Why “What Are You Doing Tonight?” is Not a Good Way to Ask Her Out

(Last Updated On: 12/09/2012)

asking a woman out on a dateFor a while I couldn’t figure out why it bothered me so much hearing other guys ask women out by saying something like “What are you doing tonight?” until it dawned on me that it shows a serious lack of confidence with women. It goes without saying that confidence is one of the qualities that most, if not all, women are looking for in a guy. Being able to take initiative and take matters into your own hands, so to speak, is what turns women on emotionally, mentally and sexually. This doesn’t mean that you have to be controlling or overbearing, as that’s usually a major turn off, but taking a lead in subtle but important ways is important at all stages of dating, including the very early stages of asking a woman out and going out with her.

Many guys make the mistake of beating around the bush when asking a woman out for the first time or shortly after they started seeing each other. They would start “testing the waters” by asking her what she doing on that night, if she has any plans, how her week looks, etc… There is nothing per se wrong about asking these kinds of questions, but in the context if asking a woman out, it will hardly make you come across as the kind of confident man that every woman wants. There are only a few ways that kind of conversation go. The most likely one: ” – What are you doing tonight?  – I am busy doing (whatever). ” Is that conversation over? Probably. If she says that she is doing nothing, then it will look like you are trying to fit into her spare time like some kind of low priority person, and there is no reason in the world why you should be creating that kind of image for yourself.

Instead, you should invite her out. You should suggest a specific time and place to meet and go from there. Surprises are fun, and you don’t have to tell the girl you are going out your entire plan for the evening, but inviting her to meet and being specific about it, rather than wondering what her schedule looks like is a much better, and a far more attractive way of asking a woman out on a first date or any subsequent date.

If she is unavailable, you can always suggest a different time or a different place to meet. Being more direct about inviting a woman out doesn’t mean you can’t be flexible and considerate of her time and her circumstances. In fact, both qualities can compliment each other very well.

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