Most people want to change something about themselves. For some, it’s just an adjustment of an existing quality/skill that they are seeking, while others wish to completely transform themselves in one way or the other. So, why is it that so few people actually succeed in changing and improving themselves?
I believe that one of the main reasons for this common failure is that people actually believe that it’s easy to change. They think that all they have to do to improving something about themselves is make a promise to themselves, and the rest will take care of itself without significant problems or setbacks. This is exactly why new years resolutions fail in the vast majority of cases. People think that saying that starting on January 1, that we won’t eat certain foods, or will exercise more and lose weight, or will take complete control of their temper / jealousy, or will start reading once book per month is all it takes in order to achieve their set goal. However, the real road to improvement us usually filled with set backs, challenges, disappointments and failures before one reaches the goal. Making a resolution of eating right after months or years of poor nutrition might sound easy, but just a few days later of trying to stick to the promise to eat better will bring strong cravings and temptation to break the new self imposed rules. Committing to an exercise routine will make an out of shape person sore and discouraged after a day or two of working out. This is why our gyms are so much busier, as we all know, in the beginning of the year, and yet their go back to their regular attendance just a few weeks later.
Let us not forget that Roger Federer did not become the best tennis player in the history of the game by making a resolution alone. He worked tirelessly day after day, losing more matches than winning for many years, working on his psychological issues with specialists due to admitted instability, and doing many other things that we are not aware of before he became who he is known to be today. Even though she received more than her fair share of negative publicity, Britney Spears had to rehearse for many, many hours, days and years, and be rejected audition after audition before she became a famous pop star. The same, to a probably more extreme degree, applies to Eminem, as his movie reflects it. It might look like Barak Obama popped out of nowhere and became a president, but his road to the top wasn’t easy. Many achievements and a lot of hard work preceded his presidential race and victory. The above examples are very different from each other, but they all clearly demonstrate the same pattern: success, victory and achievement are achieved gradually and are hardly free of obstacles.
Guys makes the same mistake when it comes to wishing to work on becoming more confident with women, conversational skills, flirting, developing attraction, and alike. They either looks for shortcuts and instant solution to an issue which is deeper than they usually assume and which requires work and gradual improvement, or they make unrealistic resolutions/promises to approach 10 women a day, which only work in marketing tricks that various dating “gurus” produce out there.
Confidence with women and dating however is just like any other skill – it requires work, patience and one should expect gradual improvement rather than instant transformation from being shy to being completely comfortable with women. If you are a shy guy who has difficulty initiating conversations with women and feeling comfortable around the opposite sex, understanding this and being ready to work and develop this skill slowly through both learning about confidence, working on eliminating the internal obstacles that stifle confidence, and experimenting in the real world, without expecting to become confident and shyness-free overnight. After all, if it was that easy, every guy would have been able to do it, but that’s not the case. Only the select few, who understand and don’t underestimate the task reach their desired goals.