One of the most common reasons that girls break up with their boyfriends is that these guys become more and more jealous, controlling and possessive. Some guys don’t let their girlfriends go out on their own with friends, being afraid that some other guy will seduce her. Other guys tell their girlfriend what to wear, how to keep their hair, who to hang out with and otherwise trying to control their life. A woman who is in a relationship with a jealous and controlling guy will sooner or later will feel both unhappy and even suffocated and will also lose attraction to her guy, as jealousy is one of the most prominent signs of lack of confidence. Then, the break-up will be inevitable.

So, why are so many guys acting jealous and controlling? I believe that this is a combination of two reasons: first, if they really like the woman they are with, they want everything in that relationship to be perfect, which means that expect their girlfriend to be perfect as well – perfect in a way that they imagine “perfection” to be, so they try to adjust who she is, how she acts, and how she lives her life to their own standard of perfection. By way of analogy, imagine if you moved from a budget housing to  this beautiful luxury home. You would probably want to make sure that the kitchen, the furniture, the shower and just about everything in that house was perfect. That’s what jealous guys do to their “perfect” girlfriends.

The second reason that guys become jealous and controlling is because they are really afraid to lose that special girl, and they feel that if they don’t keep an eye on her, she is going to slip away or some other guy is going to take her away from them. Thus, these guys try to keep their partner away from any “threat.” At first, a girl might be flattered by such attention, thinking that the guy really cares about her. It’s only a matter of time, however, until the girl realizes that the reason the guy is so territorial about her is not because of who she is but because of his own insecurity about her and himself.

So, how do you deal with your boyfriend’s jealousy and control issues? Many girls simply walk away. I have to say that in many cases this is the only option, as many guys are unable to understand or change their jealous ways. If you really love the guy however and you are committed to the relationship, it’s worth at least trying to fix the problem before you leave him. Address jealousy as soon as possible. The first and the necessary step that every jealous guy should take is to realize and acknowledge that he has a problem – that his behavior is irrational and detrimental to the relationship. Have him read this article on overcoming and abandoning jealousy, which will provide very simple yet very practical steps on handling this problem. For many people this article is an eye-opener and is a start to a completely new outlook on their partner and on their relationship. At the very least, you will know that you tried to fix the problem before you gave up.

Many women believe that trying to make a guy jealous by flirting with another guy in his presence will increase the first guy’s attraction and interest. This belief has little, if any, basis. Surely, showing interest in another guy make provoke the guy who you are interested in perceive you as a more desirable woman. However, if he isn’t interested in you and not attracted to you after getting to know you, trying to make him jealous is not going to change that.

In most cases, trying to make a guy jealous is a waste of time, emotions and energy. If the guy is not interested in you, no attempt to make him jealous will create his genuine interest in spending time with you. At most, it might spark up some competitive instincts in one guy as against the other, but… you have to ask yourself – is that really the way you want to attract a guy?

So… don’t waste your time trying to make a guy jealous. You are much better off moving on and pursuing other things in your life and other men who will be interested in you for who you are without the necessity of making them jealous.

As I point out in my audio program “20 Laws of Successful Relationships”, comparing yourself to your partner’s ex-es is pointless and even harmful. Wondering if that person who was in your partner’s past was better than you, more attractive than you and had a better romantic time and emotional connection with your current partner than you do is unhealthy for many reasons. This kind of jealousy and comparison would make you come across as insecure and thus unattractive and also as plainly annoying to your partner. Further, it is likely to make you very unhappy. Instead of focusing on and enjoying your own interaction and relationship, being hung up on what your dating partner did before he/she met you will literally drive you crazy and prevent you from making the most out of your relationship. Luckily, there are several, simple and proven to be effective ways you can overcome this issue and liberate yourself from being jealous of our partner’s ex(-es):

1. Realize and remind yourself that there is always someone “better” out there. This is just the nature of life. There is always someone more educated, more attractive and more successful than you are, no matter who you are. There is nothing wrong with it. But this shouldn’t make any difference to your own life and your own sense of self-worth. After all, we all have our own path in life, our own unique set of circumstances, talents, abilities and opportunities. Your mission should be making the most out of what you have and being the best person you can be considering all the facts and circumstances of your life. Nobody can take the opportunity to do just that from you. The most important battles and victories you should be striving for are the ones against yourself.

2. Remember: your partner is with you for a reason – it’s because he/she wants to be with you and not that other person that he/she used to be with before meeting you. There must be something about you that he likes and appreciates more than in others. You might not even see or know what it is that is so special about you that your partner finds attractive and interesting about you, but that doesn’t really matter, even though you could ask and find out.

3. Accept your partner’s dating past as part of his/her life and of who he/she is and as something that actually makes him/her a better and a more experienced partner and lover. The love life of your partner must have taught him a few valuable lessons about himself and the opposite sex. It’s very likely that his past romantic experience allows him to be a more competent partner now who is less likely to make the same mistakes he did in the past.

Jealousy is a powerful emotion. You should expect it to disappear after talking to a friend or an expert, reading one article or even an entire book. It takes time to overcome jealousy. But as you remind yourself of the above points periodically, it will surely help you overcome, abandon, and liberate yourself from jealousy quicker and easier.