Sometimes, you have to listen to your mind. Sometimes you go out expecting to pick up, meet and talk to women but soon after getting outside your house you realize that you just don’t have it in you that day – you feel that you are unable to pick up anyone on that night. You have two options: you can listen to your inner voice and just not try to approach and meet any women at that particular time, or your can try to get psyched up and force yourself to try and talk to women despite how you feel.
I suggest that you don’t push it! If you realize that the way you feel on any given evening is an unusual, bad mood and an inappropriate mindset for picking up women, and it’s only a matter of time until you feel better, then don’t push it! Do something else, focus on dancing, listening to the music and socializing with your friends. There is no point in pressuring yourself into talking to women if you are just not feeling it on a particular night. Wait and that anti-social feeling will go away and will necessarily be replaced by a more positive mindset where you will feel comfortable approaching and meeting women. This can happen the next day or even if half an hour. Moods change – sometimes they change by the hour.
Just like when you are feeling down and know that your workout is not going to be great and you prefer to skip a work-out, you should remember that it’s just not worth trying to pick up a woman when you are not “feeling it.”
I should note that this should only happen on a rare occasion where you feel that you lack the confidence and the “vibe” that you wouldn’t even enjoy talking to women because your mind is simply not there. Don’t use this as an excuse to not talk to women every other time you are out; just remember that everyone has a bad day on occasion, and you have to listen to that voice in you and wait until it goes away.
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I think this is one of the best advice I have ever found.
Guys, what Arkady says is true: I have noticed that mood, that is fundamental for picking up, is something we can improve only with these elements (proved on myself):
1. Being very fun and sociable with friends and with other people that are easy to approach (we should feel part of a group). Warm up is important for being full of energy and optimism.
2. Being successful in our every day little goals.
3. (for egocentric people) = Stopping every kind of speculation about world, society, girls, ourselves; making action win against thinking.
This point is very important. I have literally improved my dating skills and my happiness by putting my attention out of myself. The more we are focused on ourselves, the more innatural, unfriendly and proud we are. Being too much proud means being immediately defeated: if we are too much proud, we don’t accept any kind of rejection from girls; and men should risk to be rejected. It is part of the game.
So, when we are out, we should:
1. Try to increase our mood by talking to people, being fun and sociable.
2. Live in the present, stop our inattention, our negative inner voices, our speculations.
3. Think that action (with girls, friends, and so on) is a way for taking our mood to the next positive level.
Sorry for my Italian-English.
Thank you so much for your kind words and a valuable comment. Definitely – pick up skills and confidence come from other, significant progress or achievements in life. And while the latter don’t guarantee confidence with women, this is an essential part of having real confidence with the opposite sex. If you don’t have anything to be proud of, it’s hard to be confident.
Yes: I have noticed that when we are with a low mood, we feel “alone”, we don’t feel part of the world. We start thinking that flirting is impossible, that we can’t be interesting for women and we are too reactive: being reactive means that we have an inner dialogue like this:
“Yes, that girl is really serious, she probably doesn’t like boys like me, she seems mature, arouses awe, and so on.”
And when we think too much, another boy starts talking with the same girl, she smiles, she is sweet, she is fun and so on. Our self esteem and our mood become worse than before (infact, like you say, inactivity is really bad for our mood; and in particular, inactivity when another boy is active with the same girl).
I really appreciate you, Arkady, because you are the first who says that this kind of state is normal and that we should increase our mood/self esteem by being succesful every day with our little steps and by having fun with people.
I can prove that your theory is true.
Yesterday I was at gym. I really like a girl who attends the same gym. She is older than me and she seems very serious. My mood was horrible, so I decided to follow these steps:
1) Talking to other girls, being sociable with people;
2) Taking my focus out of myself.
(I think it is important to know our real nature: for example I know that I am egocentric thanks to a psychiatrist; this is the reason why I should focus on action rather than thinking).
After following these steps, I approached that girl and she made me understand that she is sociable, fun and pretty.
And the approach made my mood increase a lot.
Now I try to maintein this status by studying, by talking to people and by focusing on the street, on the sky, everything different from me.
Thank you Arkady. Greetings from Italy.
I couldn’t agree more. We gotta pick our battles, and this includes fighting where we are ready to fight and are in a good position to do that. This applies to many aspects of life, including dating. I was supposed to go to Italy last month but had a trip canceled because of the volcano. Planning to try again during fall.
Wow really?
You should visit Napoli, the city where I live.
Maybe it could be an occasion for understanding how Italian seduction works. As a lot of people say, Italian girls are really hard to seduce. I have studied a lot of theory, but after reading a lot of seduction matherial, I haven’t dated any girl yet (but it is a choice made for this particular period).
My brother, instead, is regularly trying to date girls. He is fashinating, he can tease, establish rapport, but at the moment of agreeing a date, every of the 4 girls he has met refuses his proposal. I am starting to think that Italian girls are hard to understand. Maybe I was luky with my 2 ex girlfriends, but I realize that a lot of boys around me are NERD in Italy and super males in Spain and other parts of the world. This is strange.
Enjoy your vacation and maybe your study about Italian women