One of the biggest complaints men have about the women they meet (at least in some areas of the US and the world) is that they are flaky – they don’t follow through and/or are not good at returning phone calls / emails or showing up for a date when they say they will. Surely sometimes it’s a man’s fault that the woman he is interested in acts like she doesn’t care, because she really doesn’t, or because he  did something to make her lose interest in him. However, more often than not these women have flaky mentality, so to speak. They have poor time management skills, are unable to commit to anything, and don’t think that canceling a date an hour or two before for nor particular reason is a big deal. Some are well aware of that flaw in their personality and even say “I can’t plan anything, let’s play it by ear…”  This kind of attitude hurts a woman more than any guy she flakes on in more ways than one. To be successful in anything in life, you have to be able to (1) plan and (2) stick to the plan. As simple as that. Reliability is paramount to any accomplishment. You can’t achieve significant professional or educational success if you don’t meet project deadlines and school deadlines, if you cancel or are chronically late to meetings, and if others’ can rely on your word. Surely, many women who are flaking when it comes to going out with guys and dating are nothing but reliable when it comes to their professional obligations. It is hardly flattering to a woman to treat her business associates or colleagues better than other people. After all, following through and not flaking is a matter of basic courtesy that one human being should be extending to others.

By the same token, the kind of men that most women are interested in – attractive, interesting, accomplished, ambitious, and confident – expect the same qualities of reliability from women. The busier the man is, the more he has on his plate, the more frustrating it will be for him to deal with a woman who can’t return a phone call/e-mail or who is chronically late when they go out. That guy will quickly give up on a woman who has time management problems and who is harder to meet and/or get a hold of than she should be.  The kind of men that you would respect and admire, also respect and admire themselves and they will have little, if any, tolerance for anyone who doesn’t respect their time and life. This is not a matter of ego on their part. If they are used to dealing with people who don’t need to be asked twice what to do and where to be, that’s the kind of interaction they are used to be, and anything short of that would be disappointing and unworthy of any effort.

You might be saying “But so many of my friends are flaky. And men too are flakes.” That might be true, but this doesn’t mean that you have to join that club. There is little honor in being one of them. On the other hand, this is a great opportunity for you to stand out from the rest and show that you know better and that you are better when it comes to being a reliable person – professionally and socially.

Being prompt and reliable is an important quality in any relationship – in a friend, a co-worker, and of course a romantic partner. Don’t send the wrong message about who you are by being flaky to anyone who matters to you or even to those people who are not that important to you. This is a matter of courtesy and your own self respect. If you feel you have an issue with being on time or returning phone calls/e-mails, don’t justify it with the “that’s just how I am” excuse. Instead, consciously work on it, and you will be surprised by the amount of satisfaction that becoming more reliable and less flaky will bring into your own life, and how much better about yourself you will feel once you keep your word and gain a reputation of someone who follows through in the eyes of others and your own.

Few things are more frustrating about dating than our disappointments in people and their unreliable behavior. Because the phenomenon of “flaking” is so common, criticizing it and judging it, no matter how well justified, is of no benefit to the “victim” of flaking. Instead, understanding it and accepting flaking as a natural, normal part of dating can be quite useful in dealing with having others flake on you in the future.

You go to a shoe a store, see 100 pairs of shoes or more, and your eye catches 4 or 5 pairs that you would like to try on. Out of those few pairs, you find one that looks good and that is comfortable to wear. You buy that pair, wear it right away and a few blocks later, you might realize that these shoes are not as comfortable as you thought they were. A few minutes later, the discomfort becomes intolerable, and you are eager to return the shoes.

Lets face it – we don’t like most shoes, and even the ones we like at first, seem less attractive an comfortable shortly after we purchase them. Similarly, we don’t like most people and most people don’t like us in a romantic sense. There is nothing wrong with it. It’s quite natural. Further, people who seem to like us, are very likely to change their mind later for a whole range of reasons, many of which have little, or nothing to do with you. In fact, if you think about your own behavior and analyze it honestly and objectively, I am sure that you will find a few instances in your recent past, where you might have been considered a flake as well.

So, while I encourage you to always reflect on your behavior and the possible mistakes that you make in your interactions with the opposite sex, as this is one of the most effective ways to improve yourself, I urge you to not take flaking personally, as hard as it might be sometimes, and realize that like cheating, divorce, and jealousy – flaking is just a natural, negative side effect of human interaction that you have to be ready for.

And if a particular, recent, negative dating experience bothers you and someone hurt your feelings, this article on how to deal with break-ups might push you in the right direction toward recovering and getting back on a positive track. And if you are a woman, how has had series of disappointing experiences with men recently, I highly suggest that you read the article on handling negative dating past.