One of the biggest issues that women have in dealing with men on the romantic level is that common fear or lack of desire to make a guy commit to dating one woman and having an exclusive, long-term relationship with her. It almost seems like there is this “conflict of interest” where members of the opposite sex have opposite goals. Most women are looking to commit, while many guy are looking to avoid committing. Having said that, most guys seem to reach a stage in their lives when they are ready and willing to “settle” and have a relationship. Women, however, tend to make the mistake of “encouraging” their dating partner to commit in a way which is counterproductive and actually pushes a guy away.
First, it is important to understand, as I point out on the article regarding dealing with jealousy, that only one factor would make a guy want to commit to a specific woman – his desire to be in a committed relationship with the specific woman – with you. This means that you cannot and should not be forcing a guy to commit to you. Of course, there is nothing wrong with talking about you future plans together after you have been dating for a while (and certainly more than a month or two), but you should never be in a situation where you impose an ultimatum of “I want an engagement ring by the end of the year or we are over.” In as much as I could understand why a woman would want clarity and stability in her relationship with the guy, this kind of attitude almost never produces the desired results. It either pushes the guy away immediately, if he is not ready to settle at that very moment, or he surrenders to pressure out of fear of losing the woman, but then later starts resenting himself and his partner, which in turns leads to ugly break ups an divorce.
The best way to make a guy, who is ready to commit, to want to be with you in a committed relationship, is by being that kind of attractive, interesting woman who stands out from the rest, and who comes across as a rare kind, making her guy think: “Wow, she is an incredible woman. I am unlikely to meet someone like her any time soon as I haven’t meet many women like her before. She might just be the one.” There are many ways to become more attractive, whether it’s being in a better physical shape, working on your emotional issues, such as jealousy, temper, excessive talkativeness, style, dress, etc…
Few people bother to take a long, hard look at themselves or seek a candid feedback from others on how they come across, and do something about making themselves better, but if you commit to this goal, the results will surprise you. Next time you walk down the street, look at the men and women who walk by you and ask yourself how many of them have the look of a person who would strike you as being attractive on the outside and on the inside. I will save you the suspense – not many! Therefore, once you learn how to stand out and become that rare woman, your superiority as a relationship partner will be evident to the right guy – to the guy who has what it takes to appreciate what makes you better.
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This is an excellent article. Thank you so much. I have been dating this great guy for two years now, and when i brought up the issue of us settling down; he said that he is not ready yet.
I was upset at first because i don’t believe in dating someone for too long. Well from my experience couples who date for a long time don’t end up together. But now i get it, no ultimatums to a guy and no forcing him to make a commitment. I should instead concentrate on making myself as best as i can and this is what he will notice.