Few experiences are more disappointing and frustrating to a woman than meeting an attractive, interesting guy, going out with him, liking him, and ending up sleeping with him to only never hear back from him after that. I hear this kind of story over and over – “We went out. He seemed to be really into me, he was all over me, and we spent an incredible night together, but I haven’t heard from him since. Why do guys do that? I thought he liked me! I did not want it to be a one-night stand”
While I could never tell you how to prevent you from having such disappointments in the future, and I doubt that anyone could, I would like to shed some light of honest reality of what motivates such male behavior. If nothing else, understanding this behavior should help any woman, if not avoid, at least handle this experiences better.
It is important to understand and remember that just because a guy is going out with you, doesn’t mean that he finds you very attractive and that he perceives you as a girlfriend material. It is possible that he does like you, but it’s also possible that he doesn’t have anything better going on at this time, and you are just a “transitory” experience while is looking for someone who he really wants to be with. As cruel and as selfish as it sounds, it’s quite common for guys to do that.
Further, just because a guy you are out with is kissing you, making out with you and is otherwise all over you doesn’t even mean that he finds you very attractive or particularly sexy. You might just be attractive and sexy enough for him for that very moment to satisfy his physical drive, especially if he hasn’t been with a woman in a while. This doesn’t mean, however, that he finds you beautiful, or that he would like to see you again. The same applies to sex. It often doesn’t take for a guy to be crazy about a woman or to find her sexually irresistible in order to have sex with her. A man who is sexually hungry will likely find physical pleasure and satisfaction from having sex with any woman who is not repulsive to him. He will be looking for that single, one-time physical satisfaction from that encounter with a woman, but he will want nothing more from her in the future.
A typical woman might be justifiably mislead by a guy’s affectionate behavior towards her when they start seeing each other, believing that his touching her is a sign of possibly genuine care and a long-term interest, but more often or not, this sensuality is just an attempt to escalate the interaction toward a one-night stand – a one-time sexual experience and nothing further.
Interestingly enough, even guys themselves often don’t know what they want from the woman they are seeing. Their vision might be blurred by a strong lust to the degree where they themselves don’t know what they want until after they satisify their sexual urges. Thus, a guy who thinks that he is interested in dating a certain woman, might change his mind immediately after having sex with her, realizing that he wants nothing else from her but what he just received – again – a one-night stand, but the one that he didn’t plan to have. It can be painful and unfair to women, but he doesn’t really have a control over that.
So, don’t be mislead by a guy’s affection, and don’t judge his intentions about you based on how much you think he is attracted to you at one given evening when you are out, especially if your date takes place before you had sex.
No related posts.
This puts the sad in sadistic
Sometimes if a girl pushes for sex right away the guy will assume she has done the same thing with about 100 other guys before him and that will be a big turn-off for a lot of guys.
i had a good night with a french man that i met a month a go through my job. we are very attracted to each other, and the time before he go back to paris something happened to us. he told me to meet me up in paris when i get back and call me, but its been a month since then, and still no news from him. i tried to called him and even sent messages but no reply. i just received 1 message from him telling me that ” I’m back to call you tonight.sorry” he even dont call me back and now its been almost 1 month more that i dont have news from him, and still asking why hes reacting or doing this kind thing to me. i really dont understand him. i know he likes me. my question is a big WHY?????
Hi, Samantha. As disappointing as this may be, your experience is quite common. This is all guys sometimes want – to have a good time with someone who they are unlikely to see soon or be able to keep in touch for whatever reason. He was attracted to you and he acted on it, and so did you. There is no way to know what the guy will want after you spend a night together. Often the guy doesn’t even know what he wants until after.
I had a one night stand recently and it was awesome. I want this man so bad. I gave him my number after we spent the night together. He texted me a few days later and we were having a conversation when I told him I could be near him whenever he needed me. I have not heard from him and it’s driving me crazy. I really want to pursue him but, I don’t want him to think I’m possessive or clingy. I deliberately didn’t ask for his number so he could ask for mine if he was interested in me. I don’t know why he asked for it and used it once and then changed his mind. BTW he is the president of a movie production company and he travels a lot.
