I am not a big fan of this whole idea of being a “challenge” with women like some sources of dating advice suggest you should follow. I never advocate waiting for 7 days or longer before you call a woman after you got her number, or making yourself “artificially” and purposely less available than you should be, because I truly believe that when you understand a more fundamental principle of what makes men attractive to women, you won’t have to worry about being a challenge.
And that principle is as follows: a woman develops attraction, romantic and sexual interest and love for a man not so much because of how he treats her but because of who he is. In other words, being sweet, accommodating, kind and generous with a woman alone, without the other elements of being an attractive man, is not going to make her more attracted to a guy. On the other hand, when a man demonstrates qualities that make him come across as more masculine – confidence, sense of humor, charisma, physical and mental strength and sexual aggression – those qualities will make a woman admire him as an individual more and as a result will make her more attracted to him.
Moreover, being overly nice, accommodating and kind to a woman will actually lead to the opposite result – it will make a woman less attracted to a guy and even be bored with him. I believe that an analogy between sexual encounter and any other interaction between a man and a woman is very helpful to understanding why being too nice with women is a big dating mistake. See, sex, the basic, most fundamental romantic interaction between a man and a woman, is an inherently “dirty” act. It is dirty because people and especially women enjoy it most when it’s NOT played by the conventional rules. Many passionate, feminine women would much rather being thrown against a wall, put on the kitchen table, have their hair pulled, being licked from head to tow and being otherwise physically / sexually dominated than being handled in a gentle, sweet, overly concerned manner all the time. I strongly believe that the things that a woman wants in her sex life are strongly indicative of what a woman desires to see in her partner – a man who is aggressive, decisive, and isn’t afraid to taking risks, while being an interesting, entertaining and at times unpredictable individual.
The movie “Flannel Pajamas” is a great example of how a guy who focuses his entire life on a woman’s needs and wants without demonstrating and developing his own character will eventually become annoying to his partner, no matter how sweet and humble she might be, and will eventually lose her. I highly recommend that you watch that movie so that you do not commit the same many mistakes when you meet a great woman who you want to love you and not lose interest in you as your relationship develops and evolves.
As you watch this movie, notice how the guy says at one point to his wife: “I am sorry, this won’t happen again, I promise,” and I hope you will be disguisted with hearing that as much as I was. While I am a big fan of apologizing when I am wrong, this is simply not the right way to say “I am sorry.” Also, pay special attention how, closer to the end of the movie, he compares himself to his brother and how he correctly points out why his brother is so much more successful at attracting women than he is.
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No wonder why women end up with self-centered, arrogant men and then wonder why these men aren’t attentive and accomodating.
I’m a Christian woman, but my values are true for all women when it comes to men. God made men different from women for a reason. Men are strong dominating creatures because they have been given dominion over earthly things. Women are submissive because they are supposed to be an assistant to men and are to submit to their OWN HUSBANDS. But that’s another topic. I believe that these things may be, dare I say it, instinctual. A woman will find it hard to date a man she doesn’t believe can protect her, has a mind of his own, nor is confident in himself. More so, he seems less interested in getting to know one another and more focused on making her “like” him. Desperate even. Your personality has to go past that. Arrogant, self-centered men seem to have things going on in life. Their personalities have depth. They talk about themselves enough for us to get an idea of who they are. The only thing a nice man has going for him is having manners. When you leave us we can only picture you sitting at home doing nothing but waiting to see us again. BORING! We have nothing to go on, to compare you to, to love. You’re just a “nice guy”. Nice is a given, it’s not exciting. It’s not spontaneous or different. It’s what’s expected. Tell a joke, have friends and interests of your own, tell us about YOUR day.
Jessi:
What you said is just one more example of women assuming the absolute worst about guys. Nice is not automatically synonymous with boring or gutless.
Then again, with the world being as man hating as it is, it’s par for the course now that women do not expect men to do anything right.
You state that you dont give bad dating advice and a lot of the stuff you write is good but i really dont understand this ‘nice’ issue. In fact saying women like men to be aggressive and pull their hair in public is pretty bad dating advice. It also conflicts with so much more of your advice. Being nice is essential to maintaining and starting healthy relationships, discouraging encourages men to act arrogant which doesnt keep women intersted. Please people, being nice is definatly a good thing, brad pitt is nice to his partner and his fans. Only damaged goods type females would appeal to a man without manners and has anger problems, aggressiveness prevents career progression too so these men get sacked and dont have jobs, aggressiveness is not good and is bad for society.