thinks that he is interested in dating a certain woman, might change his mind immediately after having sex with her, realizing that he wants nothing else from her but what he just received – again – a one-night stand, but the one that he didn’t plan to have. It can be painful and unfair to women, but he doesn’t really have a control over that.
So, don’t be mislead by a guy’s affection, and don’t judge his intentions about you based on how much you think he is attracted to you at one given evening when you are out, especially if your date takes place before you had sex with him. This is especially true if the guy seems to be too nice, too sweet and too accommodating. If it’s too good to be true, it probably isn’t, and if he acts like a sleazy salesman, he might just be looking to score.
Not all one night stands were made equal. Some can be exciting adventures which will leave great memories, while others will make you feel dirty and guilty. Knowing how to recognize when a one night stand is coming your way decide whether this is really what you want at that given time with that particular guy.