This advice is very true, men will bang anything that doesn’t make them vomit, at least not right away! I appreciate an article that doesn’t present women a sluts and stupid for wanting sex. However, as a woman, I’ve had many one night stands by choice, and one thing I’ve learned is never, ever sleep with anyone you are really interested in. A man who calls after a one-nighter is looking for easy sex at his convienece, he doesn’t see you as anything more than a sex partner when he’s got nothing else better. Unless you had a one-nighter with a guy you were platonic friends with for awhile, no man wants anything more.
There is one bone of contention I have with this article and that is that men often do know what they want from a women within a few minutes of meeting. They know whether they’re attracted to the women and would want date her or if they’re out for a good time. I’ve had my share of both, and the ones that really attracted to you are not trying to get in your pants on the night. You’re being gentle with these ladies feelings. Many one-nighters are guys that are in town for a short period of time or who are so busy with successful careers that can’t seem to call you back, blah, blah, blah, PLEASE, BS.
Bottom line ladies, if you hit, then quit it, unless you want to be an at will hole for them to fill when they’re in the neighborhood or strike out at the club. Just remember, the better they make you feel, the practice they have had.
Let’s not forget that same situation also happens in reverse – women disappear after a few dates, leaving men with big question marks floating on their head… so it’s not a “male” problem, its a human problem.
“It can be painful and unfair to women, but he doesn’t really have a control over that.”
Too bad this wasn’t explained to the married man who ‘pumped and dumped’ me after having sex with me in my home on 3 seperate occasions. Wasn’t he surprized when I fed him to his wife on a silver platter for being the lying cheating scumbag that he turned out to be. Now, several months after the fact, I could give her a few more names of women he’d also been hitting on-went right on down the line til he got one. ME!! He had absolutely no control over the effect his break up speech would have on my pride or ego, nor did he have any control over the rage that I unloaded under his precious roof that he’d been telling me he was so unhappy under. Now they are out an entire group of almost new friends they might have harvested because he was only out for himself…”He will be looking for that single, one-time physical satisfaction from that encounter with a woman, but he will want nothing more from her in the future.” best sums this up, but this player used me 2 more times in addition to that first time-the last of which we’d had sex several times in the same encounter. Unfortunately the circle of friends they lost largely consisted of people I’ve known for years as well as went to school with, whereas this man and his wife had only been in town a short while. Yes, town…one not large enough to get lost in. Oops, he shoulda thought of that…To the men who don’t use the head that has the brain in it when trying to think, BE CAREFUL. It’s a jungle out there =)
I agree with most of Andi’s advice. If a woman has a one-night stand with a man she just met (not someone who was a friend or at least she has known for awhile), the vast majority of men will never view that woman as a serious candidate for a relationship because they will assume she has had sex with many other strangers before.
“Dosent have a control over that?” of course he dose, and we all know with in a brief time if we are really into a person or not. Many time I think it’s because they are married, or have a girl friend, or they just taking advantage of a situation. Men know exactly what women they can prey upon and the ones they can’t! I can’t say to a women don’t sleep with him on the first date, because sometimes he call, he will move in, he will propose, and he will be snoring in your ear 20 years later.<< cuz thats the mistake I made almost 20 years ago. (was the best mistake I ever made)
But for the most part that he won't, and he dose have control over it, if he pushes for sex on the first date, then he is not going to call! I never planned on my guy calling again, but then I was really not that into him, until after we had sex, and I said "WOW!! that man just rocked my world! Oh BTW it was more me than him that said "cme on baby lets do the wild thing!
Well, I guess this means he spent all that time and attention on me and at some point in the date realized he wasn’t interested. I’m still not sure what turned him off. I know he’s not a player. I THINK I know he’s not a player. Why didn’t I have a warning? We had sex twice and I was too busy trying to make an impression that I couldn’t get in to it. I keep thinking that drove him away. I’m going insane wondering what drove him away. I don’t want to let him out of my life. He was the best thing in a long time to happen to me. But I can’t be ‘just friends.’ That would be too painful. He dumped me in a kind way. ‘not enough in common’. Except I want the truth, even if it hurts. I asked him for the truth. He didn’t respond. I keep thinking of reasons to e-mail him, I waste a lot of energy thinking of cute things to say and then forcing myself not to send them. I’m a grown woman, not a crazy stalker. I just don’t know why I can’t let him go.
