As I am hanging out at this trendy lounge with my girlfriend and four of her female friends, we are all sitting in a circle, talking, laughing and people watching. At one point, one of the girls whispers: “Wow, that guy is so cute… I wish he came up to me and introduced himself.” I immediately asked her with much curiosity “Which guy? Which guy?” And she responded: “Are you crazy? I am not going to look at him. I don’t want to be that obvious.” With great surprise I asked: “Well, why not?” She then said: “I don’t want him to know that I am interested!”
There was so much I wanted to say in response to that woman’s last comment, but I didn’t know where to start so … with much delay, I comment on that incident now.
There are two kinds of men out there: the small minority of guys who would come up and talk to a woman regardless of whether they get any signs of interest from her; the overwhelming majority of guys, however, do need some kind of “green light” from a woman in order to approach them. It so happens that quality men have bigger egos. And men with bigger egos don’t like to be shut down very much. Men with high self-esteem and sense of self worth appreciate a woman’s attention and would likely not make a move in the absence of it.
Too many women believe that they ought not show any signs of interest in a guy when they are out. This false, unjustified way of thinking significantly reduces those women’s chances for meeting some great men who are around them everywhere. Even the most confident guy is unlikely to approach and start a conversation with a woman if her behavior suggests that she doesn’t want to be bothered and that she is not really interested in what is going on around her.
Why do so many women avoid making any eye contact, smiling and otherwise being friendly in their own subtle but clear, feminine ways with the men they are interested in? The majority say that they don’t want to come across as overly eager, needy and desperate. But this fear is completely unfounded. I have asked over 100 guys what they would think of a woman who would “invite them” to come up to her and meet her with her eyes and gestures. All of those men responded that they would admire such a behavior as a sign of great open-mindedness and confidence.
So, don’t be afraid to show your interest. In fact, remember – showing your interest with your eyes, smile, and other gestures, is often the most essential part of making things happen.