Why Men Lose Attraction After Sleeping with You

One of the more frustrating and puzzling experiences that many women have throughout their dating life over and over is having a guy lose attraction for them after sleeping with them once or a couple of times. Even when confronted by women, few guys have the courage or the ability to explain this behavior. Even fewer men take the time to actually analyze why they so often lose attraction and the desire to see a woman after sleeping with her once or twice.  Below are five of the most common reasons for this behavior that are as important for women to be aware of as they are for men to reflect on, so that they can better understand themselves:

1. Bad Sex  

One of the most common reasons that a man would not want to see or touch a woman again after sleeping with her once is the bad quality of that one sexual experience he had with her already. Just like you wouldn’t want to go again to a restaurant that you didn’t like when you went before, if they guy was disappointed with his experience sleeping with you or turned off by one or more of the typical mistakes you made in bed with him, he has no reason to come back. He might follow up with a call or text after sleeping with a you out of some kind of sense of moral obligation or because he has greater conscience than your typical guy, but you will know very quickly based on the difference in his attitude that he didn’t really have a great and he isn’t looking forward to seeing you again.

2. Natural Duration of Most Relationships 

Many “relationships” are only meant to last  a short period of time. Generally, a relationship that has a long term potential has a number of stages  – (1) the initial attraction and excitement, (2) the honey moon period accompanied by a peak sexual attraction, (3) the honey moon period is over but other things keep the couple together such as connection and chemistry (4) comfort and stability with some further reduction in sexual desire, (5) a possible conflict/crisis and a (6) resolution in a form of a break-up or getting over the conflict and continue to be together.

However, not every relationship has a long term potential. In fact, most are not supposed to last years or even months. It’s not a bad thing or a good thing. It just is. These shorter relationship are characterized by a very short second stage (honey moon period) which can last for a few weeks but can also be as short as just a few days, and they end up at stage (3) – where the honey moon period is over, but there isn’t strong enough mutual chemistry or connection between the two people that would make them want to stick together. This is the stage when men lose interest. In this kind of situation, the guy doesn’t lose attraction toward a woman on purpose. More often than not, a guy has no way of even knowing before he sleeps with a girl how he is going to feel about her after his initial sexual curiosity is satisfied.

One of the my all time favorite movies “Bitter Moon” provide a very good example of this. In that movie, the guy who is sexually obsessed with the girl he met spends a number of days with her having sex on and off as much as he possibly could without even leaving the house, until at one point his desire start subsiding, and not along after he lost almost all attraction for her and started getting really annoyed with her.

3. Sex for Attention and Validation

Women dress up in provocative clothes and go out dancing to get attention and validation from men and other women. Guys can’t really do it, because women don’t give guys nearly as much attention just because of their physical appearance. So, many guys use sex as a validation tool for their attractiveness and flirting skills. If that’s the purpose behind meeting women and sleeping with them, that purpose is fulfilled after just one sexual encounter with any given woman. That guy could be in a relationship or even married. He might very well be in love with his wife or a girlfriend, and he is emotionally unavailable to care enough about another woman in order to sleep with her more than once or twice. To satisfy his attention and validation needs, he needs regular supply of new women in his life and he needs to go through the process of getting them attracted and interested enough over and over as long as that need of his exists.

4. Evolutionary Tendencies and Large Number of Options   

Under the risk of sounding cliche, I will remind you of the popular idea that men are genetically driven to attempt to spread their seed as widely as possible and impregnate as many women as possible. The desire for novelty and variety when it comes to sex is at the core of male sexuality. As primitive as the idea of harem might sound to you – the concept of sleeping with different women at the same time has been around for thousands of years and very much appealed, to say the least, to the most powerful rules of many ancient empires. The James Bond movies give you an insight into the kind of dating lifestyle that many guys wished they had.

Of course, as some of the celebrities who got caught cheating say – men tend to be as faithful as their options are. A man who has many options with women because he is attractive, wealthy, interesting, funny, charismatic or all of the above is going to be tempted to have a promiscuous James Bond kind of lifestyle, where he would be  pursuing a large number of women at the same time, because he can and he is good at it. As a result, he simply wouldn’t be able to give too much time or attention to any one of the many women he is dealing with. In a way this reason is related to reason #3 above. It’s hard for that kind of a player-guy to know where the line is between his sexual desire and drive for novelty and variety, and his need for attention and validation.

5. Just Tryin’ to Score 

This is probably one of the less common reasons that guys lose attraction or interest in a girl they had sex with, but it certainly has its place especially among guys who are attractive, confidence and know how to seduce and get women into bed quickly. These guys often compare themselves to their peers by keeping a score of how many different women they sleep with. This is a competition – whoever gets laid the most is the coolest guy in their mind. Or, the opposite might be the case too – the guy has been stuck in a “drought” for a long time due to being unpopular, or being a virgin his early 20’s, or he was involved in a bad marriage for way longer than he should have, and now he is trying to make up for all that lost time and all the opportunities that he thinks he missed. That guy will be particularly inclined to hump, dump and move to the next target. He has been starving for so long, so buffet is what he wants now.

It’s worth noting that reason #2 above is the one that’s not mentioned nearly as often as it should be. Somehow, we have accepted it as a given that a good relationship means a long or a lifetime relationship, but that’s just not how our nature and behavior is. Just like you might have a great contract position in your field of work that is only meant to last a few weeks or months, some great romantic relationships are only meant to last a few days, one night, or even just one hour. I can’t resist but use a dining analogy again. You might go to a restaurant and enjoy dining there once, but you will not feel the desire to go back there again because either it wasn’t that great, or because there are so many other great dining options in your area or for some other reason.