So having been a lesbian for 15 years, I decided to give men a try. This guy i met texted/called about 1-2 times a week during the first 6 weeks after we met. We clicked instantly and went on three great dates during those 6 weeks (he told me on several occasions how much fun he had on those dates). My intention has been to have a one-night (or a few nights) with him – he is absolutely not a relationship material. When we were out on dates, he treated me very well and didn’t push for sex. We had some hot make-out sessions but none of which resulted in real sex. He seemed to have really liked me and said he wanted to do it right when we are at either my or his place. Two weeks ago this man said he was going away for a week but will call/text. Okay. I haven’t heard from him since then. I guess he turned out to be one of those guys who just fade/disappear because they have no guts/decency to tell you what is going on!! I’m disappointed because I have been imagining how great our sex would be for the last 2 freaking months! Needless to say, I’m completely frustrated at this point. I’ve just finally gotten comfortable with him enough to do this and he went ‘poof’. I think if he doesn’t call/text, I’ll just let it go. But if he does call/text again, what should I do? I feel kind of upset that he left me hanging and I will be compelled not to respond. But at the same time all i want is sex so why do i care? Any thoughts?
we meet at the gym 5 mnths ago, we have been flirting around. He got my number from the gym instructor, he sent me amessage to have adrink with him…..i was like jumping in the air.we meet that evenning we had drinks after we went dancing……i got drunk i asked him to drive me back home with my car.he packed near my house,i asked him its very late how is he going back home …he suddenly started kissing me i could not resist ….he asked if we can go to his home for one more drink and at that time i was getting more and more……. i remember asking him ( do u have acondom at your home) he said yes .he drove like amad person.After he asked me to call him when i get home…i did not call that night. i sent him a message the next day saying Good morning he didnt reply i called later that day using adifferent line ,he recieved it i asked him why he didnt get back to me, he said he was very busy.Then he was travelling the next day he promised to call when he comes back..i waited for his call invain.i called him once he never answered…i sent him amessage after three days (telling him how terrible i feel and how i feel like not seeing him again i will change the gym.)he still never replied .now the problem i think about him all the time and its killing me. my english is not so good sorry about that.
I solely blaim women cause 9 times.out of ten if a women has a one night stand with a guy he’s not the first & mos def not the last. My friends now husband said he had a one night dtand with an older lady 5 yrs past he ddnt see nor did he hear from her but she accused him of fathering her 4 yr old daughter, so now it’s affecting his marriage because my friend is going to leave him if it’s his some women are just skanks and makes it harder for women like me jst cause a random guy comes on to you doesn’t mean you sleep with them attractive or not you have to habe some kind of self worth & boundaries if not your setting youself up so don’t be surprise if you never see him again & please don’t try an act like the victim you made your bed lie in it , that goes for everyone
I met this guy and was seeing him for a month and I thought we really connected. We went on dates, he would call and text me daily and then we was at his place and we had sex. After our first sex, he went from texting me less to not texting me at all. He would tell me that he was busy with school and on the day we was gonna go out to a restaurant, he had an excuse saying that he went to go see his mom. I called and text him back and he never replied back, so I moved on to a man who I’m now married to and have a beautiful 3 year old daughter with. I don’t know why guys do this, but be man enough to break it off if he’s no longer interested in the woman, don’t give her silent treatment. This also goes for women who do men like this too, WE CAN’T READ MINDS!!! Best not to give up the goods so quickly.
Omg Hanna I feel you…I had a similar thing happen to me. Okay so I’ve always been kind of like a lone wolf kind of gal, very attractive and smart but just never been good at making friends, much less boyfriends. So with my free time I decided to enroll in a gym where I quickly started getting all the males’ attention, but since I’m picky I only decided to go out with one. We went out on like 5 or 6 dates, we both had hectic schedules so worked around them. He was tall, dark and handsome of course, very mature and kept to himself like I do (he was 25 I am 23 btw) and then one night we went back to his place after the club to drink it up with his roomies who I totally got a long with, then I suppose I drank too much cuz next thing I know I woke up naked. I remember bits and pieces of it, now mind me I really wanted him and I had slept over at his place before without having sex. I just hated how I couldn’t remember it lol, we cuddled in the morning and he drove me back still acting super sweet, I texted him that morning “so did you roofie (pill) me up or what?” I was joking but then he got back to me “you’re kidding me right?” I responded hours later saying “yeah” and he hasn’t texted/spoken to me since, what a fkn scumbag huh? Also I should add that unlike you, I am not the kind to give the man the upper-hand in rejection so I never tried to contact him since, luckily we had both moved away (ironically enough) so we don’t have to be all awkward. I forgot to add my email Miss Mod!
