Two Reasons Why Meeting Women in Bars is So Hard

(Last Updated On: 06/21/2015)

why guys have a hard time meeting women in bars and clubsMany guys are both fascinated and scared of of going out and trying to talk to the dressed up, hot girls they see in clubs and bar. Despite the fact that the majority of men don’t meet anyone during a typical night at a bar, the hope and the desire to approach and pick someone up on a dance floor or while having a drink is very appealing. Bars, however, are also some of the most challenging places to meet women for two major reasons that are rarely mentioned:

1. It really is hard to think of a legitimate thing to say to a woman in order to open up a conversation. You don’t want to offer to buy her drink as that’s too cliche. And you don’t want to compliment her as that will be too obvious or too creepy. Also, the fact that you know that she knows exactly why you are coming up to her and talking to her is not very encouraging either. It’s easier to start a conversation with a woman just about anywhere else – from grocery stores, buses, and cafes to bookstores, and theater plays, because you will almost always have something relevant to point out or ask.

2. This is a more subconscious but still a very significant reason. Your confidence level at a bar might be lower than elsewhere because of the mere fact that you are hanging out there and are not doing anything useful or impressive. When you talk to a girl at a bookstore, you are presumably there because you are looking at books. If you are flirting with someone while on duty (whether you are in the service industry or anywhere else you have the opportunity to do so) – again you have a legitimate reason for being there. Even when you are trying to talk to a girl on a bus you are going somewhere, and if you try to start a conversation at a coffee shop, you are there to also either read or work on your computer. However, at a bar you are totally idle and that isn’t exactly flattering to you. Knowing that will make you feel like you are not been seen in the best light. After all, a guy who is dressed up, standing and drinking isn’t nearly as attractive to a woman as a man who is busy doing something useful, such as even a bartender at that very bar. Under such circumstances, a woman has no reason to admire anything about a guy unless, of course, he is strikingly good-looking and has a unique, very attractive style.

Don’t get me wrong – I would never suggest that you should not even try to meet women in bars and clubs. I am a strong believer that when it comes to approaching and meeting women, life rewards initiating and taking action, and some action is much better than no action, wherever you are. Asking a woman what she is drinking and whether it’s any good is so much better than staring at her and not saying anything at all, and this line is totally harmless. I do believe that, ironically, recognizing that bars are difficult places to meet women, instead of beating yourself up about not being as good in bars as you believe you should, would take a lot of pressure off of you and would free you to make small, simple steps toward striking up conversations with women, especially if this important element of meeting women in bars is also present.

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Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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