One significant source of personal lack of confidence and all kinds of insecurities is guilt – guilt or shame of being in denial about wanting something or someone, feeling something, or hoping for something. Here are top three emotions that so many of us are embarrassed of, when in fact we should accept and embrace them, as they are perfectly natural and they are actually and encouraging sign that you have a heart, soul, and the capacity to feel. You can actually use these seemingly negative emotions to your advantage, if you know how to.
1. Feeling Lonely
There is no shame in feeling lonely. If you live or work alone, if you are new in town, if you just broke up with someone you deeply cared about, or if you lost a close friend for whatever reasons, it’s only natural that you will feel lonely and abandoned. We all want to care and be cared for by others. It would be scary if we didn’t. Don’t be ashamed of feeling lonely, but do something about it to put an end to it, if it bothers you. Don’t wait for potential new friends or lovers to knock on your door. It won’t happen anywhere except a few Hollywood movies. Take a class, join a meet-up group, reconnect with an old friend or a co-worker by calling them up. You might just be surprised how excited they might be to hear from you. And, of course, there is no better ice-breaker the reminiscing on whatever funny, fun or crazy memories you have together. When you feel lonely, it means that there is a void inside of you that needs to be socially field. This is your opportunity to fill it not just with anyone but with someone special, whose company will be either entertaining to you or stimulating or hopefully both.
2. Feeling Desperate
As negative as the term “desperate” or “needy” seems to be, it means nothing other than your eagerness to have something or experience something sooner than later. If you come across as desperate in your interactions with the opposite sex, it surely doesn’t make you more attractive, and it might downright scare the people you go out with or meet off, but it’s still part of being human. You want something in your life very much – you wish very much to experience the love, the romance, the last and all the other aspects of love.
If you are desperate, you should stop denying it, but instead – admit it to yourself, embrace it, and use it to your advantage while adjusting your outer behavior to make sure that your desperation helps, rather than hurts, your dating life. There is a big difference between a girl who is being friendly and who sticks around for a few more minutes at a bar or a restaurant to talk to a guy she just met, who flirts and who touches her hair in a mildly suggestive way, and the girl who asks the guy she just met such questions as “What are you looking for as far as dating goes?” or “Are you ready to settle down?” or “How many kids do you see yourself have and when?” The former girl increase her chances of meeting more and better guys, while the latter corners the men she meets and scares them off by asking them her very important questions way too early on.
3. Being Jealous
Jealousy is hardly a positive quality. It causes many, if not most, problems and fights in a relationships. Overcoming jealousy is critical to becoming a more confident and attractive person and having better relations. However, jealousy is also a very natural emotion. It might just be the most powerful emotion we experience. Jealousy along with love has been the central theme of the oldest books and plays. Historically, people have killed and committed suicide out of envy and jealousy more than for any other reason. Othello’s story is just one random, classic example that comes to mind.
How do you know that you are jealous? One simple test is this: if someone suggests that you are jealous and that suggestion angers and upsets you, there probably is something truth to it. Otherwise, if it was totally preposterous, it wouldn’t bother you and you would just chuckle it off, like you would if you heard anything else that sounded completely ridiculous to you. Just imagine a really thin girl’s reaction to being cold obese. She wouldn’t get any more angry (unless she has serious body image issues) than if you called Bill Gates or Warren Buffet a loser.
You can actually benefit from feeling jealous. Admitting that you are jealous rather than acting defensive, rerouting the negative energy that jealousy brings into your life and your relationship, and working together with your partner to eliminate it will go a long way toward making your relationship stronger than ever before. Screaming “I am not jealous, you are crazy” is not productive at all. On the other hand, telling your partner “I am jealous and I need help with how I feel and how I perceive your behavior” will not only help you work on your problems, but it will also bring you closer together. This is because solving any problem between the two of you is the same as breaking yet another barrier toward greater intimacy and connection. This brings you that much closer together.
Few skills are better than turning a negative into a positive. This applies to any and every aspect of your life. Dating and relationships are not an exception. Starting to use the above three emotions – loneliness, desperation, and jealousy – to your advantage rather than letting them make you unhappy and angry is one great way to make yourself more attractive if you are single or make your existing relationship stronger and more fulfilling.