I cant believe how some men on here are quick to blame women. And thats in 2011, if a girl sleeps witha dude the 1st night hes the one who gonna be worried if she has had other one nights stands??? Really? But men can have one night stands and no one judges….wow. Look the reality is you can go on a date sleep with a guy in 1-2 dates. Its a gamble. Either hes horny (well they always are) or he is attracted to you and you never know.
One rule of thumb girls, if you are thinking of sleeping with a guy too early on, be prepared to seperate the emotional part from the sexual. Meaning, you must be ok with the fact that this may never turn into anything ever. Point blank.
It also makes a difference if alcohol is involved. Not all one night stands are alike. If the two people like each other and feel incredible chemistry during their first meeting/date, following their mutual urges is not necessarily such a bad thing and it’s not necessarily bound to fail. But if it’s the influence of alcohol / drugs that throws people into each others’ arms, then it’s more likely to be a problem or a waste of time for both of them.
Well my experience is slightly different in I am an older woman and the guy in his 20s. We connected through a dating site and he came on very strong. I dismissed his attentions because of the age gap but felt flattered.
He persisted and having chatted for six weeks we agreed to meet up on the spur of the moment. We didnt have long together as he was catching a train but after our meeting would send me text messages telling me how gorgeous I was and couldn’t wait to see me again. Then all went quiet. I messaged to ask if he had a problem with the age gap and if so I understood.
He responded assuring me that he didn’t but every time we arranged to meet he would cancel. I sent a message saying in jest we clearly weren’t meant to meet again, then he came back with another date. When I turned up I sensed a coolness and wondered if he was having second thoughts although once we started kissing the passion was out of this world.
At the end of the evening I gave him oral sex. Believe me I got a great deal of pleasure from it BUT as he left, he thanked me! It made me feel I had done him a favour rather than it being two people consenting to a pleasurable experience.
Needless to say I haven’t heard since and I will not contact him. It looks as if he may have even blocked me on msn. Whereas I realise it couldn’t have gone anywhere due to the age difference I don’t understand how he pursued me for two months then after one amazing sexual act has disappeared…
So this guy and I frequent the same message board for years. Out of the whim we had exchanged numbers, became incredibly close….talked daily all day for almost 2 months. We finally decide to meet face to face, had a wonderful weekend at the beach, bar hopping, site seeing……and a week after the trip…no contact, phone calls or texts. I never thought I was in danger of becoming a one night stand because we had discussed the future and basically shared everything. I’m really hurt by his sudden cold shoulder. Why not at least have the decency of giving me an explanation or some sort of closure? I really thought our “feelings” were mutual and on the most basic level cared for one another.
Now I’m stuck with the “why’s, should’ve, would’ve and could’ve”. How does one get over feeling used?
I met a guy on the internet couple weeks ago. We dated and had sex the 3rd time. He was really into me was kindda talking about being looking for a relationship ”relationship material”. I was not very expressive on that but we were really attracted to eachother. Sex was fine and he came 3times.
I didn’t hear from him the day after and decide to text and ask something I knew was going about his job. No answer. After a week, I emailed. Said, I guess it was over but didn’t expect that and would have appreciated him writting back. He wrote couple days after. Basically he said : Sorry he did not text or email back. Things moved super quick with us and I he got scared. He is not that type of person but things just happened so quickly.
I’m fine with the one night thing and pretty rational about all that (I kindda do that sometimes…) but I have to admit that I’m pretty confused with this one. Should I email back ? What ?
Well fellow ladies I really sympathise with u all. Dr.John Gray explains this very well , and answers the whys for us.Sex does not = emotional attachment for a man its that brutal and simple.However sex , or any intimacy with a man releases pewerful bonding hormones called Oxytocin in a woman , its not ur fault just nature.Us ladies reallyand I mean really protect our hearts and emotions by avoiding casual sex , unfair I know , frustrating oh yes.Men have to work for what they appreciate in the end and sex given to easily or soon just destroys this appreciation.I hope this helps.
