There is a tendency among women to complain that today’s men are not as dominant and confident as they used to, and that they don’t have the balls to go after what they want. These women blame all kinds of factors for this passive male behavior – from online dating and social media, to the fact that today’s men were often raised by their mothers and turned to “mama’s boys” who need to be pursued and otherwise taken care of, rather than being the pursuers themselves.
However, when these women talk about guys not being as aggressive and as confidence as they would like them to be, they overlook a number of major reasons for this behavior that are related to external factors that have nothing to do with who today’s men are and how they were raised:
1. Modern Dating Advice
Both men and women have been bombarded and brainwashed with all kinds of books, magazine articles and blog postings about how important it is to be a challenge . Just about every piece of dating advice out there says that you have to make yourself less available in order to come across as more attractive. Like with other kinds of advice, many guys take this advice to be a challenge with women to the extreme. They start acting too cool, too uninterested, and play all kinds of unnecessary games, expecting women to do what men have been traditionally doing for many hundreds of thousands of years – not because that’s what these guys want, but because they were told that that’s the right way to behave in order to attract women.
2. Uptight Women
For every woman who wishes that guys were more aggressive and went after what they want when it comes to the women they like and would like to date, there are five times as many women who complain that men are too aggressive. They are offended by being hit on, and they can’t take even a mildly inappropriate come-on or a joke, instead of being flattered. When a guy who tries to approach a few women gets a response that makes him feel like he is being inappropriate by talking to them, he will be discouraged from being aggressive. When some hyper sensitive woman says “I can’t believe you just said that” in response to a guy’s joke instead of laughing, he will start believing that the right way to be around women is to walk on eggshells and to avoid saying anything even remotely controversial. This, however, will make him come across as boring to other women who are more easy going and not uptight.
3. Ultra Feminists
Dealing with the ultra feminists at work and in personal life – women who made their life mission to talk and act just like men – will discourage a guy from taking charge. It’s so much harder to tell that kind of women “We are going to X to have dinner” since her response, directly or implicitly, is likely to be along the lines of “You can’t tell me what to do and we are not going to go anywhere or do anything unless I consider and agree to it. After all, I am an independent woman who cannot be controlled by anyone, and you can’t tell me what to do.”
4. Sexual Harassment Laws
A guy who is trained to act like a neutered puppy at work for eight or more hours a day at a workplace, sterilized by sexual harassment laws that are extreme beyond any reason, is going to act differently after hours. That kind of work environment will affect his behavior with women when he is outside of work, and will make him act more “appropriate” or too appropriate with women, even when it’s time to be inappropriate in order to make your romantic/sexual interest known.