The more I study dating and relationships, and the more I observe how why both guys and women get “dumped”, the more clearly I see these two common themes and patterns of behavior that lead to people being dumped by their dating partners. Understanding these common reasons for being dumped is important for at least two reasons. First, if you are in a relationship now, being aware of the following causes of break-ups will help you avoid making those mistakes and will reduce the chances of losing a good relationship. Secondly, if you are not in a relationship now, it would still be very useful for you to learn how to not make the common mistakes that people make in relationships that lead them to being dumped, so that you can use that knowledge later – when you find a great partner and enter into a relationship. So, here are two of the most common reasons for being dumped by your dating partner:
1. Spending too much time with each other. As I point out in my audio program “20 Laws of Successful Relationships,” many people believe that the more you love each other, the more time you should spend with each other. They believe that love and desire for space are incompatible and the more people love each other the more time they should spend with each other, and it is never too much. This way of thinking is deadly to a relationship and a sure way to get dumped because space is essential to a good healthy relationship. Whether it’s friends, relatives, a spouse, a dating partner or anyone else – we all need a break from each other. This is nothing personal, but it is something necessary in order to have a healthy relationship. A whole-date first date, spending every night together, working, traveling and doing all the other things together with your partner might sound like a great relationship of two inseparable souls. However, in reality this leads to romantic satiation, where the two people are fed up with each other and become annoyed by each other. Lack of personal time and space to do “your own thing” will kill love, attraction and sexual desire faster than anything else, as it makes people take each other for granted while their company becomes a burden rather than a pleasure to each other.
Think about it – your most favorite food will become repulsive to you and even thinking about it will cause you nausea if you overeat, or if it is in front of you all day, whether you are hungry or not. Dating and relationship are not that much different in that regard.
2. Being jealous and controlling. Few things are more destructive in a relationship than jealousy and control. When you restrict your partner’s freedom to do what he/she wants and to spend time with whoever he/she wants and to live his/her life the way they want, you make them very unhappy and you also show great insecurity and possessiveness that make you come across as very unattractive and “suffocate” your dating or relationship partner, making him eager to get out and break free. If you believe that you are jealous, and you would like to overcome and abandon that part of you, a good start for you on that journey would be reading the article on dealing with and overcome jealousy. You must remember that the only reason that your partner would be with you is because of his desire to be with you. Any attempt to keep someone and supervise his actions is futile. Whoever wants to cheat and have an affair while in a relationship, will find a way to cheat regardless of you efforts to prevent that.
Being dumped is not fun (and so is dumping someone). However, by avoiding just two of the above major mistakes, you will dramatically reduce the chance of being dumped and losing a good relationship with a good person.
If you have been dumped by your dating partner, make sure that you don’t let that experience be a waste. Take the time to reflect on your recent experience to learn what you did right, what you did wrong, and how you can avoid making the same mistakes in the future, as there is no better lesson and opportunity to improve than your own past mistakes with the opposite sex.
And if you recently broke up with your partner, make sure you read this article on overcoming a painful break-up.
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