I met this guy in a hiking trip about 3 weeks ago and I found him really attractive. He is a foreigner in town for a year on a project. We had dinner together with a group of people on that night itself and we exchanged number. He message me when he got home and also message me when he was on his way to another night hike at 2am, sweet messages, very nice and gentleman.
Due to his hectic schedule, we went out for dinner about a week later. Meanwhile he would not hesitate to send me sweet messages on a daily basis. On the first date He touched and brushed my hands and arms on a few occasion but nothing more. I sent him home and said goodbye to him, no kisses.
When I arrived home I got a message from him saying he had a real good time and wish we could go out again. Needless to say I was chuffed to get that message. I was suppose to go to a concert with him the next day but I fell sick and was home for a week which means I did not see him for the entire week. He was still sending me messages but less. At that point I thought he must be busy again.
When I was close to recovering, I got a message from him to check if i feel better and I replied yes, thanks. He then said “so we can go out again soon?”. We went out on a second date and after dinner he suggested we go for a movie. We checked the screening and he wasn’t really interested in any of them so he suggested we go back to his place as he has an old movie that is really good.
I know I shouldn’t have said yes to go back with him but I did. He showed me around and got me drinks and we sat down to watch the movie. He said very close to me and then he said “so you are ticklish huh?” He started playing with me and we were laughing and he kissed me. That went on and boy I was really enjoying the heat. I stopped in the end however saying that it wasnt the right time of the month for me. We laid on the couch cuddling half naked throughout the two hours movie. After the movie ended, he started nibbling my ears and kissed me more passionately again. I ended up giving him a bj and he came on top of me.
He sent me out the door with a smile and I felt weird as he should have walked me to my car in the basement but he didn’t. I reached home around 1:30am and not a message from him to check if I am home safe. He did not message me at all and on the third day he sent me a note to check if he is still getting me a ticket to a concert on the weekend, he ended the message with “correct!?!”. He made it sound like “I hope you say you are not going.”
It’s the day of the concert and I texted him to check what time and where we are meeting and I heard nothing. I called and no reply. I then deleted his number and made other arrangement.
One thing I really don’t understand is why men will not step out and man up to tell a woman up front that he is only looking for one night stand? In Asia there are a lot of willing candidates who love playing around! And why mislead someone decent, let them think you are really into them, gave them the hope that you are really different from those men out there to only break their heart into pieces by disappearing without saying a damn thing????? I have really had enough of men like that. If I ever see him on the street I will not hesitate to kick him in between his legs.
This is a pretty interesting topic , Every woman or man has gone threw this issue I my self have gone threw this, I met a man on the train who at first i didnt have any interest in but he ask me for my telephone number I gave it to him. I really didnt expect him to call. 1 week he calls me we set up and appointment to met at his loft apparently he is a photographer/ doctor lol blah. So anyway I went to the loft and he was so impressive soft music chicken casadeas sprite soda and it was great then he said he does massages so i let him give me a massage over of sudden it turn into some pronographic show his glasses throw to the floor. As soon as i saw his dick getting ready to enter me i stopped him. Then we laughed about it. Next date same thing we tried the sex thing but i was feeling it. I think he could sense it but if he would of taken his time to figure me out these things would nt have happen. 3rd date never happen because i didnt go because of the timing. Anyhow he called me but i missed his call and my texting doesnt work. after that i havent heard from him. I called and txt him but i left NO NNEGATIVE COMMENTS .. 3 times after thats it 3 times that person is out in my book.
The moral of this hold story is;
continued the moral of the story is: WHEN A MAN DOES NOT CALL BACK ITS JUST MEANS HE IS NOT FOR YOU ! he may just well be into you but he is not for you. So dont beat your self up. ALSO if a love leaves you and comes back to you than it is love. So thats my advice to all heart broken women girls anybody.
I am 55 yrs and i lost my husband to death in Feburary. I was approached from a beautiful man that gave me physicaly way more than I dreamed or thought possible. I am reading this and I refuse to feel unloved or unwanted even if this man and i never connect again. There are times in a womans life when sex comfort and a one nite stand may be just what she needed. I am excited and so joyously happy, that this expierience happened for me.I now know that my vagina and myself work again. I believe what this man gave me was a gift. You never know wehy people make love or have sex Soo let the men be free.
