First, let me clarify that by committing I don’t mean a guy marrying you or even proposing. What I mean is wanting and intending to be in a long term relationship with a woman on any terms that work for both. Now, lets turn to these two key reasons why men do not commit to a woman that they started dating that you need to be aware of to better understand the men you are meeting and actually increase your chances of finding the right guy for you:
1. He is just not ready to commit.
This has nothing to do with you. No matter how wonderful you are, if the guy does not want to settle down or be in an exclusive relationship, there is nothing you can or should be doing about that. And, if you want more out of that relationship than he can offer today, you are simply not going to get what you want. There is a slim chance that eventually he will want to be in a long-term relationship with you, but in reality waiting around until it happens fails more often than not. Remember – this has nothing to do with who you are or even with how he feels about you. He could be madly in love with you and at the same time still be interested in meeting, talking to and even sleeping with other women. Some women believe that if a guy loves a woman, he will never cheat on her. This is true with regard to some men and isn’t true with regard to others.
There might be different reasons why any specific guy is not ready to commit to one woman. It’s possible that he enjoys the “game” too much and wants to meet, date and sleep with more women, as he is used to doing. It’s also possible that he didn’t have opportunities with women until much later in life, and now he is trying to “make up” for those years of sexual drought. The same can be true about a guy who has been married for many years, and who also wants to enjoy dating around and exploring his options. It’s possible that the one guy you would like to be with has feeling for someone else, but he still doesn’t mind messing around with you. However, regardless of what that reason is – if he is not ready, then he is not ready.
If you realized that the guy you are dating belongs to this category, you have to ask yourself whether it is worth it for you to continue investing time, emotion and energy into the guy who is not ready to make you his long-term partner. No one can answer that question on your behalf, as that’s a very personal choice depending on what you want and where you are in life. The problem is that some women decide to date that type of guy casually and not develop any feelings for him to only later develop feeling for him and get hurt badly. Just because you “decide” not to develop feelings, doesn’t mean that you won’t end up having them. On the flip side, the same can happen to the guy you are dating, but if you bet on it, chances are way too high that you will lose that bet.
2. There is one or more deal breakers that men see in you.
It’s possible that the guys you meet see one or more deal breakers in your personality, behavior, or lifestyle that immediately makes them put you in the category of someone who they would be willing to date casually but would never want to be in a long-term, serious relationship or marry. Many guys don’t like women who smoke or drink heavily. Other guys don’t like women with tattoos or piercings. I know guys who “disqualify” a woman from a potential relationship material as soon as they see that she has a “tramp stamp”. Although some men like thicker women than others, pretty much no one likes grossly overweight women, no matter who nice their personality is. Some guys have lower tolerance for women who talk too much, or who are dominant / overconfident, high maintenance and materialistic, flashy, always late, reckless spenders, loud in public, vegans, or who have a bad body odor, or who suck in bed (no pun intended).
If you keep meeting guys who are willing to go out with you, have sex with you every now and then, but who do not want to be in a serious relationship with you, it’s really worth taking a long hard look at yourself, your style, your appearance, your behavior, etc… and even asking your friends to be very honest about what they think might be turning off guys from wanting to be serious about you and wanting to be in an exclusive relationship with you. This doesn’t mean that you have to necessarily change who you are, but at the very least it would be good for you to know what particular qualities of yours might be a problem to the men you are meeting. This is especially important to know if you are meeting men in the Western world, where men, and people in general, are trained to be more polite and politically correct, and they will not tell you what they don’t like about you out of fear of hurting you and coming across as rude. And be sure to read about how to tell that the guy you met is actually looking to settle down.
Men and women are very similar when it comes to rejecting a member of the opposite sex because of one or more of such deal breakers. Therefore, as a woman you should be able to easily relate to the men’s response to a quality in a woman that they find to be unacceptable in a long-term partner.