My husband and I are seperated. He is 10 years my senior and had been an alcoholic for years as well a substance abuser. I finally decided to leave him I started running and lifting weights and signed up for one of the online dating that matches older women with younger men.
I am 46 and the guy I met is 33. Not in a million years did I ever think that a man whO is in such great physical shape be even remotely interested in me. Alcoholism is such a devastating disease for the spouse as well and to have spent a night with this young man was truly a great pleasure. I, like Mary appreciate this wonderful experience. It has showed me that there are men who are happy and healthy whot might be interested in me. Now I don’t know if and when I will ever see him again although we’ve been in touch via text but that night had a therapeutic quality to it that was very worth it to me…
So let them be free. He never verbally made a commitment to me so I really shouldn’t expect anything.
Hi
I recently had my first one night stand and feel so good. I broke up with my boyfriend and slept with one of my friend’s friend twice to get over him. But the sex was so bad that I was frustrated for a week or two. And then, I met this guy at the club and ended up at his place. The sex was passionate in the beginning and got very rough towards the end. But I loved every bit of it. In the morning, he told me he had to go somewhere. So, I dressed up quickly and he came to the door to see me off. We did not hug or kiss or exchange numbers. I said bye and he said see you sometime.
On the whole, I would say it was a really good first one night stand. And I would advice all the people having one night stands not to exchange numbers because nothing works out after that and it is just better to enjoy that night, forget about it next day and move on! There are plenty of guys waiting for you
Stay safe and stay happy!
J
@MissJ
One night stand is sometimes a more effective remedy to break up pain than at others. But, I don’t think you have to avoid exchanging numbers or seeing each other again with your one-night stand. After all, it’s not impossible that you like each other, even if it starts purely sexually.
But most of the times the girls waste their time expecting a text/call or reply from the guy. And when they don’t get a reply, they end up feeling sad (my friends had this experience)! So, it was just an advice. Anyways, people have different ways of dealing with things. Although, it is really nice to hear if someone managed to get something more out of their one night stand!
It’s hard to guess what these first dates will turn into because everybody has a different story each time. I had noticed that attractive guy on my floor at work. On a Thursday I heard he was changing job and the next day (Friday) all I could think about was that I needed to talk to him because it was his last day. He ended up introducing himself to me and by the end of the day I had his phone number and email address. We exchanged some emails and text for 2 weeks and then finally after a little push from me we agreed he would bring a bottle of wine to my place. We chatted for 4 hours (drank the whole bottle) and then I invited him to my bedroom. I was fine with that because I have been single for a year and I have a healthy sexual appetite (plus he’s very attractive). I have never done that before. But yeah we had sex and he paid a lot of attention to my “needs” and I’m pretty sure he enjoyed himself. He left in the early morning.
Now I’m not wishing for some relationship or anything like that right away but I find him interesting and I would love it if he called me back and wanted to hang out again. I just don’t know if that will happen. I mean if it doesn’t I’ll just move on but that be great if he did contacted me again.
I guess my question is that if a guy enjoyed himself on a first date and was satisfied with the sex and wanted to see more of the woman…..how long would he wait before contacting her again (bare in mind that this happened only 2 days ago)?
It is unfair to judge men and women differently. Women also have sexual urges, which can be satisfied for just one night. I have had one-night stands in some occasions, and sure, you feel disappointed when they don’t call back, but at least you felt attractive and desired for one night, and reloaded your energies to keep looking for real love.
@Emma –
Sure women have sexual urges and any guy who thinks that they don’t either hasn’t found that one who desires him or completely misunderstands women, among other reason. However, I also believe that men and women can be judged differently since we are different creature on the most basic anatomical level. We are built differently, we have different body parts and our chemistry is in a number of ways very different, so we probably shouldn’t expect the members of both sexes to operate in an identical way.
men are f`d up! at least as women our actions typically reflect our inner feelings. How are we suppose to figure out all of these mind games men play? does he like me? is he using me? especially when act the same to women they like and just want to sleep with. I was seeing a guy for a month who put total pressure on sleeping with me-disappeared when i did. How about men start acting like gentlemen and stop making us trying to understand their emotionally abuse self motivated actions?
Why her over me that night?
I was with this guy for a year and a half when I broke things off with him I loved him but I guess I was freaked out about it. We broke up for about 7 months and we both fooled around with other people and each other through out the break up. After 7 months he finally wanted to just let me go and move on because he didn’t see us back together. We hooked up two months prior. I called him and told him I loved him and realized a lot of things and I really did want to be with him I thought he would be so excited for this. He was on a date with a girl from his work. He was angry at me for telling him these things because I broke his heart and why now. He said he was interested in this girl to see where it could go. I guess she pushed the issue of sex the first date but he stopped her because he didn’t want to start off that way she then backed off. The next day they went on another date and apparently he resisted trying to have sex with her because she was pushing it again. She told him to pull over and he did they then started to have sex he has condoms on him but didn’t use them. He said while having sex with her he lost respect for her because of the way she went about pushing sex and it wasn’t like having sex with me. She road him and he had a hard time cumming when he did finally *** she told him to *** inside her. Apparently she has a diaphragm. He said after that he just lost interest in her as he brought her back to the car. They only talked for about two or three weeks these were their first dates. I took a pregnancy test and found out that I was pregnant and i texted him and he didn’t see it until after her. That night he went to his brothers house to try and figure everything out what he was going to do. He finally came over to my house the following night after I confirmed with the gyno. He did not plan on getting back together with me however he did tell her to back off the same night he hooked up with her. When he was here he felt I had changed and we talked and we of course hooked up and he broke things off with her. He says it didn’t mean anything with her that he doesn’t like her he loves me and glad to have me back. He even talks about being married. What I don’t get is why does it bother me so much that they had no self respect that night? How can a girl just let a guy *** inside her? There are so many questions. I am so hurt about this but don’t know how to get past it. I love him and I know he loves me but if that’s the case why can’t I except it. I don’t understand if a guy looses respect for a girl he’s interested in how he could still keep going that far. I can except the fact that we hooked up with others but he not only didn’t use a condom but he came inside her just because she said so. Im lost I know if I don’t get past it I will loose him. Every time I get close with him I can’t help to think about her doing what she did with him. I know he didn’t cheat on me we were not together he let me go but it still hurts the same way and I don’t understand why.
So my story is a little different. I met this guy 18 months ago on an airplane. He flirted with me, even tried to kiss me, but I was having none of it. All the same there was something about him I liked. Later he put in a friend request for me on facebook. I accepted. We messaged the odd hello over the next year or so, and spoke about potentially meeting up over New Year 2012, which never happened (both busy). Last weekend we went to see a band together. He was sweet and considerate. A true gentleman. Held my hand, pecked me goodbye. He spoke alot about meeting again. Going on holidays etc. Over the next couple of nights we messaged each other alot. We arranged to see the northern lights for the leap year. He booked tickets. Last night we were messaging each other online and the converstaion, for the first time, turned sexual. We had online sex (no cam). Immediately afterwards I got the feeling he was disappointed. He said “so is your exterior a lie then?” Meaning he had thought I was a ‘good girl’. I told him no, because it isn’t. I actually AM a good girl. I’m not sure why I had that sexual conversation with him. And now I feel a little degraded and hurt that he thinks less of me. He signed out telling me to enjoy my holiday in April (which I’m going on) if he doesn’t talk to me before then. April? What happened to February? So I’m guessing that even online sex is a big no no for some guys. So that’s my question… could being sexual in text be the same as actually physically sleeping with a guy so soon (which I would never do)?
@April
Very interesting question. I wonder if indeed having sexual online chat too early is the same as having actual sex just as early. It might be. It’s possible that to some degree, when you have online sexual chat so early on, while both of you might enjoy it on the phone, if it goes too far it may backfire and make the guy take you less seriously without him intending it to be that way. By doing this before you established a solid connection with the guy, you run the risk of turning your interaction into a sexual joke or some kind online sex service.
I am not a big fan of excessive IM and texting. I believe that long instant messaging chats particularly hurt an interaction in more ways than one. People exchange meaningless for the most part messages in part because they are bored until they are tired. This will hardly lead to attraction or mutual respect, especially if the chat is sexual. I would avoid having sex chat in the future and would limit chatting with guys online – whether they live close or far away. There is nothing wrong with a short chat or a few e-mail exchanges, but you are better off having less frequent but higher quality interactions (such as phone calls) than chatting for hours. Thanks.